A/N: Bad me. I always finish what I start :)

Tension was at an all time high. Soarin and the others had retreated to the girl's hotel room to figure out what to do. Spitfire had quickly recovered and flew over to headquarters to take control and to make sure no one did drastic measures, at least until further notice. The others sat around the room, very grim, and very distraught.

Soarin Sighed. "He proposed a straight-up swap," He said, his voice a bit hostile. "Rainbow for Herbal. That's the deal." Everyone looked at Soarin sadly. He sucked in some air. "I have one weakness in this life, besides pie, and he has her." Unshed tears welled up in his eyes. "She's probably scared to death and I'm not there to help her!" Fluttershy gently rubbed his back.

"Oh, let her go, Dawg," Rapidfire said from the couch, watching T.V. It was apparent that he had drunk too much cider. "There are, like, three billion chicks out there that need dudes like us. And that's just in the Ukraine."

"That doesn't make any sense." Said Braeburn.

Soarin shook his head. "I can't risk it." He turned to the others. "I won't. I have waited too long to tell Rainbow I love her, and I am going to marry my fiancée tomorrow! I'll put that greasy scumbag Ritzo away some other day. Soon. We make the swap, we make it now."

"Uh, what about Princess Twilight?" Fleetfoot asked with her eyebrows raised. They looked over at the lavender alicorn, who was slumped in her chair, half her body lying on the dining room table. Spike was next to her, rubbing her back in comfort with one hand, and holding a bottle of water with the other. "Come on, Twilight, you need to try and hydrate." He coaxed.

"I can't feel my skin," Twilight moaned. "I haven't done cider shots since college, and I just didn't want to be the wet blanket." She said with a soft whine.

"I know you didn't."

"Spike… What's stuck to my lip?"

"…It's a peanut shell, Twi."

Pinkie nodded. "I believe Twilight's okay with this plan." The others agreed unanimously. "Let's grab Herb from the bedroom!" As they started towards the bedroom door, Rarity stumbled out with a towel wrapped around her body. "We've got a serious problem!" She gasped. "Oh, of all the worst things that could happen, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!" Braeburn frowned. "Uh, why are you wearin' a towel?" Just then, Thunderlane emerged from the same room, and he was also wearing a towel with a sailor hat made out of newspaper on his head. "Oh, you guys are going to be so mad.."

"Rarity!" Fluttershy exclaimed. Rarity shook her head. "Oh, no no, no, we were just cuddling, honestly."

Thunderlane nodded.

"You see… uh… Herbal got away. I mean, the little weasel just jumped right out of the window! We tried to stop him of course, but well… you know…"

Soarin's expression darkened. "Is this some kind of joke?!" He seethed. "This is my life! Pollack!" He darted past the two stunned ponies and he flew into the bedroom. Applejack gritted her teeth at her friend. "Rarity! What in Sam Hill happened? He was hoofcuffed to the bedpost!"

"He ripped himself from it!" Rarity cried. "I mean, he gnawed his arm like a wolf!"

"Thunderlane..." Fleetfoot groaned. "I'm sorry," he said. "But she smells like my step mom." Rarity smiled and nuzzled her companion. "Oooh, thank you darling." Soarin flew out of the bedroom with a number of bed sheets knotted together in his hooves. He looked like he was about to cry. "What am I supposed to do now? Somepony tell me what in the hay I am supposed to do now!? Fleetfoot?!" He whimpered. Fleetfoot rushed forward and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Come here. Sit." She instructed, easing him onto the couch. "Breathe. It's gonna be alright. Just sit and breathe."

"I have an idea!" Pinkie said suddenly. Everyone looked at her, some surprised, some already scared. "Hope is not lost!" She declared. Thunderlane pumped his hooves in the air. She looked at Soarin. "How much do you trust me?"

The next day, the party bus wheeled in the huge parking lot where they were supposed to meet. A little black car appeared, and both vehicles came to a stop, the bumpers mere inches from each other. Soarin got out with a stallion in a suit with a hood over his head. Axe and his two nephews stepped out of their car pointing guns at the Wonderbolt. One of the nephews brought out Rainbow Dash with a hood over her head, as well as a robe on her body. Soarin scowled. "Why is she in a housecoat? If you so much as breathed on her…" Axe rolled his eyes. "Oh, relax, nopony touched her. Now give me my rat." At the same time, Soarin pushed the pony towards Axe, and the nephew pushed Rainbow towards Soarin. "This way, babe, there you go." Soarin said soothingly, guiding Rainbow behind him. "Hope you said your prayers, Herb," Axe taunted. Soarin turned back to the mobsters. "Hey, just remember. He ends up in a ditch, I will have you by the plums for murder. I mean, don't you think your little buddy Herbal there made copies of those files? If I were you, I'd give him a raise and take him out to dinner and a show."

