Thank you everyone for being so patient. My internet time is limited now that I'm back home and with a family of six there's always some else hounding you for their turn.
This time when John awoke, he did not come face to face with a team member, at least not immediately. He pushed himself to his elbows and pulled himself to a drier area of the dirt, though most of the floor was a thick pit of mud. It had rained again last night, thoroughly soaking everything that had been even remotely dry. A harsh cough had settled deep into John's lungs and a fever burned under his skin. His body shook slightly and his vision was hazy as well as doubling if he moved his head too quickly. The smell of vomit wafted over from a far corner, where he had emptied his gut repeatedly until blood was coming up from his abused throat.
John wished for relief, wanting nothing more than it all to stop. His breath hitched in his chest, the gurgling of fluid on his lungs.
"Don't you die on me, Colonel. You know how much I hate the command."
Sheppard smiled as the speaker made himself visible, even if there were two of him.
"Don't like the top huh, Major?" He asked his second in command.
"You kidding? All the decisions and paperwork? I'd much rather face down a dozen wraith." Evan chuckled as crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.
"I'd take paperwork compared to this any day." John croaked, breaking into another coughing fit. He struggled to push himself up into a sitting position to make the harsh outburst a little less chest constricting. As it was, the attack left him gasping in as much air as he could to fill his deprived lungs.
"I don't think anyone would blame you for that one, sir." Lorne's eyes grew soft as he watched his C.O. struggle to pull in the much required oxygen.
"You know, you're a hallucination so there's really no reason for you to keep it so formal."
Lorne shook his head with a grin on his lips. "Even your subconscious knows I would never do that, sir."
The Air Force pilot attempted to answer but a harsh coughing fit grabbed hold of him, leaving him exhausted and weak. His body shook in the cold but a fever burned beneath his skin. Lacking the strength to even sit up and the ability to pull in a sufficient amount of oxygen, thoughts of hopelessness began to scroll through his head. Death seemingly like a comparatively easy option, one that seemed to be fast on the way as well.
"Don't even think that way, sir." Lorne snapped harshly, having read his C.O.'s thoughts. The strength and commanding tone behind the Major's voice had Sheppard snapping his eyes open fairly quickly.
"You're a soldier, sir. A soldier and a fighter. You wouldn't let these primitive villagers break you down. Your death would only cripple operations on Atlantis, not to mention everyone who depends on you there."
John groaned as he turned his head to get a better view of Evan. "Atlantis would run fine. I'm not really needed. I'm just the gene boy."
"That's the fever talking, sir." Lorne took a step towards him, as if to make his point clearer. "Is you self-confidence really that low? Always volunteering for suicide missions because you think you're not worth as much as everyone else?"
At first John was shocked that Lorne seemed to know all this stuff but he quickly remembered that it was all in his head so why shouldn't he know all.
"You just list off all the people you let down at night? Dragging yourself down with the "what-ifs". Evan's voice rose another level. "Well then think about this, Colonel. How many people would you be letting down by dieing?"
Sheppard sighed as his brain immediately went through a short list. They could all live without him, no problem. They may be upset for a little while but they'd get over it.
"No they wouldn't, sir. Think about it this way if you can't see the fact that you're their friend. McKay would never find another person with as strong of a gene as you. Ronon would never stay in Atlantis, and would kill the scientists far to often if he did. Elizabeth wouldn't have someone to bounce ideas off of about running the city. Teyla would be out a sparring partner, having finally gotten you good enough to give her at least a bit of a challenge. Carson would be out his most frequent patient and would grow quite bored. And I would be in command, I will personally hunt you down and kill you again if you leave me in that position."
John sighed as the Major finished. Death still sounded like the easy way out but Lorne had hit on Sheppard's strongest trait: putting others first. He told himself that they would get over it, move on with their lives, but Evan had made him feel guilty about dieing. He had followed John's twisted logic in the midst of the fever and made dieing an inconvenience for the people he cared about most, and John was not about to cause trouble for his friends.
Lorne shook his head as he watch the pilot mull over what he had said. It was probably not the best psychology but who said John's subconscious was rational, it simply urged preservation, with whatever means necessary. The Major slowly faded into the surrounding darkness as Sheppard sunk into a restless sleep, the desire to fight helping heal his injuries and fight the sickness raging in his body.
Sorry if you didn't like it, just don't let me know. It's not my best and I know that. Please review if you have any nice critqueing to do. :) and yes im sure i spelled that wrong.
