Disclaimer: This beautiful show belongs to the beautiful J.G. Quintel. Also, it's beautiful.


(This is set during the time CJ and Mordecai are dating.)

Rigby watches from where he waters the flowers on the side of the house, not paying attention to the fact that he's been watering the same flower for ten minutes straight. He's too immersed in his thoughts of, What could CJ and Mordecai be talking about? Are they talking about me? Are they planning to ditch me so I can do all the work while they go out on a hot date? Wait, why is he doing work? He works even less than Mordecai does! The goal had been to get the whole 'CJ dating Mordecai' thing out of his mind, but it hasn't turned out the way he wanted it to, because all he's doing is staring, and staring, and growing even more envious as time passes.

He hates CJ, because she is so temperamental. Literally, that chick will be smiling and having a nice conversation with Mordecai one moment, and the next, her face will be scarlet as she yells at him and stomps around like a child throwing a temper tantrum. He likes Margaret better; she's calmer. He still hates her, though. He just hates her less than CJ. CJ may be smiling now, but he's going to set her off.

Annoyed at the fact that he isn't included in the conversation, Rigby sets the hose on full blast and glares at CJ before aiming it at her. "Vederti mai, bitch," he says with a smirk as the water hits the previously smiling albino.

"What the fuck?!" CJ shouts, face redder than a tomato. Her fists are clenched, her entire body is soaked, and Mordecai instantly glares at the culprit.

"Rigby!" he accuses, mildly angry. He definitely isn't as upset as CJ is. CJ, red faced and all, stomps away, gritting her teeth as she goes. Rigby smiles after her, secretly hoping she trips on her way out of the park. He now has Mordecai's full attention, but not in the way he's been hoping. In his mind, Mordecai is congratulating him on that sweet move to get CJ angry, not asking what the hell his problem is and hoisting him up by his collar. CJ has definitely had an effect on his behavior. Well, maybe he would've been mad if it were Margaret, too, but he wouldn't have tried to assault him. "You just love to ruin everything, don't you? In fact, you ruin my life. Life ruiner." He glares daggers into Rigby's bright yellow eyes before dropping him and walking away.

Life ruiner...?

Rigby thinks back to all the times he got jealous enough to take action and sighs. "Maybe he's right. Maybe I do ruin lives..." he mutters as he continues to water the flowers.


(Set a few days after the hose incident.)

"Hey, Rigby, can you pass me the remote?"

Rigby ignores Mordecai and shoves the remote down his shirt, eyes locked on the television.

Mordecai glares at the brunette and goes upstairs. Lately, Rigby's been weirder than usual. He's giving Mordecai the silent treatment, pulls a poker face around him, and never even looks him in the eye. Mordecai can't figure out why for the life of him. He's going to confront him after his date with CJ tonight.

Rigby sighs. It's killing him to ignore Mordecai like this, but he doesn't know what else to do. Mordecai wounded him deeply, and he's not the 'forgive and forget' type. If Mordecai's gonna call him a life ruiner, then he shall ruin his life by ignoring him forever.


(Set to the night after CJ and Mordecai's breakup.)

Well, you won, Rigby. And what did you gain from it? Oh, a depressed best friend and a girlfriend that you don't even love? How did you wind up in this mess?

These thoughts run endlessly through Rigby's head as he watches Mordecai sleep, tears rolling down the taller man's pale face. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "I'm the biggest idiot in the history of idiots," he mutters to himself before bursting into tears. "Why? Why, why, why? Why did it end up like this?!" He wipes his endless tears away as his body trembles from the trauma. He truly has the worst luck in the world.

He can't stand to live like this. What is he supposed to do? How can he get Mordecai back on his feet, break up with Eileen with no complications, and confess his prolonged feelings to his lifelong pal? There is no way. He has thought of suicide before, which is how he ended up with Eileen the Weirdo Queen.


(Set during the time CJ and Mordecai are dating, a few months prior to their breakup.)

