Chapter 4

"Every day we make choices, and every night we must sleep with the consequences of those choices." - unknown

Emily Prentiss's phone went off not long after midnight. It instantly put both her and Reid on alert as they watched it buzz in the middle of the table. There was a moment where neither of them moved and then Emily reached for the phone.

"Emily Prentiss." Reid watched her listen her face growing grim yet determined and his stomach dropped. He knew that look, it was her way of dealing with bad news. "Yes sir, I understand. We'll be right over." Her phone clicked shut.

"What is it?" His hands were coiled in fists his voice tight.

"It…it's Hotch. He was shot in his apartment. The ambulance is on the way to the hospital now, the team's meeting there." Reid squeezed his eyes shut as he sucked in a breath.

"How bad?"

Hesitation. "It's bad, Reid." She kept talking, but everything after that was a blur of meaningless sounds and motions.

The BAU team, minus Hotch, was gathered in the waiting room. Reid thought he was going to explode from waiting. He had to know that Hotch was alright, would make it through. He had to know that he hadn't caused the death of their leader, the one who always held them together when things got tough. The rest of the team was carefully avoiding his eyes as he paced up and down the room and he knew they would never admit it, not even to themselves, but they blamed him. They blamed him and they should. This was about him, and he wouldn't put them in danger any longer.

A nurse walked into the room and everyone was suddenly very still. "We managed to stabilize him and he should make a full recovery. He lost a lot of blood, but thankfully the bullets missed any vital organs. He's out of surgery but still very weak so it's probably best if you don't visit him till morning."

The members of the BAU let out a collective breath they hadn't realised they'd been holding. Garcia's face even broke into a shaky smile. Reid felt his chest lighten, but only for a moment, then the weight was back. This wasn't over, not by a long shot. If they kept doing what they were doing someone else would get hurt and they would be back in this room facing the unthinkable. Why couldn't the others see it, didn't they understand that he couldn't ask them to keep putting their lives on the line again and again for him? This time they had gotten off easy. Next time they might, probably wouldn't, be so lucky.

Hotch was asleep when visitors hours started early the next morning and Reid didn't want to wake him so he sat quietly in the visitor's chair near the edge of the room. He was the first person to see Hotch by some unspoken consensus the team had come to and the sight almost made him sick. Paler than usual, attached to monitors by countless cords, he looked so helpless. Reid wasn't exactly used to him looking so vulnerable, vulnerable at all, it was unnerving. Hotch was always the rock and now, more than ever, the team needed a rock.

"This is all my fault." The words fell of his lips in a whisper before he could stop them. And he didn't want to stop them, they were the truth. "I'm so sorry Hotch." He flinched in surprise as Hotch's eyes snapped open. They were clouded with sleep, pain, and medication but even so Reid could tell they were focused on him.

"You're always blaming yourself for things you can't help." Hotch's shaky voice wafted across the room. Reid felt the guilt gnaw at his stomach even harder as he pulled the chair he was sitting in closer to the hospital bed.

"Hotch, you wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me."

Hotch tried to shake his head back and forth and grimaced in pain. "Our work brings us into contact with the sickest of them all, Reid, you know that. Don't blame yourself because someone decided to make you a target. None of us want that."

"I can't let you guys take my falls for me." Alarm crossed Hotch's face and his heart monitor showed it was beating faster. A nurse rushed in pushing Reid roughly out of the room. Before she succeeded, Hotch spoke one last time.

"Don't do anything stupid, Reid." His voice waivered and he fell back into unconsciousness, exhausted from the short exchange, while Reid re-joined the rest of the team. He wasn't sure why he didn't tell them what Hotch had said, and he couldn't say why he didn't even mention that their boss had briefly been awake. Garcia, who had insisted she be next in the list of visitors, certainly wouldn't find him that way. She shot him a comforting smile before hurrying from the room. Rossi was studying him intently, Reid found he was too exhausted, to drained, and to distracted to care.

"How is he?"

"As good as can be expected." Reid's voice was devoid of life.

"You should go home, change your clothes and grab a few hours sleep." Rossi's voice was soft, encouraging.

"I'm alright, none of us have really gotten much rest in the last little while."

