Chapter 3 - Nightmares
The metallic taste of blood filled Jim's mouth; he blinked hard, trying to see clearly. He was lying on his back on a cold metal floor in a dark room, wrists and ankles bound.
A cold laugh echoed in the large empty space.
"You're pathetic!" spat Khan, kicking him in the ribs again.
Jim winced and curled into a ball on the floor, trying to protect himself from any serious damage. He wriggled his wrists, the skin was bloody and torn against the harsh bindings and he could not free himself.
"Captain James Tiberius Kirk, the famous Starfleet hero. Only alive because of me! Get up," he hissed, grabbing Jim by the throat and pulling him upright, his feet dangled off the floor.
Jim struggled for breath.
"I'm going to make you regret living," he growled, dark eyes glinting malevolently in the half-light.
He dropped him roughly back onto the floor and Jim crumpled; his legs unable to take his weight.
With a loud thud, Khan kicked Jim mercilessly in the back, Jim felt a rib break and hissed in pain.
A tapping sound filled his ears, almost like someone was knocking on the door of the large room.
"H-hello?" Jim choked out.
The tapping continued, now slightly louder.
"Can you hear me?" he yelled, desperate.
Khan let out a manic laugh.
"There's no one left to hear you scream," he closed his hands tightly around Jim's throat and everything went black.
Jim lurched bolt upright in bed, gasping for breath. His stomach churned violently and he sprinted to the bathroom just in time to vomit into the toilet.
From the bathroom he heard the strange tapping again, the same sound from the dream. He flushed the toilet and splashed some cold water on his face, quickly rinsing his mouth.
The tapping sounded again and it occurred to him that someone was knocking his apartment door.
Jim walked over to the door and opened it shakily.
"Captain. Is this an inconvenient time?" asked Spock, raising an eyebrow at Jim's attire, or lack of it.
"Spock. No. Uh. Let me find some clothes," Jim shifted awkwardly to the side to allow Spock into the apartment, flicking on the lights and closing the door. It was now dark, but Jim had no idea what the time was or how long he'd been asleep.
Spock walked slowly over to the couch, sitting down and looking around. Jim emerged from the bedroom in a pair of grey sweatpants, still pulling a plain black tee-shirt over his head.
"Captain, you look unwell, perhaps you should contact Dr McCoy and-"
"No Spock I'm fine, I just had a bad dream that's all," sighed Jim, sitting down on the other end of the couch.
"And how many times, we're off duty, please don't call me Captain."
Spock nodded shortly and continued to stare at Jim, his dark eyes piercing into his blue ones.
"What can I do for you?" asked Jim, sighing and running his hands through his sweaty hair. He felt terrible. His head was pounding and he still felt sick.
"There is nothing I require from you, I simply wished to ensure that you were settling adequately into your temporary living arrangements."
"You came to check on me?" It was Jim's turn to raise an eyebrow.
"In a manner of speaking, yes, I suppose that is why I am here. I also wished to enquire as to if you required any additional nourishment at this time."
"And to ask if I'm hungry?"
"Yes," said Spock, raising an eyebrow at Jim's apparent confusion.
The two men stared at each other for a very long few seconds.
"My apologies, I should not have assumed it would be appropriate for me to arrive unannounced at your quarters, I will leave so that you can continue resti-"
"No. Don't go. Let's go and get something to eat. I'm really hungry, and I could really use your company right now. Just give me two minutes to take a shower," said Jim, shivering slightly in the cold room.
"Uh... wait here?" Jim offered tentatively and Spock nodded.
Remembering Vulcan's preference for warmer temperature than humans, he instructed the computer.
"Computer, raise room temperature by fifteen degrees," he instructed, getting up off the couch and heading to the bathroom.
He quickly stripped and showered, leaving his clothes on the floor once he stepped out of the shower and draping his towel around his waist instead. He walked back into the bedroom to find some clean clothes and paused slightly when he saw the dark haired figure sitting on the edge of his bed.
He blushed pink, not enjoying Spock's eyes on him in only his towel. At least not while he was in such a state.
"You look unwell, Jim," he said sadly.
"I'm fine," he lied quickly, rummaging in his holdall for clean clothes, deciding he should really unpack.
