Chapter 4

"So you want to come with me? How do you even know all this?" Link was sceptical of me and my intentions, which was completely understandable.

We were sitting in Kakariko's little picnic area, munching on stew Link had whipped up with some fish we had caught. It was fantastic, by the way, Link was a brilliant cook.

I looked around, conscious of who could overhear, as I leaned in and gestured for Link to do the same, "What I tell you now must be kept in complete confidence, okay?"

Link nodded eagerly, his eyes wide yet serious as he understood my desire to keep our conversation secret between us.

Blinking, I took a deep breath, "I escaped Hyrule Castle," Link lurched backwards, and his playful demeanour immediately switched to one of suspicion.

"What do you mean you escaped?" He said critically.

I sighed, "It's a long story, so I'll give you the spark notes,"

"The what?"

"Nevermind, it's a figure of speech, I'll tell you the short version," I clarified, "I was forced to be a servant of Ganon's, and emphasis on the forced, please, but I managed to get away, and now I need to make sure he gets taken down,"

Link was still sceptical, "why? Wouldn't you rather live peacefully in a village?"

I shook my head vehemently, "absolutely not! I know what it is like to live in fear, forced to serve one you hate because you are powerless to stop them!" This was getting hard to say, but I didn't need to give Link any details, "It is a fate I don't want to happen to anyone else, and I have experienced the Calamity first hand, I know how to fight him, and I can't just sit by while this evil pervades the world,"

My words were strong and true, and Link seemed to believe my desire to fight, "I understand," he said, and for a moment he slumped, arms holding up his heavy head, "and to be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing, I don't even recognise this world," he sounded so despondent, like someone had given him all he wanted and then snatched it away.

"let me help you," I implored, "I can fight, and I wont get in the way,"

Link looked up at me, thoughts swirling behind his big blue eyes, and I could see that he was considering my proposition.

"It'll be dangerous," he said,

"so is being a servant to evil," I countered,

"you won't be the same afterwards,"

"I should hope not,"

Link sighed again, "you might lose your life,"

"he already took that from me," my voice was raw but powerful, even as I whispered my response and I could see the effect it had on Link.

He looked forlorn, a bone deep sadness of empathy that radiated towards me, and I nearly jumped as he reached across the table and laid a comforting hand on my forearm.

"alright," he conceded, "if you feel that you need to do this then I can't stop you, besides" he pulled back then, mouth relaxing into a cheeky grin, "I could use the company,"

I grinned back at him, grateful that our conversation was light again, "brilliant! Where are we going first?"

Link began to pull out his sheikah slate but hesitate, gauging my reaction to the technology, as if I wasn't familiar with it. I was, but he didn't know that.

"c'mon, I lived in Hyrule Castle, that place is rife with sheikah technology," I said, encouraging Link with just show me the slate.

He did, setting it on the table between us, and I realised how similar it was to a smart phone or tablet from my world.

Link began to operate it and zoomed in on a familiar place.

"This is Zora's Domain, apparently the Divine Beat Vah Ruta is causing irregular weather patterns, I'm going to wrestle back control from the Calamity," he explained.

I nodded, "if we pass through Sahasra Slope to the west then we could follow the road to the Lanayru Wetlands and then onto the domain," I suggested.

Link smiled, "sounds good, you been there before?"

I rose a cynical brow at him, "Ganondorf didn't like us to wander,"

"Ganondorf?" He parroted and then I realised that Link literally knew next to nothing about his enemy.

My knowledge was definitely going to come in use, "That's his mortal form, a 7'6" gerudo sorceror with a really nasty attitude,"

Link looked surprised as he began to clear away our dishes, packing up the rest of the stew into his pouch for later, "you met him personally?"

I nodded, disdain clear on my face, "unfortunately,"

He looked like he wanted me to elaborate, but honestly I wasn't ready to tell Link the sordid details of my relationship with Ganondorf, I had only gained a bit of his trust and didn't want to lose it so soon. Especially as I couldn't guarantee he'd keep me around if he knew I was the Evil King's bedfellow.

I fought back a gag as my brain reminded me once more of my previous occupation.

Fortunately, Link let it drop, and together we walked towards Kakariko's eastern entrance to get our horses.

"This is Epona," Link said, smiling fondly as he petted the beautiful mare that came up to him naturally. She adored him, and he her, I could tell even with my eyes closed.

I envied their relationship, "she's lovely," I stroked her mane, "and so sweet!"

Link chuckled, "yeah, she was having trouble with bokoblins when I found her but I managed to help her get away,"

Nodding, I waved Valentine over, who seemed less than amused by our companions, "this is Valentine," I introduced,

Valentine snorted, eyes narrowing dangerously at Link, "he's...uhh..." he didn't want to be rude so I would just do it for him.

"He's a bastard, but he's my bastard," I said lovingly, stroking Valentine's nose and soothing his gnarly scars, "he saved me from a bokoblin, pummelled the poor thing into a paste with his hooves,"

"That's rather...unusual," Link said as he mounted Epona.

I nodded, "yeah, but he saved my life, even if he's a grouchy old git,"

"you sound as if you don't like him,"

"the feeling is mutual, besides," I mounted Valentine, clicking my tongue to trot him forward as he sniffed at Epona, "you can love someone and not like them,"

Link didn't respond to that, but he did eye me critically, as if fitting another piece to the puzzle of Lily in his head. And before you ask, no I'm not in love with Ganondorf, the mere thought is enough to make me gag, but I had experienced loving someone and not liking them. It's rather painful.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I first met Link.

When I was a young teenager I had dreamed of this moment, of running through Hyrule with the hero and saving the day, but reality is so much slower than you'd expect.