"We'll be doing the same once we get a chance to see him."

He didn't want a change of clothes or to rest. What right did he have to sleep when it was he who had caused all this. Reid's face swept over his team looking for support but he found none. All eyes were on him expectantly. He shrugged, more harshly than he'd meant to, and stood up.

"I'll see you back at the apartment Emily." She barely had time to nod before he pushed past her covering the hospital hallways in long strides and breaking through the entrance doors into mocking sunshine.

The drive didn't take as long as it should have. He was barely aware of what he was doing, his motions automatic, but he had to have been going fast. It was a good thing he'd already put the car in park before his eyes went to his mail box or he probably would have sent it barrelling through a wall in shock. He let himself out of the driver's seat and locked it quickly bounding up the steps. He had to get close, make sure it was what he thought I was, had to be sure.

And it was. His heart almost stopped beating.

An envelope. Just like the other two. He felt his body slowly turning so he could search the street around him for someone suspicious but it was empty, devoid of anyone and everyone except him. He grabbed the package and walked inside shutting the door behind him and locking it. He kicked off his shoes and sitting down at the kitchen table pried open the seal with shaking fingers. Better to get it over with then to let the suspense be its own sick kind of torture. He reached his hand in and felt a couple of pictures along with another piece of paper. Another note. This time, it wasn't the pictures he dreaded. He could deal with whatever horror those brought him. No, this time it was the unknown words already haunting him he knew would be written on that page. Because he understood that whatever they ordered him to do, whatever they said, he would comply. He would follow orders whether Hotch approved it or not, which he wouldn't. He couldn't risk his team getting hurt again, not because of him.

He breathed in deep and pulled his hand out. The pictures were of Hotch, lying in his home, the blood everywhere. He knew that they weren't fake this time, that this was the horror the paramedics had found when they entered his home last night. He pushed them aside feeling bile rise in his throat and grabbed the note.

You should have listened to me Dr. Reid. I was perfectly reasonable, I gave you a chance. I even told you what would happen and you willingly put the lives of your team mates in danger. The only reason Agent Hotchner isn't dead right now is because I'm feeling generous. I won't give you so much leeway again. This time, if you don't comply with my wishes, one of them will die. I will personally feel the life leave their body and there will be no hope of it coming back. I got around the police last time, I can do it again. You know that, don't you, so play nice. I do believe it's time that we met each other, don't you? We have been so much on each other's minds.

7 o'clock tonight. Take a stroll down 5th street. I'll be seeing you there.

Oh, and Dr. Reid. No policemen. If I find one tailing you, don't believe I'll show any mercy.

Reid couldn't get enough air into his lungs as his world started to spin and he grabbed onto the table to steady himself. This was it, this was really happening.

He had to find a way to ditch Prentiss and the cops tonight; he just wasn't quite sure how he was going to do it.

"According to the ancient Greeks, when Hercules was a boy, just reaching the period of life when there was a question in his mind which path he should pursue, he went forth by himself and sat down and meditated. There came to him someone in the form of a beautiful young woman. "Hercules, I know what you want," she said "the path that I will point out to you will bring pleasure, will bring you constant place in society, will bring you the choice things of life, to eat and to drink and clothing to wear. You shall be popular in the society in which you shall move, and your whole life will be one constant round of pleasure." "What is your name?" Hercules asked. "My enemies call me Vice, but my friends call me Pleasure," she replied. Then there appeared to him another beautiful woman and she said: "Hercules, I shall not deceive you; the path I shall point out to you will be a path of labor, a path of toil, a path of self-sacrifice, a path in which you must devote a great deal of your effort and energy; you will have to forget yourself; you will have to serve your friends; you will have to serve the people of Greece; but if you will take this path and pursue it, although it may bring to you much toil and privation and many sacrifices, you shall become immortal." Hercules asked: "What is your name?" She replied: "My name is Duty." " - unknown

So what do you think? Thanks you once again to all the people who read and especially for all the reviews I have gotten. You guys are truly amazing I can't tell you how much it means to me! I love you all and don't worry, I plan to update soon (it helps I have a 6 hours flight today – lots of writing time =P).