Chapter Four- Levi

Everything had changed since I decided to stop writing. I was spiraling downward, falling into an endless abyss of nothingness. I was drinking more than anything, missing classes left and right and didn't care about anything anymore. Except Luther. But even he couldn't console me. What was my life? What was my purpose here? Nothing.

I did different things to occupy myself, working out or fucking, but nothing I did helped the emptiness I felt. No matter how drunk I got, I was still miserable. School had become so meaningless to me, but I still went on occasion. Maybe after the semester I would drop out. There really was no point in going anymore.

While I had wanted to better my writing because I was so passionate about it, all that had changed now. I was never going to write again. It was pointless. Everything was. Because even after investing myself so wholly, it also left me feeling hollow.

That feeling only worsened after finding the bag Eren had left on my doorstep. The notebook. All my ideas. The brat had actually taken the time to piece it all back together. For what though? So pointless. He really didn't make any sense.

Half of the time I was hungover at school and sometimes I'd even have a strong drink before going. I did start spending a lot of time at the gym, pouring myself into working out and trying to let all the bottled up anger inside of me go. I didn't understand what had happened to me… but I couldn't collect myself no matter what I did, so I only got worse.

Even time had become pointless and I didn't keep up with it, which is one of the reasons I missed school so often. I was sleeping a lot more than I ever usually did, probably from all the alcohol I'd been drinking and I hadn't tasted coffee in days… weeks even.

I didn't even know who I was anymore.

Today was another school day. I'd been up since after midnight, drinking and was so intoxicated I didn't think better of it when I saw it was time for school and decided to go. I'd missed the day before so I really needed to go. Or did I? Maybe not, but I still decided to go.

Still wearing my clothes from the day before, with no shower and not a single damn to give, I went and got on my motorcycle and drove myself to school. Maybe I should have died on the ride, but I made it in one piece and even though I was late, I sat on my bike and took the time to smoke a cigarette before going inside.

English class. It used to be important. When had it become nothing right along with everything else? It didn't matter. I would go just for the hell of it. Flicking my cigarette on the ground, I made my way inside and to class which had already begun. Though I had stumbled a bit down the hallway, I managed to walk to my seat in the class without issue. My head was spinning though and as I sat down I realized it wasn't a good idea to show up.

How many days had it been since I'd even eaten anything? I pulled my hood over my head and found it impossible to concentrate on the lesson currently being taught. I felt like death, my whole body trembling in rebellion. I was killing myself… but I couldn't bring myself to care. There was only one thing in my life that held any importance… and I wasn't fit to care for him anymore.

After class ended everyone started leaving but I sat there, having no energy to move. I hadn't noticed Eren had stayed after everyone else was gone until he was suddenly standing over me. I blinked up at him, he was just who I wanted to see.

"You're out of it." He said with a frown, teal-green eyes studying my face.

He was probably right. I closed my eyes and sighed, unable to find any other way, so I said, "Luther. I need you to take him."

"W-what? Why?" He asked in surprise and confusion. "Is he hurt? . . . Are you hurt?"

"He's alright… I think." But he wouldn't be if somebody else didn't start caring for him.

Eren looked at me for a moment before letting out a long breath. "I'm taking you home."

I frowned and got up from my seat slowly, grabbing my bag. "I can take myself, thank you."

"Oh, I wasn't asking." He told me and swiped my bag, throwing it over his shoulder. "Come on, let's go."

"Give me my damn bag." I seethed, reaching to grab it but he moved so that I couldn't. I took a step towards him, tripping over my foot and having to catch myself on the table to keep from falling over. I glared at nothing, hating everything and not wanting to deal with him. "Fine, keep the bag. I don't care."

"Levi. I'm taking you home." He said again, this time in a gentler tone.

Grimacing at the sudden wave of dizziness that came over me, I took a breath to get it together and pushed past him. I didn't need him looking down on me and thinking he knew what was best for me. He didn't know anything. But then… neither did I.

Eventually I made it outside and started walking towards my bike. I scoffed when I realized my keys were in my bag and turned to glare at Eren who'd been following me. "Actually, you can't have my bag. I need it."

