Disclaimer: Though I don't believe you to be senile: I own nothing!
Well, as you can guess, our way to Rivendell - or Riverdale, as Mary still insisted whenever trying to speak the name - was rather uneventful.
Except, when you count a woodelf running in trees eventful...
To me it was really boring and annoying, though.
Geez, I tell you somewhere even the pun wood-elf against tree gets boring. And Mary didn't add to my comfort by chattering all the time about, well I'll just give you an excerpt...
Ahm, what was the last thing I wrote again? Ah, yes, right.
/_/_/_/
"Are we there yet?" Mary whined "I'm booored and I don't want to sit on this horse any longer! And I want to wash my hair, it's greasy and that's so definitely yuck!"
If the, ahem, graceful elven prince was at least there, with his mind I mean, not just a stumbling, dumbly smiling and infatuated shell, to share the burden of entertaining Mary! But no, he had to be infatuated without hope to be dispelled soon. I simply was unable to get the hang of it!
"I must change my clothing! I have worn that for, like, more than five hours! That must be so totally out of style now!" Remember, Lil, you cannot simply take one of those nice elven knives and plunge it into Mary - over and over again! So be a good little fairy and try to get away from her, putting forward something, a nice little fairy has to do. Whatever could that be?
"You see, when one is as beautiful as me, one just has to change their clothing constantly, otherwise it wouldn't underline my beauty in such a perfect way. But I think you know that." she simply stated, while I did not know, whether she was speaking with 'her love' or the 'good for nothing fairy'. Not that I did mind much, I just wished direly for a pair of earplugs!
I could feel a headache creeping up my neck to bite into the back of my head, because of Mary's irrelevant chatter. I tell you this is torment! No matter what anyone ever threatened to do to me, this was most likely ten times - at least - worse!
"You don't have to worry about such things, you're just a fairy, and yuck! You have been wearing these clothes ever since we met, that's so unkewl! Am I right, my love?"
Okay, enough was enough. "I might remind you" I started "that you have been wearing the very same clothes as well."
I admit, I shouldn't have done that! I should have thought about her reaction before doing such a thing.
For now she shrieked. An ear-splitting, resounding - by the way! How could there be an echo in a forest? I guessed it had something to do with sueism... - shriek, that made shivers run up and down my spine.
"Oh my god!" she shrieked "you are right! I have to get out of these clothing! Where is the next shopping mall?"
I hung my head and made a motion, as if putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. Bam.
"I must get new clothes! Immediately!" As if her life depended on it. Wait! Maybe it does and she dies of, errr, nonus gettus newus clothii? Err... I should stop keeping constant company with Mary. I'm getting as dumb as her...
/_/_/_/
As I had hung my head, I had failed to notice a change in Legolas. So, when I looked up again, I was surprised to see a bewildered elven prince instead of a dumbly smiling one.
Great! Maybe that was the way to dispel the curse of the Sue! Get her to shriek and all spells will dissipate. But no, Valar had said, it would be tiring and I still felt quite well and awake. Not even a tiny little bit tired... Dammit!
His mind, however, seemed to have not returned completely, at least yet. "Where am I?" he asked, looking around, as if he had never seen these trees. Odd, since he had met quite a few of them rather ... closely...
Mary was now surprised as well. "Why you are in company of me and travelling to Riverdale, my love." She batted her eyelids towards him "Don't you remember?"
He jumped back - and I enjoyed the show.
His grey matter jumping into action, Legolas reached for his knives. I would have advised him to take to bow, simply to keep Mary at a greater distance. He eyed her suspiciously, while she jumped more or less gracefully from his horse.
"Who are you, and why do you call me 'my love'?" By now Mary tried to gain ground on him. That was answered by Legolas sheathed his knives again and aimed at Mary with his bow.
"But we fell in love! Just half an hour ago!" Aww, poor Mary "And, and, and we pledged eternal love! You must remember!"
I weren't able to remember, whether they had truly 'pledged eternal love' or Mary had made that part up. Well, I would just enjoy the show, as long as I was not involved. Oh, no! I had, once again, - am I truly that dumb? To forget such an important fact all the time? - forgotten that fate, destiny, or rather doom, hated me.
