Part 4
John Paul closed the door behind him, a smile still on his face. When he had rushed to the Dog, some hours before, he wouldn't even have dared dreaming that Craig Dean would want him back in his life. He had just wanted to see him again, to know if he was well, and maybe, he had also wanted forgiveness, but he honestly did not imagine things to turn out like this.
He shook his head in amusement as he thought back at everything that had happened that day. No, he definitely had not expected any of that. But he would never regret a single moment.
Craig and he were together again, and the other man had changed so much, he was more confident, more mature even, and he had not been afraid of saying he loved him, of kissing him in front of people who could judge him and make fun of him.
"Please, tell me that it wasn't him". The voice of his mother startled him out of his thoughts. He raised his head to see his mom, Michaela and Mercedes sitting at the kitchen table, having dinner. He hadn't heard them coming home, and he briefly wondered how long they had been in the house, how much they had seen or heard. They were looking at him in disbelief. "Please, John Paul, tell me that the man you were kissing half naked on my doorstep was not Craig Dean", his mother repeated, in a warning tone.
He lowered his head. He suddenly felt guilty, like he was eight again and had made some sort of mischief that his mother had just found out. He prepared himself for his mom's lecture, but he had to explain first, to make her understand… "Mom, I"…
Myra exploded like a bomb. She stood up and started pacing , throwing her arms around. "Don't 'mom' me, John Paul! I, I cannot believe it… After all he did to you… When you came home that day, you were so broken, I didn't know if you would ever overcome the grief, if you would ever be whole again. For God's sake, it took months before I started seeing a real smile on your face"!
If John Paul could have dug a grave there, in the kitchen floor, he would. He had made his mother worry so much, and he couldn't even begin to describe how sorry he felt for that. "I know. But he"…
"He what? He's always lied to you. He betrayed you, John Paul, he was ashamed of you! Ashamed of a wonderful boy who had given him his heart! What did he give you in exchange for that? Nothing"!
The blonde man was getting mad. His rational side knew that his mother was speaking the truth, on some level, and that she was just worried about him, but John Paul could not let anyone in the world speak ill about Craig.
He angrily looked at her, and couldn't restrain himself from shouting back: "But I never wanted anything in exchange for that, mom! And you don't know half the story about us, so don't you dare judging him, or me"!
He heard his sisters gasp, and saw them widen their eyes. What he didn't see coming was his mother's slap on his cheek, so strong that it made him almost lose his balance. She looked at him with tearful eyes, and her voice was barely audible as she replied: "It's true, I don't know anything, but that's because you wouldn't talk to me. But I'm your mother, and I worry about you, all the time and I don't want to see you hurt. Ever".
John Paul calmed down. He knew that his mother was only preoccupied about him, as much as he knew that Craig would never do anything to make him suffer, and he had to make her understand that simple truth. "Mom, Craig loves me, and I him. It's only ever been about that. Everything that happened was about us loving each other. It's as simple as that".
"And what happens now? What will you do when he goes back to his new life in Dublin"?
"Well, we hadn't had much time to make plans for the future, but"… He probably should not have said that, because he felt he had angered his mother again when she snapped at him: "No? But you've had plenty of time to have sex, if I'm not mistaken by your semi-naked state! I see he's had no difficulty at all in getting back into your bed"!
John Paul felt embarrassed to talk about his sex life with his mother, but he also felt offended by her comment. "Mom! I'm not a slut, if that's what you're hinting at, and don't say it like Craig has been planning to get in my pants all along! We love each other and we just got caught up, we didn't expect it to happen". He looked into his sisters' eyes. He would have thought they would have said something to defend him, but they had been speechless up to that moment.
"You are on her side, aren't you"?, he said, lowering his head and slumping his shoulders. "Why can't you all be happy about me? When I let him go, I thought I would never recover from the heartbreak, you all know how hard these months have been, and now that I found him again, now that he's come back for me, my family has the courage to ruin my happiness".
"I always thought you were not the cleverest person on earth, John Paul, and now you've proven me right". He turned to look at Mercedes, who had just spoken, in utter disbelief. "Do you really think half the things you've been saying? Do you really believe he's been pining for you during all these months? Please, don't make me laugh. He's living in Dublin, now, John Paul, he's going to Trinity College, and has many a chance to get every gorgeous woman or man he wants: do you think he's saved himself for a poor village boy he's had a crush on"?