Rigby's heart completely shatters at the sight of how perfect CJ and Mordecai look together. Perfect, the complete opposite of him. He thinks about how he and Mordecai would look together. Decent enough, he thinks. Plus, two men in a romantic relationship? People would definitely talk, and Rigby's insecure enough as it is. What are the alternatives other than murdering CJ and keeping his beloved Mordecai all to himself? There are more alternatives, but none of them involve him ending up with Mordecai.

Alternative One: Rigby deals with CJ and Mordecai together, watches them get married and have kids, and he dies alone.

Alternative Two: Rigby asks Eileen out and dates her to make Mordecai jealous, but Mordecai doesn't care because he loves CJ so they both end up dating the wrong person and Rigby dies married to Eileen and his kids also marry the wrong person. The cycle never ends because anyone related to Rigby besides his younger brother is a dumbass.

Alternative Three: Rigby somehow gets CJ to break up with Mordecai and he thinks he has a shot with him, but Mordecai just ends up getting depressed, just like he did with Margaret, and both of them die alone.

So far, none of them are looking good. Then again, Rigby is a pessimist. He can't help it, though—the worst things always happen to him. Maybe he'll just call Don and go live with him for the rest of his life. Nobody needs him, anyways. Who would want a stubborn, lazy slob with no real skills except for lying, is in love with his best friend who's a guy, and has a general pessimistic view on everything besides anything that has to do with his best friend who is a guy? He's absolutely hopeless, depending on Mordecai for happiness all the time. He knows that Mordecai can't always make him happy, though. He makes him sad, frustrated, scared, and increases his stupidity tenfold. They say that love makes you a better person, but so far, Rigby has been becoming a worse and worse person every minute that he thinks about CJ and Mordecai's relationship.

He considers alternative two, weighing his options. True, he'd be in an unwanted relationship, but with a bit of dumb luck, he and Mordecai might end up together. Then, alternative three comes to mind. If he could somehow get CJ to break up with Mordecai, and he's only wondering if, then, possibly, he could cheer Mordecai up and everything would at least be back to normal. Maybe he could get a confession in there, too, but then thoughts about Mordecai rejecting him come to mind. He's not even sure if Mordecai swings both ways. So far, he only has evidence that he plays for the other team.

See, this is exactly why Rigby has severe depression. He just had to fall for the guy that's perfect for him (sweet, caring, likable but awkward, handsome, tall, understanding, funny, fun, and relatable in more ways than one), but is most likely straight. Maybe he'll go for alternative two. Eileen's weird enough to distract him from Mordecai. With that in mind, Rigby makes his way to aforementioned female's house at a slow pace, attempting with great effort to pry anything having to do with CJ or Mordecai out of his mind. So far, he's been doing a terrible job, since his will is extremely strong and stubborn.

He knocks on Eileen's door as he wonders whether or not CJ and Mordecai are having one of their daily makeout sessions, and it opens almost immediately after the third knock. "Rigby?" Eileen asks, as if she isn't sure, blushing a little. He bites back the urge to say "No, it's another short, stupid guy that you know that looks and behaves exactly like Rigby" and forces a grin. He knows for a fact that Eileen likes him, so this should be a piece of cake. "Oh! Uh, come on in." She opens the door all the way, inviting him in. "So, uh, what brings you here? D-do you want anything to drink? Oh, please have a seat, if you'd like!" She gestures to the couch, and Rigby grows more irritated with every word she speaks, beginning to regret having come here in the first place.

He decides to sit down, watching as Eileen frantically runs around the house, attempting to tidy it up, even though it's clean enough already. "S-so, uh—"

"Be my girlfriend." Okay, that isn't exactly how he'd wanted it to come out, but he can work with this. Eileen agrees with everything he says, anyways. The female brunette freezes in her place, eyes growing wide as she blushes. Please don't ask why, please don't ask why, Rigby begs in his mind as Eileen straightens up and clears her throat, clearly very flustered. A bead of sweat rolling down her face, she adjusts her glasses and smiles nervously.

"Okay," she says, trying her best to sound confident to spite the blush she's sporting. "Okay, I'll be your girlfriend." She finally beams at him, soundly happy, and Rigby wants to smash her face in with one of her lame paintings. Don't be so damn happy, he thinks, because I'll never like you back, and this is only temporary. The one he loves is Mordecai.

