Squib Wizard
a Harry Potter fan-fic
by Ozma
a sequel to "Squib Doors"
Chapter 4: Punishment
Everything in this story really belongs to J.K. Rowling



"Stand up, Argus." Dumbledore said.

I'd been braced for his condemnation. For his slow-to-waken, terrifying and rarely seen anger.
But the Headmaster's voice was gentle. His eyes, when I looked up to meet them, were sorrowful.

I was too shocked and numb to stand up. I'd just confessed to the near-murder of one of his
professors! In his place I knew that I'd already be getting out the manacles and the chains.

When I did nothing except stare in bewilderment, he reached down and carefully pulled me up
from the floor. Moving me across the hospital wing towards a chair, he asked,

"Did you originally intend to bring Severus here, to Poppy?"

"N-no... I was going to drag him through the Door into the staff bathroom in the dungeons... I
knew he was going to get sick.. and... I thought he'd want to clean himself up, afterwards. And the
bathroom floor would have been easy for me to clean..." my voice trailed off, in misery.

Severus had made me furious. I'd meant to strike back at him, to teach him a lesson, but I hadn't
wanted anyone else in the Castle to see him wretchedly spewing his guts out. Giving Snape a chance to
recover in private had been my original plan.

And, yes, perhaps (I confessed to myself) I would have enjoyed gloating at him a bit too, while he
was recovering. All right, probably more than just "a bit." Gloating is one of my few, real pleasures in
life. That, and my treasured, carefully filed, collection of "petty grievances."

"This was an ordeal for Neville and Ginny, too, and they both managed it very bravely, with far
less complaining!" I would have said.

I shivered. So much for my original plan. Poor Professor Snape's reaction to a journey through
the Squib Door had been far more terrible than anything I'd anticipated.

"When I first pulled him into the Door, he made the most horrible sound," I told Dumbledore.
"As if he wanted to scream, but he couldn't breathe. I wanted to pull him back out at once. But there was
too much ...resistance behind us. So I had to keep moving us forward."

My trembling increased, as I remembered that nightmarish journey. I'd had my arm wrapped
around Severus's chest and I recalled the fast, frantic beating of his heart. Like the rapidly fluttering
wings of a snidget, beneath the thin cage of his ribs. My struggle to get Neville and Ginny through the
Door had been nothing compared to my journey with poor Snape. It had been like battling against a river
current, through water nearly up to my neck, carrying a thrashing, drowning man in my arms.

'I don't remember even asking the Door to take us to the hospital wing instead. When we finally
came out, I was surprised, for a second or two, to see Poppy there. But then... Severus... he..."

Even with my eyes tightly shut, I could still see Professor Snape, convulsing on the floor in
helpless agony. I'd never seen anyone being so horribly, mercilessly sick. His skin had been waxy and
blue, and his nose had been bleeding profusely. Blood and vomit, everywhere. Poor, poor Severus.

My eyes closed, my body rocking forward and back in my chair, I didn't realize that the
Headmaster had moved until I felt the blanket that he was wrapping around me.

"No!" I protested, miserably. "Headmaster... stop. I've done something terrible! Poor Severus
could have died! A-aren't you going to *do* something to me, punish me?"

"Argus." His voice was terribly sad. "What would you have me do?"

I couldn't believe that he was unable to come up with something appropriate on his own. "Take
me into the Forbidden Forest and leave me there, alone, chained to a tree all night!" I blurted out the first
possibility that came to mind. "I'd deserve that!"

"There'd be nothing left of you." Dumbledore said, firmly, shaking his head. "Out of the
question."

"Then there's the chains in my office and plenty of dungeon space," I said.

"With all the work to be done in the Castle, I cannot afford to keep our caretaker chained up in
the dungeons." A wry note had crept into the Headmaster's voice. "We've had this discussion before,
many times. No one here in the Castle is going to be clapped in chains. Not the students, and not the staff.
No matter how richly you may feel that such treatment is deserved."

I stared at him in disbelief.

"All right," I said, harshly. "Old Pringle had other things besides those chains you never let me
use. He had a cat o' nine tails... it's still in the desk, exactly where he left it. I've never mentioned it to
you, since you've never seen reason on the matter of the chains. You could use it on me."

Dumbledore sounded grave and serious again, any trace of humor gone from his voice. He
sounded sickened as well. "No. There has already been too much pain tonight. Adding more will not
change a single thing that has happened."

I wailed in frustration. The Headmaster and I have never seen eye to eye on the matter of
punishment. "Please... " I cried, "please, Professor Dumbledore, you have to do *something.* For
Severus's sake... for pity's sake..." I couldn't say any more, I was weeping.