Plain silence rang through the forest. Maybe doom hadn't heard me?
Oh, you are wondering how silence can ring? Well, a forest is never really silent. There are birds, singing their songs, the wind rustling in the leaves, you get the idea. But right now everything was silent, as if on an unheard command. Waiting for the elven prince's reaction.
As Legolas just blinked a few times and stared in horror at Mary, most likely asking himself, what kind of thing had attached itself to him, Mary continued.
"Faiiryyyy! Tell him! You have been there as well! Tell him, that we are eternally in love with each other!" If I got a penny for every time Mary whined and/or complained, I would be richer than Bill Gates...
Our perceptive elf noticed me now for the first time, since he had been infatuated - again. You do remember the first time? It had been on first glance, afterwards I had slapped him?
"What are you?" I stayed silent for some moments, trying to decide, whether that question was directed towards me or towards Mary. It would suit both of us...
I decided he had meant me. "I am a fairy and I am here to help." Mary still believes I was here to help her. But I am here to help you, your friends-to-be and the storyline. I didn't say the last two sentences, I only thought them.
"Fairy!" Mary insisted "tell him!" Oh, yeah, right, as if I could ever forget...
"Prince Legolas, it is true, that you allowed her to call you 'my love' before."
At this his jaw dropped in a very undignified and unelfish manner. Prepare for what is to come!
"And you kissed each other."
Now Legolas' eyes were as big as saucers, his jaw threatened to fall to the floor, his bow no longer aimed at our beloved lady, instead it hung loosely in his hands, which were attached to limp arms. And Mary, Mary giggled and batted her eyelids. Mary, I'm NOT finished!
"However I do not know, whether you pledged each other eternal love, for I have been asleep some time."
The elf let go of his breath, obviously relieved, and Mary complained.
"Of course we did! Fairy! You have to remember that! Same goes for you, hottie!" More than ever she sounded like a petulant child, robbed of its lolly...
I facepalmed myself. How could she call the prince of Mirkwood 'hottie'? I just had to be ashamed for her. Even being of the same species was a disgrace. Wait! For the first time I was glad to be a fairy. I was NOT of her species, I was NOT human, I WAS a fairy! Little mental Lilian, you finally get to do the victory dance! Ehm, please do not regard me as insane...
Oh, you surely want to know about 'hottie's' reaction. Well, actually I have to admit, that I'm at a loss of words to describe that.
If this was a comic, his jaw would have hit the floor and his eyes sprung out of their sockets. As this was not comic, his expression did not change much in comparison to that of the former tale of pledged love. Instead of continuing slowly advancing backwards, he made a giant leap and was lucky not to relive his former experiences with the trees.
"What's wrong with you, love?" Mary simply had no sensitiveness and did not notice that she did exactly the wrong thing by trying to persuade 'hottie' - by then I could simply snicker about that name - that he was so totally and absolutely in love with her. It was just bad luck for her that he didn't even seem to remember her name...
Legolas finally seemed to have regained his wits and composure, for now he brought his bow again up against Mary. Come on, let go of the arrow! I know you want to shoot her, just do it! Maybe she can be killed by brute force, otherwise we will just declare that as an 'unfortunate hunting accident' or something along those lines! Than it should do, after all it would be an accident!
I dared to cross two fingers and wish for Mary to make a stupid movement.
"What kind of creature are you?" he hissed, this time obviously addressing my best fiend. And, yupp, I meant fiend. Not - N O T - friend!
"Why, I'm the fairest and beautifulst lady in this and any other realm!" she stuck her nose up, as always when talking about her own perfectness. It had been long since I had decided against spotting grammar mistakes...
"You won't bewitch me again, creature of Sauron!" According to my friend the Valar he's perfectly right. Though she's not really made by Sauron, she got sent here by him. That's good enough for me to not intervene with that...
"Creature of Sauron?" she gasped and fainted. A nice way to steal out of responsibility.
/_/_/_/
I sighed loudly, thus gaining the elven prince's attention.
"You are rather right with that Sauron thing, my lord. And the name of those creatures is Mary-Sue."
