Tom Riddle Chooses a New Name

            "I bet you're all wondering why I called you here today," said the Dark Lord to his loyal followers, the Death Eaters.

            "Not really," said Snape.  Okay, maybe not so loyal.

            The Fearsome-One-Once-Known-As-Tom ignored him.  "I just wanted to let you know that I've chosen a new evil name after someone," at this moment he looked at Lucius, "told me that 'Master Overlord' was a stupid name."

            "You can't string two titles together to make an evil name," whined Lucius.  "You need a title and then some imposing noun or verb form."

            "Yes, yes," said He-Who-Can't-Be-Named-Because-He-Hasn't-Thought-of-One-Yet.  "But, I've done your stupid little rule one better.  I've come up with the perfect evil name."

            "Uh-huh?  And it is…?" asked Snape.

            "From now on, I will be known as…LORD VOLDEMORT!"

            There was a long silence.  Each of the Death Eaters looked at each other and then turned to stare at "Lord Voldemort."  Somewhere, a cricket chirped.

            "What?" asked Avery.

            "Crucio!" commanded Voldemort.

            "That's your new name?" asked Snape, ignoring Avery's screams.

            "Yes," said Voldemort.  "Why, what's wrong with it?  It's more than an imposing noun or verb.  It's an imposing sentence!  It means "Flight of Death."  It's French, for godssake."

            "Oh," said Nott, "I thought it was 'Flight from Death.'"

            "Yeah," said Snape, "and it sounds like the name of some cheesy illusionist.  'Tonight, one night only, LORD VOLDEMORT performs the most mind-defying magic of the mystics!'"

            "Ooooh!" cried Lucius. "Is he going to do linking rings?!"

            "No, I am not going to do 'linking rings!'" said Voldemort. "And I don't think it sounds like an illusionist at all!"

            "I mean," continued Snape, "how did you even come up with this name?"

            Suddenly, Voldemort looked embarrassed.  "It just…came to me," he said.

            This made everyone else extremely suspicious.  "'Came to you?'" asked Pettigrew.  "Like, in a dream?"

            "Noooooo…I actually…rearrangedthlettersinmyname."

            "What?" asked Avery.

            "Crucio!" commanded Voldemort.

            "What?" asked Snape.

            "I rearranged the letters in my name!  There, are you happy?"

            There was another stunned silence.  Again, a cricket chirped.

            "It's an ANAGRAM?!" demanded Snape.

            "Aw, that's so cute," said Lucius.

            "That's not cute!  That's ridiculous!  Your name can be rearranged to spell a French sentence?  That's…unlikely, at best.  What's your middle name?"

            "Marvolo," said Voldemort.

            Snape paused a moment to think things through.  "'Tom Marvolo Riddle' does not make 'Lord Voldemort,'" said Snape.  "There are some extra letters."

            "Well," said Voldemort, "it technically makes 'I am Lord Voldemort,' but that would be a really stupid name."

            "Because the one you have now is pure brilliance."

            "Silence!  You will call me it, whether you like it or not."

            "So," said Travers, "your first name is Tom?  Not Thomas?"

            "Just Tom," said Voldemort. "So, are we all reconciled to my new name yet?"

            Snape sighed.  "Hell, if it makes you happy."

            "It does."

            "All right.  But that is one convenient middle name you have there."