"If I give it to you, will you let me take you home?" He asked, more than ready to keep the bag away from me for as long as he had to.

I scowled but knew I had to agree if I wanted my keys. "Fine, whatever. Just give it." I said, reaching for the bag.

He moved it out of my grasp. "I'm driving."

"Give me the bag you damn brat." I growled, fist clenching as the sudden urge to punch him came over me.

"Fine." He relented and finally handed it over. " . . . . But your keys aren't in there."

"You're really pissing me off." I spat and started searching my bag for the keys. They weren't there. I looked back to him coldly. "Give me the keys."

Eren walked to my motorcycle and put on one of the helmets. "Don't worry, I'll obey the speed limits."

Infuriating. "Have you ever even driven a motorcycle?" I asked, deciding not to fight anymore, mainly because I was barely hanging onto consciousness. I grabbed the other helmet and got on the bike.

"Yes. And a car and a truck too." He said as he got on in front of me, pulling out my keys. "I just don't have a license. Better hope we don't get pulled over."

"Just shut the hell up and get me home."

Along the ride, I barely managed to stay on the bike but somehow, we made it to my place without incident. I didn't get off until Eren did and as soon as I stood, nausea worked its way up from my stomach. I started sweating, a cold sweat which wasn't a good sign. I knelt down right where I stood, breathing shakily. I didn't know if I was going to get sick or pass out, but whatever was going to happen couldn't be good. Eren was staring at me, only making me angry on top of everything else I was feeling.

"Unlock the door… get Luther and leave." I told him, trying to keep my voice steady but it cracked anyway.

"You're crazy if you think I'm leaving you like this." He said and took off his helmet, quick to take off mine after. "Let's get you inside." He said, taking hold of my arm to put it over his shoulder.

It didn't matter how much I complained, he wouldn't listen. He helped me inside and I only started to feel worse. I had to sleep it off. I was cold. Sweating. I just needed to go to sleep. After that, everything got too blurry for me to know what was going on and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed.

Feeling hot, I sat up in bed and a damp cloth fell from my forehead onto my lap. I moved it to the bedside table and got out of bed, deciding to ignore the fact that my clothes had been changed because I didn't even want to know how that had happened. After going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth to rid my mouth of the bitter taste it had, I left my room and walked down the hall, the scent of food pulling me towards the kitchen.

I came by Luther at his food bowl, eating as if he hadn't had a meal in days. Guilt washed over me and I frowned, kneeling down to pet him, offering a silent apology that I knew would never make up for him being mistreated. Because he didn't deserve it. He deserved only the best. And that was something I could no longer offer him.

Eren was at the stove cooking and I noticed he'd cleaned the house too. I'd let everything go to waste, it wasn't like me really… but I just couldn't bring myself to care anymore. Why did I ever care to begin with? I sighed and trudged to the refrigerator, opening it for a bottle of water since I was feeling dehydrated. I was so thirsty, still feeling sick and I couldn't deal with Eren. I never asked for his help—I didn't want it. So, I went into the living room and laid down on the couch, draining the bottle of water in a matter of seconds.

Though I wanted a cigarette, I couldn't even stomach one so I just laid on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. So miserable. So useless. I should have never woken up. I don't know how long it was that I laid there before Eren came over to me, setting a plate on the coffee table. I looked at it before looking at him, so hungry that I knew I had to eat it even if I really didn't want to. Who the hell was he anyway, coming into my kitchen and cooking my food. Cleaning my house. Changing my fucking clothes. I rolled my eyes as all those thoughts bombarded me at once and sat up, taking the plate with still trembling hands.

"When you get done, I've got some medicine for you to take." He said and took out his phone to check the time. "I'll have to go by my place for some clothes . . ."

My brows furrowed at those words and I lowered the fork I'd been raising towards my mouth. "Who the fuck are you, my mother? I don't want you here. I want you to take Luther and leave me."