Not Eileen. Never Eileen.


(Set back to the night after CJ and Mordecai's breakup.)

"You have no idea how much I love you..." Rigby mutters, caressing the distraught, sleeping face of Mordecai. Having climbed onto his best friend's bed, he sits where he has room and is close enough to see all the defining features of his face that he adores so much. "Damnit." He shuts his eyes tight, sniffling as tears prick at them. "I messed up big time, Mordecai."

His nose is stuffed up because he's been crying since the moment Mordecai fell asleep at eleven, and his tearducts are almost dried up. Now, it's two in the morning, and his entire body is aching, beseeching him to go to sleep before the sun comes up, but he ignores it in favor of watching Mordecai sleep while silently lamenting about how he's a huge idiot that doesn't deserve to even be Mordecai's friend, let alone love him.

He lies down beside him, taking in the warmth that radiates off of him, and wipes all his tears away. This is a rare chance, Rigby. Savor the moment while you can, he tells himself in his mind as his eyelids grow dangerously heavy. "No, damn it. Don't fall asleep..." he mumbles tiredly to himself, eyes closing on their own will. And damn him, he falls asleep faster than his mind can keep up with.

He really wishes he'd made himself a cup of coffee before deciding to snuggle with his love interest.


(Set the morning after.)

Mordecai wakes up to an unexpected feeling. Another, much smaller body is pressed against his, a minimal amount of heat radiating off of it. He rubs his eyes and stretches, then sits up, eyes falling on the other person. Once his brain registers their identity, his heterochromatic eyes widen. "R-Rigby?" he interjects, blinking and rubbing his eyes to be sure. As clear as day, all he sees is none other than his best buddy sleeping soundly in his bed, snoring loudly and drooling onto the sheets that he just cleaned yesterday. "What the hell?! Get out of my bed!" he exclaims, despite the knowledge that Rigby cannot hear a thing, and shoves the brunette off of his bed.

Rigby instantly wakes up, sitting up fast and glancing around worriedly, terror evident in his eyes. "Mordecai?!" he calls out, head turning this way and that, unaware that Mordecai is sitting right there and gawking at him. He must be sleeping, still, Mordecai ponders as the brunette gets up and searches frantically for him. "Mordecai, where'd you go?! Please don't leave me! Please..." Rigby panics, then falls to his knees and bursts into tears. Mordecai can only gaze in bewilderment. What kind of nightmare is he having? He watches as Rigby pulls at his hair, and he can't tell whether it's out of frustration or fear, but he knows one thing: His best friend is suffering in this nightmare.

He doesn't want Rigby to suffer, so he shouts his name anxiously, getting out of bed and pulling him into a tight embrace. "Rigby! Rigby, wake up!" He pulls away and shakes his shoulders until he stops crying and stares directly into his eyes. "You were having a nightmare," he explains, letting go of the smaller man's shoulders. "You were totally freaking out in your sleep, so I woke you up."

Wordlessly, Rigby tackles Mordecai into a loving embrace and starts sobbing all over again. His body trembles as he chokes out the name. "Mordecai..."

Mordecai isn't sure what Rigby was dreaming about, but he knows that if he ever sees that happening again, he'll wake him up. He also wonders how long he's been having those kinds of nightmares.


(Set two months after the nightmare incident.)

Everything seems to be turning out okay. Eileen broke up with Rigby, Mordecai is happy again, and Rigby's family is coming to visit, which is something that excites both of them. Mordecai loves Rigby's family almost as much as Rigby does. Therefore, Rigby feels like a day after the visit might be a good time to confess to him, since he'll be in high spirits. He just hopes everything goes according to plan. If he ever even sees she who shall not be named, he'll go out of his way to make sure that Mordecai doesn't also see her. That would ruin absolutely everything.