At this I waited for the typical horror film like thunder rolling or echo resounding. Since none of that came, I chose to simply continue, though he eyed me suspiciously.
"Do you want to hear more of good old truth or shall I make up a totally horrid background story of a tragic past of Mary? That's her name by the way. Mary Sue. Just like the labelling of those creatures."
He hesitated for a second, maybe he was confused by the Mary-Sue, Mary Sue thing.
"Tell me truth and your name, fairy." he demanded, while moving over to his horse.
"Okay." He looked at me, as if he didn't know the word and I sighed. "Fine. I hope you can stand truth!" I muttered, hastily adding a "My lord".
"I am Lilian, in Mary's and my world at least. Here I called myself 'Belle', wherever that horrible name came from. Oh, and please, call me Belle while Mary is around, my lord. It has to do with her likeliness to wreak havoc and my job to clean the mess after her."
While I spoke, Legolas stopped in his motions and stared at me. That could not be good.
"Please, continue doing whatever you wanted to do, and do so quickly, I fear Mary will wake up soon. Second thing, you wanted to be told truth, so don't complain now..., my lord..." I was annoyed, because of Mary and because of Legoals as well.
Then he nodded and fished a rope out of the saddlebags. I did not care much for that, if he tried to get me, I'd get invisible.
"Well, the world Mary and I came from is called 'Earth'. On Earth there are horrible stories with basically the very same 'plot' and characters that are as different as one dust particle to another, when looked over. They are called Mary-Sues and it's the same thing all the time: A perfect girl gets dropped to another reality, everyone there likes or falls in love with her, because of her perfectness and beauty, she marries her personal favourite hero and most of the time they had horrible families and tragic backgrounds, like, hmm. 'I lost my parents at a very early age and got adopted by so mean foster-parents, they won't get me all the make up I want and such and they were so mean and unfair!' or 'Everyone envied my beauty and perfectness, so everyone hated me and I was so lonely' eh you get the thing, don't you, my lord?"
I had not looked to much at Legolas, while talking. Thus I noticed only after I finished, that he had bound Mary's hands behind her back. Yes! I thought. She deserved that! Hehe I just hope he will gag her as well otherwise she would complain too much.
Now, however, he looked directly at me, frowning and repeating: "So Mary-Sues are made up persons? How come she is here now? And what about you? Are you a Mary-Sue, too?"
"Curious as a hobbit, huh? Okay, yes, Mary-Sues are made up persons. And I hope I'm no Mary-Sue. Then let's mpve on, since you understood the principle of Mary-Sues. Your arch-enemy somehow gained knowledge of Earth and thought getting a Mary-Sue to mess up with Middle-Earth's last hope would increase his chances to win, greatly."
I thought it would be better not to tell him about Mary's and my knowledge of the whole quest, he had not even accepted to go on.
I waited, giving the elven prince the chance to let the newly gained knowledge sink in. It took quite a bit until he told me to go on.
"Mary got killed in an accident and so Sauron took his chance to drag her to Middle-Earth by what power I do not know. Uhm, you have seen your share of the curse of the Sue"
Slowly I start to hate this forest! Mary gets her special effects, but I don't!
His frown deepened "What do you mean by that? My share of her curse?"
I laughed nervously and fidgeted with my hands. "Eh, as I said before you kissed each other. It's part of her curse. She infatuated you and well. I have no idea of how to tell you that in a nice and careful way, so we will do this the direct way: You are her hero."
He tried to stifle a gasp, glanced at me, then at the miraculously still fainted Mary. Maybe she waited for her prince to kiss her awake. It would be perfect, she would deprive and starve, before that happened, now the spell was gone!
"It seems I cannot hope to change that. So please do continue, lady Lilian." Now it was my turn to stifle something, only I had to stifle a laughter.
"Please! I am a fairy not a lady! Even if I had my normal shape, I would decline the 'lady' thing! However, uhm, where did I stop, my lord?" I laughed nervously. Again.
"You said that Sauron dragged your friend..." I had cut a Valar off at that! I certainly would not stop now at an elven prince!
"That thing is not my friend! Get it?" He was taken aback a bit and I sighed. "Sorry, but when I do not let a Valar get away with that, you certainly won't do that as well. Just continue, please?"
