2) Point of Inflection

Uchiha Sasuke, age 8

Sasuke gasped and sputtered, his head barely staying above water, arms flailing rather helplessly in some approximation of the dog paddle, just trying to get back to the shallow banks of the river. In hindsight, this wasn't the greatest of ideas, he'd never been too good at swimming. But Itachi had been there, Itachi had jumped into the water, Itachi could swim like a fish. He'd just wanted to be like Itachi, his Aniki, his idol. Now he suffered for it, flopping like a fish out of water, only he was in the water and he wasn't anything like a fish. He coughed as he felt the luke warm river water leak into his mouth. If he could just get to the shore then he'd be fine. If he could just...

Then there were strong arms around his waist, the familiar rumbling voice saying keep still and he was in the shallow water once more, feet on the sandy creek bottom below, still sputtering, still leaning against the firm, familiar chest, soft arms holding him steady. He blushed a deep red then, turning away from his brother, taking several steps towards the rocky shore before he was caught and hauled back, turned around quickly. Then there were lips on his, quick and wet and comfortable, and he was caught between the desire to curl up and die from the embarrassment and the desire to crawl into Itachi's arms and never let go. He sighed heavily, but his aniki just smiled down on him.

"Be more careful, Sasuke-chan. I won't always be here to save you, you're going to have to learn to save yourself eventually." Sasuke pouted, but his brother just kept smiling, and there wasn't long until the younger boy caught that smile.

X

The backyard was hotter than Fire Country usually got, the summer heat baking down on the bleached wood of the porch, worn soft over time by many generations of feet. Now, though, it was home not to walking feet, but a small boy, spread out on his back in the sun, eyes closed, slicked with sweat. Sasuke had been training earlier but with the sun at its peak in the sky he couldn't go any longer. He had meant to take only a short nap, but the heat had sapped his strength, and so he didn't get up, preferring to laze around when no one else was home.

The splash of water on his face was a surprise to say the least, and it jerked the young Uchiha out of his catatonic state in a windmill of stuttered curses and nonsensical exclamations. Sasuke gathered himself quickly though, glaring up at the smirking boy above him. Itachi bent down slightly then, poking the younger boy in the forehead with two fingers while grinning like a maniac.

"You looked so hot down there otouto, I just had to cool you off a little." The implication clear in his eyes made Sasuke blush, still unsure of himself sexually. The only thing he was sure of then was that he liked what his brother did with him, when no one else was around, and that he wanted it to the point of compulsion. That fact annoyed the smaller boy to no end, it was another thing he was beholden to his brother for and it irked him. Just once Sasuke wanted to be the first or the best, but he couldn't, not with Itachi there. It was a tradeoff he made though, for his brother's continued company.

The boy scowled deeply, and turned from his brother, pouting as clear as day. Itachi just smiled, that boy is so damn cute when he does that, he can't be doing it on purpose. Itachi bent at the waist and ruffled his brother's hair teasingly before dropping a kiss on his forehead.

"You know Mom and Dad will be home soon, you should really come wash up so you'll be ready for dinner when they get here, okay?" Sasuke nodded, a strained smile on his face. Itachi and their father hadn't been getting along very well lately, and he knew his aniki was thinking about moving out. It hurt him to think of his brother living somewhere else, somewhere far away, but he knew it would restore some sort of peace. He disliked both options there, and he wished his father would just lighten up on aniki, after all Sasuke couldn't figure out what the boy had done wrong. He sighed, but scurried off to wash up anyways. He would be the good son, the quiet son, the obedient son, and hope that his brother would be forgiven. He didn't want to lose his aniki.

X

The voices were muffled, but Sasuke could hear them through the floor anyways, barely making out the words exchanged. His father was yelling about a cousin, a friend of Itachi's found dead in the river, drowned. They found a suicide note, but it was suspicious. They suspected Itachi, and now the clan was talking, they were whispering about him around the compound.

Itachi yelled back that he didn't know what eh was talking about, that he was getting senile in his old age, and not to go throwing accusations out without proof. Sasuke hoped against hope that Itachi was in the right, just this once. He couldn't bear his idol becoming a murderer.

X

Sasuke still remembers that evening as clear as day, as clear as a movie he's seen a thousand times, and he has. Its recorded behind his eyes and he can see it, when he falls asleep, when someone comes too close. He saw a man once, in the market, whose eyes looked just like Itachi's, before that night. The man had the kind midnight eyes of his aniki, but all Sasuke saw were the red sharingan, glowing and spinning with some sort of perpetual motion power, feeding off of itself and powering the thing that lived behind Itachi's eyes now. Sasuke chokes on the memory, every time it surfaces, channeling everything he felt then, everything he couldn't let himself feel, and keeping it, solidifying it into a hard cold thing in his belly. Sasuke calls it hate, he calls it anger and he feeds it every scrap of disappointment and misery he can find. Really though, its just a small wounded animal, it is regret and self hatred, it is depression and loss. That's Sasuke's life alone.

Sasuke had been sent away for the weekend, by his brother whom he trusted above all others. He returned early though, wanting to surprise his brother, not wanting to leave him alone with father too long, or something bad might happen. It was at the gates where he saw his brother, and he was worried, because the sword that Itachi carried was dark with blood. Itachi's eyes were dark and spinning, like a kaleidoscope, and they were hypnotizing. The bark of his brother's voice, harsh and hoarse, broke their spell though.

"Sasuke, why are you here? I thought I sent you away..." Sasuke blushed, still confused.

"But Aniki, I missed you, I needed you close to me again."

"No Sasuke, I told you to leave, you weren't supposed to be here for this, what about your friends? someone else?"

"No Aniki, I don't care about anyone else, all I wanted was you. I couldn't sleep, not without your soft words." His voice was breaking, he was scared and lost and confused and he just wanted his brother to hold him, tell him it was okay. "Please ... Aniki..."

Itachi stood still though, blade in hand. After a minute, he cocked his head, raising his hand to the boy, who rushed towards it, even though the other held the sword higher then. If Itachi had wanted to he could have sliced his brother clean in two then, and the boy would have held still to the end, because he trusted his aniki. It made Itachi scowl.

"Go Sasuke, just go." He pushed the boy away, the smaller Uchiha tripping, falling onto his butt, crying out softly as his brother backed into the compound, sheathing his katana in the dirt. Sasuke's eyes went wide as he surveyed the damage in front of him.

"Aniki -" his voice broke, "Aniki, why?" everyone was dead.

He knew that evening the corpses had been scattered, but in the dream they were all there before him, piled up and jeering, oozing blood and looking at him with accusing eyes

"Itachi, why? why? why?" It seemed to be the only word he could form then. He looked up to his brother then, the question written across his face, why not me? and Itachi laughed, a broken hollow sound.

Because you're nothing, otouto, his eyes said, mockingly, because you're not even worth enough to dull my blade on. Because you're weak, Sasuke, because you couldn't fight me if you tried, come on, try. You never TRIED.

Sasuke choked the sobs, feeling his stomach churning, watching his brother leave, unable to meet his eyes, unable to move his body even and inch. Sasuke collapsed there.

He had woken up in a hospital, they had told him no one survived but him, that Itachi was gone. He hadn't been able to stay in that room, with that news looming over him, so he'd snuck out, wandering aimlessly through the night. It had been that moment that he had decided he hated his brother, but he knew he didn't, he decided to kill his brother, but he knew he'd never be able, he decided to become stronger than his brother, but he knew he was too weak. Still, that hard thing in his gut was born that day, and he wore it like armor, brewed everything he felt into rage and sorrow and angst and discipline. He knew that one day he would see his brother, and one day Itachi would pay.