James T. Kirk was a man that was used to being in control. Since that embarrassing day in the gym, he had avoided Nyota Uhura outside of his normal day on the bridge. It was not his usual forte to run from a woman. Hell, women ran from him. Yet he did not know what he was going to do about her or how he was going to control the desire that welled up in him each time he saw her.

Bones was still grinning stupidly at him whenever he came to the bridge. It seemed to Jim that his friend was enjoying his personal torment a little too much. He much preferred the grumpy Bones rather than this sadistic one who seemed to read his every thought. Jim refused to talk about her with him anymore. Bones had given up after the first few times and Jim was glad. He would make it through this. He just needed some time. He put himself wholeheartedly into his duties, trying his best not to think about Nyota Uhura.

He always knew that she was close by. After all, they worked the same shift. He could sense her presence and his ears picked up the sound of her voice as she talked to fellow crew members. He tried not to turn around or glance her way, but oftentimes he did just that. He couldn't help himself. He stole a glance whenever he thought he could get away with it. Several times their eyes locked and then he would quickly look away. His feelings for her and the attraction and sexual tension between them somehow seemed to grow and he silently cursed his weakness.

Maybe he was going about this all wrong. He normally faced his fears, not run from them. Perhaps if he confessed his feelings and then let her know in no uncertain terms that he had no intention of acting on them, then this would be the first step towards self healing. His mind began to form a plan. He waited until her shift was over and quickly followed her to the turbo lift.

"Lieutenant." he said to her back watching the sway of her hips as he followed her closely.

She quickly turned and looked up at him. "Yes, captain."

"I wish to have a word with you." He hoped that he didn't look as nervous as he felt.

"Of course, sir. I was on my way to my quarters..." She paused a moment unsure of what to say next. He quickly took control of the lift and stopped it on Deck four.

The doors of the lift opened and the captain grabbed her arm. "I believe there is a conference room on this deck."

He led her to a small conference room and she sat down.

He tried not to look directly at her and drew himself up again speaking in his most authoritative voice, careful to keep it at a normal level.

"Lieutenant, I realize that there has been some tension between us lately and I want to set the record straight." He sounded a lot calmer than he felt. She was watching him and he wished that she would say something, but she remained silent.

"I am sure our friend the good doctor probably has filled your head with tales about me. I feel it's necessary to 'clear the air' so to speak."

She looked surprised. "Tales, sir? What sort of tales would Dr. McCoy have to tell me about you?"

Kirk sat down next to her. He tried to steady his voice as he felt himself diving off the cliff of denial. "Did he tell you that I'm attracted to you..that there is a possibility that I could even be falling in love with you?"

He wanted to look away from her, half expecting her to laugh in his face outright. He wasn't sure how she would respond and braced himself for the worse. Instead, he watched her brows knit together in concentration as if she wanted to be sure she said words that she wouldn't want to take back later.

Nyota looked at him with her mouth in a grim line, her face serious. "No, I would expect that if a man fell in love with me that he would be man enough to tell me himself."

Her words stung. She was right. His mouth suddenly felt dry, but he wasn't about to let her see him sweat.

"Well, I'm telling you now." he said with more confidence than he felt.

"Why me?" she asked crossing her arms across her chest. His hazel eyes grew wider. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...you have no problem getting women. Why in the world would you risk getting involved with one of your crew members? I thought you prided yourself on the fact that you abstained from such relationships."

He could see the suspicion in her eyes...that as well as some disbelief.
He looked away. "It's not like I wanted it to happen. I believe we can be adult about this. For obvious reasons we can't allow it to be more than just an attraction. In time, I believe my feelings for you will pass. I doubt if you have those same feelings because if you did, I'm sure you would have told me when I expressed my feelings to you."

He looked over at her, a part of him hoping that she would tell him that he was wrong, and that she was attracted to him also. That did not happen.

She then stood up and moved close to him, looking down at him sitting in the chair. "I feel the sexual tension between us, but that's not enough for me. You may think you're falling in love with me, but more than likely its just sexual attraction."

"I know what love is, lieutenant!" he snapped, a part of him surprised that she would dismiss his confession so casually. "I'm not some green schoolboy."

She stared at him a moment remembering all the women she had seen him charm to get his way. Was this another one of his 'games?' Was she just another conquest, another challenge for him? She had seen the women he had been attracted to in the past, and she didn't fit the bill. Why was he doing this? Didn't he realize that everything she had worked so hard for would be suspect if she allowed herself to become entangled with him? He sat there looking at her trying to make her believe that he was falling in love with her! Who did he think he was kidding? A man like James T. Kirk was married to his ship; every other woman in his life was just a convenient piece of ass.

He started to stand and she pushed him back down feeling the anger well up inside her. "Sit down, sir! I'm not done with you yet."