"The last time I witnessed you wearing only a towel in your quarters on the Enterprise you were considerably healthier looking. I am concerned that you are malnourished as I am able to see your bones through your skin, and this is not desirable for a human."
"It's OK Spock; I'm just a little skinny from Bones keeping me in the coma whilst my body was healing. My muscle has wasted because I wasn't using it, but I can get it back, I'm going to get back to the way I was and better, you don't need to worry about me. Anyway, do you mind? I gotta put some clothes on," he hinted, hoping Spock would leave him alone to change in peace.
"Certainly," he said, standing up and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.
Jim sighed and untied the towel from his waist, using it to roughly dry his hair which still needed cutting. He pulled on a fresh pair of black boxers, blue jeans and a worn out white tee-shirt, grabbing his leather jacket from the back of his chair and throwing it on.
He quickly brushed his teeth in the bathroom, his mouth still not tasting great from when he had thrown up after his nightmare.
"Alrighty then, let's go. What kind of food should we go for? I kinda want pizza," said Jim, patting his rumbling stomach.
"I have never eaten this 'pizza', though I am aware it is not usually acceptable for vegans due to the presence of cheese."
"Uh… I know a place that will make you a vegan pizza if you want to try it?" offered Jim as they walked out of the apartment.
"That would be agreeable."
The two men were silent in the elevator and as they left the building, turning left once they got outside and walking towards the main street of restaurants and bars.
"Since when did you try other food?" asked Jim, looking at Spock suspiciously.
"I have become aware that I am limiting myself by only following Vulcan culture. I am, in fact, half human as you are aware, so I see no harm in embracing this to a certain degree. Trying new things is part of being human, and I am not going against any Vulcan laws," he said, shrugging slightly.
Spock. Embracing his human side.
Jim thought he'd died all over again and woken up in a crazy alternate universe.
The men walked for another few minutes, making small talk and occasionally eye-contact until they reached the place Jim had suggested.
True to his word they made vegan pizza, he and Spock grabbed a table over in the corner and started to inspect the menu.
"Oh man, they do curly fries. I could just swim in curly fries!" said Jim excitedly.
Spock peered over his menu at Jim and raised his eyebrow, before looking back down at the menu. Jim could practically hear him saying 'that would be highly illogical,' and he smirked to himself.
"You want to split a pizza? I mean, I don't think I could eat a whole one, not with curly fries and a giant chocolate shake too. I'll even eat the vegan pizza just for you," he smiled, but his blue eyes didn't smile, they were almost grey and Spock had noticed.
"That would be agreeable."
Jim let Spock choose the toppings for the pizza, seeing as he'd eat just about anything, and they ordered from the young server who seemed to be completely fascinated by Spock.
"I think she liked you," Jim laughed as she walked away.
"She merely displayed curiosity as she was clearly unfamiliar with the physical characteristics of my species. I do not believe that would cause her to like me in any way. That would be highly illogical."
They fell into silence for a few minutes until the server brought over their drinks.
"Thanks," Jim nodded with a small smile.
"Damn I haven't had a real chocolate shake in forever, I mean, one that isn't replicated," he said, taking a slurp of the thick beverage through the straw and grinning.
"Wow."
He went back for more. Full lips closing around the straw in a way Spock couldn't ignore. Unable to tear his eyes away, Spock watched as Jim seemingly deliberately let the straw slip from his lips, before catching it and circling his tongue around it provocatively, a slight mischievous glint in his blue eyes.
There was absolutely no logical reason to use so much emphasis when drinking from a straw, but Spock was fixated. He couldn't help but picture those full lips circling something quite different.
"You alright?" asked Jim with a small laugh, looking up at Spock who was staring, fixated at him, eyes darker than usual.
"I am well," he said shortly, glancing down at the table before looking back up to Jim.
"How is your condition?" he asked, looking at Jim with a very serious expression on his face. Spock knew something was troubling him.
"I'm… I'm doing alright. I'm still in a little pain here and there, and I keep getting these weird hot flushes and sick feelings, but other than that I'm OK. Oh, and the nightmares," he said, eyes refusing to meet Spock's through fear they would give him away.
"Nightmares?" enquired Spock.
"I keep seeing Khan in my head, and it's usually unpleasant. I had a dream earlier where he was… torturing me," said Jim quietly, his eyes flicking up to Spock but then back down at the table.
