Day 141 Faust, a Mime, and the DUMP.(Teepo)
We've been back in the house for not too long now, I've been sleeping on the couch since my girlfriend doesn't know who I am and won't let me stay in MY room. It wasn't that bad, until last night when Faust decided to also sleep in the living room, oh man was that a night! Quick question… toes grow back right?
Anyway, I woke up today, Emerld wasn't making breakfast because Chris not knowing who he was wouldn't let him near the fridge. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, I noticed everyone all in the room, watching a Mime. "What's with the mime?" I asked. "I don't know, the guy with the glasses brought it here." said Jack. "Emerld, why did you bring a mime into our house?" I asked him. "I just thought I would lighten the mood, it's weird not having any of them remember us." Then Faust walked into the room, the others just kinda stared at him, and then for the first time since there memory loss, they witnessed his HORROR! Faust opened his mouth, wider then ANY snake could, and swallowed the mime WHOLE.
I looked at the others, most of them were making disgusted faces, Emerld had his hand over his head as to say "not again." Chris didn't seem fazed at all, actually when Faust walked off I heard Chris say "I was gonna eat that mime."
Well, the rest of the day I tried to get the others to remember me, I told Kaylee about my Bridget plushy… she slapped me, hard, in the face. I then tried to get Jack to remember me, he punched me in the stomach, and all I said was "You remember me right?" I asked Chris. "You remember me, right?" He replied. "Yeah, yeah I do." I was excited and then asked stupidly: "Really!?" "Nah, I'm just messin' with you, seriously, leave me alone." he replied and I then walked away and sat on the couch.
It was dinner time, we ordered pizza since Emerld could not have access to the kitchen. We WERE about to eat, when Faust's eyes popped out of his head and he grabs his throat. "Faust stop playing around, I wanna eat my meatloaf!" Emerld got pissed and badgered him. "Emerld, we're eating pizza." I explained to him. "GRAAAGG!!!" was the noise Faust made before keeling. "Faust, go vomit elsewhere, the pizza's not THAT bad." Emerld complained to him. We just let him be and ate dinner.
About an hour later we were in the living room watching a commercial for "fruity cheerios." "Fruity cheerios?" asked Emerld. "They already invented those they're called froot loops!" He continued. Chris then came in the room eating a box of fruity cheerios and announced "Hey that guy with the bag stopped moving and turned blue, I noticed it when I tripped over him and smashed my head on the table, by the way we need a new table." We all then walked into the kitchen and looked at Faust… He was DEAD.
"No, no, no, and NO!" I yelled at the motionless blue Faust. "We've been through this before, he's not dead y'all!" Announced Emerld. "We've been through this before?" asked Kaylee/ "When!?" she continued. "Oh yeah, the whole memory thing." Emerld mumbled to himself. "I think the bag guy really is dead." Stated Chris. "I mean, just look at that lump in his throat." He continued as he ate his fruity cheerios, then opened a new box of them… I don't remember anyone buying that cereal honestly.
Anyway, it was in fact true, when I looked down I noticed a mime shaped lump in Faust's throat, yes, Faust had choked on the very mime he had eaten in the beginning of the chapter, you remember, you were there! And don't tell me that you weren't, I remember seeing you there, and you were laughing your ass off. That guy with the beard was there too.
So after we realized Faust was actually dead, we had a moment of silence, followed by a lot of not silence, fallowed by Jack and Chris bustin' up Faust's dead body and stuffing it in a garbage sack.
Me and Emerld drove to the dump, in Faust very own lawn chair car, you know, the invisible one. We got to the dump and tossed the bag in a pile of dead hobo's and cases of unsold boot-beer, it's how he would've wanted it.
We got home and Emerld actually looked sad, he just went to his room and I didn't see him for awhile. The others were kinda shaky from having seen a dead body and now had the thoughts of the house being haunted in there heads, like having it be haunted would be worse then living with Faust. Yeah, I referenced the title of the story, how do you like them apples? What the fuck does "how do you like them apples mean anyway?" As for me, I hate to admit it, but it took some getting used to for me to accept the fact that Faust was gone, not because I liked him or anything, but because I'd gotten so used to having him around. .
Just before everyone was ready for bed, Emerld finally came out of his bedroom. "People, I have an announcement to make." He stated. "Oh damn! Not ANOTHER gay room mate!" Chris said as he glanced at me. "What the fuck? I'm not gay! I'll let that slide since you have amnesia!" I yelled at him. "Hush, I'm not gay and have something really important to announce! Our friend Faust, he WASN'T dead, he just called from a payphone… IN CHINA!" He ended his announcement with that statement, and I obviously asked: "How did he get in China!? I mean come on! I knew he was alive, but CHINA!?" "Well, I'm not picking him up." Emerld stated as he sniffed a rag doused with chloroform and then quickly passed out.
Then, The burger king crashed through our ceiling, landing on top of Emerld's face. "What do you want burger man!?" I asked. "Who cares what he wants! I want a double whopper, topped off with a triple whopper, and a bucket of fries on the side." Asked Chris to the great king of burgers. "Chris, now is not the time!" Said Kaylee. "Yeah right!" Said Chris as he'd already gotten his wish granted and was now EATING. Don't bother him, he's eating. "So, what are you here for?" I asked him. He just walked over to me and handed me a note. Then, he activated his super rocket boots, and blasted through a giant hole he crated next to the previous hole, why he couldn't use the same one is beyond me.
I read the note, and it was from Faust. It said "I'll be back tomorrow morning, just gotta finish my genocide of the pandas, all but two which I'll bring home as pets for you guys." Enclosed in the envelope was a picture of Faust eating a pandas arm, and giving a thumbs up. We'll, by the time you read this, he'll be back. Lucky you.