She got near him, and tenderly stroked his cheek, which was wet with tears. "You really do believe he's come all the way to Hollyoaks for you, don't you"? He nodded, still in tears, and she embraced him protectively. "John Paul, you are so young…There is still so much you have to know about men. They are able to make you believe anything when they want to get you in their bed". He pushed her away. "You seem to forget that I'm a man too. And you don't know Craig Dean as I do, Mercedes. He does love me, he said so, and I believe him. I don't know if he came here for me, I don't know if"…and it hurt John Paul like hell to say that, "if he's had other relationships when he was in Dublin, but it doesn't matter, because it's me he wants now".
It was Michaela's turn to speak now. "And what about Mark"?
The blonde man froze. Yeah, what about him? He hadn't spared him a single thought before kissing Craig, before making love to him, and he felt a little disgusted at himself for dismissing Mark so easily from his mind. He then reconsidered their relationship. They had gone out three or four times, and hadn't gotten beyond the point of kissing (John Paul could admit he was still a bit shy when it came to gay sex, especially when it didn't involve Craig), so he technically hadn't betrayed the other man. He raised his head to see that his mother and sisters were waiting for his answer.
"Well, Mark and I are not together, I never made any promise to him, and it's really none of your concern who I choose to be with", he snapped. "Please, can't you try to be happy for me"? He continued, in a low voice. He felt the arms of his mother embracing him tightly, and he relaxed in her arms.
"Are you sure about it"? she asked. He nodded, grateful for her understanding. "Good, It's all I need to know. If you are happy, then I am too. But if he ever does anything to make you suffer, I swear he will have to cope with me, and I won't be light on him".
John Paul chuckled. "Well, he would have to deal with me first"! His mother nodded. "Well said. That's my boy. Now go upstairs and get dressed, before you catch something".
The blonde man thought that his mother really was great. The way she was supportive of him was amazing. He released her, and rushed to his bedroom. He didn't take time to observe closely, or he would have seen the anguish in Myra's eyes.
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Oblivious to the discussion held in the McQueen residence, Craig Dean was slowly walking to his home. The more he approached the familiar sign of The Dog in the Pond, the more he felt a sense of uneasiness and discomfort. In a few moments he would see his brother and his sister, and he dreaded what they would say to him.
As he opened the door to the apartment, he didn't have the time to understand what hit him, as his breath was taken out of him by two strong arms embracing him tightly. "Craig"! Jake greeted him after releasing him a bit. "You're finally here! I've been waiting for you for hours". Craig looked into his brother's eyes, expecting to find that he was mocking him, or worse, that he was drunk, but Jake seemed truly happy to see him. The arms around him tightened once more.
"Now, Jake, I know you haven't seen him in almost a year, but let him breathe, he's just arrived, and he's barely inside the house". Craig turned to look at the person who had spoken, and saw Nancy smiling at him. "Welcome back, Craig", she said , extending her hand. He took it disbelievingly, then strolled to the living room, where he could hear the distinct sound of chattering. Everyone was there, Steph and Darren were seated on the couch, while Jack and his mother had occupied two chairs near the table. As they spotted him, they greeted him so warmly that for a second he believed that it was some sort of cruel joke. "What… What's happening"? Craig asked in a tiny voice.
Jake chuckled. "I know you weren't expecting this, but I arranged a little welcoming party for you tonight. Nothing big, just family, hope you don't mind". He wrapped one arm around Craig's shoulder and gleefully shook him. "It's so good to have you here, little brother… There's so much we have to talk about, so much I have to say to you"…
After the first moments of shock, reality sunk in, and Craig found himself angrily pushing Jake away from him. He was so mad. "Yes, there's so much we have to talk about, Jake" he snapped, and his eyes were barely slices, "like the fact that I've been away for nine months, and that I don't recall you, any of you, being here when I arrived, and I don't recall hearing your voice at the phone asking me if I safely landed. What? Did you expect me to forget the way you dismissed me all day with this crap of a party"?
He felt a little satisfaction when he saw his brother's face fall; it was right, he had deserved this.
"I'm sorry", Jake started, and it surprised Craig how true his words sounded. "I know I shouldn't have gone out this morning. I swear I meant to be back by the time you arrived, but then things happened, I didn't expect it to last so long, and when I finally managed to come home you were already gone. I should have called you, I know, but I was tired of hearing from you only by phone, so I arranged this while I was waiting for you to come back".
