Hello luvs! This chapter takes place a little while after the gas station scene. Gus is much too sick to go anywhere right now, until the Last Good Day. Next chapter will be more about the prefuneral and what happened in the eight days leading up to you know what. Get your tissues ready. I'm cranking up the angst, and much darker themes are definitely coming this way. When life gets unbearable, what can you do?
Gus's condition had worsened.
Isaac kept to himself more often these days. Wake, eat, go to Gus's house, come home, eat, sleep. That was his normal routine. Sometimes he would skip the eating. Once while changing, he realized just how painfully thin he really was. Gingerly touching his protruding ribs, he wondered what had happened to the Isaac from before. The young, bright, hopeful boy who had dreams and aspirations. Who believed in life and living. It seemed so long ago that he had been laughing alongside his friends.
He knew that now he could never tell Augustus that he loved him. It was foolish of him to even think of it. The boy was dying, for Christ's sake! He was already going through enough pain. Hazel couldn't know. Isaac imagined the horror on her face when she learned that her friend was in love with her boyfriend. No, he thought, I must keep this to myself. It's the best way. He knew logic was the most important thing right now. Feelings hurt too much. Still, his heart burned to speak out. To let everyone know the truth.
It was one day at Gus's house that Isaac would look back on and come to truly regret.
He was sitting beside Gus. Hazel had gone downstairs to bring up a movie that they would watch and Isaac would... well, Isaac would listen to. "Isaac," Gus's voice was raspy and came from his left side. "Isaac, listen to me. This is the most important thing I've ever told you. When I die... you have to take care of Hazel. It's going to hurt her a lot, and I can tell it's going to hurt you. You two will keep each other strong, alright? You must keep going. Please, I'm asking you. Promise me." he gripped Isaac's hand tightly. Isaac nodded tearfully and squeezed his hand. His voice cracked when he spoke.
"Always."
For a few minutes they sat there. His heart thrummed inside his chest and in a burst of mad passion an desire, he leaned down and pressed his lips softly to Augustus's forehead. Immediately realizing what he had done, he recoiled in horror, fully expecting that Gus would freak out. Thankfully, he didn't hear anything but Gus's steady breathing. He had fallen asleep. Breathing a sigh of relief, Isaac bent his head and began to sob.
When Hazel walked back upstairs, she didn't question him. She gathered him in an embrace and didn't let go for a long time. Then she stroked Gus's hair and got up to go home. "Tell him I said goodbye." she whispered to Isaac, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy beside them. He heard the door close behind her. Isaac put his head in his hands and just sat there until his phone rang. He ignored the call but figured that it was his parents and decided it was time to go home.
Depressed.
It wasn't a word the old Isaac would ever use to describe himself. But now he acknowledged the fact that he was. Lies and half truth told to his family. Keeping his own desires bottled up. Skipping meals and sleeping in. He only left the house to visit Gus. Even then, he made sure not to come into physical contact with anyone. Not after what happened before. Touching another human being just hurt. Affection from anyone would break him.
Foolish boy, his spiteful mind spat at him, looking for love in all the wrong places. Pining away for a love you will never receive. Isaac's heart was constantly at war with his mind. He began to break down slowly as the emotional torment grew worse with each passing day. Finally, he decided enough was enough. It was time to end everything. He would finally be through with all of the heartache and suffering. He made his way to the bathroom and opened up the cabinet. Feeling around for the pill bottles, he took his best guess and picked the one he thought to be the most dangerous. Opening them, he thought about how many he would need. It would end badly if he failed. Taking about ten of each should do it. He lifted the first pill to his mouth.
His hand shook, and he dropped the pill.
Isaac slid down the wall to the floor and cried. He hadn't cried like this in his entire life. Not even when he had let his emotions get the better of him at Gus's house. This was the deluge. The dam breaking. He couldn't end it here. He had promised Gus to stay strong. To get through it, and help Hazel through as well. He would not fail him. Isaac had promised always, and this time that promise would not be broken.
That night as he lay in bed, his phone rang. It was from Gus. "Hello?"
"Hello Isaac. Could you be so kind as to come to the Literal Heart of Jesus at say, eight o'clock? Please prepare a eulogy." Isaac mumbled yes and hung up. He set to work on his computer. He spoke into it and it typed up the letter. When he was done, he asked his mother for a ride and she obliged. What he would do without her, Isaac did not know.
His world was made of glass, and one strong tap could break it to pieces.
Angst? Angst. I was in a sullen mood today, so I wrote this. I'm going to be super busy these next few weeks, so I'm not sure if I'm going to get an update in. Ill try my hardest though! Thanks to all who follow, favorite, and review!
