super thanks to reveiwers and those of you who've favorited/followed. one reviewer actually has a firm grasp on where this plot is headed but, not all quite there I'm afraid. This one is long ^.^
Noctis couldn't have been more unhappy about his current position. It seemed that Ignis was taking personal offense to his indifference towards Lightning and had been postponing meeting with public officials so that Noctis could focus on his seemingly selective amnesia. The young advisor hadn't told him either and it wasn't as if Noctis was in a place that he could fire Ignis so, here he stood, awaiting an answer from a Miss Lightning Farron.
When he'd knocked on the door and she opened it quite cautiously (which she didn't really need to as she was safe inside the palace) peeking one azure through the space. It has widened at the sight of him and she closed it promptly before he heard frantic shuffling inside. That brought the slightest of quirks to his lips at the lack of preparedness. She was obviously not expecting him to talk to her at all. (She seemed to be the only one with that mindset.)
When she reappeared, her hair was still wet from the shower she must've come out of, and her clothing was haphazardly chosen. She held an unreadably calm expression, but it faltered a bit when he thrust the object in his hands her way. White cyclamen flowers. His eyes diverted their attention away from her as he held them out. She took them, sensing his obvious discomfort and held them in front of her with tender care. The light, sweet scent of the flowers wafted to her nose and she smiled for a fraction of second before looking back to his face. "Thank you."
He shoved his hands in his coat pocket and stared anywhere but at her, "Would you like to eat dinner with me tonight?"
"Hm?" She stiffened and he flinched in response, ready to get rejected. In fact, he was ready to bolt. There was a nervousness in him that he could not understand. He supposed he was never great at speaking to the opposite sex and with the knowledge of who this woman was to him before his accident, he get uneasy. "Dinner?"
"Yeah, that's what I said," his tone was bordering condescending.
"Did Ignis put you up to this?" Her words were almost playful but, her face certain held no inkling of teasing.
Noctis sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "Look, if you don't want to, you can just say no."
"Alright, then, no, I don't want to have dinner with you," she answered. "Thank you again for the flowers." She motioned to the delicate white bulbs and he scrunched his eyebrows.
"Wait, what—?"
But, she'd already closed the door on him. For a moment, he was stunned in his spot. He expected a possible rejection but, he was more confident that she'd want to have dinner with him! The prince scoffed as he stared incredulously at the wood of her door, his hand flying back up to knock once more. His expression steeled, pride wounded. He was doing HER a favor! The nerve of this woman!
She had a towel in her hair when she reopened the door, somewhat shocked to see that he was still standing there. Though, now his face was contorted into something of a child's when throwing a fit, "Yes?" Her response cool and even-tempered was a stark contrast to his harsher one.
"Why won't you have dinner with me?"
She stopped drying her hair to scoff, "Are you really that upset?"
He didn't answer.
"I don't want you to assume that I want you to chase after me. It's easier like this anyways. I'm gonna be leaving in ten days...there's not much of a point to burden you, Noctis. You should concentrate on your kingdom."
"You're the only one in this stupid country that probably thinks that way, I'm afraid," he retorted bitterly. Crossing his arms, Noctis sighed. "If you're leaving, I should still dine with my guests."
Lightning smiled a little amused, "I don't think I've been a guest for three years, Noctis."
"The kitchens have certainly noticed, Farron," he snorted. The words fell off his lips so smoothly that he hadn't even realized what he had said until it was out in the open. Her eyes went to his and she had her lips upturned before they fell again.
"You haven't called me that in a while," she said.
"I don't even know where that came from," he touched his lips, stunned for the second time this morning. "I'm sorry."
Lightning rolled her eyes, "Actually, it was...nice to hear that. Although, I don't appreciate that jab at my eating habits."
"I'm sorry—"
"Calm down, Caelum, I was joking," she went back to drying her hair.
He cleared his throat before speaking, "So, will you at least let me indulge Prompto in speaking to you? He won't stop looking at me like I've killed his dog."
"We're speaking now, aren't we?" She smirked. He stared on. Lightning sighed, "Fine but, not dinner—since I eat so much, apparently—a walk?"
"Fine, though, I should tell you that I'm still recovering from—"
"I'll see you later then, at around six?"
"Yes, that's fine but—"
But, she'd already closed the door once more. He commented on her rude behavior but, something about it all made his hands sweaty. He turned on his heel to find something to do until six, suddenly extremely anxious.
