A/N: Hey! Ohh I know I say this every time.. but its always true.. you guys rock! I want to answer a question that a few of you asked... how is it the B&E haven't met.. simple answer- he's hiding out.. when Em and Jazz are with the girls.. he somewhere else.. he's playing the outta sight outta mind kinda thing when it comes to girls. So I ask that you just go with the flow..okay?
Love to my beta- Itlnbrt who is patient- more than I deserve and to my pre-readers: JoJo757, CullensTwiMistress and fanfichardcore who laughed so hard when she read this chapter.. I should tell you.. the songs at the beginning should clue you in!
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight- if I did.. well.. lets say Jake would had been killed off! lol ENJOY!
October Junior Year
BPOV
Cyndi Lauper- She Bop
Do I wanna go out with a lion's roar
Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop - or I'll go blind
Oop - she bop - she bop
I stared at the offending pink contraption with utter distain and maybe a healthy dose of fear. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was even contemplating using it. Then all the things Rose and Alice said to me came flooding back.
It's no big deal. Everyone does it.
You need learn how to satisfy yourself, you can't always rely on a guy.
It's natural, healthy, and normal.
Stop being such a baby and use the fucking thing!
All of their talk was starting to make me feel as if I wasn't normal, that there was something wrong with me. I even spent half a night Googling female sexual dysfunctions. Let's just say that at the end of that little adventure I was even more thoroughly confused than when I started. I was no closer to trying to figure out if I was normal or not.
So that confusion led me to where I was, sitting on my bed by the headboard in my jammies with the vibrator at the end of my bed. We were engaged in a staring contest for quite some time while I decided if I had the courage and curiosity to use the damn thing. I figured I had the curiosity thing down it was the courage I wasn't sure I had.
I wasn't sure what I was afraid of if I tried it. Maybe I was scared that I would discover that I was incapable of having any sexual feelings whatsoever. That at the tender age of seventeen I would be labeled as frigid. Then there was the part of me that worried I would like it so much that I would turn into a raging nympho and end up on Maury.
Hmm, I think I learned more when I Googled than I thought.
With a rather shaky hand, I picked it up and examined it. It wasn't really big compared to the ones that Alice and Rose had. It was slim and narrow with a nice rounded tip. The plastic was shiny and smooth. With a deep fortifying breath, I turned the base to turn it on. The buzz when it was on was so loud and unexpected that it practically jumped out of my hands. It landed on the floor with a thud and continued to buzz.
I watched as it moved with the buzzing. It was like it was alive and I was completely terrified of it. I was supposed to put that in me? No way, not in this lifetime. It slithered on my floor and I realized in horror that I needed to turn it off. I was sure that Charlie would hear it and come barging in here.
I scrambled off the bed and quickly turned it off and threw it back in the drawer I had it locked in since my birthday. There was just no way that I could use that thing. How in the hell was all that buzzing supposed to make me feel good?
Alice and Rose were crazy if they enjoyed all that buzzing and vibrating.
The following Monday Rose came to school looking positively glowing. When Alice saw her she squealed so loud, I swear I heard glass breaking. She rushed up to Rose, where they looked at each other with big goofy smiles, hugged and jumped up and down. I watched this, amazed and a bit perplexed.
What the hell was the big flipping deal?
I sighed and waited until my friends made their way to me.
"Hey guys," I greeted them when they made it to me. "What's with the jumping and hugging shit for?"
Alice clapped excitedly as she looked at Rose. I turned to look at Rose and she was grinning from ear to ear. She kind of reminded me Jack Nicholson's Joker in Batman. It was that freaky.
"We did it," she whispered and then sighed.
Huh?
I scrunched up my face, "Who did what?"
Rose got up in my face, grabbed my arms and looked me straight in the face. "Emmett and I had sex!" She kind of shook me as she said it and then let out a small squeak of delight.
"Oh, okay." I said.
A frown puckered her eyes, "Just okay? OKAY? You don't understand, Bella. . .EMMETT." She punctuated each word as if I was stupid.
"I heard you Rose. What do you want me to say?" I shrugged my shoulders.
"Bella, this is big news. Great news," offered Alice.
"Why," I asked before I had time to filter my thoughts.
