Four months into their training, and things were going smoothly. Every astronaut was more or less exhausted due to the excessively demanding nature of the training. Between cardiovascular and strength conditioning sessions, survival courses, experimental training for zero-gravity science and psychiatric evaluations, needless to say; they were exhausted. But their camaraderie grew. Watney was always there to make a sarcastic and/or funny input, which kept the atmosphere light and barren of tension, and Beck and Vogel alternated to play peacemaker of the childish banter that ensued between the team. Half the time, Commander Lewis just rolled her eyes, and let the bickering continue.
But no one had noticed the deteriorating state of Alessia White. Bags encircled her eyes and she seemed whiter than bedsheets. Having a slightly overprotective family, she had years of practise covering up emotions or weakness. So no one knew that she was being tortured by nightmares and oppressed by flashbacks, and that her consumption of energy drinks and caffeine had tripled over the past few weeks.
"Sir, would you have a minute?" Mitch Henderson looked up from his computer and saw the young woman in front of him. She clasped her hands together to hide their tremble, and walked in his office. Silently, he took in White's appearance. Like all astronauts at the base, she wore NASA gear consisting of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. They seemed to swallow her small frame, and she appeared to be more like a child than the headstrong young woman she was.
"Of course, what can I do for you?"
"I just came to request permission to take leave on Thursday through to the end of the weekend." Her request seemed bizarre. That's normally something that you would ask the team commander…
"You don't want Commander Lewis to know. Why?"
"Thursday is the anniversary of my parents' death. I'm afraid that I will not be able to properly focus on the task at hand and could endanger the team by not training adequately."
"So why not tell her that? I'm sure she would understand."
"I don't want them to know," hesitation coated her words, "I haven't told them about my situation at home. Truth be told, I haven't told them much about my past. I don't want them to seem me differently. I was hoping that you or someone else could tell them I was sick and taking a few days off. That way when I come back on Monday everything is behind me and I can focus again."
Mitch couldn't help but frown. The Ares III crew were meant to bond like a team, a family that would support each other for over four years, and they were not meant to keep secrets from one another. Secrets were dangerous, secrets could have them killed. But he knew her past was sensitive; dangerous and private.
"Fine. You can leave Wednesday night late, because I'm assuming you don't want them to see you. You must be back by Monday. I hope you are a good actress, because they will ask questions. You have to expect that Dr Beck will be curious and will want to examine you to determine what kind of 'illness' you have. Are you sure you want to lie to them?"
"I have to. If they knew they would see me in a different light. Sir, all my life I have spent proving myself and defying social constructs. None believed that a sixteen-year-old could join NASA, so I did it. I have worked my ass off to defy those who place meek standards and low expectation in front of me to show just what I was capable of. I don't want them to judge or have other views of me, Sir."
Henderson wanted to tell her that this wasn't true, but he knew he couldn't. When he had selected her to take part of the Ares Program, he got told he was insane, that she wasn't capable, that she was too weak, that the age gap would prove to be too difficult to manage the team. Yet, she had shown everyone that she was indeed capable, and that nothing would stand in front of her. When she created the stimulator for the Hermes, it was a competition between a few technicians as to whose would be picked and whose would be the best. She earned foes rather than friends when hers was declared best suited for the Hermes. Likewise, he knew that people didn't attend the lectures she gave because they thought she was young and inexperienced. He knew that she knew, and he couldn't imagine the hurt and humiliation that it must put her through.
So he granted her request.
Wednesday night came, and silently Alessia packed her bag. She knew she had to keep up appearances so she took what the team knew to be her most prized possessions, including her oversized NASA hoodie. Tying her hair in a messy bun, and letting her pale skin and red eyes do the rest, she appeared to be truly sick. Silently, she walked across the common room and out the door. Blinking away tears, she walked to the bus station to get home.
When Hannah opened the doorbell on Thursday evening, she couldn't keep the shock off her face. The entire Ares III crew stood in front of her. Still dressed in NASA gear, they wore expressions of concern and pity.
"Can I help you guys?"
"How is White? We got told she was sick and wanted to check up on her."
"Well, more precisely, we got told she was sick and Dr Beck rounded up everyone to check on," interjected Watney, interrupting Martinez.
"I am technically her doctor, and she is my patient, so I don't see why this shocks you," justified Beck.
It took all of three seconds for Hannah to take in the situation. So she told them she was sick…and lied to them to not tell her why she is here. Alright well considering that she isn't home…I'm going to have to stall them.
"Ah right. Yes, she is quite sick, but should be better in a few days. She and my brothers have gone to get medication and cough drops." Bullshit, they went to the cemetery and she most likely had a breakdown. Being the overprotective cousins that they are, Nick and Alex probably comforted her for three hours, which is why they still aren't home. They better be home soon, or these NASA people will see right through my lie.
Thankfully, another three people walked through the door. Alessia successfully managed to cover her tear stained face with sunglasses, but that didn't go unnoticed by Vogel.
"Hey guys, what are you doing here?" Her raspy voice could sound like she had a sore throat, but the German astronaut knew it was because she had been crying. His daughter used the same strategy, so it wasn't hard for him to tear apart her scheme.
"Henderson told us you were sick so we came to check up on you."
No one noticed the glances that Alex, Nick and Hannah exchanged.
"How are you feeling? Anything in particular sore? Headache? Throat? Stomach?" inquired Beck, slipping into his 'Doctor mode' as Martinez called it.
"I'm fine, just tired and headaches. I don't want to be rude, but if I stand for another minute, I may just pass out. I really just need to sleep. I'll see you guys on Monday, ok?"