Yes, she was angry. Angry with herself that even as she stood over him, she was contemplating giving him what he wanted. Angry because she was attracted to him also, even though she had no plans of letting him know that. Angry because right now she wanted to kiss those lips of his and explore them and run her fingers through his hair and touch that obvious bulge that he couldn't hide in those tight Federation issued pants. Angry because it had been so long for her since she had a man, and she had to admit that the thought of doing him intoxicated her and made her wet.

She moved even closer pushing herself between his legs. She looked down at him. "I need a few answers, sir. When did you first realize that you wanted me?"

He didn't hesitate. "When we ended up in the other universe."

She was surprised at his answer. "Why is that? What happened in the other universe? I realize that I was scared and you calmed me...was that it?"

She thought about how he told her that he needed her to pretend to be her mirror self and go to the bridge and cause a distraction. How he made he feel when he told her that he knew she could do it and that he needed her, how he believed in her. It made her feel important to know that her captain needed her and depended on her, trusted her with such an important task . She did what she had to do, because she didn't want to let him down...let her crew members down.

The thought that perhaps because he had put his trust in her then, depended on her to do what was needed in a time of crisis, caused him to realize that she was an intelligent woman capable of carrying out tasks in the most difficult of circumstances; and as a result of that, he was drawn to her, warmed a place in her heart. Her thoughts were interrupted by his answer.

Jim couldn't tear his eyes from hers. "It was when I saw you in that outfit...those boots..." his voice trailed off.

His words quickly shattered the previous image she had formed in her mind. The outfit? The boots?

She laughed, her voice mocking and bitter. She felt like a naive fool! She could have kicked herself for thinking that he was somehow different from other men. "The boots?"

He was being true to form. He hadn't seen her as a capable officer in that ridiculous getup! He looked at her and he saw a piece of tail. The boots indeed!

"Men!" Her voice was hard and bitter as she hissed it aloud.

She pushed in even closer, liking the feeling of dominance she had over him at the moment. If she had the knife she had in Mirror Universe she'd be tempted to put it to his throat!

She looked at him unable to hide the contempt she felt for him at that moment.
"So it's like I said...sexual attraction, not love. The outfit turned you on. It took black boots up to my ass for you to notice that I'm a woman!"

He looked up at her standing so close to him. His hand was itching to reach up under her skirt and caress that supple ass of hers, but he balled his hand in a fist. He wasn't about to give her more ammunition. It wasn't just the outfit! How could he make her understand? He strived to choose his words carefully as her eyes were shooting daggers at him.

"It was more than the outfit" he replied defensively trying to make her understand. "Yes, that outfit caught my attention at first...but it was everything about you, how you carried out your duties under pressure...how you are so full of grace and intelligence. I've tried not to think about you. I realize that a relationship with you won't work. I keep telling myself that! I can't help how I feel."

She pressed herself even closer until he was sure she could feel his arousal against her leg. He wouldn't tear his eyes from hers. He was being honest with her, why was she looking at him as if he had insulted her?

She looked down at his arousal and then back to his face. She then took her index finger and pressed against the bulge making his member twitch.

"All you feel is this. All you hear is the little head talking. That's all you know. You're not in love with me! Love is more than just exchanging body fluids, captain. You would have to look in my face everyday and I know you'd probably tire of me within a month and be ready to move on to your next conquest. I've worked very hard for what I've achieved. I didn't get it by sleeping with every Tom, Dick,...or Jim that asked me to spread my legs."

Jim was hurt and offended but he tried not to let her see it. She was making his feelings for her sound like something dirty and disgusting. He had just told her that he loved her...something that he didn't say often because he didn't feel this way often and she was dismissing it as being just sex? He was suddenly filled with anger and hurt, embarrassed that his need for her was so obvious.

He quickly stood up pushing her back against the desk. "Maybe you're the one who doesn't know what love is, Lieutenant." he spat. "I have a lot to lose too. I need the respect of my crew. I'd be breaking my own rules if I get involved with you...which is why I choose not to pursue you despite my feelings, which by the way are very real! Don't you think I know that the odds are against us? I doubt very seriously if I would tire of you in a month. In fact, I believe you'd tire of me!"

He pressed himself against her and she could feel the heat from his body and the hardness of his arousal pressing into her belly. His hazel eyes flashed with anger and hurt.

"Because when I love, I love hard. When I fall, I fall hard. I'd be all over you every chance I got. Yes, I've had a lot of women, but I haven't loved them or told them that I loved them unless I've absolutely meant it! I'm as honest with them as they are with me. I've tried to be as honest with you as I can, and all you can do is give me your scorn. You think you're so perfect, so self righteous, like I'm not worthy of your love! To hell with you! I don't know how I'll get over you, but dammit I will, so help me."

He pushed himself away from her and walked out of the conference room leaving her there without waiting to see or hear her response.

*************************************************

Jim headed to his quarters in an angry huff. He had planned on being totally in control of the situation and he had lost it. She had totally gotten under his skin, damn her!