Dumbledore said wearily, "Oh, Argus. The point of punishing someone for a misdeed is the hope
that the culprit will understand that what they have done was wrong. That they will repent, feel true
regret, and never repeat the misdeed again."

"No...!" I cried. "Repentance isn't enough! Regret isn't enough, without suffering..."

"But, you are already suffering." Now he sounded as frustrated as I felt.

"If you did not understand the seriousness of what could have happened," Dumbledore continued,
"if you had not told me the truth, if you'd lied or made excuses, or tried to put the blame on poor
Severus... that would be different. If..." his voice grew very soft, "if... we h-had ...lost Severus... that
would be another matter entirely." Dumbledore stopped, unable to speak, the blue eyes behind his glasses
full of deep sorrow. He looked like a father who had nearly lost a child.

The Headmaster cared very deeply for Severus Snape, and the Potions Master counted Albus
Dumbledore as one of his very few real friends. I'd known that for years. Recently, I'd seen them laughing
together like children. Even if I hadn't known how strong the bond between the two men was, the catch in
Dumbledore's voice, the look in his eyes, would have told me.

My heart felt full of thorns. "Please..." I whispered. "You have to do something to me...
something terrible." Inspiration struck. "Severus will be upset if you don't. You know how he gets..."

Dumbledore sighed. "Yes, I do know. You and that poor boy are a perfectly matched set!" He
sighed again, heavily. "It's enough to make my pull out my beard, sometimes. Argus, what would you
have me do to you? Is there anything I could do that would make you feel worse than you already feel?"

I nodded. Alastor Moody had been teaching me to use my strengths, and coming up with
punishments was certainly one of them. "My Doors." I said in, a very small voice. "You should forbid me
to use them. Ever again." I took a deep breath and continued, my voice a little stronger. "Then you could
report me to the Ministry. For abusing my magic."

"Argus...." Dumbledore was shaking his head, seemingly caught between tears and laughter.
"What magic? You are a Squib. According to the Ministry, you have no magic to abuse. The Doors are a
secret that I feel it would be prudent to keep from the Ministry, at least for the present. And I will not
forbid you to use them."

He frowned at me, to forestall my cry of protest. "What happened tonight was very terrible, but it
has made me realize what a truly formidable defense those Doors of yours can be. Hogwarts needs every
available bit of defensive magic that everyone here, including you, can muster. You know that."

"Besides, Alastor is enjoying his lessons with you. He's told me about the two of you chasing
each other all around the Castle, nearly till sunrise. He's pleased with your progress."

That last statement had been a gentle attempt to comfort me, because I was weeping harder than
ever. He wasn't going to do anything to me! My pain and guilt were unbearable, overwhelming.

"Headmaster, you don't understand...!"

"I understand, far more than you realize," Dumbledore said quietly. "It isn't punishment you
truly want from me, Argus. You want absolution, which is something far more complex. I do not know
how I can grant it to you."

"All right." I said, defeated, my head in my hands. "I'm sorry."

Then inspiration struck again. "Severus!" I said. "Headmaster, when he recovers, let Severus
himself decide what to do with me!"

"Oh..." Dumbledore said. "Argus... that is truly not a good idea. Believe me, it's not."

"B-but...!" I stammered. "It's perfect..."

"Hush!" The Headmaster sighed and frowned.

He handed me a handkerchief to use, before continuing. "All right. Here is my punishment for
you. You will apologize to Severus. Over and over again, until he is heartily sick of hearing it. You will
let him know, repeatedly, how much you regret what you have done. You will grovel shamelessly at his
feet, begging for his forgiveness."

"I'm going to do all that anyhow!" I cried.

"I know," Dumbledore said, very dryly. "There's more. You will be very, very patient with
Severus." A flash of an old pain crossed his face. "He will probably accuse you of pulling this as some sort
of prank, ...a joke at his expense."

Cut to the quick, I shook my head, eyes wide with anguish. "No... he mustn't think that, I never
wanted to hurt him so badly..."

Dumbledore sighed and studied me gently. "And, when he does, you must look at him, exactly
like that."

"Headmaster, none of this is going to give me what I need. You know I'm going to do every
single one of those things and it's not going to help at all! You can't grant me absolution, and I don't
know how to find it on my own! But Severus could find some way. I know he could, and he deserves the
chance. Please reconsider, please..."

I'm nothing if not tenacious. The Headmaster himself had sometimes compared my persistence to
an endless series of water droplets, wearing away a stone basin.

