Houkago Meme Time IV: Azusa and Yui do some Gangsta Shit Part 2 (except it isn't really about Yui and Azusa because they had to run away and stuff)
Previously on Houkago Meme Time:
- Yui joins a gang as her sister's replacement
- Ritsu looks to prove that the imuginati is a real thing (Spoiler alert: she is right)
- Some other shit happens
Now, back to where we left off:
"I'm sorry darling but these girls are mine."
"W-who are you?! I kill you, you bastard!"
In an act of defiance and following in the footsteps of her favourite writer/director/producer/actor Tommy Wiseau, Love Crysis member #3 proceed to do
her chicken chirping shtick in an attempt to intimidate her opponent, the almighty Tsumugi Kotobuki.
"You're not good." Love Crysis member #3 said "You, you're just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep"
One swift blow was all it took for the Moogs to knock the chirper out.
Tsumugi Kotobuki, the self-proclaimed leader and founder of the imuginati, had not time to play around at this time and had thereby had looked to knock out anything in her way with her stronk arms. With the strength she had garnered from benching 500 with her Triton and a healthy, balanced diet (honestly, Ritsu and her dorito-chomping habits could probably learn a thing or two from the Moogs if she wasn't scared shitless). The feelings of anger and betrayal she had pent up for these past three months had finally driven her towards her quest to get the rest of the keionbu.
It was a tale of isolation, betrayal and five-seater bicycles. A tale that will be revealed over time (i.e. the author has not planned ahead and is simply writing on the fly, as always)
Tsumugi looked around and, to her disappointment, found that the none of her Light Music Club members were visible. Yui and Azusa already knew they were in plain sight of the blonde but Ritsu and Mio thought they were in the clear, looking on at the carnage beyond making haste towards the Pineapple Express like Yui and Azusa had done before. However, little did that they know that Mugi had her "Takuan senses" in full effect, and that she was able to easily sense the homodachis with the radar-like power of her eyebrows.
No longer seeing a purpose in being where she was, Mugi called upon her helicopter and headed back to her lair. Although, being the gentlewoman that she is, she had taken some bandages she brought in advance and spent the next hour or so treating the wounds of Jun, Sumire and the other people wounded on the ground before her.
"Oh my Sumire, why must you be involved in some petty conflict as this..."
She also took the unconscious body of her former servant turned street thug Sumire back with her.
It had been 30 minutes since they had seen what was now called the "Mugi Massacre", but Mio and Ritsu were still shaken by what had transpired before them. They were now in the Pineapple Express, speeding down the freeway and afraid that the Takuan empress might come to get them. Ritsu had to keep her eyes on the road and concentrate greatly on her driving (Pineapples are pretty hard to drive, you know, especially since it was now raining) so it was Mio who was looking out windows for Tsumugi.
"I never thought I would say this, but I think there is something up with Mugi-chan" Mio said "it's just like you said, Ritsu"
"She just knocked the fuck outta an entire gang, so what do you mean you "think" Mio?! Like I don't know what's exactly going on right now, but there's def some sketchy AF shit going on with Mugi."
"I know Ritsu, but still...I didn't think she had that much of a mean streak in her."
"Well, what do you think being the fifth wheel, can do to you Mio? Like Yui has Azusa and I have you..."
"It doesn't seem like that these days..."
"What you say, Mio?"
"Oh it's nothing...Baka Ritsu..."
Despite their worries, Mio and Ritsu didn't say anything for the rest of the trip home. The tensions of a distancing relationship and a rampant takuan pickle led to this silence.
To Ritsu's relief, Tsumugi didn't pop up for the rest of the evening but Mio spent most of that evening sobbing in the bedroom to "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M (and by R.E.M I'm talking about the American rock band and not that blue haired maid that everyone and their mother cosplays as at conventions). This greatly concerned Ritsu, who tried to shrug the concern off by playing a few rounds of Overwatch with her main/spirit animal . In her underwear only as well, mind you.
"It doesn't seem like that these days"...what does she mean by that? Ritsu thought to herself as she chomped down her doritos and killed the entire enemy team with her ult (Think they could escape the sheer power of her "NERF THIS!" huh?)
From then it was the regular routine of smoking the 9pm joint and watching one of the many variations of the academy award winning "Bee Movie". Tonight, Ritsu had decided watch the version where its the bee movie but another version of the film plays everytime "bee" is mentioned in the original (i.e. the one played first). Before it hit midnight, Ritsu took out the old whiteboard to try and assess the situation using good old Steiner maths (watch the video to get the reference please). With the Wakaba girls and Love Crysis very much destroyed by Tsumugi (Well, it was more of Yui being an inaccurate scrub in Wakaba's case), she realised that she needed to be the one to take care of the Moogs.
