Day 4: Thursday: Itachi and the Laundry

Some background…

Fortunately, 'the leader' never showed up to see the poorly groomed landscaping. Although, he would have been impressed with Kisame's hibiscus. He had a soft spot for flowering plants. Kisame sometimes felt like sometimes he may need to find a new way to get the grounds manicured…but his way was so much fun.

At this point it should be established that of all the Akatsuki members Itachi is the number one drama queen. The slightest thing sets him off and something as minor as a stain on the carpet turns into a fiasco if you have Itachi-syndrome. So today is Thursday, on Thursdays Itachi always does the laundry. He starts in his room and collects his laundry and Deidara's laundry. They usually have the most. Then he checks with Kisame and Sasori and collects their laundry. Finally, Zetsu turns over anything he needs to have washed. There was one time Itachi did laundry for 'the leader'. Itachi felt strange because he was doing laundry for someone he had never seen before. Now it was time to make his laundry rounds…

"Come on Deidara give me your laundry." Itachi said. Itachi had already filled the basket with his laundry.

"Oh okay, yeah. Hold on just let me dig around, yeah." Itachi watched impatiently as Deidara searched underneath the comforter of his bed. He kept talking to Itachi but Itachi couldn't understand a word he said because Deidara was completely underneath all the covers. "Why the hell would he have laundry tangled in the bed anyway?" Itachi wondered. Finally, Deidara finished throwing laundry at Itachi.

Itachi took the laundry basket and set it in the utility room and got a econd laundry basket. This one was for everyone else. Itachi made his rounds to Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu. He then went back into the laundry room to start sorting lights, darks, delicates, towels, etc. Itachi was pretty particular when it came to laundry. He started with his and Deidara's basket. He threw piles onto the floor and then came to a screeching halt. "Calvin Klein?" He yelled to himself holding on to Deidara's boxers. "I'm so taking these, he'll never notice." Itachi said to himself. "Besides, I'll look so much better in them. He can't pull off burgundy and tan." Itachi finished. Itachi moved on to the next basket…and there it was…and here's where the drama starts…

"What the fuck! Who's robe is this? Sasori you dumb ass is it yours! Oh my god, what the hell is all over the front of it! It looks like fucking mustard or something! You idiot! You know that the robes are DRY CLEAN ONLY!" Oh my god, do you know how much it costs to take these to the cleaners! You're such a fucking moron! You honestly think I'm going to put the robe in the washer! How many times have I told you not to eat in the robe! You are so…" Kisame yells at Itachi from the other room.

"Itachi! Did you take your rage pill today?" Itachi thinks a moment.

"No! Bring it to me!" The last time Itachi forgot to take his rage pill it was bad news. Kisame managed to get Itachi calmed down over the fact that Sasori's robe needed to go to the cleaners.

Itachi went back to the laundry. He had made it a habit of checking all the pants pockets for stuff before washing them. Itachi always emptied his pockets but no one else seemed to. "Coins, oh a set of door keys, exploding tag." Itachi thought to himself as he cleaned out Sasori's pants. "Purple bubble gum, condom, dried up play-doh, phone number." Itachi had found Deidara's pants.

Now, that Itachi had separated all the washing he put the lights in first. Itachi searched overhead for his desired detergent and fabric softener. Itachi was big on fabric softener. "Spring rain, ocean breeze, heavy duty, gentle care." Itachi debated what detergent he would use today (he liked to mix them up). "Oh! Tropical island." He said to himself pulling the plastic bottle down from the overhead shelf. Itachi didn't see the liquid detergent on the side of the lid and so he then rubbed his eye.

"Oh my god! I just got detergent in my eye! Oh my god, it fucking stings! Oh my god! My eye! My eye! Where the hell is the sink? Oh shit…it stings! Stupid fucking detergent! Oh god, I can't see! Why does everything horrible happen to me!" Itachi continued yelling until he ran into the sink. Once that incident was over Itachi returned to the first load of laundry. He got the washer running with the light clothes and left it alone until it was time to put them in the dryer. Deidara appeared in the utility room.

"Itachi-san. Here I missed this, yeah." Deidara handed a white shirt to Itachi. Naturally, Itachi completely spazzed since he had just put the light clothes in the washer…