Six o'clock could not have rolled around more slowly, it seemed. Noctis surprised himself when he had spent three of those hours in his own bedroom, staring at the clothes in his closet and deeming every suit and article of clothing unfit. A small portion of the closet, a corner, was home to clothing that certainly did not belong to him. An assortment of colorful evening gowns that were fit for a princess and the last time he checked, he had not developed a fetish for cross dressing. They're was one explanation to offer but, he chose not to indulge in it.
He had stopped a few hours in to take a step back and realize that he was acting like some nervous teenager on their first date. It was ridiculous! He would not come out of his room despite the maidservants's calls for tea or to have his bedding switched. He was locked away in his room for hours it seemed, pacing back in forth in front of a mirror.
Eventually, he'd settled on a simple black button up and dark jeans as she had just said they were going for a "walk".
He had originally shown up at her door empty-handed but his hands felt awkward. He'd ran back to the gardens and plucked up the first flowers he'd seen, peeling away all the unsightly dirty parts on his way back into the castle. It was about fifteen minutes too early when he finally settled on knocking. She'd answered almost immediately, probably just as ready as he'd been—for hours, it seemed. He handed over the yellow flowers and she took them again, "Your gardeners are only going to hate me if you keep bringing me flowers but, thank you again." She retreated into the room and placed them in the same vase the cyclamen were displayed in. Noctis looked around the room and noticed that it was hardly touched, no doubt that the maids were partially credited for but, it didn't look like anyone had been living in it for three years. So that must mean...
"Did we..." The question never made it past a whisper and if she heard the beginnings, she ignored them, shutting the door behind her. He cleared his throat and put some space between the two of them, "Did you have anywhere in particular you wanted to go?"
Lightning smirked and started walking off, he followed and somehow he knew they were going to be doing so for quite some time. Noctis took note of the way she held herself, strait, tall and proud—she glided across the floor and he wondered if she'd been raised in a wealthy family. It occurred to him that he was trusting (to him at least) a complete stranger. Noctis quickly matched her steady pace and the air grew awkward. They passed by a few servants and guards in the palace, they all seemed perfectly fine with the woman's presence, bowing to the passing pair. Lightning would nod in acknowledge mm but otherwise was not unnerved. So, she really had been his fiancé, then...
"Can I ask where you're taking me?"
Lightning sucked in through her teeth, thinking about giving him an answer. She clicked her tongue and said, "No."
"I can just order you—"
"I'll just ignore you," she interrupted. "Besides, if I tell you, it ruins the surprise." The way she said "surprise" made the Prince a little uneasy. He couldn't read any of her expressions, couldn't tell what the quirks in her speech meant, he hardly understood why he would want to marry someone that interrupted and ignored him. "Look, I know it's hard for you to trust me but, just...trust me."
He huffed out a small sound of agreement. There wasn't much of a choice. He'd let Ignis and Prompto be satisfied and then, he forget about it. He had much more important issues on his mind, currently. "Should we talk?"
"We could. Do you want to?"
"Not really but, I'd rather talk than sit in silence."
She scoffed, "What do you want to talk about, then?" She lead him through the door leading to the gardens. The air was colder than two days ago and he wondered if she was bothered by it—she wasn't wearing a coat. Growing up in a colder climate, Noctis was accustomed to the chilly air of Lucis. However, she did nothing that hinted of her discomfort and they continued meandering through the castle lawns.
What did he want to talk about? He could drone on about the state of the war but, what would she know? She was clearly a foreigner and despite her supposed rescue on the battlefield, she was not anybody but his former fiancé. He could talk about how he needed desperately to speak with Lunafreya, his father, and Ignis but, she didn't seem like she would be interested in them. He didn't think she would be interested at all in what he had to say. For all he knew, she had seduced him and was just some harlot who'd weaseled her way into his heart. If she wasn't worth remembering then, what was he supposed to talk about?
Lightning sighed. He was taking his time in answering, wrapped up in his own thoughts, "I'm sorry, I'm thinking about something to ask you."
"You could ask me who I am."
It was Noctis's turn to scoff now, "You were my fiancée. Your name is Lightning Farron. You're not from Lucis. You saved my life and everyone seems to accept you fairly well in the castle, especially Ignis and Prompto."
She nodded, agreeing to his small list of facts. The skin and bone of her character. Noctis had listed them off like he was reading a placard and not a very impressive one at that. Her hand found themselves behind her back, clasped as she sighed. Her breath came out in a small white puff. "I really messed things up for you, Noctis."
