I've noticed that every time I come to write this, I feel relatively calm. I find this odd, considering that I am currently stuck with two girls in the same house. You should sympathize with me, because I know that a decent group of you know about Winry. If you don't, you got a good sense of her bad side that has been explained in enough detail through the past few chapters.

However…

After I am finished writing, I feel angry, confused, and exhausted. I have always been told that writing makes people feel better, but this doesn't seem to apply to me. It makes me wonder why I still continue to do this, if it only proves to force me to beg my wife for a damn massage in the end. And the sad thing about this is that while I get frustrated, you all find more and more joy in this.

Now putting aside these complaints, I am now forced to answer some quick questions before I actually move on to what I wanna talk about. This is starting to feel like it's more for you fan people, but let me tell you now that this is supposed to benefit me. Not you…

First of all, I have been asked what a 'pixie' is. It's been something I have grown content with calling the group of females that read this. Those that actually are male… I'm not sure if I choose to respect you, or feel afraid of you for reading this. Bravo, I guess.

Now instead of trying to explain through some kind of stupid example, I'll just be professional about this and give you a well earned definition made by 'yours truly'.

Pixies- A group of mythical creatures, who are known to make an interesting amount of sounds. They tend to stay together in groups, and find their interests in certain, unfortunate people around the world. These mythical creatures are known to squeeze the unfortunate person, kiss them, stalk them, and give deadly pursuits when the person is on the run. The pixies are highly dangerous and must be approached with extreme caution.

As I had told the annoying 'Review Squirrel', who is amongst you fangirls… Pixies are not real. They are all some part of my imagination. I am usually not one to admit such things, since I am a logical person, but I am always willing to make exceptions. And now since I have convinced myself that pixies are not real, I will enjoy drowning in the safe knowledgeable fact that this writing is for own benefit.

So as much as I would love to move on, I now find myself being annoyed by my irritating younger brother who insists that I 'humor' myself and continue to answer you pesky 'girls' with your boring questions. For crying out loud, why can't one of you just ask something simple? A favorite drink or something would be easy for me. Not only are you 'pixies', but also apparently slave drivers as well.

Reaching the next question…

How was the marriage ceremony and how was Winry before I impregnated her?

Tell me girls…

Does that last part make me sound like a criminal? I know it sounds like it to me. You people all act like I forced this on her! It was an innocent accident, and you all take it too far and too extreme. Don't think I don't know about your 'DarkEd!' stories either. I have seen a couple, and you should be more than ashamed of yourselves for making me do those things to Winry. I still wonder why I even read some of those…

So about the marriage ceremony…

In my defense, I didn't mess up anything. I will admit that I got drunk on our honeymoon, and had a hangover that lasted the entire day afterwards. My alcohol tolerance isn't too good, just to keep you informed on my daily medical information. Why don't you note that just to be safe?

Sarcasm…That was sarcasm.

But on the actual day of the ceremony, it was the rest of those idiots that messed things up. I didn't even invite anyone in the military, but since I was part of it, it was seemingly essential that I had one that they all knew about. This means that a great deal of them were invited, and I had no choice but to suffer and glare at them through the whole thing. Not only did I have to endure seeing the bastards, but I also had to wear the damn uniform. Winry thought I looked 'handsome', but I think I just looked ridiculous. You all should know that I chose to stay with the military, so the uniform is not something I favor. I wear it enough when I'm working, so being made to wear it while I was getting married pissed me off.

In short, it was a military standard wedding. This means that it was beyond formal, which is something I didn't care for too much. Winry thought it was 'cool' and squealed with occasional crying through most of it. Did I also mention that I didn't get any of the wedding cake? You would think that I am supposed to be made to feel special on that day and actually get a slice…But I got squat. Not even a shred of icing.

Like I said, I got drunk on our honeymoon and sick the next morning. It's something I still get queasy about to this day when I think about it. Curled up on a bathroom floor with Winry scolding me isn't exactly a 'fond' memory of mine.

But now let's dive into the time before I 'impregnated' my Winry. I still think it makes me sound like a criminal in my opinion…

As I told the one who asked this, Winry was pretty much the same as she always had been in the past. She was obviously more likely to 'snuggle' me and visit me on nights when she couldn't sleep. I still was trying to get used to a girl sleeping in my bed, so these were very awkward nights for me. It was also frustrating, since she would mutter and complain about my automail being too cold for comfort while I held her close to me. I didn't offer much sympathy for her there, because she asked for affection in the first place. It's not my fault if it's too cold for her liking. Winry still enjoys doing this, by the way. Did you wanna note that too, girls?

Let's see…what else…

She braided my hair everyday, as though I couldn't do it by myself. I also never got to go out much by myself. It's not like that changed when we got married either. Now I have two girls to drag along with me wherever I go. Did I also mention that I can be very overprotective and jealous when we're out and about? The whole time I dated her, I found myself scaring away guys that tried to speak with her…Including a few of her customers and a man that asked her for directions one day. You can't blame me, you know… He put a hand on her shoulder. I call that flirting in my book. And what do you know? I'm basically writing a book right now, so I'll put it right down here.

Flirting- Putting a friendly hand on Winry's shoulder, or any other part.

