Hey guys, I do have plan on what could happen next, just figuring out if the chapters should be daily entries or less frequent


02/04/14

Dearest Teresa,

I know that you thought my pranks yesterday were hilarious. Don't deny it. I saw you sneak a little smile when you didn't think that I was watching. I'm always watching you. Not in a creepy way of course dear. With all the love and emotion that you deserve. It's just i'm not the right person for that but I think you found him.

I bet you're glad that I didn't choose you as one of my victims. You see, I don't think I would have controlled myself if I did. Probably would have ended up confessing my feelings towards you. You don't need that mess, especially as you have Pike.

Anyway, I don't deserve anyone pure, kind hearted and beautiful as you. I would destroy that. I destroy anything I touch. The CBI, the team, my family. I'm not willing to destroy that last thing I have in my life that's precious. You, of course.

I have to say that knowing that Pike and you had another date pained me. I know that I'm supposed to be happy for you and not interfere. But sometimes, seeing you with him makes me so mad at myself. We could have had that. But I'm a self absorbed, smug, arrogant ass that wimps out at the thought of telling the woman that he loves that she is the centre of my universe.

I could spend hours writing you love poems and sprinkle them over your doorstep. But I'm afraid that you'll think that Pike wrote them for you. And because of that, you maybe willing to speed up your relationship before I could show you that i've changed because of you.

I'm starting to think of ways that I could contribute back into the community, that I could do in my free time. But the problem is that i'm haunted by your face a lot. I don't want to do something like volunteer at the local children's hospital as an entertainer, then see a sick little boy or girl that would look exactly how I envisaged our imaginary children to look like. I know it's pointless to dream as it would be most likely that you'll have children with Pike.

If you do, I beg you, please let me be one of their godparents. You don't know how much it would mean to me if you did. I would feel part of the family instead of the third wheel. It doesn't feel nice at all. I'm starting to understand why you acted the way you did when I was around Erica and Lorelei. It's very painful and as if someone is reaching in my chest again and ripping my heart out and stomping on it.

But I have to make you understand that they meant nothing to me. Honestly, they were the correct people for me to surround myself with. But I deserve those type of women as they are as dishonest and vindictive as me. They are also people that can destroy lives on a physical and emotional level.

Tonight, I went out for a drink with Cho. It was great! We shot a load of pool, drink beer and talked about our current case. I think that my poker face is still working as there was no hint that Cho knows how I'm feeling. At one point he looked sad about something. As if he saw Summer and her husband taking their baby for a walk in the pram. He also misses working with Rigsby, but we both know that.

When we parted ways, I saw you and Pike come out of Le Boum. You were smiling your special smile at him again. God, I wish it was pointed back to me again, but as I've written before, I'm a worthless leech clinging onto your friendship as a lifeline. Before you say that I'm lying, I hid when I saw you. You were wearing your beautiful silk green shirt paired with a black pair of skinny jeans that made your legs go on forever. To top it off, you were wearing your short boots and carrying a

gold clutch. I have to admit that I followed you home that night. I was so happy that you stopped the date with a kiss outside your door. It was heart breaking to watch, but I had to know if you were going to take the plunge.

I waited for Pike to leave before I got out the car. I walked up to your apartment and was going to knock but realised that you must be tired so I left. Anyway, I'm going to see you in 6hrs and I know how much you enjoy your beauty sleep.

I'm going to hit the stack now so that I get to see you quicker.

Night my Queen

Love

Patrick

xxxxxx