Both of my friends looked at me as if I was green and covered in warts. I watched as Alice's eyes narrowed into teeny tiny slits. I was waiting for her horns and tails to sprout, she was that pissed off at me.
"You chickened out, didn't you? You never tried your toy this weekend! Cuz if ya did, you would understand what we are talking about. You promised us, Bella." My hands had risen into a defensive posture. I wasn't sure what I was shielding myself from, but it seemed a good idea.
"Bella," growled Rose, "don't shit on my perfectly happy Monday by telling me that you backed out!"
I took an involuntary step backwards; my eyes scanned the area looking for avenues of possible escape. I had a feeling this wasn't going to end well, not one bit.
Alice jumped in between us. "Ok, let's calm down. This is what we are going to do. We will have a girl's night on Friday. We will find out from Bella what happened and if need be, help her out."
From her tone, I knew there would be no arguing this, so I didn't even try. I nodded the assent that was a given and Alice calmed considerably.
"Until then, we are going to enjoy Rose's big step with Emmett. Aren't we, Bella?" I looked at her giving me the look that told me I was to agree. So, I did.
"Oh…umm…of course. I am happy for you, Rose." I gave her my best smile which I am sure didn't fool her. She was too excited about what happened between her and Emmett to call me on it. When she turned away, I breathed a sigh of relief.
For the rest of the week, I watched Rose and Emmett, trying to understand the lure of having sex. They for sure seemed happy, deliriously so. It was borderline nauseating. They touched more than normal, but I sensed a more affectionate, almost reverence in their embraces. Even the way they regarded each other was gentler, softer somehow.
Then there were all the small things I observed. The way Emmett always held his hand on the small of her back or the way Rose would snuggle into his arm. Emmett held open doors and carried their lunch tray. Rose whispered into his ear more and touched his arm or his chest frequently. So maybe there was something to this intimacy shit.
About half way through the week, a rumor stated that Riley and Charlotte slept together. According to Rose, they had been dating since the end of summer. The day that the rumor came out, I watched the two them, curious to see if they would act like Rose and Em. I was shocked when that wasn't the case. Instead, they ignored each other. Riley was often found laughing and talking to his friends, while Charlotte looked sad and dejected.
What the fuck was up with that?
It made no sense to me. It wasn't until Friday night as I sat on the floor of Rose's room that we heard the story. According to Alice, Riley was saying that Charlotte wasn't any good and cried the whole time. It must have been her first time.
Rose shook her head and clucked her tongue, "Poor Charlotte, obviously Riley wasn't doing anything right. He's a douche anyways."
Alice looked sad as she spoke, "Charlotte's really broken up about it. She thought that he loved her."
This statement caused Rose to snort. "They had only been dating a few months. That isn't love, it's just lust."
Lust not love. Obviously, they were two different emotions, but I had the feeling that they could be inexplicitly wrapped up in each other, masking one for the other. At least that is what all the romance novels I read told me.
It just all seemed so unpredictable. There were no hard and fast rules; nothing seemed to follow a logical and rational progression. All this relationship stuff just appeared to be so haphazard. Whereas one couple can have sex and it makes everything better, while that may not ring true for another couple. So, if it's all hit or miss why do people even bother with it all?
There had to be something that I was missing.
Alice snapped me back to the present when she started to clap and giggle.
"Ok, Bella, let's get to the good stuff." I had an idea of what she was talking about and I was more than willing to do something else.
"In talking to Rose, we realize that maybe we haven't helped you become really comfortable with this vibrator and sex stuff. So, we are going to remedy that right now."
I started to shake my head, this wasn't needed or wanted. Rose looped her arm with mine.
"We will be gentle, but informative. Think of this as your very own private sex-ed tutoring!" Rose was grinning at me as if she was possessed and it was sorta creepy.
"Do you want to tell us about last weekend? Did ya even try to use your vibe?"
I blushed, as I thought about my pathetic attempt. I nodded and tried to under hide my hair. Why did they want to subject me to this embarrassing torture?
"Well that's a start," soothed Alice. "Come on, all we ask is that you listen and learn, okay? You don't have to say anything. I promise."
I could hear the sincerity in Alice's words. Plus, truth be told, I was curious. Knowledge was power and who knew, it might come in handy one day. So I let them lead me to Rose's bed where they pulled her laptop open and my sexual education began.