Axe scowled. "Don't you try to tell me about my business," He said darkly. The pony in the hood blurted out a series of unintelligible shrieks, and ran into the other nephew, who grabbed the pony by his suit. "Man, have some respect for yourself," He groaned. "Good luck there, Herb," Soarin said with a grin. "You're on borrowed time, dirtbag!" He told Axe. The mobster chuckled as he backed up into his car. "Yeah. Catch me if you can, hambone!"

"Take it to the bank! There you go, hon." Soarin said, easing Rainbow onto the bus. Everyone piled into their vehicles, and started to reverse into separate directions. Ten seconds later, both vehicles screeched to a halt, and drove back to their previous positions. Soarin furiously leapt out of the bus, and axe and his nephews got out drawing their guns.

"You double- crossed me, you little rat!" Axe roared. "Look who's talking, you son of a sailor!" Soarin shouted. Axe's face flushed in anger. "Who the hay is that!?" he yelled, pointing at Granny Smith in a suit. "Granny Apple Smith, yaw hipper snapper!" She declared proudly. "My cousin Apple Dumpling busted yer Uncle Sal in '83, so go ahead, punch me in the face as hard as you can, I dare ya!"

"I knew I couldn't trust you," Soarin growled. He moved aside and gestured to the mare behind him. She had a green coat and a blond mane. Her feathered earrings were in contrast with her masculine features. "That is not my future wife!" Soarin yelled. "No, but I could be," She said in her deep voice. Soarin's face twisted in dispair. "Jesus of Nazareth." He turned back to Axe. "Where the hay is my fiancée?" He demanded.

Axe sighed. He scratched his cheek. "Alright, look," He said quietly. "Your gal got the drop on my idiot nephew Tito back at the hotel." He admitted. "See, it turns out he ordered a companion up to his room, sight unseen. She shows up," He gestured to the mare behind Soarin. "The boys come out, your gal seizes the moment, and Bob's your uncle."

Soarin grinned. "I gotta hand it to you, Soarin. You are marrying one tough broad there," Axe said genuinely. "She even busted out some Muay Thai in the hallway before she flew out the window."

"That's my gal," Soarin said proudly. "Ironically, your boy Herb slipped through the hooves of my best man and one of Rainbow's recently paroled maids of honor." Axe nodded. "Alright, so what you say we just pretend it never happened?" Soarin nodded in agreement. "Yeah, fine by me. You'll be behind bars within a week anyway."

"Fat chance. I'll see you in your nightmares, Ponyboy."

The party bus was once again cruising along the streets of Cloudsdale, in search of Rainbow Dash. "Wait just a gosh darn minute," Applejack said, trying to process all this. "Are you tellin' me Ritzo had the exact plan we did?" Soarin sighed. "Yeah. Which means my fiancée is still missing." "Don't worry. We're going to find her." Fluttershy reassured him. Granny Smith sighed in content. "Ooh, I've got to tell ya, I haven't felt this alive since I almost landed in that little pool of water when Flim and Flam came back to town!" Breaburn frowned. "When you almost died?"

"Exactly! Team, thank you for getting me back into the game." Applejack sighed. "Well, I'm glad that's over. But when we drop you off at Ponyville, we need to keep lookin' for Rainbow Dash. And never, under any circumstances, tell anypony about her disappearance… at least not yet. Especially not the Cutie Mark Crusaders. We don't want to cause a panic and all before we know exactly what happened to her." Granny Smith nodded. "Now don't you worry, youngin. My lips are sealed. I'll get the girls and the food ready and all that jazz. Y'all just be careful, alright?"

"Hey, are we gonna party or what?" A deep voice said. Everyone looked over and saw the green mare hanging upside down on a pole. Groans filled the bus. Big Mac pulled over in front of a church, and Applejack pushed her out.

Later, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich stood outside of the building that Rainbow was previously held in. Soarin poked out of the fifth story window that Rainbow had jumped out of. The glass had been shattered. "That's impossible!" Soarin shouted. "There's no way she could have jumped out of this window with a cramped wing! It's too high!"

"Hey, Soarin, that ledge actually turns the corner and runs along the side of the building towards the fire escape!" Pinkie called. "That's it!" Soarin exclaimed. "She must've gone through the window onto the ledge, tight roped her way around and made her escape!" He grinned. "Our kids are going to be SEAL Team 6 Members!"

"Wait a second," Cheese said, bringing a hoof to his chin. "If Rainbow's just walking around free as a… Pegasus… why hasn't she called?"

"Maybe she got hungry," Soarin shouted back. He frowned. "Or….Or maybe you should just shut it, Cheese!"