He was surprisingly talkative, though I'm not sure if that was just me as I find I can talk to most people easily, especially someone around me age, but I guess I always figured Link to be rather quiet. Or contemplative at least, and while he didn't waste words or throw them around liberally like I did he still let them flow with ease. It was nice, the most conversation I had recently was either with Ganondorf or the other concubines, and certain topics were off-limits. Link just let me babble at him mostly, and it was refreshing, to not be punished for the merest action.

That sounds messed up, and that's because it was, but it was also a small comfort I had taken for granted before Ganondorf.

Zora's Domain was about a two days ride away, give or take, depending on the weather and how many enemies we would encounter on the way.

And speaking of the weather, it was raining again, but I suppose the wetlands were called the wetlands for a reason, and that reason was the incessant rain that poured constantly. It was like we were just in one endless shower, my fingertips had turned to prunes long ago.

Fortunately, Link had also grown tired of the rain, so I wasn't alone in my discontent.

We had turned right at the Millenio Sandbar, with Hylia River to our backs, and began the dreary journey through the heart of the Lanayru Wetlands, crossing over the limited land available and trying hard not to fall into the large lake beneath it.

There was a shrine here, Daka Tuss shrine I think, and I knew Link wanted to beat if, but I personally was more focused on fighting of the lizalfos of the central island than finding some shiny rock. But I knew it was important to him, and that the more shiny rocks Link collected from the old shiekah dudes in the shrines then the stronger he would get.

I wish it worked that way for me, but I imagined that my user interface would only ever contain three hearts and one stamina wheel, maybe some temporary yellow hearts if I was lucky.

And so I dropped Link off at the shrine and prepared to fight of the lizalfos that were determined to eat me.

Not a cheery thought, but a necessary one.

Anway, so Link was messing around in that god damn shrine which left me to fight off as many lizalfos as humanly possible whilst also trying to avoid their shock arrows. The only good part of this is that when I eventually killed them I would be able to take their arrows, which I desperately needed as my own supply was dwindling. I'd have to buy more when we got to the domain.

There were three lizalfos trying to ruin my life, two armed with bows and tasty, tasty shock arrows, and the other one armed with a rusty longsword which did not look tasty at all.

Valentine was as always dtf (down to fight) so I didn't have to worry about him sprinting off, but he seemed more concerned protecting Epona instead of me. Cheating asshole.

The first lizalfos descended upon me and I prepared my bow, knocking the first arrow and firing off straight into the lizalfos' mouth. I winced as warm blood sprayed over me, but the lizalfos was dead, its rusty longsword useless against long-range combat.

That was why I enjoyed having a bow, because I could shoot someone before they managed to reach me.

The two other lizalfos squawked in anger as their comrade fell to the ground, wadding up big balls of venomous spit to launch at me but fortunately I was fast enough to dodge them, only just though, as I narrowly avoided being splattered with it.

I knocked another arrow, preparing to have to dodge and aim at the same time as both lizalfos followed suit and pointed their arrows of death in my direction.

The rain was so heavy, and if one of those arrows so much as scraped me or anything attached to me then I'd be electrocuted.

God, I wish Link would hurry up.

Timing was of the essence, and I could see a few other lizalfos in the distance peak out of the water in interest, watching with keen eyes if their kin needed help, or perhaps if they would share the human meat they were about to cook up.

We stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

The flex of the left lizalfos' muscle was all the queue I needed, and I dashed forward in roll, closing the distance between us as the water entered my boots and the shock arrow flew above me. I grabbed the lizalfos around the neck as it desperately tried to knock a second arrow, spinning around just in time for the other lizalfos' shock arrow to pierce its kin's hide.

I let go instantly, arm thrumming with the electricity that managed to catch me. The lizalfos fell forward into the water, but I already had my second arrow knocked, and let it fly into the second lizalfos.

Dead, all three of them, but the other lizalfoses that had been watching with keen interest were swimming very quickly towards me.

I quickly gathered the shock arrows dropped by the ones I had killed, and began firing rapidly into the water at the moving bodies.

Lightning flashed around me, and bodies rose to the water's surface at an alarming rate. I was forever thankful for physics, even if Hyrule broke many laws I had believed to be concrete, there were exceptions that I could rely on and the law of conductivity was one of them.

And Link still hadn't finished that fucking shrine, I must've been fighting for near thirty minutes and wanted to get some more fish for lunch.

Yes, I was thinking about food but you burn up a lot of energy when you're fighting for you life and food can be consumed for energy.

That almost sounded like that Simpsons screenshot, you know, the one where Homer says "money can be exchanged for goods and services," well so can food.

I couldn't see any other enemies directly near me, and those that where had either met an untimely end or ran away in fear.

I swam out into the water, collecting arrows and lizalfos tails as well as any other bits and bobs they dropped off. My favourite part of winning a battle is that you get to pillage the rewards afterwards, Link said it was technically theft as their items should've gone to next of kin or whatever but they're servants of evil and besides Link did it too.

Finally, finally, Link emerged from the shrine and did a double take as he took my appearance.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I shrugged, "I got a fuckton of shock arrows, like thirty, or something, I don't know, maths was never my strong suit,"

Link's brows shot up into his hairline before came walking over to me and began counting the arrows in my quiver.

"thirty six, that's quite a bit, how'd you manage that?" He was surprised, and I guess I would be to considering he just left me to fight a few lizalfos and nothing more.

Grinning, I gestured to the bodies that lay around us, "these lizalfos thought they could take me on, but God nerfed them not me so it didn't work out,"

He mounted Epona as I did Valentine, chuckling at my words, "I only understand half the things that come out of your mouth, you know that right?"

I nodded, "You and everyone else on this planet, honey,"

"planet?"

"yeah, planet," I halted momentarily, looking at Link with one brow raised, "do you think the earth is flat?"

Link laughed, "of course it's flat!"

Oh no, Link was a flat earther.