They talked to me about erogenous zones, showed pictures, both animated and real life stills, of female anatomy. They talked about g-spots and masturbation. They had me watch video upon video of people masturbating, having sex and even ones of girls squirting. That was bizarre and a little awe-inspiring. They brought out some of their toys, showed how they worked and had me touch them to my arm to feel the vibrations.
They explained that I should start with the lowest setting, to get used to it. Over time, they assured me that I would work up to the higher settings. I had to admit that the low setting was far less scary and kind of tickled. Most of all they reminded me to take it slow. They said that things might feel better if I was worked up over something. They sent me links to YouPorn, erotic stories and even sexy fanfic stories.
By the time we went to bed, my mind was filled to the brim with images and pictures. They made it all seem normal and not dirty in the least. They both shared their first attempts at using a toy or having sex. Most of all, they gave me hope. Hope that maybe I wasn't abnormal or frigid, but that I was a late bloomer. They assured me that I would find some guy that would get me all hot and bothered and I could thank them later.
The last thought that I had before sleep claimed me was that come hell or high water, I was going to try and embrace my sexuality, once I figured out where the hell it was.
It was a few weeks later when Alice announced to our lunch table that she wanted to have a Halloween Party. Everyone seemed excited, except me. I worried that it was going to be one drunken orgy and I was going to be the only one left standing.
She saw my less than enthused response and narrowed her eyes in my direction.
"It will be fun," she snarled, "my parties always are. Plus, I already know what our costumes are going to be."
My eyes went wide at that little announcement. "Costumes? We have to wear costumes?" I was starting to freak out.
Rose looked giddy as she pumped Alice for information. "What do you have in mind?"
"After school, we're all coming to my place and I can show you." Alice beamed while Rose was busy speculating what they could be.
Nothing she thought up was even close to what awaited us when we got to Alice's house later that day. Alice practically flew up the steps to her room and tore into her closet. She pulled out three black garment bags that had our names on tags hanging from the hangers.
She handed them to us and on three, we all pulled the zippers down to get a look at what laid inside. My eyes bugged out as I took in the glittery, shimmering and I swear see through creation.
"Are we going as exploding glitter?" I couldn't make heads or tails out of what I was looking at. It was very…um…shiny.
Alice laughed, "No, silly. We are going as fairies." With that, she took out her costume and we did the same.
They were each a different color, but shimmery and sparkly. Alice's was the most beautiful shade of lavender I had ever seen. The whole dress was flowy and very soft and pinned to it was the most delicate looking pair of wings. Rose's was a deep dust rose and mine was spring green.
We tried them on and they were as soft as they looked. Mine fell to just below my knees, and it shimmered in the sun. The wings actually had armbands that held them in place. She even had tights that looked to be embedded with glitter and ballet shoes to match.
Maybe this party wasn't going to be too bad.
It turned out the party was kinda fun. There was no drinking as Mr. and Mrs. Brandon were home to chaperone, which also meant there was no orgy as well. There was a fair amount of making out in the dark corners. However, once I figured that out, I just ignored those places and stuck to the main rooms.
I danced with my girls and even Jasper and Emmett joined every once in a while. The puppy pack stood back, but I would catch their eyes on me from time to time. When I mentioned it to Rose she nonchalantly commented, "You look hot tonight, Bella. Can ya blame them for wanting to look? I am sure you are giving them plenty of spank bank material."
I felt dirty after that. I didn't like the idea that they would be jerking to images of me. It seemed kinda crass. I shrugged it off.
That night as I lay in bed I got the nerve to try my vibe, yet again. The other times I tried, nothing happened. I rubbed it around my clit and it felt it okay, but nothing that was earth shattering. I wasn't about to give up.
I stripped down to my bra and panties; I was still a bit too apprehensive in getting all the way naked to do this. I turned the vibe on and ran it over the swell of my breasts, nothing. I circled it close to my nipples before finally running it over them. A small tingle maybe? I wasn't too sure. I forged on. Slowly I trailed it down my stomach, inching closer to my clit. I swirled the tip of the vibe over my clit and even rubbed it up and down my slit. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.
I sighed and turned the thing off before I chucked it into my nightstand. I burrowed under the covers and wished that I were normal.
