Chapter 4: Chapter 4

She forcefully made herself walk into the break room over to the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. Once again she could feel every set of eyes burning into the back of her neck. She knew that she had to turn around but she was waiting for Grissom to start handing out assignments that way not all attention would be on her.

Grissom waited a couple of seconds and when she still hadn't turned around he proceeded with the assignments.

"Well anyway nothing has come in yet so it's paper work till something-

"Actually" said Brass interrupting" that's why I am here mass murder at a half-way house number of DB'S unknown yet but it's big you're going to need everyone on this" Brass answered before turning around and heading back out the break room. " I'll meet you there" Brass shouted over his shoulder.

"Ok thanks" replied Grissom. Everyone stood up to walk out the room. Sara chucked the rest of her coffee away and put her mug in the sink. She turned around to see Grissom staring back at her.

"Sara before you leave can I have I word with you in my office please."

Go screw yourself Grissom she thought to herself. She knew it was more than a word he wanted. He wanted to have some big lecture about taking time off and saying how he was worried about her yet avoiding asking what was wrong. It was always the same.

"What's the point? Why not just say what you want to say that way you don't have to all meet up later and talk about me some more" Sara said coldly.

"Come on Sara that's a bit harsh isn't it. There's something wrong with you we can all see it. We're just trying to help"

"YEAH WELL I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP" Sara shouted back

Everyone just looked at her shocked by her outburst.

"And Grissom" Sara spoke more quietly this time " why act like you even care. You wouldn't know that there was something wrong with me if it came and bit you in the arse, the only reason you want to have this so-called chat is because everyone else has mentioned it to you"

" We do care Sara each and every one of us. We just want to make sure that you are ok," said Nick finally speaking

Sara laughed, " You have got to be kidding me right I've not been ok for a long time. I don't know what being ok is anymore"

Nick stepped forward and looked into her eyes "and why that Sara. Why aren't you ok. What happened to you to make you be this way."

"Be what way Nick" Sara replied.

"So cold. So lonely. So hidden."

Sara was shocked she couldn't believe that she was hearing this especially from Nick. " I … you….it" Sara stumbled. She couldn't believe it

"What Sara. What made you become so heartless"?

A single tear escape down Sara's cheek

Finally knowing he had gone too far Catherine stepped forward and placed her hand on Nicks shoulder before interjecting "that's enough Nick you've gon-"

"No its not enough" Nick interrupted looking at Catherine and the back at Sara " if she just told what was wrong then-"

"Are you serious" Sara said interrupting Nick before he had time to continue "the question isn't what wrong it's what not wrong"

Everyone looked at her confused at what she just said

"What do you mean Sara" Catherine.

"Well just look at me I'm not the most stable person in the world" Sara said leaning back against the counter. She took a deep breath before continuing. " You know I envy each and everyone one of you because you all have something I've never had or will have"

"And what that Sara" Nick spoke softly

Sara looked at them all and then to the floor before looking back at Nick and replying not before several more tears came strolling down her face. "A… a family, friends, someone who actually loves you, someone that will always be there"

Turning to Catherine "I look at you and Lindsey and I'm so jealous because…. Because you love her so much and I never had that. I never had a mother who loved me like you love Lindsey."

Grissom who had been silent since the outburst finally spoke "Sara your mother did love you. If she didn't she wouldn't have done what she did"

Everyone turned and looked at Grissom more confused than ever.

"You're wrong. If she had loved me she would never have done what she did. She would never have left me"

"What did she do Sara" asked Nick looking back at her

Sara clamed up she wasn't about to tell them one of her deepest darkest secrets. Especially not to Nick. She couldn't stand the rejection from any of them but rejection from Nick would crucify her. Hell she wouldn't have not Grissom only she was forced to.

"What" Sara asked pretending that she hadn't heard the question

"I asked what did your mother do."

Sara looked up on at the clock and then back at the group "look at the time we best get to the crime scene" Sara stated to walk toward the door but Nick grabbed hold of her arm tightly.

"Sara don't do this. Don't walk away"

"Nick" Sara said trying to pull away but only making Nick tighten his grip

"Nick" Sara said looking into his eyes "you're really hurting me"

"Yeah and what about what you're doing to me Sara. Your killing me" Nick replied before letting go of her arm

Sara started to rub her arm where Nick had grabbed her and turned to Grissom. "Grissom, I would like to take 3-weeks' vacation time please effective immediately. I have plenty saved up"

"Sara don-

Grissom you either give me the vacation time or I quit it's your choice"

Grissom looked deeply at Sara before replying "fine I'll see you in three weeks"

Sara didn't even wait for anyone else to say anything before walking out of the break room into the locker room to get her stuff walking out to the carpark getting into her car and just driving away.

Nick Looked at Grissom in disbelief "I can't believe you just did that. You just let her go"

"And what would you rather I did Nick say no and have her quit. You know as well as I do how stubborn Sara can be if I hadn't given her the 3 weeks she would have walked. Now come on everybody" Grissom said turning around "we have a crime scene to get to" and he walked off down the corridor Nick looked at the rest of his colleges in disbelief and then back to the empty corridor that Grissom had just left down.