Just Some Girl: Another Pair of Eyes

When some people dream, they can't tell it is a dream. No matter how ridiculous the plot of the story is. Or even if there is no plot. Others can tell when they are in a dream. Most of the time I can. When I do, I can basically control the dream to my whim. A dream could start with me running away from shadows with red eyes and have it ending with me sitting in a field petting bunnies.

Hey, don't dis the bunnies.

Recently however, my dreams have not been so controllable. I'm guessing because as I'm getting older, I realize how uncontrollable my future is, and it's reflecting in my dreams. It hasn't stopped me from hoping everyday that someone from higher up the chain to see some potential that I haven't, and give me a leg up so I can kick my own face because I think I've fallen for the worst person in the world.

"So, ready to go?" I gave a grin to the cutest girl in the world. Today she wore a light lavender dress which really complimented her long dark blue hair. She nodded, shortly before grabbing my arm.

"L-let's go!"

Now, I'm not saying worst because she has horrible character, oh no. Personally, I see no flaws in the girl, which I know has to be a problem in itself. Yes she's shy, but she means well. She's not really a great ninja, but that really wasn't her choice, was it? She's darling, makes great conversation tries her best and has been a really good friend. I say worst because I am soooo out of my league. She's a Hyuuga! A Hyuuga who is going to be married to some high esteemed male. Even if that's not what she wants, that's what her family will push her to do and I'm still left cheap and lesbian. Could I be anymore pathetic?

No, wait. Irony wants to add something.

"Have you changed your mind yet?" Neji says walking up to me while I'm stretching before our morning training. He really doesn't say it in a question format, and it was not a command. Neji just says it in that monotone way of his, and odd enough it sounds hopeful. Someone please tell me I'm wrong.

"Changed my mind about what?" I said out of hopes that it wasn't what I thought it was.

"About us." Why does he say it like that? It still sounds so vague. I wish I could still act oblivious, but the look on my face probably showed very well that I understood. Why am I such a bad actor off duty? I shifted the weight on my feet side to side as I tried to think of something clever to say.

"Sorry." Great. I felt so nervous and disturbed... but that's the best I can say? He is a nice guy considering all what he's been through, talking politely and isn't one of those crazy seekers who stalk those who disagree. I figured for his sake, I should've said something better. But I was so unaccustomed to the situation, I've been taught how to kill people not converse with live ones. So surely over time I would get better.

"Tenten, do you still think the same?"

"Yes, sorry."

If, you know, someone else asked me out.

"Have you changed your mind...?"

Are you kidding?

"No."

But this constant asking over time was getting... irritating.

"I would find it a great honor to date you."

That's great, I don't.

"Thank you Neji, but please, I'm fine with being friends."

Obviously he wasn't. It's not like he goes out to parties or festivals to meet new people. For all he knows, I'm the only girl on this world he can tolerate. In a sense he's lived a sheltered live and I can understand his disinterest of widening his circle of friends, but really? Most of our female peers have improved over time, showing they do learn from their mistakes. I can't be the only girl that meets your expectations!

"Tenten, if I may ask..."

No. Please stop!

"...this is the last time..."

I heard that before.

"...would you ever consider me worthy?"

The usual words on my tongue fell back down my throat. It was about time he at least phrased it differently. Ever consider him worthy? I gave him a look of pity. I couldn't say, "Never, unless my first impression was right all along and you really are a woman." So I said this pretty little piece instead, "How about this, I'll tell you when I do."

Until then, try introducing yourself to women who are straight.

Usually he takes the words well, but I think this time it was one no too many. I could see his eyes and eyebrows twitch in stubborn frustration. "I'm sorry I seem so unfavorable to you." He looked away, trying his best not to sound so sour.

"No! That's not it at all!" I waved, frantically trying to think of what a polite straight girl would say, but I was really lost. If you were into quiet, serious guys Neji would seem very favorable. "I- I guess..."

"It's alright Tenten," he shook his head, "you don't need to make up an excuse." And then he went about the rest of the day as if that didn't transpire. I need to find that guy a girlfriend. And I need to stop crushing on his cousin, but one thing at a time here. The next thing that happened I still can't decide was fantastically lucky or disturbingly wrong.

"Why is it dear Tenten, that you will not date youthful Neji?"

Yeah that's right, Gai-sensei witnessed that. I wanted to commit seppuku right then and there when he pulled me aside after training. "What?" I managed to choke out.

"Have your ears aged?" He didn't say it as an insult. Can that be used as an insult? "Neji is a wonderful teen who doesn't show his youthful emotions well or often!" He paused to give a tragic pose. "He is just trying to understand love and you snip the rose before it could flower!"

Oh my God, no.

"No, wait sensei." I put a hand to my forehead to brace the sudden headache forming. "That wasn't my intention."