EPOV
The All-American Rejects- Gives You Hell
Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
I watched the practice from the sideboards. Our first game was about a month away and coach was chomping at the bit to get us in game form. A group of freshman did passing drills as Jasper and I kicked a puck between us. We both groaned when one freshman missed a relatively easy pass. Coach blew his whistle and closed his eyes in frustration.
"Boys, you can't miss those. That is a missed scoring chance. Jasper, Edward and James come show them how it's done."
I snickered and fist bumped Jasper as we adjusted our helmets and shields. We started the drill in our zone. James fed it to Jasper who started up the middle with me behind him and to his right. James skated off to his left.
Jasper took the puck across the blue line and I was a step behind him so he dropped it off for me as I skated to the side and passed it towards a streaking James who crossed with Jasper and was flying down center. My pass landed right on his stick and a then James flicked his wrist and into the net it went.
Tic-tac-toe. Pass-shoot-score.
It was really that simple.
We spent another ninety minutes on the ice, most of the time spent showing the freshman the plays, the way to cover players and lanes. We worked more on stick handling, passing and shooting. It was back to the basics, but it could only help, right?
It felt great to be on the ice again. My mind was on automatic. My legs just took me where I wanted. I found that I relaxed into the repetition. There were parts of hockey that were just unconscious on my part. The way I skated, the way my body responded to the ever-changing ice. My body relished the fluid motion of pass and shoot, skate and pass, defend and block.
Once coach blew the whistle at the end of practice, I continued with my laps of the rink. This was nothing new. Everyone knew that I stayed on the ice even after practice was over. I liked the solitude that I found on the ice. At those times, I could just focus on one thing. Today it was shooting.
I emptied the bucket that held the pucks and just mindlessly started shooting. I constantly checked my form; squaring my hips, feet planted, and smooth shooting motion. Over and over I shot the puck. When I ran through all the pucks, I gathered them and started it all over again.
Thirty minutes later and I filed into the locker room. As methodically as I put my pads and gear on, I took them off. I made sure that my dirty stuff was on top so my mom could find it easily when I got home.
My days and evenings found me back in the hockey routine. Morning I would run or skate, school during the day and practice right after. Weekends found me, Jasper and Emmett in the gym; strength training, cardio, flexibility. We did it all.
By the third week in October, I was in the zone, locked into my routine. It was comforting and safe. I didn't focus on the outside shit. I knew that I couldn't completely avoid the hockey hoes once the season started, but until then, I flew under the radar.
One Sunday afternoon I was pulling my hair out in frustration over math when my phone rang. I blame math for the fact that I was so hard up for a distraction that I answered my phone without looking at the number. If I had, I knew there was no way in hell I would have answered.
"Hello," I said as I closed my eyes.
"Umm, hey, Edward. It's me, Bree." Her voice was soft and tentative.
I froze the instant I heard her voice. Rage flowed through me and I longed to throw my phone against the wall.
"What do you want?" I didn't bother with pleasantries, there was no need.
I heard noise on the other line and I hoped she was squirming.
She gave a deep sigh, "I just wanted to say that I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
I cut her off, "Forget it. There is nothing you can say right now to make it okay."
"I know that, but I still wanted to tell you that I am sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." She whispered and I was pissed.
What was she trying to do?
"Ok, fine I get that you're sorry. Is there anything else you want? I have homework to get to." At that point math looked far better than talking to her.
"Umm, I guess not. I just wanted to apologize. Really, Edward, I am truly sorry." She gasped as if she was crying.
"Yeah, well I don't buy it Bree. Honestly, if you thought a sorry could fix things, well, you're pretty delusional. It's done, it's over, we've both moved on. Forget about. I have already forgotten you."
With that, I hung up on her. I was pissed that she had the gall to call me and tell me she was sorry. What she did was beyond an apology but I really had no time or need for her or her words. With my concentration shot, I decided to go for a run. I laughed when my iPod played All-American Rejects; it was too perfect.
As my feet pounded on the pavement, I sang along in my head.
That's right, go to hell, Bree.
A/N: Hmm.. soo the adventures of Bella and her vibe continue. Do you have a funny vibe story? And Bree.. the nerve of her calling Edward.. how do you think he handled it? If you read the oneshot.. I think you know whats coming up in the next chapter... hehe
Soo.. your thoughts... let me hear them! See ya next week! *mwah*