"Dude, are you sure you're okay? I know breakups are tough," Mordecai says as they sit in the Coffee Shop and wait for their coffee, but Rigby's barely paying attention because he's watching a rerun of Carter and Briggs. Mordecai narrows his eyes and stares at Rigby until he looks over calmly. Rigby will talk to Mordecai about anything but girls, so of that's another reason why he isn't listening. He's about to ask what the taller male is talking about, but the bell on the door rings and Don walks in.

"Rigbone! Mordo!" He jogs over to the two very happily. "Gimme some sugar!" He outstretches his arms, and Mordecai is the first to give him some sugar, which irritates Rigby. Only he is allowed to give Mordecai sugar and get sugar in return. After watching the exchange, Rigby brightens and hugs Don, then pats his back as he does the same to him. He glances over at Mordecai, hoping to spot a little envy in his eyes, but the only thing he sees is awkwardness, as per usual. What is he feeling so awkward about, though? "So, how've ya been?" Don asks after pulling away. "Taking your anti-deppressants?"

Rigby sits down and glances briefly at Mordecai, then answers. "Yeah, but I don't think they need to be as strong anymore. I've been feeling a lot better lately." Mordecai is the only one Rigby knows that has no idea of his depression, so he's gonna be asked a lot of questions when Don leaves. He just doesn't want Mordecai to worry about him; that guy's got enough on his plate. So, he, Don, and Mordecai talk for the next few hours about various things, and then, Don's cell phone goes off and he checks it.

"Oh, I gotta go, guys. See you tomorrow!" And with that, Rigby's younger but physically bigger brother sprints out of the café, leaving the smaller but older male and Mordecai alone.

Mordecai watches Don leave, and as soon as he's out the door, he grabs Rigby's shoulders and shakes him. "Dude, why didn't you tell me you have depression?! I wouldn't pick on you so much, then!" Rigby slumps guiltily, unable to look Mordecai in the eyes. He starts to wonder how much a ticket to Mexico will cost and if he'll get arrested there for calling himself Pedro. Mordecai has this intense look in his eyes like he's offended that Rigby didn't tell him about his depression that's beginning to deteriorate. He supposes that it's because they promised to tell each other everything when they were only six years old.

He hasn't told Mordecai everything. Secrets are things he'd rather keep than give to Mordecai nowadays.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't want you worrying about me..." he admits, closing his eyes.

"Rigby, I'm always gonna worry about you, mental disorder or not," Mordecai says seriously, hugging him tight. "You're my best friend, and probably the most important person in my life."

He has no idea how much that means to Rigby.


(Set the night after Rigby's family's visit.)

He needs to tell him before his heart explodes. He needs to tell him before he leaves.

"Mordecai, guess what?" he asks as Mordecai plops down onto his bed.

"Hm?" Mordecai's expression is a pleased one, a loopy grin on his face as he sips on his Mountain Dew. He closes his eyes, and Rigby's fragile heart skips a beat. He still can't fathom how just that smile can trigger a fluttering frenzy in his stomach. Maybe it's because Mordecai is his entire world, the person he loves more than anyone or anything. Maybe he's just an idiot for beaming like a goof at any nice thing he says to him. His usual dysphoria is replaced with euphoria when he sees him or thinks of him. "What's up?" He shoots a grin at the already mentally dying Rigby.

"W-well...you know how I hate Margaret and CJ, and basically everyone?" Rigby starts, looking everywhere but the blue haired male, who is gazing curiously at him.

Mordecai gives a nod, signaling Rigby to continue.

Trying not to let fear overtake him, Rigby scratches the nape of his neck. "Yeah...you're the only person I don't hate besides—maybe—my family. What I'm saying is..." He finally side glances at Mordecai, who's staring at him in confusion. "I think..."

He looks Mordecai right in the eyes.

"No, I know. I'm in love with you."

All his fears and all his dreams swirl around in his head in a mix of utter disorientation as Mordecai's eyes widen and he spits his beverage out. The liquid lands right on Rigby, who sits there, frozen in fear. Is this what he's feared almost his entire life?

Rejection?

He's about to speak when Mordecai pipes up.

"Rigby, before you freak out and run away crying because I 'rejected' you, hear me out."

This is never a good sign.