(Unbidden, a memory came to mind, as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. Dumbledore had
never allowed me to chain anyone up, but during Severus's childhood in the Castle, there had been four
incorrigible brats who'd called themselves Marauders. During their third year, after an especially horrid
prank involving fireworks and the toilet in my office bathroom, I'd been given permission to place the
four of them in four different broom cupboards, in different parts of the Castle. Each cupboard had one
thing in common; an especially drippy water tap.

Listening to the endless dripping of water for a few hours can be quite an effective punishment.
Little Pettigrew had been in tears when I'd finally let him out. Lupin had been white as a ghost, his nails
chewed to ragged stumps. Both Black and Potter had emerged drenched. They'd attempted to stop the
leaks and had managed to flood their respective cupboards. They'd looked so wretched that I didn't even
mind cleaning up the additional mess.)

There's a difference between outright torture and justly deserved punishment, though the line is
very fine, sometimes. Severus Snape was one of the few people, besides myself who understood that.

Dumbledore sighed. "Poor Severus will be unable to do anything for the next few days, except
stay quietly in bed. He's very, very ill."

I winced as if he'd struck me.

"When he's recovered enough, I'll discuss this with him. After we talk, I'll make my decision."

"All right." I said, morosely. It was the best I was going to get.

The Headmaster and I heard a soft sound. We looked up.

Mrs. Norris was suddenly there, leaping up onto my lap. The look in her golden eyes said plainly
that she didn't know what she was going to do with me. She'd only let me out of her sight for a short
time, and look what trouble I had gotten myself into!

I held her tightly. My life has been a bitter one, and she's often been my only real comfort.
Despite all my faults, my lack of magic, (not to mention my similar lack of charm, good looks, or almost
any sort of redeeming qualities whatsoever) I had a cat who truly loved me.

The Headmaster left me in her capable paws while he went to the back ward to check on Severus
again.

Dumbledore was back in a few moments, looking more cheerful. "Poppy has said that you should
come and see him now. He seems to be resting more comfortably. He doesn't keep waking up to be sick
any longer. She's finally gotten him to keep the sleeping draught down long enough for it to work."

Cuddling Mrs. Norris, with the blanket still around my shoulders, I followed the Headmaster.

Severus lay curled up on his side, lank black hair spread out on a pillow only a little less pale
than his thin face. One arm was flung up, over his head. One bandaged hand dangled over the side of his
bed. He was breathing in gasps, like a child that had cried himself to sleep.

To the Headmaster, Poppy and me, he looked like an ill and vulnerable child. Hardly older than
the small Slytherin girl who sat perched on the bed next to his, with bandages around her throat.

"Gehenna has been helping me look after the Professor," Poppy said fondly, ruffling the child's
mousy hair.

"He's going to be all right..." the girl said, softly, in a hoarse voice. "Madam Pomfrey says he's
going to be fine." She gave Professor Snape a protective look, and I realized that Severus's strong feelings
for his Slytherins were returned, in full, by his children.

"I'm sorry, Gehenna..." I told her, miserably.

"Why?" the girl asked me. "Madam Pomfrey said that he took sick very suddenly and you
brought him here as fast as you could."

Speechless, I stared at Poppy. I knew that my Doors were supposed to be a secret, though
Dumbledore had now added Poppy to the "need to know" list.

I didn't want to be thought of as a hero in this incident! The unfairness of that was unbearably
painful!

Madam Pomfrey met my gaze evenly. "Severus has been running himself completely ragged
these past few months. He's been through so much." Her tone hinted at things she wouldn't say in front of
Gehenna.

Severus had endured the Cruciatus Curse, and his battle with the vine-creature had happened
shortly afterwards. Ever since the creature had been killed, Snape had spent most of his time worrying and
fretting over his children. He'd never eaten or slept enough, under the best circumstances. Even before I'd
hurt him by pulling him through my Door, he'd looked exhausted and he'd been losing weight he couldn't
afford to lose.

Poppy answered my look of dismay with a firm expression. "He's exactly where he needs to be,"
she said. "And he's going to rest here until he's well, whether he likes it or not."

None of this was going to improve Snape's temper. When he finally recovered enough to talk to
the Headmaster, and they decided what my punishment would be, it would be something truly awful.
Well, good. That was what I wanted, wasn't it?

I watched Severus sleeping for a while, grateful that he was still alive. Then Poppy ushered the
Headmaster and me out of the room.

"You'll tell me when he's well enough to talk..." I said. "Won't you? Please?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"Thank you," I said.