He wasn't sure how to respond to this. If he agreed, he seemed like an asshole but, if he denied it, he'd be lying. "Is there anything else I should know about you? Favorite color? What?"
"It's not pink, if that's what you're thinking," she joked.
"I'm not particularly interested in anything about you," he admitted, trying as best to kept the harshness to a minimum. The last thing he wanted was a crying girl on his hands.
Instead of taking offense, she laughed, "Damn, that was my line."
"What?"
"I recall saying something similar to you when you tried to get me to ask you something. When we first met, I mean."
"And did you ask me anything?"
Her eyes slid over and she smirked, "I did."
Noctis sighed, "What was it?"
"It didn't really go over well back then, I'm positive it will go worse, now," her tone was much lighter than before.
Noctis stopped. She had kept walking before she turned to face him. "What did you ask me, then?"
She crossed her arms, jutting out a hip, "I asked if you if Prompto was your boyfriend."
"What?!" He choked, "Why-why...why would you say that!? I'm not—we're not—he's—I like women!" He stuttered and started walking off without her, leaving her behind. She snickered at the flustered expression on his face as he picked up his pace. Grumbling unintelligibly to himself, it didn't take long for her to join back at his side. A sly smile had slithered on her lips once again and she laughed again, something closer to actual laughter at least, "You said the same thing, back then. I'm pretty sure."
Still visibly flustered, ego wounded, he huffed out, "That's just an inappropriate question to ask someone."
"What? At the time, it was an honest question. You two were close, you shared a tent and I do remember a time that I had seen you two cuddled close—"
He turned, voice shrill in his adamant defense, "It was nearly freezing outside! I wasn't spooning Prompto!" He wasn't mad just embarrassed having remembered that night as being one they would never speak of. "Plus, I told you before, he stole the blankets..."
She stopped for a moment at his statement, one he didn't dwell on. He'd already began on the next subject.
"A-anyways, where are we going?"
She shook her head a little and looked around them. They were nearing the edge of the lawn and she reached out to grab at his hand. Noctis, instinctively, pulled away and regretted the action as soon as it had transpired. Her hands retracted back to her form and he cursed mentally at the sight of her dejected expression. Lightning didn't take long to bounce back and turned, voice still as unwavering as it had been, "This way. Just up ahead."
He'd been here before.
Ignis would probably scoff at him, scold him and tell him, "Of course, you've been here before. You just can't remember, Your Highness."
But, he couldn't place a finger on when or why he'd been here. A feeling was there—muddled and confusing and not exactly helpful but, it was there. The memory was so close, like a song you new the tune to but couldn't find the words. Lightning had taken a perched seat on a tall rock, protruding from the ground, her legs dangling over the edge. She had her eyes close and there cliff a few yards in front of them clearly didn't unnerve her. He was still standing where she'd left him.
He'd been here before.
But, when?
"Come. Sit," she finally sat, patting the space next to her. "You've climbed up here before, you can do it again, Your Royal Highness." He rolled his eyes, pushing the small flutter of nostalgia down inside. There was no point in forcing the memory. He hoisted himself onto the large boulder and sat down, looking out over the edge of the landscape. It dropped down to a cityscape below, lights blinking like a sea of man made stars. He guessed this would be a romantic place to take someone had it been any other situation.
"You were terrible at romance but, you could manage something every now and again," she said. He turned his head to her, placing his hands in between his legs, fiddling with his fingernails. Lightning had hers at her sides, and a pensive look took home on her features. "I thought this place might trigger something."
He gulped, swallowing back any hesitations, "It...did."
Lightning knew better than to look like an some forlorn, lovesick puppy who was eager for anything and remained stoic. "Yeah?"
"It's more of a feeling...I don't even know what to call it," he stared back out to lights below, a frown on his lips. "I'm just confused...whatever feelings I had for you, then. I just...I just can't remember them." The words continued out like vomit and he couldn't stop once he'd started. "I understand that I must've loved you once but, I'm not going to force myself to...you know maybe it's fate or destiny and we just weren't meant to...you know?"
Lightning sighed, "I've dealt with destinies a few times and destiny is what you make of it. If you don't like it, change it. Fuck fate and destinies and predetermined lives. You can make your own path, Noctis. You can fight it." she clenched her fisted and her brows furrowed in frustration. Her voice went low and threatened to finally crack, "It's not...fair."
Noctis desperately hoped that she wouldn't start sobbing. He couldn't have been out in a worse spot. He swallowed hard, "I'm trying to fight a war already. I don't want my destiny caught up in the mix."
