Who wants to be Grimmjow's Seme? Bleach Edition

Chapter 3

Ruckus: Coming up is the ever stoic Ulquiorra! Welcome, gloomy-face-of-doom!

Ulquiorra: Trash, how dare you insult me.

Ruckus: Man, you can't take a joke huh?

Ulquiorra: (Impending Glare of Doom)

Ruckus: |||

Ulquiorra: Mind starting now?

Ruckus: Er, ok. First question, which of the following animals is not a carnivore? A) Cat, B) Rabbit, C) Wolf or D) Lion?

Ulquiorra: Too easy, B).

Ruckus: We start off with easy ones in case you guys can't get it. Anyway, the answer is right. Moving on, what is the chemical formula of oleic acid? A) CH3(CH2)14CO2H, B) C18H32O2, C) CH3(CH2)7CH=CH(CH2)7COOH or D) CH3(CH2)5CH=CH(CH2)7COOH?

Ulquiorra: C).

Ruckus: Right again, this is moving quickly…

Ulquiorra: Less talk trash.

Ruckus: What? In a hurry to win your prize? You might not get it going at this speed. Too fast, too easy to make mistakes.

Ulquiorra: (Impending Glare of Doom, again)

Ruckus: Right, less talk. Third question, what is a Perennial plant? A)A plant that lives for more than two years, B) plant that uses wood as its structural tissue, C) a flowering plant that takes two years to complete its biological lifecycle or D) a plant grown outdoors in the spring and summer and surviving just for one growing season

Ulquiorra: A).

Ruckus: Correct, fourth question, what does PTSD stands for? A) Pre Test Stress Disorder, B) Post Test Stress Disorder, C) Pathetic Tosser Sucking Dick or D) Posttraumatic Stress Disorder?

Ulquiorra: D).

Ruckus: I guess, you would know that considering you are the one to deal people with a traumatic experience…

Ulquiorra: Shut up.

Ruckus: (rolls eyes) Correct answer, next question, how many laws are there in Newton's law of gravity? A) 2, B) 4, C) 1 or D) 3?

Ulquiorra: D).

Ruckus: Right, sixth question, which of the following groups are continents? A) North America/South America/Africa, B) Australia/India/Asia, C) America/China/India or D) Europe/Antartica/China?

Ulquiorra: A)

Ruckus: You win a striptease from Grimmjow!

Grimmjow: (from the corner that they are seated in) Fuck you Ruckus! I'm not giving him one!

Ruckus: No thanks, Grimmy-chan, I appreciate your thought, but I would rather you get fucked. Pretty please? (puts on puppy dog eyes) I'll have him bound to the chair and you can do it like five metres away from him… And I get catnip for you too!

Grimmjow: Catnip and three rounds of fighting with Ichigo.

Ruckus: Deal!

Grimmjow: The things I do for catnip and a good round of fighting…

Ulquiorra: Are you two quite done yet?

Ruckus: Yes, yes, your stick-up-the-ass Highness. Seventh question, who is the person who drew Bleach? A) Akira Amano, B) Tite Kubo, C) Matsuri Hino or D) Katsura Hoshino?

Ulquiorra: …

Ruckus: So, are you stumped?

Ulquiorra: Shut up.

Ruckus: You don't care much for people, so you don't really bother. Now you're stuck right? Just choose any one, 25% chance of getting it right.

Ulquiorra: … D) then…

Ruckus: And you walk away with a striptease!

Ulquiorra: …

Ruckus: Gloomy face, stop being so gloomy!

Ulquiorra: Can I collect my prize now?

Ruckus: Of course! Grimmy-chan! Come on! You made a deal with me, remember?

Grimmjow: No need to shout! I can hear you just fine!

Ruckus: I'll go get the rope! (disappears to backstage)

Grimmjow: (murmurs to self) Seriously, I'm going soft in the head for allowing them to drag me through this shit… (walks to the stage)

Ruckus: I'm back! (holding a roll of rope) Now, your stick-in-the-butt Highness, sit still while I tie you up.

Ulquiorra: This is ridiculous…

Ruckus: This is for Grimmy-chan's virginity! What if you decided that you wanted to ravish him half way through his performance?

Ulquiorra: … Fine

Ruckus: (hums while binding Ulquiorra to the chair) Done! Now on with the show! Grimm-chan, if you please?

Grimmjow: Damned idiot for making me do this… (mutters)

Ruckus: (sits down and stares at Grimmjow) Music, please.

Grimmjow: (starts pulling off his jacket, letting fall from his shoulders)

Ulquiorra: (stares intently)

Grimmjow: (blushes, but continues, hands fumbling over his naked torso, moving towards his obi)

Ulquiorra: (gaze following Grimmjow's hands)

Ruckus: (drooling slightly)

Grimmjow: (starts to untie the obi, pausing halfway as if hesitating to continue)

Ruckus: Starrk! Food's ready!

Starrk: (awakes and yawns) Where's the food? (looks around)

Grimmjow: (blushes even more and quickly stops, grabbing his jacket and pulls it on)

Ulquiorra: Trash, do you have to go and wake Uno up? And just as Sexta was about to get to the good part…

Ruckus: It's fun for me!

Starrk: What did I miss? (rubs eyes)

Ulquiorra: Nothing.

Ruckus: Oh well, since you have received your prize, we'll go for another commercial before Hichigo comes in.

Ulquiorra: You cheating trash.

Ruckus: Whatever… Grimmy-chan! Back into the cage! And thanks for coming Starrk!

Ulquiorra: (leaves the stage fuming)

Starrk: Well, then back to my room to sleep... Adios…