-Voila...Chapter Four! Yes, I know, finally. Sorry to keep you waiting-

Ch. 4

Threatened by...a Poster of Orlando Bloom?

Yup. You got it. Me, Suze Simon, I got threatened by a poster of Orlando Bloom. You don't believe it? Neither do I. Not that I want to, come to think of it. But you know, anything can happen...when Paul Almighty just happens to take over your life. And trust me, he's darn good at it. Need proof? Well, in a matter of two weeks, he convinced my ever overprotective-when-it-comes-to-boys parents to let me move in with him, made ME, Suze Simons go to college (note that I did not say convinced), made everything that reminded me of Jesse disappear (that wasn't so hard, he's a, or he was a ghost, after all) and, oh yeah, got Kelly Prescott to hate my mediator guts. Only that wasn't intentional. And she hated me for two years already, since Paul and I were a "couple".

Sure, you might think that hey, we graduated so who cares about Kelly Prescott? Well, there's only one problem. She's going to the same college I'm going to.

Yeah, story of my life. It's sucking so far, but someone's gotta tell it. Like the one and only...yours truly maybe?

Right. Like anyone else would. Like anyone else...can. I mean, Paul? I don't think so. Considering what he said to my mom and Andy to get me to live with him, my life story would be about how Suze Simon fell madly in love with Paul Slater. And Jesse? Right, like he'd be in there.

In other words, if Paul were Pinocchio, his nose would stretch all the way to Madagascar. Wherever that is.

Wanna know why? Well, it was two weeks ago, the last two weeks of my high school graduation summer. I was actually enjoying it, after everything that happened. It was a year or so ago, but still...

I got a job with CeeCee and Adam and it was pretty cool, hanging out, selling ice cream to the cute, little, whiny kids. The ghosts were nowhere to be seen...on vacation? Yeah, really. But it was a huge relief. And the best part was, Paul was in Europe. Don't ask me why. I honestly don't know. But we weren't joined at the hip by force and it was like holy halleluia. I did spend a lot of time with his brother, whom I introduced to Father Dom...who fell madly in love with the little guy. Well, nothing extreme. Father D's just a sucker for mini mediators whihc I am so not.

So everything was summer lovin'..until that fateful day, two weeks ago when I got back from work. Adam had random asked CeeCee out so I had no ride home. It wasn't that far and I had some comfy yet tres chic flats on so I walked. Yup, walked. And I still hate myself for it.

I was just admiring the cute little cafe right by the street I was about to cross when BOOM: a huge, black BMW stopped right in front of me. Yeah, I admit it, it scared the crap out of me. Not literally, of course.

"Hey!" I shouted. "Watch it,"

"Sorry," A hauntingly familiar voice apologized and the tinited window slid down to reveal curly brown locks, intense blue eyes and a dashing smile.

I clenched my teeth.

"Slater!" I half screamed.

Paul grinned back at me. "Surprise,"

I groaned. "Couldn't you have at least given me a few days to mourn before you have back to destroy me?"

"Very funny, but I'm serious this time. I really do have a surprise for you,"

He disappeared from the window and fumbled in the back of the car for something. And before I even got to fun away, he popped back...with a dress. Not just any dress, a-

"See?" He smiled and pointed at it. "I got you a graduation present,"

My jaw dropped in surprise and disgust, "Where the hell did you get that?"

"Like it?"

"No, Paul, I don't,"

"Because I'm holding it?"

"No! Well, yes, but that's not it. I mean, hello? My mom got me that for grad!"

Paul's mouth curved in another grin. Great. He knew, didn't he?

"Well, put it on!" He motioned.

I scoffed. "God, no!"

I took another look at the dress. Mom had gotten it at the "BabyTeen" boutique. Yes, "BabyTeen". I mean, what's next, "BabyGramps?" It was downright baby alright, complete with white frills at the high "show nothing" collar matching the baby blue fabric and small poofy short sleeves along with a meshy, bow-tied waist and a flowry hem at the bottom edge, right under my knees, another "show nothing" policy that the store had. Overall, it was the darn repulsive. For an eighteen year old, I mean.