"So I'm just supposed to let you push your responsibility on me? I don't think so." He huffed. "You're a grown man and I'm done with being nice and watching you waste away. I'm here whether you like it or not, and I'll be here for as long as I have to. You'll hate me by the time this is all over, but at least you'll be functioning and moving on with your life."

"If you don't want to take Luther, fine. But I don't need a fucking babysitter. I'll find somebody else to take care of him." I grumbled and went back to eating.

Eren sighed. "What you need is a friend and I'm too fond of Luther to let you give him away. You're his family."

"I was trying to give him to you." I said, mouth full. I swallowed before adding, "You're too fond of him to take him? What kind of shit is that?"

He surprised me by smiling. "The kind of shit you're going to have to put up with. This house is huge and I couldn't find the guest rooms. Mind telling me where it is?"

"Plundering through my house?" I scowled. "Just who the hell do you think you are?" I couldn't believe him and I was pissed that the food he cooked was so good, so I eagerly kept eating.

"A pushy and stubborn guy who won't take no for an answer." He said cheekily. "But you already knew that."

Ignoring him, I continued to eat until I finished everything and by then I was miserable. I laid back on the couch, resting my eyes until Eren grabbed my hand and put some pills on my palm. I opened my eyes to glare at him but took the pills and the bottle of water he offered me. I didn't understand why he was here. Why he was bothering with me. He left quietly and I laid back down on the couch, dozing off until he was leaning over me, shaking me awake.

"Damn, you're still here? What is it?" I swatted him away and rolled onto my side.

He chuckled and started pulling my arm. "Don't be difficult, go sleep in your bed."

"Don't tell me what to do in my own damn house." I snapped and snatched my arm away from him. "Get lost."

"No." He stated firmly. "I'm not listening to someone that can't even take care of themselves. Move it, I bet your bed is comfier." He coaxed and shook my shoulder, pausing to feel my forehead with his other hand. "You're burning up again."

He was impossible. But his cool hand did feel good on my forehead and I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling. I could just fall asleep right here.

"Levi." He called softy. "Come to bed."

I opened one eye to look at him, not sure if I liked that tone or not. "Why won't you… just leave me alone…"

His expression changed, a million thoughts running through his head. "I'll tell you some other time. Now up you go, the faster you move the faster you can go back to sleep."

Realizing he wasn't going to give up, I groaned and got to my feet. I didn't know what he planned to do, but I supposed I really didn't care no matter what it was. Eren let me go without another word and I went to my room, getting straight into bed. It took me little to no time to fall asleep.

When I woke up the following morning, I was so cold. It was freezing. Fever maybe. I noticed a note on the bedside table and was curious enough to reach my arm out into the cold to grab it. Eren had gone to school and said he'd be back. Left his number in case I needed him and had apparently cooked before he left, leaving the food in the refrigerator. I laid the note back down on the table and curled up in the covers, knowing I had a fever and should take something but feeling so cold I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed.

Feeling disoriented, I could only assume that I had fallen asleep again when Eren suddenly appeared in my room. I was shaking so much that I couldn't concentrate, the fever making me delirious. For all I knew, he wasn't really there at all. He walked over to me, carrying over a thick blanket. He laid it over me and then brought his hand to my forehead.

"Shit." He cursed. "I can't get your fever to go down."

He took a wet cloth and placed it on my forehead, but it didn't seem to be helping. I heard him moving around for a while and wondered if this was real, if his touch and voice had truly been there. I couldn't stop shaking and I pushed the uncomfortable cloth off of me. Eren was back soon and pulled the covers down, making it worse.

"I'm taking you to the bathroom." He told me, hands grabbing my trembling form. "You'll have to help me a little, can you do that?"

Help him? I couldn't even speak. My jaw locked as the cold threatened to crush me, body still shivering. I felt so bad that it couldn't even be real. I'd never felt this way before. I was tugged into a sitting position and my world spun. Realizing I wasn't going to be any help, Eren put my arm around his neck and did his best to lift me out of the bed.

"Gah! Why are you so heavy?!" He breathed and carried me to the bathroom one step at a time. He was out of breath once he set me on the toilet seat, arms holding my shoulders so I wouldn't fall over. "Okay . . . okay. Phase two."