"It's a valid question, Soarin!" Fluttershy gulped and spoke up timidly. "Soarin, there's something you should know…" She gave a deep sigh. "Rainbow and I…"

"WHOA, silence, woman!" Pinkie shouted suddenly. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, I'm.. getting something…" Random parts of Pinkie's body started to quiver. "Scratchy back, eye flutter, knee twitch, itchy nose… what does that mean?" Cheese placed a hoof on her shoulder. "Maybe it means-!"

Suddenly, hundreds of images flashed through their minds at whirring speed, all sorts of sounds and words echoing throughout their brains.

"You are marrying one tough broad there. She even busted out some Muay Thai in the hallway before she flew out the window…window…window…"

Rainbow drop kicked several guards in her way, and threw a chair out the window nearby. Next to her, she noticed a garbage chute that would guarantee that nopony would think to look for her there.

Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich gasped.

"WHOA!"

"Oh my GOSH!"

"Now THAT was a doozy!"

"A SPECTACULAR doozy!"

"Hey, what's going on?" Soarin called. Fluttershy looked equally confused.

Cheese looked up at Soarin and then at Pinkie. "I think we just had a… vision of some kind! It must have been her Pinkie sense and my Cheesy sense combined! It must have been the wedding vibe off of Rainbow that triggered my sense, and I guess it exploded when it came in contact with Pinkie's!" He exclaimed.

Soarin scratched his head. "In English?"

Pinkie squealed happily. "We know where she is!"

Under the hotel, The three ponies, along with the janitor neared the door that led to where the garbage chute lead. The janitor pony turned the key, and started to open the door. Soarin stopped him. "That's okay, I—I got it from here, buddy. I—I'd like my face to be the first thing she sees." The janitor nodded, and waved to them as he left. Soarin dramatically opened the door with a broad grin on his face.

"Baby!" He was immediately decked in the face. "Ohh," he moaned, as he fell to the floor. The ponies behind him winced. Rainbow Dash gasped, and Immediately helped Soarin up. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" Soarin blinked as he stared into Rainbow's worried face. "..Was that… a spinning back hoof?" Rainbow nodded. "Yeah," she said casually with a shrug. Soarin gazed at her intensely. "My God I love you." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately. "How'd you know I was here?" Rainbow asked when they broke off.

Soarin smiled. "Pinkie and Cheese," he said fondly, looking over at the two smiling party ponies with immense gratitude. "They had a doozy. And I gotta say, it was a pretty spectacular one."

"Aww, shucks!" They said in unison.

"Looks like I owe you guys one," Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again," Soarin sighed. Rainbow poked a hoof at Soarin's chest. "Deal. But not before the wedding." Her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! What time is it!?" Fluttershy nodded. "We've got less than two hours, and we have a lot of work to do." She grabbed Rainbow's hoof. "You're coming with us.." She turned to Soarin. "See you at the Academy!" With that, the three mares bounded down the hallway. "Guard her with your life!" Soarin called after them. "That's not hyperbole!" He walked over to Cheese and wrapped his arm around d his shoulders. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."

"Aw, no need. It's what friends do."

Soarin grinned. "Let's go grab the fellas and suit up!"

Soarin rode the descending escalator in a crisp white tux, feeling pretty smooth. One by one, each best stallion descended their way to the lobby wearing black tux's… except for Cheese Sandwich, who came down last, wearing nothing but a bright red speedo and some floaties. "Judas priest, Cheese!" Soarin exclaimed as the rest of the ponies waited for Cheese to come off the escalator. "What the hay are you wearing?!" Cheese blinked. "Oh…When you said, 'Suit up', I immediately thought of the pool near the wedding, and I thought you meant…" Soarin threw his hooves in the air. "Why would I possibly mean that?"

"Well, my 'suit' suit is on the bus." Soarin grabbed Cheese as soon as he stepped off the escalator. "Change on the way, come on!" Cheese felt a shiver run up and down his spine. He looked at the future groom. "Oh, by the way, I think I might know where Herbal is too…"

Herbal was sitting in the first row of the theatre where Sapphire Shores was supposedly having a concert. It was cancelled at the last minute, so the place had three or four ponies wandering the theatre. A shadow fell over him. He looked up to see Soarin, of all ponies, standing over him wearing a white tux. "Did you miss me?" Soarin smirked.

"Not particularly!" Soarin grabbed the piece of wooden plank that Herbal was hoofcuffed to and dragged him outside. "Y-you know, I really gotta pee," Herbal stammered. Soarin rolled his eyes. "Well, try not to think of a warm summer's rain." With that, he pushed him inside the parked party bus. "Big Mac, take me to my wedding!" He said happily.

Little did the Stallions know, that Axe's two nephews were watching from a distance. The first nephew smirked as he spoke into his phone. "Uncle Axe? Get ready to be happy."