Hey Diary,
I am short of breath, as much as I am short of words. But i'll try to tell you what happened today.
When I went to the parking, Randhir was already waiting. He looked extremely handsome in jeans and a red sweatshirt. He was leaning against his bike and as soon as he saw me he stood straight and passed on a faint smile towards me. He looked like a different person to me, different from what he had been behaving for the past couple of days.
'Why have you called me here?' I asked him extremely nonchalantly.
'Nothing. Just like that.' He answered. His lips curved up in a smile. But the smile seemed extremely warm. It was nothing like the cold behaviour he had been rendering out to me recently.
Having lost my patience, I looked at him aghast, 'Just Like That ? You called me here at 9 p.m. at night just like that? Are you nuts ?' I demanded an explanation.
Without bothering to reply to me he hopped onto his bike, kicked it to life and starting racing it without looking back at me. I figured that he was signalling me to get on the bike. I gave him a quizzical glance, 'Randhir, Tum...' I was about to banter him through my words when he said, 'Tumhe kuch bhi bina sawaal jawaab kiye karne mein problem hai kya? Why can't you just get on the bike?'
The tone in which he spoke this time was that of authority. It was as if he felt that he had the right to direct me and expect me to oblige to whatever he said. I could say nothing further and quietly though grudgingly got on to the bike. I must confess that my insides were extremely thrilled that we were going on a bike ride like several other times during the last one year of our friendship.
'But where are we going?' I tried asking but was cut off by his 'SShhh ! do not question me.'
In 15 minutes time we reached the city lake. Once he switched off the ingnition, I understood that I had to get down the bike. Randhir too got down and headed towards the lake. He stood there raising his head, looking at the stars and breathing in fresh air with his eyes closed. I stood there looking at him almost mesmerised. 'What is it with this guy? Why am I hooked on to him.' And wondered as to what for has this stupid boy brought me here.' I was busy juggling my thoughts when Randhir made himself comfortable on the grass stretch that surrounded the lake. He sat with his legs stretched out and and rested on his arms behind him.
I watched him in amazement, trying to decipher what his mind was working towards when he signalled with his hand for me to sit beside him. I anxiously brought myself to sit down on the grass with my legs folded in one direction and my hand resting in balance in the other direction. My eyes were still stuck on him and I tried again to reason out with him, 'Randhir! Hum yeh yahaan...' He again disallowed me the liberty to complete my statement and said, 'Sanyukta! Its a beautiful night. Just savour these moments.' The expression on his face now was that of somebody who was completely at peace within. The serenity reflecting on his face made me wonder further as to what has brought about this change in him over night. It is very uncharacteristic of Randhir to relish life in a way that he was doing it now.
I was immersed in my thoughts, when a wave of cool breeze struck, sending a shiver down my spine. To fight the chill that seemed to be troubling my neck, I let my hair loose.
I lost track of for how long we had been sitting there. An owl's screech brought me out of my trance. As I watched Randhir's in his relaxed state, I was amazed how we had not uttered a word for almost an hour just gone by, still I felt so comfortable and at ease.
After sometime, I felt Randhir shifting from his place closer to me. As I looked at him confusingly, he looked at me extremely passionately this time. What he said next almost left me gasping.
'Sanyukta, I am very tired. Can I use your lap as my pillow?' his asking for any permission was just a formality as even before I could react he had already put his head on my lap. My heart skipped a beat first and then started racing at a horse's pace. I tried holding my breath to try and conceal any visible signs of my being absolutely startled.
Thankfully his eyes were closed, so he could not see how astounded I was. Moments later as I got used to his head resting on my lap, everything only seemed natural to me. I felt my hand involuntarily caressing his forehead and my fingers running through his hair.
'Why do you trouble me so much Randhir? Why have you been acting weird with me all these days?' I spoke with a surprisingly calm spontaneity. 'It hurt so much...' yes I was actually complaining about him ignoring me.
Randhir shot his eyes open and with a jerk sat up facing me. 'I was confused Sanyukta. I was scared because I felt that I am getting used to you, dependent on you. But then I realised that I am no happier a person when I ignore you. So I am sorry and we are friends again, like forever.' My jaw dropped as I heard his confession, 'And that means that you will take me for granted like whenever you have such pangs?' I was flabberghast. 'But Sanyukta, you should know that I am such a moody a*sh*l*. And you should also learn to deal with it. As you are my best pal afterall! ' and he went back to lying down on my lap. The obviousness of his statement took me by surprise (or shall I say shock?). I looked down upon him in disbelief, and saw that he was biting his lower lip and and the lids of his closed eyes were flickering. Probably he was too embarrassed to look into my eyes and needed to settle down himself after what he had just blurted.
I felt all the turmoil of the past weeks settling down. I was amazed at how simply he had wound up the entire matter. I was supposed to know from the beginning what he expected out of me. But I still sat there wondering what was it that he thought was there between us for him to expect so from me. I realised that I was too overwhelmed at the moment to think any further. I just wanted to be there, with him, for him... I moved my one hand, put my palm on his cheek and bent down to place a small peck on his forehead. As I pulled myself back, Randhir caught hold of my hand, placed it on his chest, where they say the heart lies and clutched it with both his hands. His eyes were still closed, but the childlike smile made it evident how severely he was blushing within. And ofcourse, I could feel his heartbeat which was beating at a pace that matched mine.
After what seemed like forever, I decided to bring us back to the real world and suggested that we ride back to the hostel. I still can feel his penetrating eyes looking at me longingly, as we parted ways towards our respective hostels.
As I sit here, writing to you, my emotions are fluctuating like seismograph needles in the middle of an earthquake. I am elated yet am scared. I want to go out and shout my happiness to the world yet am skeptical that I may reveal too much. I am wondering, is this the feeling, they call is Love?