Craig was speechless to say the least. His brother sounded so sincerely sorry, and he was beginning to feel guilty for snapping at him that way. Then he remembered something, and anger hit him again in waves.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for being rude, I can imagine that there were more important things than your brother coming home, weren't there? The arrangements for your wedding, for example". He knew he had scored a goal when the eyes of everyone in the room got as big as saucers. His anger turned to sadness. "Yes, I know everything. I know you two", he gestured at both Jake and Nancy, "are getting married in a short time, and I know you didn't mean for me to find it out, but I did. How come, Jake? I would have been so happy for you, for both of you… Why wouldn't you tell me? Were you afraid your gay little brother would show up at your marriage dressed in pink ruining everything? If you told me you didn't want me there I would have been hurt, sure, but I would have understood; keeping it a secret"… He stopped when he felt tears prickling at the back of his eyes. His brother violently shook his head, and wrapped his arms around him in comfort. Craig tried to wriggle himself free, but Jake's hold didn't falter.
"No! No, no, no…Craig, believe me, this has nothing to do with your being…gay". The brown-eyed man wanted to chuckle at how difficult it still was for Jake to say that word "… I wanted to tell you so badly, and there were a couple of times that I nearly did, but as I said before, I was tired of just speaking to you by phone, and this was so big a news that I didn't want to break it to you on the line. I wanted to tell you in person, that is why I waited for so long, that's why I begged mom not to tell you. I wanted to arrange it as soon as possible so that you would still have been here on that day". He intently looked into his little brother's eyes, and Craig was taken aback by the seriousness he found in there. "There is another reason why I didn't want you to find out by phone", Jake continued, "there's something I need to ask you: will you be my best man? Please, Craig, you still are my brother, this is my way of saying that nothing has changed for me. I love you, and I need you at my side on the most important day of my life. What do you say"?
Craig could not believe his ears: all this time he had wondered if his brother hated him for being gay, for loving John Paul, he had thought that Jake didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore, and now he was asking him to be his best man. He was tempted to say yes, but he had to make clear that it wouldn't change anything, that no matter how deeply he loved his family, he loved John Paul more.
"Is John Paul invited too"? he asked Jake. He didn't miss the flinching as he pronounced the name, but his brother quickly recomposed himself.
"Why are you asking? Of course he's invited! He's with you, isn't he? You can bring whoever you want".
"JAKE"! Nancy intervened. "You know what Sarah said, she wouldn't come if he's there too, and she's my bridesmaid"!
"Nance, please, we discussed it so many times, and you agreed with me. It is my brother we are talking about, I want him to be at our wedding. If the condition for that is that he brings John Paul, then it's better you start looking for a new bridesmaid".
Nancy looked outraged. "But she's my best friend! I want her to be at our wedding as much as you want Craig"… she turned towards him, a pleading look in her eyes. "Craig, please, this is not about you, it's about Jake and me. It's our wedding, I want it to be as perfect as it can be. I hold no grudge against John Paul, believe it, but if I have to choose between him and Sarah, then I have to say I'd rather have her with me on that day".
Craig was torn in two. He could see the point in Nancy's words, and he honestly wanted so bad to say yes to Jake, to amend things with him. But John Paul was the most important thing in his life, those months spent apart from him had proven this much, and he didn't want to hurt the other man by choosing his family over him again.
He turned to Nancy and nodded at her. "Jake, can I think about it? I truly want to be your best man, but I have to make some pondering first.. I promise I will give you my answer by tomorrow". He looked deeply into his brother's eyes, and saw he had been disappointed. He probably thought Craig was eager to sew their relationship back to what it was, and that he would surely say yes, but this made the brown-eyed man even more determined. His family took him too much for granted, it was time he showed them what he really wanted.
He sighed. Now he would have to tell John Paul the news, but he doubted the blonde man would take it serenely.