"Have you spoken with Dr McCoy regarding this?"
"No… I don't really want to. He'll probably just get me psychologically evaluated. He already suggested I see a therapist after my whole death thing to try and get over it. I don't feel like there's much to get over. I'm still here aren't I? I mean, to me it isn't traumatic. I don't remember it and I'd like to keep it that way." Jim took another sip of his milkshake and stretched his legs under the table, careful not to kick Spock in the process.
Spock looked at him carefully across the table, Jim could see deep emotion in his eyes but he couldn't decide if it was sadness or anger.
"I also have 'nightmares' as you call them, however my nightmares are very different. In mine, I must watch you die in the warp reactor, over and over again whilst I can do nothing to help you. It is… difficult. I have not been achieving my required amount of sleep due to this. Whilst you were in the hospital I found it comforting to remain by your side for as much time as possible to remind myself that you were in fact, alive. Perhaps you would benefit from seeing that Khan is in no position to hurt either yourself or anyone else?" Spock suggested.
Jim stared at him, wide-eyed at what he had just said.
I have nightmares. I must watch you die over and over again whilst I can do nothing to help you. It is… difficult.
"Spock… shit… I'm sorry. I didn't realise I was stressing you out so much. I didn't realise you actually watched me… you know… go," he trailed off and Spock nodded slightly.
"I would prefer if we do not speak of it further at this time."
"Yeah, of course," said Jim softly. He wanted to reach his hand across the table and lace his fingers with Spock's, tell him everything would be alright, but he didn't.
There was an awkward silence for a few moments until Jim's stomach growled loudly and he laughed. Spock raised an eyebrow and the corner of his lip twitched up in what Jim swore was a small smirk.
"Well, I'm still hungry," he smiled.
"It would seem that is about to change," said Spock, looking at something behind Jim's head.
"Oh wow," he grinned as their food was placed on the table in front of them. The pizza was ridiculously huge, there was no way they would finish it all.
Jim dove right into his curly fries, smothering them in ketchup.
"Nnnffohmygoshsogood," he said through a mouthful of food and Spock's eyebrow went up once again. Jim seemed to be getting good at making him do that.
"Sorry," he smiled, swallowing his food and starting to eat like less of a savage, picking up his knife and fork.
Spock cut himself a small piece of pizza and impaled it on his fork, sniffing it cautiously before putting it in his mouth, chewing it and swallowing. He looked like he hated it. Jim smirked.
"Not good?"
"It is certainly… different."
"Good different or bad different?"
"The mixture of tastes is certainly… interesting, though I do not believe this meal will become a regular occurrence in my diet," said Spock, cutting himself another neat little piece of pizza.
Jim laughed. "I missed you Spock. It's good to see you."
Jim had never seen anyone eat pizza so neatly. It took every ounce of his self control not to just pick up a slice and shovel it into his mouth. He was pleasantly surprised that the vegan cheese on this pizza was almost as good as the real thing and the overall taste was pretty good.
They both ate in silence for a while, until Jim had almost finished his entire half of the pizza. He put his knife and fork down and groaned.
"I'm so full," he whined, rubbing his stomach.
Spock smirked that tiny smirk across the table.
"Oh is that funny?" Jim asked.
"It is… amusing."
"Pointy-eared bastard," Jim muttered, taking another sip of his milkshake.
Spock put down his knife and fork and Jim looked at him.
"You're done?" he asked and Spock nodded. He had only eaten about half of his food.
"You didn't eat much."
"Vulcan metabolisms are significantly more efficient than that of a human. In simple terms, I do not need to eat as much."
Jim nodded. "Gotcha."
Jim insisted on paying for their meal, and they started walking back towards the Starfleet apartments.
"Where are you staying anyway?" he asked Spock.
"Closer to the centre of the city," he said vaguely.
"Then surely by walking me home, you're walking the wrong way?"
"It is not an inconvenience. It merely increases my walking time by fourteen point six minutes."
Jim's head throbbed painfully and he felt his body temperature creeping up. He stumbled whilst walking an unintentionally grabbed Spock's arm to steady himself.
Thoughts that weren't his own rushed into his head, feeling that weren't his own flooded his body. He wrenched his hand away from Spock who was now staring at him.