"I'll give you a ride home," Paul compromised. "Just put it on,"

"No freakin' way!" I pushed it away.

"Come on, Suze, just once?" His eyes pleaded. I was immune to them...and proud of that fact.

"No," I folded my arms across my chest. "There's no way you're making me wear that,"

"Oh really?" He said mischeviously and I felt sick. Paul was never slow when it came to threats.

I took a deep breath. "Okay. What's it going to be this time? Jesse's life? My mom to ground me for eternity? Or..."

I kept that last thought in my head.

"No, Suze," Paul rolled his eyes. "I am not going to rape you,"

I stepped away, taken aback. How had he known what I was thinking? Was the expression on my face that obvious?

"Well?" I pried. I was curious all right. And scared. You never know Paul Slater.

He held up a poster. "I got a present for Kelly," He said innocently.

"What does Kelly Prescott have to do with this?"

I squinted at the poster.

"Holy crap,"

Only I didn't exactly say crap...

"T-that's O-orlando B-bloom," I stuttered, my eyes about to pop out of the eye sockets. "H-he's-"

Paul looked at me expectantly.

I sniffed in some fresh air and my mind cleared. Well, sort of.

"Okay," I said finally. "Why the hell do you have a butt ball naked picture of Orlando Bloom?"

Of course, there's another more suitable word instead of hell...

"Interesting of you to ask," Paul grinned almost...evilly? "Why do you own it?"

"I don't!"

Okay, this was weird. So, first Paul Almighty gets a porn picture of Orlando Bloom and now he's saying that it's mine? And he's going to give it to Kelly Prescott?

"Take a look," He flipped it over. "Read,"

I stepped over to read it. When I did, I almost dropped my purse. On it in my writing was: Mrs. Suze Bloom-Simon. FOREVER ORLANDO'S! XOXOX

I'll just restrain from telling you the few words I said in exclamation.

"Just what are you going to do with this?"I screamed. "Why the hell did you do this? Do you like hang it in your room and get jealous over him because for some weird reason, I'm supposedly in love with Orlando Bloom? You idiot!"

I tried to wrench the poster out of his grasp but he threw it back into the car.

"I say you put the dress on and listen to me or the poster goes to Kelly,"

"Y-you-" I couldn't get any words out.

I couldn't get any thoughts down either. The only thing I knew was that Paul Slater was threatening me, Suze Simon, with an Orlando Bloom poster. He could've threatened to kill me. I would've been satisfied with that. But a nude Orlando Bloom poster? What was wrong with this world?

Just then, I started laughing. I just started laughing and I couldn't stop. Paul looked at me, a weird expression on his face.

"You are so desperate," I choked out between laughs. "You think that I'm going to listen to you because of that?"

"You don't think it'll work, Suze?" He picked up his cell phone. "Then I'll just give Miss Kelly a call. Anyways, I just remembered that I didn't get Kelly a graduation present. This is pretty handy,"

I stopped laughing. "Y-you're serious?"

"Of course," Paul held out the dress in one hand and held his cell phone in the other. "Now, shup up. The phone's ringing,"

I gulped. Suddenly, I started to get nervous, the usual reaction to Paul's threats.

No! I ordered myself. I am not getting threatened by that!

"Hey Kelly," Paul said casually and I froze. "Yeah, it's Paul. How are you? Good, great, yeah, me too. Mmm hmm, I'm back from Europe. Yes, it was great. Yeah, anways. I got a grad present for you,"

I started turning cold as I heard Kelly's squeals of excitement.

"Yup, yeah, okay. I'll drop it off-"

"Gimme the dress," I muttered.

"Excuse me, Kelly, give me a sec," Paul covered the phone. "What did you say?"

"Just hand over the freakin' dress!" I grabbed it out of his hand and he grinned from ear to ear.

"Hey Kelly?" He diverted his attention back to her. "I'll drop it off tomorrow, okay? Yeah, okay. I gotta go. See you tomorrow. Yep, bye,"

I looked at him with pure disgust in my eyes and he attempted to scowl at me with a smile.

"God, Suze," He shook his head. "Now I really do have to get her a present,"

"Shut the fuck up, Slater," I groaned.

I had to add a real word of emotion there. Just had too.