He entered his quarters and headed toward the bar. It was obvious to him that she wasn't the least bit attracted to him, and it hurt his pride. He had put himself out there, laid his heart on the line and she had stomped on it. Well, to hell with her!

He poured himself a drink and tried to nurse his wounds. The door chimed and he ignored it the first time. It persistently chimed again, and he cursed under his breath.

"Come!"

Spock walked in and glanced at him over at the bar.

"What is it, Spock?" His voice was hard and Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Captain, we were scheduled for a game of chess today. Did you forget?"

Spock stood with his hands behind his back. Kirk quickly downed the liquor and poured another. He lowered his voice.

"It did slip my mind, Spock."

He could barely keep the anger out of his voice as Spock walked over to him. Chess was the last thing he had on his mind. If he played, Spock would beat him badly. He doubted if he could concentrate. he walked from the bar to the sofa and sat down.

"Captain, is something bothering you? You appear to be upset." He stood straight with his hands behind his back, walking over to him.

"I'm not upset." Kirk lied as he got up and went back to the bar and poured himself another drink.

"Captain, you are upset. You are somewhat emotional and you are perspiring.
You are consuming alcohol which you normally do when you are upset about something. If you do not wish to discuss the matter with me, then I will not press you."

Kirk looked at Spock and laughed bitterly.

"You can't help me, Spock. There's no use discussing it."

He put the liquor back in the cabinet and took his glass over to the sofa. He sat down and beckoned for Spock to sit down.

"It's a human problem...Vulcans are so much more logical."

He didn't know why he was explaining himself to Spock. The liquor was loosening his lips.

Spock stood over him watching him carefully. "Captain, I am half human."

Kirk looked up at him. "Yes, I know. However, I don't think your human half can help me either."

The door chimed and Bones entered his quarters.

"You!" the captain said accusingly pointing his finger.

"Well hello to you too, Jim" Bones replied dryly. "What's got you so wound up?"

Bones looked at Spock. "What'd you do to upset the captain, Spock?"

"Doctor, it is illogical for you to assume that the captain's discontent is a direct result of me being in his presence."

Bones laughed. "Why not? I'm discontent when you're in my presence."

"And I find that your illogical ranting often gives me a headache, doctor."

"That's enough." Jim said stretching out on the sofa. "I thought you two were so concerned about me."

"You act like you don't want to talk to me about your problem, even though we both know what that problem is" Bones replied sitting across from him.

Jim looked at Spock. "So what do you think, Spock. Am I acting illogical too?"

"I have nothing to offer, captain, since I do not have sufficient data and Vulcans do not speculate!"

Jim looked at Bones. Suddenly he felt that he had to get it out, and he didn't care that Spock was there. "I told her. I laid it all on the line and she so much as told me that my feelings toward her were only sexual! She acted like she was angry because I was attracted to her! She acted like my love wasn't good enough for her, like I was lying about my feelings! Women!"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying that there is a female who is not susceptible to your charms, captain?"

Bones chuckled and Jim gave him a nasty look.

"You two are supposed to be my closest friends and both of you are absolutely no help at all!" He downed the last of the liquor in the glass and covered his eyes with his arm as he lounged back on the sofa.

"I cannot help you captain, if I don't know what the problem is." Spock said walking over to him.

"He's in love, Spock" Bones said.

"Fascinating!" Spock replied. "Who is this female that is the source of your affections, Jim?"

Jim didn't reply.

"I do believe that it must be Lieutenant Uhura." Spock said when he didn't answer.

"How did you draw that conclusion?" Jim asked shocked.

"It was only logical, captain." Spock said. "I have noticed on several occasions that you have stared at her at intervals of five point six seconds when you thought she is not looking at you. When she speaks on the bridge to any of the crew you immediately stop what you are doing to concentrate on what she is saying even when she is not speaking to you. When she looks at you, you look away which is something I have found humans do when they wish to withhold something."

"Well he's got your number, Jim" Bones replied.

Just then the door chimed again. Jim was glad for the distraction.

"Come"

His heart immediately jumped when he saw Nyota standing in the doorway. He quickly sat up on the sofa.

She looked around and saw Spock and Bones. "I'm sorry, captain. I see you have company. I'll talk to you another time."

"No!" Bones said walking over to her and pushing her into Jim's quarters. "Spock and I were just leaving, weren't we Spock?"

He looked at Spock and jerked his head towards the door.

"Yes" Spock said nodding at Nyota. "I will take my leave now, captain. Good evening."

The two of them quickly exited Jim's quarters and Jim got up off of the sofa to face Nyota.

"Can I help you, Lieutenant?" he asked trying to keep his voice level.

She looked at him a moment. It had taken all of her strength to come to his quarters and face him. He stood there watching her and she walked over to him coming into his personal space.

"We need to talk."