"Remember that morning when you clung to me and then freaked out in your sleep after I pushed you out of my bed?"

Rigby, shocked and embarrassed, nods, but doesn't remember anything before waking up and hugging Mordecai, saying his name as his voice broke in that sad but relieved tone.

"That was the moment I realized how important I am to you, and how important you are to me. It made me think of how I'd do anything for you, which is cheesy, but true. Rigby, I'm not sure if this is love or whatever, but I know it's more than just friendship. It's kinda weird. Like, I'd date you, but I wouldn't want things to be different between us—I'm not that good about romance, as you can tell, and neither are you, so I think that if we did date, it would be platonic. I mean, I guess whenever you want to, we can hold hands and stuff, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. We can date, but it shouldn't be all lovey-dovey. I just want us to be able to argue over dumb things and be best buds, but also to be in love. You get me?"

Rigby instantly bursts into tears, the only thing on his mind being that he didn't get rejected. He didn't get rejected!

"Oh my God," is all he can manage to get out of his system before leaping from his trampoline and tackling Mordecai into a loving embrace.

Mordecai laughs that awkward, beautiful laugh, returns the embrace, and lies there with Rigby in his arms for who knows how long, his eyes stuck to the ceiling.

Rigby probably loves him too much.


(This is set a week after Rigby's confession.)

"Quit being an asshole!" Rigby demands, weakly punching Mordecai in an attempt to make him share his goldfish crackers. After a few more nugatory punches, Rigby jumps up, reaching as far as his arms can stretch, but only the tip of his middle finger touches the bottom of the bag when he stands on Mordecai's feet, as well as on his tippy-toes. "C'mon! Share them with me! I'm your fuckin' boyfriend! What more do I need to do to get you to stop bein' a jerk to me?!"

Mordecai laughs. "'Boyfriend' is just a label," he jokes, holding the bag up higher.

Rigby, without hesitation, glares into his mismatch eyes before jabbing his fingers at them, effectively causing him to let go of the bag in order to tend to his now hurting eyes. Before the bag can go any further, Rigby catches it midair and smirks. "That's what happens when you make jokes about our relationship, bastard." He instantaneously digs into the bag, an expression of absolute triumph crossing his features.

"Is that right?" Mordecai asks out of the blue.

Rigby looks up in utter confusion, only to be pulled into a headlock as Mordecai snatches his goldfish back. "You...stronzo!" the brunette cries, digging his fingernails into Mordecai's arm. He struggles in a pathetic attempt to break free.

Mordecai smirks, replying, "You started it."

And I'm gonna end it, Rigby thinks to himself before quelling his struggling. Mordecai pauses, wondering if the shorter male has given up. He waits for a second, and then, Rigby speaks. "If I kiss you, will you let me go?" Rigby knows that this is the only way to coax Mordecai into anything, having obtained the knowledge from eavesdropping on one of his phone calls once.

"Maybe~..." Mordecai purrs into his ear, causing the other to blush profusely. He wraps his arms tightly around his waist, waiting for the promised kiss.

Rigby groans and turns around in his boyfriend's arms, muttering something along the lines of "If I knew you were a such closet perv, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you" before snaking his short arms around his neck and puckering his lips. Mordecai chuckles, leans down toward Rigby, and puckers his lips as well. Heart thumping a mile a minute, the brunette stands on his tippy-toes, leaning forward to peck the blue haired man on the lips. In the state of mind that it would be a brief little smooch, Rigby tries to pull away, only to be coerced back into the kiss by Mordecai, who briskly deepens it.

His face burns when Mordecai's tongue touches his own, and his mind draws a blank. How do you French kiss, again? he inquires in his head as Mordecai runs his fingers through his hair. Before he can figure it out, though, Mordecai pulls away, wipes the saliva from both of their mouths, and kisses his forehead. "We'd better head back to work or you know what'll happen," he warns, walking away.

A realization comes to mind, and Rigby chases after his best friend and lover. "Wait a second, you asshole! You just mouth-raped me! You owe me lunch!"

From now on, both partners are in for a wild ride.


Vederti mai = See you never

Stronzo = Asshole