Okay, here's the fourth chapter [In this one we finally get to figure out what the heck Jasper's been thinking... YAY!].

It's late and tomorrow is going to be bad enough already, so I'll keep it quick.

All the usual thanks to Alyssa, (I still owe you, like, a billion favours.. and I'm going to pay you back one of these days!)...

- I own nothing - hope you enjoy it - please review.

:)

__

After my weekend with Alice, it had been awkward to see Edward again. To have to talk to Edward again. I was sure that he'd figure it out, that Alice's thoughts would tell him what had occurred. Either Alice wasn't thinking about it as much as I was, or she was good at controlling her thoughts. And emotions. Jasper was present, after all.

It was lunchtime and I was sitting at a table with the Cullens; Alice sat by my side, Edward and Jasper were across from us. Rosalie and Emmett had gone on a trip a couple of days ago, something about "reviving" their marriage.

There was no doubt that Jasper already knew; I wasn't exempt from his abilities and could hardly contain myself. Just a few moments ago, Alice had brushed my hand, accidentally, and kicked my heart into overdrive.

Jasper turned to me and smiled tentatively. I had no idea what was going on inside that head of his. Why wasn't he angry? I was head over heels for his wife, and he was smiling? Something didn't add up. Meanwhile, Edward was oblivious as ever, looking at the three of us with obvious curiosity.

"What was that?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"What was what, Edward? I'm afraid you've got to be a little more specific than that. Not all of us can read minds, you know." Alice replied. Her voice was sugary sweet, but there seemed to be an undercurrent of annoyance. Was I the only one who noticed?

"I feel like I'm missing out on some inside joke, what with Jasper shooting you two," he looked at me, the Alice, "knowing looks."

No one made a move to say anything. I heard a muffled thump, and Jasper turned to glare at Alice. She glared back. He sighed.

More often than not, it seemed like they spoke a language of their own. That never bothered me before, but now I regretted being the only human. The Cullens all knew each other so well. Especially Jasper and Alice/ They had this closeness no one could rival.

Suddenly, I felt sick. I needed to get out of here. Standing up, I grabbed my tray and got ready to rush from the room.

"Just going to get some air," I mumbled quickly, and turned to leave.

Edward collected his tray, "I'll come with you."

"I'd rather go alone."

He looked worried now. I saw Jasper put a hand on his shoulder as I walked quickly from the cafeteria. I wasn't sure whether he was comforting him, or restraining him, but at the moment it didn't matter. I just needed some air.

__

It was raining outside, but I pushed the door open, nevertheless. I made my way over to a picnic bench, sitting down on the damp wood. Laying my head on my arms, I listened to the rain, feeling myself relax with each passing moment. The rain was gentle. Soothing. I heard birds calling and kids shouting. I didn't, however, hear any footsteps. That's why I jumped when someone sat down beside me. I saw blond hair and sad eyes. My whole body tensed.

The last person I expected.

The last person I wanted to talk to.

Jasper.

Well, truthfully, the last person I wanted to talk to was probably Edward. The tension drained from my body the moment a comforting land touched my arm.

I couldn't believe he was being so kind to me, after what had happened with Alice. By now, there was no doubt in my mind. He knew. And yet, he was out here – in the rain – comforting me. The girl who threatened to rip his family to shreds.

The guilt was almost overwhelming.

"Jasper. I'm so sorr-" I tried to apologize, but he cut me off.

"I know. It's okay, Bella. I understand," he said. His voice was soothing, but my emotions ran away with me. He wasn't using his gift to suppress them anymore. But ... Why?

A tear made its way down my cheek. He wiped it away, and suddenly I was bawling. Oh gosh, I was a complete mess.

He didn't try to comfort me. That too, was a kind gesture. If he had, it probably would have added to my tears. Instead, he just waited them out.

When my sobs were down to a manageable level, I tackled my first question, "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Considering my nose was running and I had begun to hiccup, my question was barely coherent, but he still understood.