Simple as pie. Speaking of pie… any of you pixies mind making me one while you're around? If you bring me one, I might start to actually consider your existence. It's still not really guaranteed though.

But with all of those irritating questions out of the way, we can think more about what I wanna talk about now. That's what this whole damn thing is supposed to be about anyways. I'll never listen to Winry or Al ever again about writing my 'feelings' in some stupid journal. Last I checked, journals were supposed to be private. This one is definitely more public in my opinion. How it turned out this way, I'll never know. Just like I'll never figure out how I 'impregnated' Winry.

Yet since we're on the topic of my new small person in the house, I guess this is finally my chance to start talking about her. Hospital headaches and military bastards' aside…

I guess I'll just start with when I actually got to take her home. I wanna say that it felt like taking a new pet home, but that doesn't make me sound like a good father does it? It's not like I'm a professional at this, so you have to at least give me a break. I'm still not looking for your approval anyways on this whole marriage plus kids thing. But yes…I finally got to take Winry and the small one home. You'll notice that she is just going by 'small one' because we hadn't even got to name her yet. I realize this is pathetic, seeing as how naming her in the hospital should have been required. Let's not forget that I'm in the military and can abuse power sometimes when I really need to. They owe me for all the things I did for the country anyways. I'm… well I was 'Hero of the People'. I somehow got reduced to 'Hero of the Family', but I guess that's not so bad. You won't find a husband like me that can fix things without actually having to mess around with it and use tools. Of course Winry said she never needed me for that kind of stuff, since she is a mechanic. Automail may be her specialty, but she can fix all sorts of things.

I'm ranting again, aren't I?

So about my daughter arriving at her new home…

Despite all the money I have been given to support my family by the military, I really don't have to do much with great ol 'Uncle Al around. One of you fangirls wanted to know how my little brother was with my daughter, so I guess you'll get more insight on this. 'Uncle' Al makes almost everything for her. Not only did he create her crib, but also threw in a few extra toys, playpens, bottles, diapers, and etc. I could have made all of this myself with alchemy too, but nobody really trusted me to do that. I'm beginning to wonder what I am going to be trusted with. If I can't even make a few things for my small daughter, what makes them think I can handle my daughter all by herself?

I just insulted myself didn't I…?

Let's forget I just said that, and move on to briefly talking about 'Uncle' Al again. While I am terrible with children, my brother is not. His attention to fine detail in his transmutations make him a kid's best friend around their birthdays. The toys everyone likes to buy in the stores can easily be made by Alphonse alone. I might as well sell him off to slavery for a toy company for something valuable in exchange. I don't think I could actually get anything worthwhile, so I suppose that idea goes down the drain. Plus, my new family would never forgive me if I did that.

So now with everything created and ready to go in the new nursery, I get the job of carrying her up the stairs and placing her in a bassinet. It amazes me how small babies are. My entire way up, I couldn't help but stare at her and look over her small fingers and toes. I also noted the blue eyes that she had whenever she decided to look up at me ever so often. Instead of smiling and admiring the fact that her eyes were that color because of Winry, I found myself glaring instead. They should have been gold! And since children are so 'precious' with the talent of sensing moods, it didn't take my daughter long to begin her crying. Whoever the hell said that babies sleep a lot when they are born are liars! My daughter is one of those freakish kids who never sleep! What is that movie I hear is in your non alchemic world, girls? 'The Ring' or something like that? It's about some crazy girl who never brushes her hair or something and climbs out of wells. They said she never sleeps, so I'm assuming my daughter is going to be something like that. If she does turn out like that, I refuse to even attempt at brushing her hair. Winry's is already bad enough to get through when she first wakes up.

Oh…

That's right… a name.

Well after I finished cursing about the lack of golden eyes and the constant crying, I finally got her to sleep, stomping down the stairs to complain at the only one who was unlucky enough to hear me. That would be Winry. Unfortunately, the damn girl didn't listen to a thing I said, claiming that she was still a little tired and that we needed to come up with a name for our kid. I suggested Bob or Winnie, but that wonderful wrench didn't take long to reach my head. I'm guessing those were lame names or something. No offense to those that actually are called that in life. Afterwards I tried Ethanol and Carbon, but I still got smacked in the end. I thought those names sounded interesting and unique. They were a lot better than the ones she kept coming up with.

And this is exactly where I am going to leave you all for now, because I'm hearing Winry call me down for dinner. Plus, your ridiculous questions hogged up most of my writing time again! So I choose to keep you all on hold by guessing which name we actually got to call her. Take your best guess…

-Sarah

-Emily

-My left foot.

-Chloe

-Paige

-Kid

-Lily

-Ruby

-'Hey you'

-Girl

There you have it… Now does anybody wanna buy an Uncle Al?


Silverbell: Sorry about that… This chapter didn't come out as nicely as I wanted. I have been really sick actually. I also apologize for them being so short...

Edo: Serves you right… And no review squirrel, I don't need her Aunty 'Squirrel' telling her that kind of crap about the birds and the bees. Al can do it…And don't call me Edwardo -snarls-

Alphonse: ... What...? ME?!

Silverbell: Hush Aru, you're on auction. So who's up for grabbing the cute little Elric?