NOTE: This is a parody of shitty Lifetime movies, as well as fics that pile on on trauma after trauma in lieu of real conflict and character development. Which are essentially Lifetime movies in text format. As such, this will contain multiple references to rape. If you're bothered by that, I'd suggest skipping this chapter; since there's no plot whatsoever to these stories, you won't lose anything in doing so.


Florina was a beautiful poetic artist with an amazing voice and curves in all the right places, but tragically oppressed by her mean sisters and everyone at her school.

One night was on a date with a studmuffin named Sain when suddenly he decided to rape her. Florina screamed like a banshee, so loud she broke several people's car windows, as he raped her like the big meanie he was. She ran down the street crying her pretty violet head off with her pretty dress in tatters when suddenly something very hard hit the back of her head and she fainted like a damsel.

She woke up in a warehouse tied to a board naked with an evil gang of muggers and drunks standing over her.

"Oh, no! Please, let me go, I beg of you!" she cried.

"No way!" the men sneered. They called her names like slut, whore, fatass, weeping asskitten, bimbo, mee krob, and Barbara Streissand as they beat her with stolen car parts and spanked her thighs with spoiled cold cuts. From then on Florina had a terrible fear of men and would wet her pants in horror if anything male came within ten feet of her.

Florina went home that night and the next morning the whole town was calling her a whore because she'd been raped. To make matters worse, she discovered she was pregnant and had herpes! Even her own sisters looked down upon her and didn't believe her when she told them about the rape and the kidnapping! Florina had no choice but to run away forever.

"Goodbye, my home!" she called into the night.

On the streets, Florina was forced to become a prostitute to support her illegitimate child. Tragically, just hours after going through the most painful screaming birth imaginable (in an alley, no less!), she was forced to sell her daughter on the black market lest she be killed. Her baby was gone, her life was going down the toilet, and her panties were missing.

"I should just end it all," she wept.

One night, a blue-haired teenager found her trying to commit suicide by jumping from a bridge! He rescued her, carried her to a rehab center, and helped her get better. Florina fell in love with her savior, but was so ashamed!

"Truly he would reject me if he knew of my sordid past!"

Then, she found out he had a girlfriend-no, a fiance! He was engaged to wed a beautiful snobby socialite who would most certainly be mean to poor Florina! Devastated, Florina fell from the wagon with a horrible crash, and she found herself back in the evil warehouse that started it all.

"How could my life get worse?" the damsel sobbed.

Then suddenly the warehouse caught on fire. Luckily, Florina managed to escape with only slight first-degree burns. And just as a certain handsome blue-haired prince was pulling around the corner on his motorcycle to find the scarred and battered beauty collapsed in the street so he could rescue her and they could live happily ever after...

A giant platypus fell from the sky and crushed everything. The end.

-x-

Kids, don't watch Lifetime. It blows.

Oh, and I don't hate Sain. Far from it, in fact! The reason he's the bad guy in this fic is because it used to be a trend in fandom to portray him as a shallow lech, and I wanted to mock it mercilessly.