"Might I ask if you could kindly-"
"Refrain from touching you? Yep. Got it," nodded Jim, blinking to try and clear his vision which was becoming strangely dark.
"Captain?" he heard Spock ask but he couldn't respond. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair, rubbing his head, trying to get his mind to think clearly but it wasn't working.
"Jim?"
"Spock I don't feel so-" he slumped forwards and Spock caught him, lifting him effortlessly as if he was a small child.
Spock carefully hoisted Jim so he was carrying him over one shoulder is a sort of fireman's lift, before pulling his communicator from his pocket.
"Spock to Dr McCoy."
There was a pause and then a loud groan from the communicator.
"What do you want at this hour? Christ! Green-blooded hobgoblin…" he growled.
"Captain Kirk is… unwell. I am bringing him back to his quarters, are you able to meet us there?"
"Jeez, he's a pain in my ass. Sure Spock I'll meet you there, I'm staying just down the hall from him. How far away are you?"
"I estimate we will arrive in approximately five point three minutes."
"Can't you just say five minutes? Why can't you ever just... urgh! OK. I'll see you in five. Bye."
Spock carried Jim's unconscious form carefully all the way back to his apartment building. The girl on the reception desk gave him a puzzled look as he walked to the elevator.
"Your friend have a little too much to drink?" she asked, smiling nervously.
"Indeed," said Spock, deciding that was a much simpler explanation.
The elevator doors opened and Spock stepped inside, repositioning Jim's limp body so he was holding him bridal style.
The doors opened at the twentieth floor and Spock stepped out, met by McCoy in the hallway.
"Damn. A little early for you to be carrying him over the threshold don't you think?" Bones smirked.
"I am unclear on the meaning of-"
"Forget it Spock it's a human joke. Let's get him inside." McCoy used his medical override code to grant them entry to Jim's apartment and Spock carried Jim over to his bed, gently placing him down.
McCoy looked over him carefully, pulling a small scanning device from his pocket and scanning, particularly around his head.
"Exhaustion," he grumbled. "He's just been doing too much, I can't see anything medically wrong with him other than a low body temperature. Has he mentioned feeling cold at all?"
"He has mentioned feeling warm, and he looked rather… flushed when I arrived earlier this evening. He has not mentioned feeling cold."
"Well, he's cold now, bordering on bad kinda cold. His body seems to be struggling to regulate temperature. Pass me that extra blanket over there?"
Spock nodded and grabbed the blanket from the shelf behind him, handing it to Bones. The apartment was already warm so he didn't raise the room temperature.
"You could stay with him and spoon? That'd help warm him up," Bones chuckled, tucking his scanner back in his pocket and throwing the extra blanket over Jim, pulling it right up to his chin.
"Spoon? What is this? I believed a spoon to be an item of cutlery used whilst consuming a meal."
"Spooning is when two humans cuddle, both laying on their side and slightly curved, like two spoons fitting together. It's normally after sex or whilst sleeping. I think you'd make a nice little spoon for our Jim here," Bones smirked and Spock raised both eyebrows dangerously.
"As I am taller than the Captain, I believe that I would in fact be the larger spoon."
Not the response Bones had expected.
"You've clearly given that some thought," he laughed, walking towards the bedroom door.
"Actually, I have not, though if the Captain would benefit from my body warmth I would of course share it if this was of benefit to his health or comfort."
"I'm sure he'd benefit from more than your body warmth…" mumbled Bones, smirking to himself.
Spock chose to ignore the comment.
A whimpering noise from the bed alerted the two men to Jim stirring slightly in his sleep. He shivered and pulled the blankets tightly around himself.
"He's freezing Spock, go spoon," Bones laughed, leaving the apartment and closing the door behind him.
Jim's blue eyes peeked out at Spock, silently asking the question. Spock raised an eyebrow.
"It would benefit my health and my comfort," said Jim quietly, quoting what Spock had said earlier.
Spock sighed slightly, looking down at Jim who shivered again and closed his eyes.
He looked so ill, so weak and Spock felt very sorry for him, though he would never admit he felt that.
A few minutes later a half-asleep Jim was vaguely aware of a very warm body joining his under the blankets. He smiled into the pillow as an awkward arm snaked around his waist and held him close.
"You're like a living radiator," he murmured sleepily.
