It had been eight years since I last spoke to Brittany, the last time we spoke was the night before she called Eric to go on that date. Sometimes I wish I never told her to go on that date, maybe then she wouldn't be in this situation but I've watched her and her family every waking second of the last eight years and I've grown to love them, even Eric a little bit.
Eric and Brittany loved each other deeply but in the strangest of ways, they never once referred to each other as soul mates and never shared the deep sentimental exchanges that young in love couples tend to do, they found in each other someone to spend their lives with, but I don't think either of them ever went a day without thinking of Lisa and I.
Brittany and Eric had been together for four years when he asked her to marry him; I screamed and cried so hard that night it took out all of the power as far as West 77th street for twenty minutes.
Eric always laughs about it and tells people at parties how when he proposed it took out New York for twenty minutes, Brittany shifts uncomfortably every time because somewhere deep in her heart she knows that my love for her could have moved mountains, let alone twenty minutes of power on Broadway.
Sometimes I still sit next to Brittany's side of the bed and hold her hand whilst she sleeps, I stopped climbing into bed with her after she accepted Eric's proposal, not because I was angry, but because somewhere deep down I knew he won her fair and square and it was now his job to protect Brittany, to hold her whilst she slept and stroke her head on our anniversary, which she still cried on every year, but every now and then in the dead of night when everyone was asleep, she stirs the tiniest of stirs and my hand would always be there guiding hers back into the safety of her slumber.
Everybody went to their wedding, including my parents at Brittany's bequest, she asked them to sit in the front row next to her parents. I think in her heart she wanted them to be a part of her wedding because they'd never get to be a part of mine.
She even asked Eric if they could have a moment of silence at the reception for Lisa and I, my mother managed to keep her composure until Brittany walked over to speak to her afterwards, a single tear falling from her cobalt eyes as she whispered to my mother how it show of been me and her stood at the alter that day.
I mean, in retrospect I'm glad Brittany and Eric have each other, they are a beautiful couple.
Eric is broad shouldered and muscular now, his boyish charm now chiselled into smouldering good looks, his once curly mop of hair now cropped short, giving his hair an untameable thick appearance whilst thick stubble adorns his face, he joined the army after dropping out of Juilliard and since then his transformation from an artsy liberal boy to a muscly G.I Joe had been all too apparent.
Captain Eric Goldstein was promoted three weeks before their wedding after saving his troops from IED explosives in Afghanistan, he wore his uniform with pride at the reception, his hat under his arm as three medals of service sat proudly on his chest whilst he mingled with fellow guests.
Brittany doesn't look a day older than the day I left her, it's like were both trapped in youth together, unwilling to grow old without the other, she looked stunning on her wedding day, her white ivory dress flowing to the ground as she carried three pink roses, my cheerio's pin discreetly placed underneath a fold in the material of the dress, she whispered that she was only going to marry Eric until death did them part and that she didn't want me to be jealous. It didn't take any of the pain away watching my sweet girl on the most important day of her life, knowing that she wasn't walking down the aisle to me.
They spent a year in married bliss before finding out Brittany was pregnant, Eric was already back on tour by the time she found out and all though she was lonely whilst he was away it felt like a matter of days for me until baby cries filled the air and choked sobs of love escaped mine and Brittany's lips.
Eric made it back for the birth, he was at Walmart when her waters broke buying her demand of peanut butter and snickers bars. If Brittany could of seen my face when her waters broke I know she would of laughed and traced her hand down my cheek just like she used to, she rarely spoke to me, even when nobody was around and it scared me because I thought she was forgetting all about me, but when her waters broke I know she felt my arms guiding her towards the sofa and I think she knew I was listening when she sobbed "Santana you're meant to be here right now, why aren't you here?"
He stroked Brittany's hair as she cradled their child. I sat in the corner whilst she lay in the bed kissing that sweet little girls forehead. I closed my eyes for a moment imagining that this was just me and Brittany, that the little girl she was holding was our daughter and that just for a few minutes I wasn't the loneliest person in the world, waiting patiently at Brittany's side protecting her and those around her until she was ready to come and be young with me again.
Brittany named their baby girl Lisa Santana Goldstein, but when she started to crawl and giggle and do that infectious baby gabble that seems to take all the hate out of the world she instantly became known solely as Tana.
Eric was always away on tour but Brittany didn't mind, their marriage was sailing on a stormy ship and had been for a while, they were never in love in the first place to fall out of it, but having your best friend/Husband in a warzone with a toddler crawling around wasn't ideal for anybody.
Brittany bounced the little girl on her hip one night as she encouraged her to use her new founded vocabulary "Tana say dog? Can you say woof-woof?" the little girl repeated Brittany enthusiastically waving her hands around as Britt handed her the toy dog as the phone rang.
"Hey Britt it's me Eric, I'm just calling to see how both my girls are doing?"
Brittany shifted on the couch, placing the phone underneath her chin whilst she settled the small girl on her lap and ran her hand over her curly dark hair, much like her fathers.
"Hey Eric, were okay me and Tan are going to toddler swimming classes next week, I'm trying to start her potty training what with the paediatrician and all but she pooped in your running shoe so I had to buy you some new ones"
"Great, just great, put daddies little poop machine on the phone will you Britt"
Brittany laughed as she placed the receiver to the little girls ear, her eyes brightening up as she heard her dads voice.
"Sgt. Tana I thought we went over this when I was home? No pooping in anywhere other than you diper?"
The little girl babbled inaudibly to her dad and shook the phone before repeating 'Daddy' endlessly much to Brittany's amusement.
"Eric I'm going to put her down for a nap, I'll see you in a few weeks. Be safe out there we love you."
Brittany carried the little girl to her bedroom and Santana followed dutifully, whilst Brittany sat in the rocking chair in the middle of the room and gently rocked the little girl.
"Have I ever told you how you got your name? once there was a beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl mommy had ever seen, her name was Santana, Santana had to leave one day and Mommy didn't know why, Mommy missed her smile and the way she made Mommy happy. She never loved anyone as much as she loved Santana until she met you, and when I looked into your big brown eyes I knew I'd never see anyone as beautiful again, until the day I see her again."
As Brittany rambled tears fell down my cheeks as I realised that she too is waiting to see me again, the little girl fell fast asleep in Brittany's arms and snores quickly escaped the blonde as she too fell asleep, I kissed both their foreheads and sat on the children's furniture guarding them both.