"Then what is the matter with dating the boy?" Pose. "You two are both young, a perfect time to make mistakes!" Pose. "It may seem awkward now, but once you two work it out it may be the best thing you ever did!" Then he had to say, "You never know until you try!" Then, he gave me a small slice of mercy and gave me time to let the slow wheels in my head turn.

I didn't want to say, You have no idea what this is about! Even though it really was, it just sounds so deliberately angsty. That, and he would probably counter by asking me what it was about. I didn't want to tell him what it was about. I didn't want to know his opinion. I know he's an open minded guy but that didn't stop my frightened, paranoid self from thinking otherwise.

Eventually, it came to the point that he was waiting so long for my answer that he stopped posing and stood on the ground like a normal person- but then he held my arms instead. I braced myself, getting ready for a hug or something, but instead he says, "Tenten, it's alright to say no. I just want to make sure everything right between you two." His eyes as simple as they were, were very intense. I felt my heartbeat began to calm down as I took a deep breath.

So you have a secret. You know you can't keep it to just yourself forever. So when a situation like that comes up, who is the first person you tell? For some it's their psychiatrist, others the bartender, the lucky a best friend. I thought it would be my dad.

"Nothing is alright." He heard me whisper, I felt so ashamed. What if he thinks I'm a freak? My only paranoid hope at this time was that sensei was in some sort of transparent closet. It would help me understand the tights thing for sure.

"Come, let us sit on this log." His voice was still cheery, but much calmer. "Let's see what sensei can fix for his poor youthful student!"

"With old ears." I added, following him to the foot of the forest. Sitting down, I wondered how often sensei was going to be jumping up and down to pose during conversation.

"Now Tenten, why is nothing alright?" He looked honestly hurt, as if he were the cause of it.

"Neji keeps asking me out and I keep saying no." I shrugged, unable to think of how to deliver the other half of it.

"He is found of you." He stroked his invisible beard.

"I like him too, just not in that way."

"You can't bring yourself to amuse him with even one date?"

"We already sorta do. We plan days for sparring together."

"What about movies? Or shopping?" If Gai-sensei isn't gay he is the most metrosexual man I have ever met.

"He doesn't like that sort of stuff."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. "Darn, and I wanted to recommend a movie to him."

"We have fun conversations," when you don't count the him asking me out bit, "but we don't have much in common."

"Funny, I always thought you two would've made a cute couple."

"Pff, compared to me and Neji, Lee has more chance with Sakura." Alright, I admit that sounded rude.

"Now Tenten, why do you say that?"

Because they are straight.

This time though, I couldn't come up with a better thing to say other than what my snarky brain had come up with. "Uh... because, um..." Crap, bringing up Sasuke will make this worse. "Because..." I could already feel my head burn up in embarrassment. This wasn't fair, I can't just-

"Tenten, do not restrain your youth! You only have it for so long, embrace it!"

Go to hell Gai-sensei and take your youth with you.

"I... I kinda like somebody else." I couldn't look at him, I was doing everything in my power to not run away and cry like a girl.

"And you were rejected and felt bitter!" What? How dare he assume- "Now Neji knows how you feel!"

"No! I can't bring myself to say anything! She's out of my league!" I was so angry at his surprisingly accusing words it flew out of my mouth before I could stop it. My hands, late in the game slapped themselves over my traitorous mouth. Before I could say anything more, he then gave this smile like he knew. I felt violated until I remembered that my teacher is a goddamned ninja. He patted my back with a laugh.

"Neji doesn't see you out of his league, and we know how high he keeps his 'standards.'" He then winked at me, because it's youthful or something. "No love is worth love if it isn't worth pursuing, right? Speak and let this lucky girl know she's special!"

I had to run it through my head a couple time to make sure I had it. Neji who is high profile and knows he is considers me worthy. So someone like Hinata who doesn't consider herself high profile... would I have a chance?

"...right." I managed to mumble out.

"I'm sorry for manipulating you!" He cried as he hugged me. "I just wanted my lovely student to know she's loved no matter what youthful taste she has!" Alright, no. Youthful taste? I'm not a pedophile!

"Thank you sensei, I wouldn't know what to do without you." I said as quickly as I could. He released me, we said our goodbyes for the day and left.

Gai-sensei knew or at least had a hunch that I was a lesbian. How obvious is it? How many other people have this assumption? Neji doesn't, and he's suppose to be the smart one of this group. I was walking to Hinata's house when I started having second thoughts on talking to her. Haven't I been through enough today? So I have a few problems in my life. They feel a bit overwhelming, but I guess things could be a lot worse. I should address them as soon as possible if I want this over with. But why should I start with the hardest thing?

"Hinata," I said shorty after she opened her door, "we need to find your cousin a girlfriend."

She laughed.

Well at least somebody can.