"A Vulcan's body temperature is significantly higher than that of a human," Spock said softly.
"Captain, I should also make you aware that I do not intend this gesture to be mis-interpreted as an act of emotional weakness or a romantic offering. I am simply assisting you with the regulation of your body temperature."
"Mhm. Got it," Jim tried to hide the disappointment in his voice.
"I should also remind you that Vulcan's are touch telepaths, and although my full telepathic abilities are not functional without skin to skin contact, I am able to detect your emotions. Why do you feel disappointment?"
Jim thought carefully for a moment about how to answer to back out of the situation, but he knew he couldn't. Spock knew about his feelings, and if he felt the same, this would be the perfect chance to act on it. But he wasn't acting on it. Spock clearly didn't feel the same. He swallowed the lump in his throat and pretended to be asleep.
"I know you are not asleep," said Spock quietly after a few minutes and Jim opened his eyes, turning over suddenly to face the other man, Spock shifted back a few inches and sat up.
"Spock… I know what I said to you when I was in the reactor, when I was dying. I appreciate that as my friend you want to help me feel better, but you should probably either go home or sleep on the couch. You know my feelings, you obviously don't feel the same, and you know that you sleeping in my bed with me is only going to fuck with my head. I… I can't handle being rejected by you," said Jim, trying to hide his shivering now that Spock's body heat was no longer helping him stay warm.
Spock stared at Jim long and hard, considering his options and what would be the logical decision to make. Jim shivered violently, but his piercing blue eyes continued to stare Spock down, almost like he was challenging him.
"I must apologise in advance, but I cannot allow you to sleep alone when you are unable to effectively regulate your body temperature, this could be detrimental to your health in your current sensitive state," he said and Jim looked confused.
"I'm not sensitive. I just asked you to leave, because this is going to mess with my feelings. Do I have to make it an order?" he asked, trying to sit up, ready to try and assert his authority despite the fact he had no strength in his body and felt like he'd just spent a year on Delta Vega wearing nothing but a mankini.
"I am sorry," said Spock, his face forming a small, apologetic smile before his hand found its way to the point where Jim's neck and shoulder merged.
"Spock don't you d-"
Spock pinched and Jim was out like a light, head lolling to the side.
"I am sorry," he whispered again.
He was so worried about Jim. Despite the doctor being unable to find anything physically wrong with him, instinctively Spock knew something was very wrong, he had never seen Jim so weak and so erratic in his behaviour. One minute he was fine, the next minute he was passing out. It pained Spock to see him in such a state.
"Computer, lights off," said Spock, not even lowering his voice as he didn't need to with Jim under the affects of the nerve pinch. He would be unconscious for hours.
In the darkness Spock gently rolled his Captain onto his side, curling up behind him, his arm snaking around his waist and holding him close. He briefly touched the bare skin of his forearm. It was cold, even by human standards, and despite his unconscious state Jim continued to shiver slightly.
"What's wrong with you Jim? What can I do to fix it?" whispered Spock, lightly running his fingertips along Jim's forearm.
"You can try not nerve pinching me you pointy-eared bastard," muttered Jim in the darkness.
"You should be unconscious," froze Spock, retracting his hand from Jim's arm immediately.
"I guess my magical healing blood makes me immune to your little trick."
"I apologise. I should not have-."
"Just shut up and go to sleep Spock, and keep out of my thoughts or I'll… uh… beat you up," he threatened weakly.
"I have three times the strength of a human, I find the prospect of you 'beating me up' quite unlikely," smirked Spock, recalling the last time they had come to blows.
"That time on the bridge when you choked me? That didn't count. I didn't want to hit you back in front of your dad and embarrass you." Jim exhaled heavily.
The two men fell into silence, the only sound their deep, slow breathing. After a few minutes Jim finally fell asleep, his whole body relaxing in Spock's arms.
Spock closed his own eyes and nuzzled his face into the back of Jim's neck, placing a light kiss there, something he had wanted to do for a very long time.
"Sleep well, Jim."
~A/N~
Aww, some fluffyness :3 And a looooonngass chapter! Didn't realise it was quite this long until I copy-pasted it across from Word.
Thanks so much for all the reviews, faves, follows! Keep them coming, it really does mean a lot to me:)
