Chapter 4: Last Christmas

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She is giddy when he asks her to come over because he has somewhere he wants to take her. Because as far as she can tell, these days, giddy is all she can seem to feel.

It's the holiday season, which never fails to put her in a good mood. She celebrates Chanukah with her father's each night, Finn even comes by on the fourth night and she shows him how to light the candles. She happily sings Christmas songs with the glee club and has kissed her boyfriend under the mistletoe more times then she can count.

Yep life was good, life was giddy.

She knocked on his door and smiled slyly when he answered.

"Hi." She said blissfully right before she produced a sprig of mistletoe, from who knows where and tried to hold it over their heads. This proved a much more trying task than she originally thought, he was freakishly tall and she was freakishly small and she reached as high as she could struggling on her tippy toes while letting out little frustrated grunts as she struggled.

He let out a hearty laugh at her determination and then grabbed the mistletoe from her tiny, gloved hands

"Here" He said as he easily held it above their heads

"No fair." She pouted as he wrapped his arms around her "I was trying to be cute and spontaneous!"

"Yeah, that totally wasn't cute at all." He teased with a scrunched nose

She sighed, a defeated smile playing at her lips.

Her cheeks tingled when his warm hands captured her freezing face from both sides.

"Hi." He whispered sweetly and seized her lips with his own

Her lips quickly parted, delighted to have his warm tongue stroke her own. She could no longer remember the temperature outside or even why she was there at all, when she felt his hot breath on her neck, sucking and nipping at her goose bumped flesh. She let out a soft moan and watched as her breath turned to smoke in the air. She could feel the icy wind hit the wet spots on her neck as he moved back to her mouth and she shivered in response.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry Rachel!" he yelled as he held her tighter "It's freezing out here! Come in, come in!"

She giggled at his over-protective shrieking and started to walk in when she noticed the mistletoe on the ground, tossed aside and forgotten in their haste.

"Wait" she called to him as she bent down to grab it "Were gonna need this again later." She said with a playful wink and a cheeky grin

"Why won't you tell me where we're going?" She whined for the fifth time since they had gotten into his truck "You know I hate surprises!"

"Oh please! You love surprises! More than anyone." He argued

"Okay, you're right I do love surprises." She conceded "But this time I just really want to know! Please Finn! Pleeeeaseeee" She begged as she put her chin on his shoulder and fluttered her eyelashes dramatically

He put his forehead against hers and gave her his best; I'm so in love with you, Rachel Berry gaze. She sighed contentedly in response, satisfied she had gotten her way.

"No." he said quickly as the light turned green and his focus turned back to the road

"Finn!" She cried

"Baby, relax. You'll know soon enough." He soothed with a slight laugh

She figures out where they're going about two minutes before they arrive and gets an immediate feeling of dread building in her stomach.

She feels like crying as she sees the Christmas trees in the distance and she cannot believe he doesn't remember what happened here and she would punch him right now if he wasn't driving.

He can feel the tension radiating off of her as he puts the car in park and suddenly this doesn't seem like the great idea he originally thought it was.

"Rach-" he starts

"Finn, you cannot be serious." She interrupts with her hand in the air "This place? This is your fun surprise? Do you not remember what happened the last time we were here?"

"I do but-"

"Maybe it didn't matter to you, Finn. Maybe you just brushed it off and went home that night but I was devastated!" She cried

"It did matter to me!" he finally yelled making her freeze entirely

"It did matter." He continued in a softer voice "I was sitting in this stupid parking lot for like an hour before I finally pulled myself together enough to drive home. I know it's not like…a good place for us. But I want to make it one."

"That's sweet, Finn. But we have enough good places, this place - this place will always be the place you broke up with me. This place will always be a bad place." She sighed

"So can we please just go back to your house and forget this place even exists?"

"No." he says firmly

"But-"

"No, Rachel. I promised my mom we'd get a Christmas tree for the house and we are.

He gets out of the car and walks around to her side and opens the door. She turns to face him so that he is standing between her legs, one hand on each of her thighs.

"Just because this place was bad for us once, doesn't mean it's going to be forever. We haven't always had great moments in the choir room, or the auditorium, the hallways, your bedroom, the-

"Ok, ok I get it Finn!"

"But…" he continues "We made up for the bad stuff with good stuff. Especially in your bedroom, I mean some really good stuff and that one time in the choir room-"

She silences him with a hand over his mouth and a slight grin.

"Ok. You really are strange you know that?" she quips

And as if to prove her point, he licks the hand covering his mouth.

She shrieks in mock disgust, deliberately wiping her hand over his jacket

"You love it." He retorts just before he lifts her out of the car

….

As they begin to walk through the tree lot she can't shake the feeling of misery that comes with all thoughts of this place, especially now that she's here.

She tries to make herself look busy, unsure of what she is actually looking for in a great Christmas tree.

He catches her off guard when he wraps his arms around her from behind

"It's cuddle weather." He says in an amused whisper and he kisses her quickly on the cheek

"Ugh." She breathes out as she shrugs from his grasp to turn to look at him

"Please do not remind me. I was so pathetic that night. I mean really, cuddle weather? What does that even mean? And oh god! I just remembered that tree air freshener! You really must have thought I was a psychopath, seriously who does that?"

He gave a smirk that she could've sworn said, you are totally a psycho, but I love you anyway.

And he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of plastic with a little tree inside.

A Christmas tree air freshener.

He lifted it up to her, and gave her a satisfied smile

"I'll tell you who does that. The kind of person I love. And," he continued as he grabbed her hips and brought her closer "The kind of person you love."

It was in moments like these when she was truly terrified of the love between them. She loved him with such abandon, such terrifying passion, that she found herself fearing the worst. Because what they had was so good, was so right, it only made sense that something could go wrong.

She sometimes imagined it was possible to unpick the entire thing: to go back to a simpler time when she hadn't had the slightest clue what love was. Because if none of it had happened, then she wouldn't be standing here now, trembling beneath his hands terrified that at any moment their perfectly reciprocal love might careen more in her direction. [1]

And as if he could see her thoughts, playing in front of his eyes,

"I love you." He told her "You know that right? I mean, I know you know, but like you know how much I love you right?"

She closed her eyes.

"I mean, is it supposed to be like this?" He suddenly asked, a desperate look in his eye

"Is it supposed to be this, like…intense? It's like…" he waved his hands in the air and shook his head, desperately searching for the right words "- it's like a rush every time I look at you. How can it be such a big deal to just see you? How can one person feel so much about someone else?"

"I don't think it's normal." She finally decided after a long pause "This significance in every syllable, the overwhelming power of a single look between us, I really don't think it's normal."

He looks disappointed and she quickly clarifies

"But I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's not normal because it's so rare. To find a person that so perfectly balances you. We're lucky Finn."

He nods in agreement, but doesn't need to respond with words. He doesn't even need to kiss her to imprint the memory.

She would never forget this moment of unending clarity. The moment they had realized they were so not normal, and they were so lucky to be so not normal. This moment when their love was so absolute and equal, it was enough to drive her to tears.

And just like that, it hit her. This was no longer a bad place. This would forever be the place where he said something sweet to calm her nerves, and held her hips to prove a point and told her he loved her more than he thought made sense.

"I'm gonna look down this row of Frasier furs, maybe you could check out the Douglas's and I'll meet you at the end?"

He said with a wink and a signature smirk

"Ok." She whispered, unable to hide her giddiness

And this time, she knew without a doubt, he would be waiting for her, wanting her and loving her amid the intoxicating smell of Christmas trees.