With Mrs. Norris following at my heels, I headed back down to the dungeons. I still had some
cleaning to do in the corridor outside Severus's classroom.

END OF CHAPTER FOUR

Author's Notes:

Bratkatze: Thank you!! Yes, Filch and Snape are a lot alike, yes, they are friends, and yes, they would
never, ever admit it out loud, or even to themselves. Filch, the old grump, has no idea how much Snape
respects him. Yup, Snape was very careful not to harm Filch when he took the vine off his hand. He also
felt terrible about what his protective curses had done to the old man. (Though his amusement was real,
too. The regret didn't kick in, till later.)

I didn't go into this in "The Squib and the Death Eaters," but Snape was horrified at what Crabbe and
Goyle, senior, had done to Filch. When Severus and Minerva brought Argus back to Hogwarts, Snape was
carrying Argus wrapped up in his cloak, cradling him almost like he did with Gehenna Morgan. Filch
will never know this. Minerva and Poppy, both perceptive women, saw, though. They know that the two
men are friends.

(The sight of Snape carrying a half-dead Filch, wrapped up in a bloody cloak, through the corridors of
Hogwarts is what spooked the heck out of Peeves. The poltergeist was another witness.)

Elspeth: Thank you!! Yes, a trip through any of the other three Doors would have killed Severus outright.
Salazar's Door spared his fellow Slytherin. Yes, the Doors will have an especially negative effect on poor
Severus, because he's "tainted" by the Dark Mark. If Argus were to take any of the other Professors
through the Doors, they would all get sicker than Neville and Ginny did, but they wouldn't nearly die, like
Severus did. (If, eventually, this fact is discovered it will make poor Severus feel filthy.)

Yes, Percy and Hermione are the two students who asked to see The List. :-)

Lizard of Fire: Thank you!! Another Filch Fan!! (I think he should have his own place in that list of
characters, don't you?)

Lataradk: Thank you!! The vine was designed to go on being dangerous, even after it was dead.

Mother Lion and Papa Snake are also accompanied by Sprout, the Badgermum, (to borrow an honorific
from the Redwall books) who would defend her baby badgers with great ferocity! And Professor Vector
(who, I think, is the Ravenclaw house-head) would be Mother Raven, wings spread protectively as she
drops tidbits of knowledge into her babies' eager beaks. Come to think of it, has Rowling ever said what
gender Professor Vector is? Maybe Professor Vector is Papa Raven?

Your word-picture of Snape and Filch, behaving like two Uncle Scrooges with their collections of grudges
and grievances, made me laugh out loud.

Yes, you guessed it too! Percy was the other one!

"Beaten by a Squib." Poor Snape, indeed. He's lucky that the Doors are a secret. But Filch wouldn't go
around telling everyone in the Castle, even if he could. He feels too ashamed of what he did. (Filch is
going to tell one student what happened. One of the two who know about the Doors. Not in a gloating
way, though. More like in a "don't let him scare you, he gets frightened too, sometimes, so try to be
patient with him, he suffers more than you know" sort of way. Poor Snape would *absolutely* kill Filch if
he were to find out the identity of the one person Filch actually tells.)

RioRaptor & Shadow: Thank you!! Thank you!! Argus is safe, at least from the Headmaster. Dumbledore
knows that he didn't mean to hurt the poor Potions Master.

Utahraptors are neat!! My sons and I watched a special on them on TV.

Enfleurage: Thank you!! Yes, if Filch were to pull a Slytherin Death Eater through any of the other three
Doors, that Death Eater would die in agony moments after coming through. Salazar's Door wouldn't kill
them as quickly, so a trained medi-witch like Pomfrey would be able to save them, if she were to reach
them in time.

Similarly, if Filch were to grab Wormtail and drag him through Godric's Door, the Rat would live long
enough for help to reach him and he would have a chance to survive... unless, of course, Sirius were
somewhere nearby...

Yep, Severus is easier to love when he's been properly battered. Poor baby.

Leila C. Snape: Thank you!! Filch felt deeply sorry for Severus, but his self-control just snapped. Severus
pushed him too hard, and once too often.

Zebee: Thank you!! Snape doesn't do anything easy, does he? Argus is trying hard to change, though most
of his changes will be on the inside, his attitudes about himself and other people.

Alchemine: Thank you!! Yes, Filch is perceptive... I've always seen him as having more than two
dimensions.

Gramarye: Thank you!! "Obstinate ass!" That's great!!! :-) Someone's going to have to call Severus that,
to his face!





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