Dallas stood in the run down room looking like he didn't belong there, and looking at me as though I didn't either. He didn't look at all surprised to see me, he didn't look bothered to see me - he just looked like Dally; blond hair flopping about, fine hairs trailing down his newly toned abs, a strong, kissable jaw. He didn't speak and I tensed up; I couldn't tell his mood and when angry he could be dangerous. He slouched into a worn down armchair and stared at me intensely. I cautiously sat on the coffee table six feet opposite him.
"Bet you been wondering where I've been, huh Dal?" I said nervously, putting on the smile I knew he loved so much.
"No really: people come, they go. It's no big deal. Had fun?"
No I haven't, I hadn't wanted to go away, I needed to. I had to sort my head out."
"Yeah I can see how that would've taken so long" he snarled.
I ignored his comment, he deserved his time to be irate, besides, and rising to him was never a good idea. And hell, had we have been on better terms I might have even found the remark funny.
"Where you been?" he said, again his voice didn't waver.
"You're part of the world: New York."
"Really?"
"Yeah, Brooklyn. It's a cool place."
"Yeah it is, I miss New York, I could have gone with you." He gave me a weak smile, my heart melted.
"Well I din't know I'd end up there, and no you couldn't have come, baby. Even if I'd have thought to take you with me, which I'm sure would have helped me along the way – it was pretty rough – I needed to be by myself, I had to escape Tulsa."
He breathed deeply and I watched his chest rise and fall. He lit the cigarette he had been storing behind his ear and I took one from my pack; I always have to light up when other people do, I think that's why I end up smoking so many. We smoked in awkward silence, each of us staring around the room, and occasionally at each other. Every time our eyes met I smiled, and though he didn't return the grin I could tell he liked it.
"Your brothers know you're back?"
"Yeah, I got back last night. I think they're glad to see me. Are you?" I asked cautiously.
"Well I ain't bothered none, Doll. Makes no difference to me." His voice was cold as though he was talking to a stranger he disliked.
I looked down, hurt - I hated that he never gave anything away. But maybe there wasn't anything to reveal, maybe he didn't care if I was here or not, maybe he didn't care when I went away, Two-bit and Darry must have been wrong, or trying to spare my feelings; after all this was Dallas Winston, he didn't care about anything. Had he ever cared about me?
"How long you back for?"
"Haven't decided, I only thought about coming back, not what'd happen afterwards."
Dallas stood up and grabbed a tee shirt off the radiator, I watched him put it on, I loved the way his body moved.
"Never did think about the consequences, did you Charlie? Maybe if you did none of this would have happened, everything would still be…"
I cut him off my lunging at him, I aimed my nails at his face but he grabbed my wrists to hold me back. So I kicked, frantically; aiming at nothing but aiming to inflict pain. I knew what he had been getting at and it was disgraceful to use that. I struggled to break free but his hold was too firm, I was defeated. I sobbed into his chest and his arms went from my wrists to around my back, his grip as firm as ever. I threw my arms around his neck as I bawled uncontrollably. My knees buckled and I put all my weight on Dally; he carried it but sank into the chair he had been sitting in. He lifted my legs over his lap and stroked them slowly.
"Baby I'm sorry, I didn't mean it; no one thinks that, it's not true, you know it!"
When I stopped crying we sat in silence, it was overwhelming being in the arms of Dallas again. I was shocked at what he had insinuated, but it wasn't unexpected for Dallas to get vicious.
He was referring to the incident that happened four years ago; I had gone out with a man I thought to be my friend, on a platonic date much to the aggravation of Dally, the rest of the gang and my parents. No one seemed to trust Andy, a Brumley boy, but my stubbornness made me keep the outing. It turns out that everyone had been right; Andy made a pass at me and got very violent when I did not reciprocate. He beat me and drove me further out into the country. When we stopped I ran, grabbed a payphone and called my dad, he and my mum began a chase across Tulsa. In his worried state my dad had been speeding, he crashed the car and it fell down a hill onto the railway tracks; a train hit them, they died almost instantly. It was my fault my parents died: I trusted a man they told me not to, I put myself in danger, I called my dad when I should have called the police. My actions were the reason my parents were dead. I was the reason my brothers didn't have a mother or father anymore. It was the guilt that had driven me away from Tulsa and I couldn't believe Dallas has just confirmed my suspicions: that everyone did blame me for what happened. My mind wandered to not going home, I really had caused them so much pain. I decided against it, they had seemed happy to have me back yesterday; they must have forgiven me, even if I could never forgive myself.
I lifted my head off Dally's shoulder and looked into his eyes: they were complex, but welcoming. Dally stroked my cheek and pulled me in for a kiss (now that was a better home coming!) His lips were warm and familiar and at the same time exciting and new. His tongue opened my mouth and massaged my own causing all kinds of sensations throughout my body. I pushed myself up against him and put my hand up his newly donned shirt; I had never known his physique like this and I loved it: his muscles were blanketed in his soft skin that I caressed fondly. Dallas returned the gesture by drawing his hand up the back of my tee shirt; I shuddered at his touch, I had not been touch to this effect in a long while. I pulled away to look at Dallas. He wasn't classically handsome but boy, he was good looking; I think it's because he has so much character in his face. He smiled at me; it was a smiled I had yearned after for years.
"Why should I let you back in after all this time?" he questioned earnestly.
I thought about it, "Because I never meant to hurt you and I never will again. Dal, I never came back here with the intention to get back together with you; I didn't think you'd want to so I convinced myself I wasn't in love with you. But we can't live in denial; this is meant to be, baby."
Dallas wriggled out from under me and stood awkwardly. "No."
"No what?" I said, perplexed.
"Look, fair enough you're back – that's great, you're brothers must be psyched. But from now on you and me are just friends, you dig?"
I couldn't believe what he was saying, I was so sure he had wanted to get back together with me, that kiss had said it all!
"But…"
"I'm over you, Charlotte," he said tiredly, "I don't love you anymore."
I sat dumbfounded. When I came back I thought Dally might not want to get back together with me, but I was sure he'd still be in love with me. Dallas didn't love anyone or anything as far as the rest of Tulsa were concerned, but I knew differently: Dallas Winston loved me.
As a final kick in the teeth he added, "I never did."
In one swift movement Dallas put on his shoes and left. I was sat alone in Angel's living room totally confused as to what had gone on. Maybe Dally didn't love me after all. I thought I was going to be sick.