He shook his head, but continued nonetheless "The Mary-Sue got dragged here by Sauron, how did you end up here then?"
"Good!" I exclaimed and fluttered around a little "You are suspicious again!" He glanced sharply at me. "Sorry, I did not intend to get side-tracked. Ahm. As I said Mary got killed in an accident and I got myself in the same mess, trying to help her. Well, I died as well, however Death and a Valar argued a bit about me. Death was angry at the Valar for getting me killed, since I was not supposed to. But the Valar insisted on sending me here to take care of Mary." I thrust my hand in the air and cried angrily out "To tell truth: He blackmailed me!"
Now it was Legolas' turn to get angry: "A Valar would never get anyone killed! Neither would one of them blackmail anyone! You said you would tell me truth, so do it now!"
I groaned "It IS truth! Well, about the dead-thing I'm not overly sure. He told me, if I took care of Sue, I would not die and would not be an invalid. Eh, yes, I'd surely be an invalid after such an accident, if I survived at all, given normal circumstances. That's how he blackmailed me. I had the choice between taking care of Mary and having to rely on other for everything, even going to the privy!"
"I do not trust you." A simple statement of his side, that's fine with me.
"You don't have to. I'm rather sure, if I were you, I wouldn't trust me - eh, me me not me being you - as well. But it would be best, if you sided with me for the time being. Uhm, just wondering, do you still want to take her with you to Imladris?"
"How can you know of Imladris as a name for Rivendell? And when did I say, I'd take her with me?" His hand shot forward, grasping me tightly and bringing me close to his face. He terrified me then nearly as much as Valar had done. Still I tried to get out of his hand.
"Second question firstly! You said so, when she had you under her spell! First question, that Valar gave me vast knowledge about Middle-Earth in order that I may be able to keep Mary from making too much trouble!"
"I can't see how I could trust you. For all I know you could be as well a spy of Sauron as her." He pointed to Mary. Geez, when does this lazy brat get her butt up again? d
"Uhm, I know about no way that could prove that I am not like her! I just know that I give not even a piece of shit to wearing clothing no longer than five hours. And I don't care about my hair getting greasy or my hairstyle ruined. And I am certainly not in love with anyone I have never even met! Unlike you, I might add!"
Once I had freed my armes from his grasp, I crossed them and sulked.
My captor was unfortunately not that easily distracted: "So you tell me, that you are from a different world. One sent by Sauron, the other sent by a Valar. How can I be sure that you are not both sent by Sauron or that you are not the one who got sent by him?"
"Easy enough!" I cried out "I did NOT try to infatuate you! I DID however try to dissolve that infatuation! I'm trying to get you to behave as yourself, not as one of her brain-dead zombie friends!" Another thought sprang to my mind. "Wake her! Wake her and ask her about Lilian! She's going to tell you that Lilian is some odd nerd, reading all the time voluntarily, not caring about style and having stolen her boyfriend-to-be named Jack - err, she calls him still Jonathan - from her. Uhm, she believes to have a crush on him since about two years, but he always turned her away for being what she is: Annoying."
He narrowed his eyes at my rambling: "And what shall that nonsense proof?"
I froze. He was right. I could have said truth about that thing and lied about everything else, if she answered as I foretold.
"Uhm, never mind." I finally sighed. "I give it up. There's no way to proof that I am speaking truth. So either you believe or you do not. It is up to you, son of Thranduil."
He gave me a last sharp look and let go of me. "Thank you, you will see you did the right thing." I told him, before getting myself seated on his shoulder. Oh, now I hijacked the prince of Mirkwood after all.
Just now, Mary gasped loudly and reawoke from her self-induced unconciousness. I had no idea how she had done that. But I had a faint idea that a certain Valar had decided to give a helpful hand again by keeping her in that state long enough to give me the possibility to explain the situation to Legolas.
I grinned for a second, until Mary realised she was bound.
Teehee, sorry to leave you with that for about a week.
I'm going to be away from tomorrow on (Wednesday) until Sunday, without having access to a computer, and afterwards the next chapter needs firstly to be written. So please excuse me for that time.