"Why?" he mulled this over for a few minutes, then answered "I suppose it's because I knew she wouldn't be mine forever, Bella." he said, though his expression told me he had still hoped. "I really don't know if she ever was mine in the first place."

I knew what he meant. It seemed impossible that that tiny ball of explosive energy could belong to anyone for any extended period of time.

I didn't say anything, though, and he continued to speak, "She found me, you know. She knew, before I met her, that we'd be close. It's the same with you. She knew you two would be together."

Jasper sighed. Then there was silence.

"Yeah," I replied, though if you asked me what I was agreeing to, I wouldn't know.

My thoughts slid back to Alice and her ability. Her unquestionable belief that we would be friends, and perhaps more. Now I wonder what she truly saw, before she met me. "She's pretty amazing, isn't she?"

"She is," he said with a smile, though his eyes still seemed sad.

"I figure, or at least I hope, that you didn't come out here just to watch me have a break down, as much fun as that is..." I was still slightly embarrassed that he had seen that.

"No, you're right. I came out here to explain. To talk."

"About anything in particular?"

I was being deliberately obtuse. I don't know if that's an emotion or not, but he could feel it, either way.

"You know exactly what I'm referring to. You're as much a part of the family as she is, and that means I want the both of you to be happy. If that means you have to be together... Well, Edward and I have survived worse..."

That wasn't very reassuring. Actually, his little speech simply proved that I couldn't go through with this. How could I knowingly and willingly hurt them? I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn't cause pain for the ones I care about, and I planned to stick to it. If that meant I caused pain for myself, that's just too bad.

"What worries me is that you're fighting it." Jasper said with a smirk, as though he were the one who could read minds.

Denial was the only option. "Fighting what? I'm not fighting anything."

There was no possible way he would get me to admit I loved Alice. Oops. Ah, at least, not out loud. I suppose I've said it to myself more than once.

"Bella," he growled, then he rolled his eyes and sighed. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "You can't choose who you love. It just happens."

He seemed to be speaking from experience, judging by the extreme look of pain that crossed his features as he said that. My suspicions were confirmed when he whispered, almost as though he didn't want me to hear, "I should know. Heaven knows I've tried."

"You've tried to choose who you love before?"

"Do you think I want to be like this? I can't numb my own feelings, Bella."

I stared at him incredulously, and he continued, angry now, "Do you think I enjoy pain? If I could, I would love anyone but Alice. It's not possible. Love doesn't work that way. I'm not speaking purely from my own experiences; I've seen hundreds of humans through the years, and felt what every single one of them has felt. This will end one of two ways. Either you just give up and give in or you end up hurting yourself in an attempt to deny what's obviously there. You can't just ignore this, Bella. You can't just ignore or deny your feelings."

Especially around a vampire that can read emotions.I thought wryly.

"But what about Edward? And the rest of your family? My family too. This'll just hurt them." I said, softly.

It's amazing how much you can say without actually saying the words 'love' or 'Alice'.

"You have to make a choice. You can be truthful, hurt Edward and the others, but make both Alice and yourself happy," he paused while I considered this first option.

So far it seemed incredibly selfish. Cause trouble for the people closest to me simply so I could be happy? In fact, that option would also mean causing trouble for Alice. I highly doubted she wanted me. Even after last weekend.

"Or," he continued. "Deny your feelings – like you've been doing – and hurt both Alice and yourself in order to protect everyone else.

He neglected to mention that he was one of the people who would be hurt by my decision. He seemed already resigned to his fate.

"Are you going to–"

The bell rang, interrupting before I could finish my question.

"Come on," he said, helping me to stand. "We're going to be late."

__

I reached the biology classroom just as the second bell rang. I slipped into my seat beside Edward, trying to avoid his gaze. When I snuck a glance at him, he looked to be both worried and amused. It was only then that I realized I was dripping.

Edward didn't ask me any questions. For that, I was relieved. The tension between us dissipated as the class went on. The teacher was talking about genetics, but my mind was elsewhere. I was still thinking about my strange conversation with Jasper.