He didn't get an answer after he finished but the smallest of sobs snuck out of her mouth. His gaze snapped to her face, cool visage crumbling with every second.
"Gods, I'm pathetic, right?" She said sadly as she wiped the tears that pricked at the corners of her eyes. He stiffened and as his hand fly to her cheek, it surprise himself. He wiped away the year that had rolled away from her and he lingered much too long. Retracting his hand, her's went to follow it and grabbed the wrist. Her grip was firm but, not tight, nothing like a noblewoman—it was someone desperate. "I'm sorry, Noctis."
"Why do you keep apologizing to me?" He spoke low as if his voice mind send her over the edge of sanity. She was balancing so precariously on the ledge that he had to be careful. He may not have harbors all the affection he once had but, there was something making him physically ill at the sight of her tears. He hated himself more than ever.
She released his wrist and put her face in her hands, "I'm trying to keep it together but, it's hard when you look at me like I'm some fucking nobody."
The voice in his head taunted her and repeated, You are. You are. You are. You are. Noctis gulped and fought the urge to puke. He was getting sick just listening to the horrible thought. Of course he wanted nothing to do with marrying her but, he was disgusted with himself all the same. It was frustrating.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she kept repeating and Noctis couldn't do anything. He sat frozen watching as the mask cracked and shattered before him. Her sons were grating on his conscience and he wanted to run away. That would make it infinitely worse, he knew. The Prince cursed mentally and he grit his teeth. He was running out of options. He couldn't run, he didn't want to stay and he couldn't throw himself off the cliff, either.
"Lightning," he called out. She ignored him, her melancholiac chanting digging at his insides, twisting them. He spoke her name again, more forcefully. "Lightning!" He grabbed her forearms, turning her to face him. His cobalt orbs searched her puffy eyes and his frown deepened. He squashed his own pride and reluctantly brough her towards him. He supposed anyone would appreciate a hug when they were crying and she seemed no different. Noctis could feel her body jerk from hiccups and fresh tears staining his shirt. Her hands clenched at his chest and he felt something in him stir. It wasn't lust or disgust or disdain, it was something much lighter. He felt his heart ache as her body scooted closer to retain any warmth he had. She was freezing, her skin was ice and he wondered why she wasn't shivering. Noctis felt his stomach flip flop as they stayed that way for a few minutes. After her body began to finally relax, he pulled her away slowly, taking a look at her face now. "Are you done?"
She blinked and hurriedly wiped her face before pushing all the way from him. "Shit," she cursed. "I hate crying," her voice was still a little shaky. "I'm—"
"Please, don't apologize. Please," he slouched and let out a relieved sigh. She seemed more like before.
Lightning gave a ghost of a smile before letting out a sad laugh, "I'll try. Um, could you do me a favor and not..."
"I won't tell Prompto."
They left shortly afterwards, it was quiet on the way back to her room. He figured he should walk her all the way back as a curtesy. When her hand landed on the handle of the door, she turned, "Noctis?"
"Yeah?" he had begun stepping away before she called out to him. He had his hand in his pockets again.
"You really don't remember me, do you?"
If he had a hundred Gil for every time he heard someone ask him if they remembered her. Sighing again, "I don't."
She nodded, "Do you...do you think that we could...I'd like to take you up on dinner, actually."
Noctis bowed his head a little, "Name a day."
"Tomorrow."
Ah, tomorrow he was hoping he could dine with his father. Ignis had told him that the King would be back tomorrow. "I'm going to meet my father tomorrow."
"Then, how about just a drink?"
"A drink?" His brows shot up. Settling on a more casual setting may have actually been a blessing in disguise, however, and the Caelum heir agreed. She thanked him once more and retreated into her room. He just hoped it wouldn't end up in tears.
yikes, yikes, yikes, I feel like this is all over the place but, I feel like that's just the angst being angsty. I don't I'm always self-conscience about my writing tbh (who isn't, though?)
And another thing, I've made Lightning a bit more emotional in this story not because I wanted to write her OOC but, I'm assuming even after the events of LR:FF, she's become more emotional as a person. Can you imagine the one you love forgetting you and acting like an ass (because Noctis isn't entirely being a nice boy here) and not to mention there's more to Lightning's story than meets the eye.
p.s. if you haven't already noticed each chapter is a flower name. can you tell what influenced me to write this?
chapter five might actually be happy ? (No, I'm lying.)