His hands started peeling off my clothes and I thought for sure none of this was really happening. There was no way Eren was stripping me naked for whatever reason. After everything was off, he moved me to the tub and set me in lukewarm water. Surprisingly, it didn't feel bad. I sunk into the water with a content sigh, closing my eyes. I could sleep right here. And I almost had fallen asleep. I starting to feel much warmer, just sleepy, but then a wet cloth was on my face. I lifted my hands, grabbing Eren's and pulling it away from me.

"You're gonna suffocate me." I told him, still with my eyes closed. Why did it feel so good to just see nothing?

"I'm wiping the sweat off you face." He explained and brought the cloth back. "Hush and rest a bit. You're going to be alright."

Relenting, I lazed in the tub, letting him have his way. The more time that passed, the better I felt. Eren left me after some time, and I enjoyed the quiet. So peaceful. I just wanted to sleep but he was back before that could happen. Feeling more alert now, I knew that I was not imagining anything. He had some of my clothes in his hands, which he laid on the sink before walking closer to the tub. I was going to kick his ass for this later.

"I'm fine now. So leave me." I said, averting my eyes and sitting up. I was going to look like a prune if I didn't get out now.

"R-right. I'll uh, leave you to it." He said quickly and left the bathroom once again.

Taking my time, I got out of the tub after pulling the plug and dried off slowly. The fever had definitely lessened and I didn't understand why I had gotten a fever anyway. It had happened, no matter what the reason, so there was no sense in thinking about it. Damn brat probably thought I owed him something now and I still couldn't figure out who the hell he thought he was. Whether he was trying to help or not, that didn't give him the right to strip me when I was so out of it. Hell, he didn't have a right to strip me period.

I dressed in the clothes he'd brought me and then went into my room. I was so thirsty and certain I still had a slight touch of the fever. After I grabbed the thick blanket off of my bed, I wrapped it around myself and then left my room. I went to the kitchen, wanting water and something to help keep the fever down. No way in hell was I letting Eren strip me again.

Once I took some medicine, I walked into the living room to find Eren on the couch with Luther. Resolving myself, I went over and sat on my usual end. "Let's get something straight, Eren." I said, looking at him as he stared down at Luther looking slightly nervous. "I'm going to let this go… but if you even think about trying some shit like that again, I will make you regret it."

"It's not like I had a choice." He said in his defense, but didn't argue.

"Next time, just let me die." I muttered and finally felt up to having a smoke so I grabbed the pack out of the drawer.

"How are you feeling?" Eren asked and then gasped when he saw the pack. "What the—really Levi? You're not even fully recovered yet and you're going to smoke?"

"What?" I snarled. "I need a damn cigarette because you have thoroughly pissed me off."

He shook his head and looked back down at Luther, petting him. "If you get worse, don't go blaming me."

I lit a cigarette, rolling my eyes. As if I would blame him. I didn't even want him here. Yet… somehow, somewhere deep inside of me, I was glad that he was. He was a nice guy, for no reason and there was no sense in me being rude. I did like him, so maybe that's why he made me so angry—so defensive.

"I assume you found yourself a room?"

"Yeah." He said, gazing back up at me. "The one at the far end of the hall on the second floor."

"I see." I hummed and stared at the smoke flowing from the lit end of my cigarette. "So then, when are you leaving?"

Eren raised a brow at that. "Depends. When are you going to get your life together?"

"I don't know what you mean." I said quietly, knowing full well exactly what he meant. "I'm fine."

He didn't call out the lie, but it was obvious he didn't believe me. "I guess we're going to be roommates for awhile, Luther."

I frowned, deciding to smoke my cigarette rather than say anything about that. Didn't he have a life? I couldn't understand why he would be so concerned about mine. What was I going to do though, with him hanging around all the time? It was so… like him. Really though, it didn't bother me. If he wanted to hang around then fine. It wasn't going to change anything. He wasn't going to change my mind about how I wanted to live my life now. Even if it wasn't the right way to be living.