"They say that all men are created equal" Ritsu muttered to herself "but you look at me and you look at Mugi-chan and you can see that you statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another person, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But Mugi's a genetic freak and she's not normal! So I've got a 25%, at best, at beat her. Then you add the rest of the Imuginati to the mix, my chances of winning drastic go down. See at this showdown, against Mugi and the Imuginati, I've got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but Moogs, she has a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because the Wakaba Girls and the others KNOW they can't beat her and they not even gonna try! (unfortunately)
So myself, take your 33 1/3 chance, minus Mugi's extra 25% chance and I've have a 8 1/3 chance of winning against the Imuginati. But then I take Mugi's 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 and two thirds...percents, she has a 141 2/3 chance of winning against us. See myself, the numbers don't lie, and that spell disaster for you (Shit...)."
Having had enough of the mindless ramblings of the Big Bad, Ritsu Daddy, Mio decided to stop sobbing like that time Mugi stole her strawberry and headed downstairs to check up on all the ruckus.
"Ritsu, it's like 1.00am now. What are you rambling on about?" Mio said.
"I'm still worried about Mugi, Mio. And it's because of that, even after calculating my chances to be near fucking null, I think I should be the one to..."
"To do what, Ritsu?"
"...to confront and defeat Mugi..."
As much as she wasn't goody-goody with her pineapple wife right not, Mio didn't want Ritsu to go on with what could be considered a death wish. Honestly, she didn't know the extent of Mugi's power, but if the events of earlier were anything to go by, she was pretty damn powerful. However, she also understood why Ritsu wanted to face Mugi herself. Beyond wanting their thick browed friend to return to them (it had been months since they had the rest of the Keionbu had seen Mugi, they obviously missed her), Mio could tell that Ritsu wanted to find what had caused Mugi to change and that she was worried about the consequences of letting a force such as the Imuginati run rampant without resistance. She also didn't exactly know the intentions of the Mugi, but it would be dangerous to let things be and end up finding out first hand.
"Ritsu, I..."
"I know, Mio. You don't want me to do this, it's very much a death sentence in your eyes. But, even if I'm killed in a second or some crap like that, I still gotta try dammit! I don't know what Mugi is going to do to you and the others...and the thing is, I want the old Moogs back as well, whatever is out there now isn't her! I hope you understand, Mio..."
Don't Ritsu I already know, Mio thought, I want the old you back as well.
"I understand Ritsu, you're mine after all." Mio spoke in a soft, almost motherly tone "And the thing is, I wanna help you. Tsumugi is my friend as well after all."
Screw it Ritsu, if this is the only way I can get close to again, I'll do it.
The usually memetastic pineapple was now of the serious and solemn variety. Upon hearing her wife's offer to help, she looked up at her with small smile which quivered as she began to tear up as well. Remaining silent, Ritsu got to her feet and hugged Mio, crying sobbing into the raven haired girl's shoulder.
"Thank you, Mio" She said amidst sobs and tears.
"It's all good, Ritsu" Mio responded "Mugi and the others are my friends as well, after all. Friends help friends now don't they?"
Ritsu buried her face deeper into Mio's shoulder.
"I guess so" She said with a muffled voice "And you gotta avenge the loss of Strawberry-chan as well, don't ya?"
"Of course, but for now we have to rest. You're still mostly nude by the way."
"Mio, you know as much as I do that doesn't matter."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I've got you to warm me up silly! Especially if we wanna rough it up a bit."
"For Ton-chan's sake, Ritsu put some clothes on."
The next morning, a particular air-headed guitarist and her gangster kouhai were outside the doorstep of the Akiyama-Tainaka household.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Geez Yui-senpai, no need to knock so damn loud!"
"But Azunyaaannn, this is an emergency!"
"Still Yui-senpai, I've in as much as a dilemma as you are, but a greater dilemma would be not letting somebody get the recommended 7 - 8 hours of sleeping because your door knocking woke them up."
"What the hell, Azunyan?"
As Yui and Azusa waited for their knocks to be answered, the door swung openn to reveal a Ritsu Tainaka dressed only in a bedsheet wrapped around her.
"I'm guessing the same shit's happened to you guys? Looks like my weed stash was broken into last night. Thank god I still have the backup I hide in my drumkit."
"It's a disaster Ricchan!" Yui said, on the verge of tears "My Giita! HE'S GONE!"
"And for me" said Azusa "the thief had gone off with Sleazy S"
"Who?"
"Sumire. She's the only reason I can afford my firearms and shit."