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John Paul had been fidgeting with his mobile for almost a hour. When he took it out he was not surprised to find five unanswered calls and two messages from Mark. He could be a very persistent man, and rarely took no for an answer. But he couldn't waste his time and call him back. Craig had promised he would phone him, so the line could not be busy when he did. He sighed, and thought that Mark should be the first thing to deal with on the following morning. He composed a brief text message saying he was busy and couldn't answer the phone, and asking Mark to meet him at Il Gnosh at 9 o'clock. John Paul sighed again. What was taking Craig so long to call? A hour had passed, had it gone so badly with his brother? Were they still arguing? He was so lost in his own train of thoughts that he almost missed the persistent vibration of the mobile in his hands. He looked at the screen, and almost jumped in joy at reading the name.
"Hello"?
"Hi, are you still awake"? He had almost forgotten how deep and sexy Craig's voice could be on the phone.
"Yes, I couldn't sleep, I was waiting for your call". John Paul could barely hold the emotion.
"Oh". Craig sounded surprised. "Sorry for taking so long, I was talking to my brother".
"So? How did it go"?
He could almost envision Craig smiling. "It went really well, he doesn't hate me John Paul"! he said triumphantly. "He even arranged a party for me, and he asked me to be his best man at the wedding"!
John Paul was glad to hear that, Craig deserved that kind of acceptance. "Well, that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you! What did you say"?
He felt the air go chilly as he asked the question. Craig was not speaking anymore, and John Paul thought for a moment that the call got disconnected. "Craig"? called, tentatively.
"Sorry", Craig answered, and his voice had lost all its joy. "I can't… not after what we've been through…I don't know, I"…
John Paul was worried. "I don't understand. What's happened Craig"?
"I… I wanted so much to say yes, but I also wanted to make clear that I'm with you now, and that I'd not set you aside, for anyone, so I asked him if you were invited too".
The blonde man almost laughed. He could imagine what Jake had answered. 'That faggot? There's no way in heaven or hell I would want him near me'. But he was curious anyway.
"And what did he say"?
"He said that you could come with me, if I wanted to".
John Paul was beyond surprised. He had underestimated the affection Jake had for Craig, then. He so desperately wanted to make things up to the brown-eyed man that he was also keen on accepting his relationship with a faggot like himself.
He wrinkled his nose. "Does this mean I have to buy a wedding present to Jake, then"?
"Well, it's not that easy". The blue-eyed man nodded. He was expecting a sentence like this.
"Why"?
"Sarah. She said that she wouldn't attend the wedding if you're there too, and she's Nancy's bridesmaid".
"Oh, I see". He couldn't suppress the sarcasm in his tone. "So what? If I come I get to be the bridesmaid and wear the pink dress Nancy has chosen for Sarah"?
"John Paul, please, try to understand"… The pleading tone was getting on John Paul's nerves. Why did he always have to be understanding of others? Why no one ever tried to understand him?
"What did you answer to Jake, Craig"? He asked again, in a warning tone.
"I said I needed time, because I wanted to speak to you first. This is something we have to decide together. You are so much more important to me than some stupid marriage, I want this to be clear, and I wouldn't go to the wedding if that means I could upset you or hurt your feelings".
John Paul was moved. Craig had put their relationship before his family, and that was the first time it happened since they'd known each other. He could be selfish now, and demand that Craig didn't attend the marriage, but he knew how much the other man wished to go. It was time that he learned to trust him, because only in doing so their relationship would grow.
"I think you should say yes, Craig. He's your brother and he wants you to be near him. This is the occasion you have to patch things up with him, so go and be his best man".
"But you"…
"No buts. I don't care if I'm not invited. Don't you know that if you're happy I am too"?
"I know. And I love you so much for that".
John Paul yawned, eliciting a chuckle from Craig.
"Are you trying to say in a very subtle way I should hang up and let you sleep"?
He laughed too. "Well, now that you mention it, it's a bit late… See you tomorrow"?
"Sure, what time"?
"There's something I have to do early tomorrow. Let's say about ten at Il Gnosh"?
"That's a date. I love you, you'll never know how much".
"I love you too. Bye". The blonde man hung up. His future was beginning to look brighter, and he was certain now that Craig Dean would be the most important part of it.
End of part 4
Author's notes: My, this fic is becoming longer and longer as time passes by… Hope you don't mind ;-)
Not much interaction between our boys in this chapter I'm afraid, but I wanted to explore their relationships with their families. I hope I didn't depict them too OOC.
As usual, I want to thank everyone who reviewed. I'm amazed by such affection, I truly am. Please, let me know what you think of this chapter as well…