Nick was stunned. Alessia had managed to, in a very diplomatic way, shut them out so that they wouldn't pry. By manipulating them in this manner, it was impossible for further questions to be asked, unless they wanted seem disrespectful. Once she upstairs, and the click of her bedroom door was heard, Hannah faced the astronauts.
"Alright, enough with this bullshit, follow me."
Confused and shocked, they followed the Malaysian women out of the townhouse. She led them to a coffee shop and signalled for them to order. Obediently, they each chose their coffees, and in the case of Watney, pastries to eat.
"Ok what is this? An intervention?" Martinez went straight to the point.
"No. This is the truth. My cousin has a heart of gold, but she doesn't want to be seen as weak, so she will never tell you her story. She can't keep lying to you, so I'm going to tell you her story."
Hannah took the stunned faces in front of her as a motion to continue.
"As you know, Alessia is nineteen and a college graduate. She and my brothers and I are very close, as I am sure you have noticed. However, the way in which we became this close isn't a happy story." The astronauts exchanged wary glances. Inhaling and clearing her thoughts, Hannah continued.
"Less' parents lived in D.C, where she was born and raised. Her father was actually British, and he was my dad's brother. Alessia is Anglo-American, whereas Nick, Alex and I are Anglo-Malaysian. My family moved to Boston about ten years ago, so we we have live in the United States for a while now.
I don't know if you realised, but Less is basically a genius. We realised that when she was a baby. She spoke much earlier than anyone expected, and she quickly picked up various languages, her parents being language professors. By the time she was five, she spoke fluent English, French, Russian and Spanish. Due to her extremely high IQ, her parents chose to home-school her until she was eleven. Then, she entered high school as a senior, to properly graduate.
When Less was twelve, that's when the accident happened. Her parents and her were on their way to see a play for her birthday. A drunk driver collided with their car. Catherine and Andrew passed away instantly, leaving Less as the sole survivor of the accident." Hannah paused to wipe tears from her eyes. Sipping her coffee, she glanced at the expressions of pity and shock from the crew.
"To this day, she still blames herself. They don't call it survivors' guilt for no reason, I suppose. Less' life completely turned around after that. Hell, she completely turned around herself. She wasn't the bright, bubbly, overexcited genius any more. She spent days in her room, barely eating and crying all the time. Once the funeral was done, my parents signed custody of her. We talked to her school, and she moved to Boston. It was a good arrangement considering she had been accepted at M.I.T.
It took a long time for Less to heal. She had night terrors every night, barely sleeping and surviving on over-caffeinated drinks. She constantly had flashbacks. For weeks she didn't sleep properly and her dreams were plague with the memories of the accident." The young woman chose to ignore the exchange of glances between the commander and the doctor.
Beck and Lewis had noticed the little time the young astronaut spent sleeping. She seemed to be awake at every hour of the day, but nervous and edgy at night.
"Because she had moved in with us, Nick, Alex and I became very close to her. Alex and Nick immediately took the roles of the overprotective big brothers. Each night when she woke up screaming, one of them would stay with her until morning came. They were her protectors, her rock. If she had an issue or a problem, she would go to them. They beat up so many teenage boys that tried to hit on her. I was the one who taught her to do her makeup and sneak out, how to evade the brotherly protection patrol and how to walk in stilettos.
After months we began to see improvements. She began to smile again, she started properly eating, and she talked more. The day we heard her laugh again was magical. She still blames herself to this day, but she can now cope with the loss.
When she was sixteen, that's when things went downhill again. She had begun to see this guy who went to Boston University. It goes without saying that Alex and Nick did not approve. But she was happy. He made her laugh and her eyes shined like they had when she was a kid. Until he turned sour." Her voice hardened and anger and hatred shone through.
"He became a monster. I will never forget the call I received from my mother telling me that my cousin, the girl that was basically my sister was in hospital. He had assaulted her. She had a black eyes and bruises tattered her broken body. But worst of all, he sexually assaulted her. He had taken her innocence because she had refused to sleep with him." A loud bang interrupted her. In his anger, Martinez had slammed his mug on the table, although thankfully, it did not break.
"What?!" he spat. "How could someone just do that to her? Who is this kid? I'm going to find him and he can answer to me!" Lewis silenced him by placing her hand on his arm, whilst nodding her head towards Hannah, inviting her to continue.
"And just like that, it was back to square one. The nightmares, the flashbacks, the screams, they all returned. But she didn't let them get to her. You know Alessia, she is as stuborn as a mule. Less claimed that she wasn't going to let him get to her. She wasn't going to let him win, she wouldn't be broken again. So she forced herself to smile, to continue living like before.
The next year, she applied to work at NASA. She had been offered a job as a technician and software developer. She loved it and began to look alive again. Last year she applied to take part of the Ares Program, and well you know how she is today."
"Son of a bitch," curses slipped out from Mark before he could stop himself.
"That is…something." Vogel nodded thoughtfully. It certainly explained a lot about her reserved nature and the manner in which she kept her distance.
"So why was she not at NASA today?" inquired Lewis.
"Today was the anniversary of her parents' death. She knew that she wouldn't be able to focus on work so she took the day off, asking people to tell you she was sick or something."
A heavy silence weighed down on the group. How the hell do you react to something like that? Not something you can just laugh off. Watney just sat there bewildered.
"Tell her that we are waiting for her on Monday, and that we hope she feels better."
Commander Lewis made the final call. Standing up, she signalled for the crew to depart, leaving the Malaysian woman to her thoughts.