As Ritsu and the pair of Yui and Azusa remained still in an awkward silence, the sounds of feet rushing up the stairs and drawers being opened could be heard quite clearly.
"OH FUCK, MY PANTIES! MY 'SPECIAL' PICTURES FROM RITSU! THEY'RE GONE!" shouted a certain bassist from the confines of her bedroom.
"Welp, looks like Mio has realised what has happened" Ritsu said nonchalantly "oh wait, did she also say those special pictures were gone? OH SHI-"
At about 10.00am, the four remaining members of HHT gathered around the lounge room, with three of them trying their best to ignore Ritsu's clothes sprawled all over the floor.
"Umm...I'll put those away later" was the drummer could muster as a response.
Anyway, the four had gathered because of a letter that each of them received from an unidentified source. The letters were nearly identical to one another, albeit with different names for the receivers and Yui's copy being frayed around the corners because Yui.
The letter had read as followed:
Dear Ritsu/Mio/Yui/Azusa
You have received this, hopefully with the knowledge that what is probably your most prized material possession has been taken from you for the time being. There is no need to worry over such actions, nor to panic over the possible loss of your posessions, they are in safe hands for the time-being.
Now you may be asking yourself, who is this letter from and why would they bother with stealing my possesions? Well to answer your questions:
1. I currently cannot not tell you how I am right now, although I have the feeling it would also be pointless to do so as you more than likely know who I am, we have had our meetings MANY times before all.
2. I need you and everyone else I have sent this exact letter to to confront me. Not one, but all. Taking what is seemingly most important to you (aside from each other of course, or else I wouldn't be able to have my fun with you) is my way of saying "you better do what I say or else."
Anyway, there is the opportunity to get back what I have taken from you but it is not without a challenge. In the following four locations and dates, you'll be able to acquire you items one by one:
1. Sakuragaoka High School at the 1st of June, starting from 1.00pm (Although I recommend that you turn up an hour or two beforehand)
2. Love Crysis Headquarters, any day and time from this point onwards.
3. The Local Music Store, any day and time from this point onwards.
4. The location based on these coordinates 35.6586° N, 139.7454° E, 31st of June starting from 12.00am
It is at these locations that you'll be able to obtain your much sought after items. However, it is not without any challenge because that wouldn't be fun, now wouldn't it?
Best of luck to you all,
Whom who shall not be named.
"Soo, it looks like we all gotta do this together" said Azusa.
"Very much so" Replied Yui.
"So pretty much, what's she saying is..." Ritsu replied "We're all in this together?"
"Together, together, together, everyone!" Yui began singing.
"YUI DON'T YOU DARE START SINGING THAT SONG YOU SKINNY FATASS!" shouted Ritsu, making the genki guitarist effectively STFU.
"But still, it's looks like back on the road guys. HTT is back in business, well without Mugi."
"I guess so Mio, but instead of playing songs, we'll be...kicking ass I guess?"
"Honestly Azusa , I don't know what lies ahead of us. But who wants to place bets on who's going to die first?"
"EEHHH RITSU?" Everyone but the pineapple shouted in shock.
"Heh, I'm just kidding guys. But still, where should we start?"
"Well tomorrow, is the first of June, so we going back to school?" Azusa suggested.
"Ah shit, I hope Sawako still doesn't hate us after what we did that one time."
"Ritsu, that was like a year ago" Mio replied "I doubt she'd remember, with teachers being so busy and all."
"But still, there is the possibility that she'll kick our ass as soon as she sees us."
"Want me to bring the rest of Wakaba as well just in case, Ritsu?" Azusa offered.
"Just as along as Yui is 100m away from a fire at all times, I guess so."
And with that, it was decided that the Ritsu the shining memer, Yui the genki guitarist who wanted her husband (Giita) back, Azusa, who wanted her most valuable gang member, and Mio, who needed her panties and pictures back or else she'll explode of embarrassment, would embark on the quest to stop the Imuginati and hopefully bring the now almighty overload Tsumugi Kotobuki back to earth.
To confirm their commitment to the task at hand, the girls went into a huddle and into a rocket ship to have a lesbian space orgy.
Yeah, you wish.
What they actually did was go into a huddle and do that one thing where everybody puts a hand into the center and raises it in unison (I don't know what it's called but I'm sure you've seen it somewhere before so whatever) before shouting "K-ON! FIGHT-OH!".
For the rest of the day, they wound back the clock and did absolutely nothing but drink tea and eat snacks all day (Since Mugi wasn't there, they had to settle for Krispy Kreme donuts instead of the overpriced cakes they usually eat). Honestly, that would be too boring to describe in more depth so we're gonna end it here I guess (Sorry not sorry for the crappy way of ending)
TO BE CONTINUED
