Notes: I know what you're all thinking. God, I hope she put some hot action in this chapter. Well, you probably won't like the answer but- there is. I did. And I think it's one of the best smut I've ever written.

So enjoy, but remember: Jesus is always watching.


"Is this really necessary?" Cable asked, frowning.

"Artists always sign their works," Wade answered as he finished drawing a smiley face next to the accountant's corpse with said accountant's blood before taking a selfie with it.

Cable rolled his eyes.

"Job done, send money, skull emoji, poop emoji, "L"," Wade said as he tapped rapidly on the screen, gloves off.

"You know that you don't have to read your texts aloud, do you?"

"I only do that so you don't think I'm cheating on you, cupcake," the mercenary replied, blowing a kiss to a very aggravated Cable.

Whose mouth corners still turned upwards for a millisecond.

Huh. Promising.

Wade put his phone back in his pouch, retrieved his gloves and strolled out of the office, the cyborg right behind him. The employees looked at them walk by, pressed against each other in fear. "So, how do we burn Lame Umbrella Corporation to the ground?"

Cable projected a holographic map of the facility from his metal arm and pointed at six locations as they kept walking. "First, we need to burn the storage room that contains all the biological weapons, and then we plant a bomb in each of the six main pillars keeping the underground structure from collapsing on itself." The portrait of three persons in white coats replaced the map. "We also have to make sure these scientists die; they're responsible for the Project-"

"-Diarrhea, got it," Wade interrupted him. "Your arm is so cool, can you watch porn on it?"

"Jesus." Cable turned off the orange hologram. "I'll activate the decontamination emergency procedure while you take down the scientists. Kill anyone who stands in your way."

"I love your plan, I really do, but what about the animals?" Wade asked as they arrived at the barricade consisting in a pile of desks and chairs blocking the door. They could hear men shouting on the other side.

"The what?"

"The rats? Mice? Chimpanzees? Maybe even poorly-informed homeless people? You know, whatever or whoever they test their crap on?"

Cable reflected on it for a minute. "I'm afraid we can't save them. Who knows what illness they carry... Even one of them could cause a dire epidemic once in the outside world."

"Shame."

Something started beeping quicker and quicker behind the barricade so Cable grabbed Wade by the belt to haul him into an adjacent deserted office, getting them both out of the way of the explosion. "I'm starting to think you really care about me, big boy," the mercenary said as he shot the first guard to show through the fog of dust and ashes.

Not gonna lie, he totally was into being manhandled so his voice sounded embarrassingly breathy.

"I don't," Cable grunted sharply, blasting away two guys at once as well as a huge section of the wall.

Conceal, don't feel.

"This gun is AWESOME. Can I try it? Pleaaaaase? Let me touch your big gun until it shoots a load!" Wade begged as they broke through the last guards and reached the elevator.

On their way to the lower level, Cable pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you even hear yourself?"

"Sometimes."

The elevator doors opened, revealing a wide range of assault rifles aiming at them. Cable immediately activated his shield and cursed when he saw Wade walk right out of the lift cage.

"Maximum effort," the mercenary whispered before he jumped in the air and revolved murderous-rotisserie-chicken style to shoot the guards, baffling everyone in the room.

He landed gracefully on his feet as nine of their enemies hit the floor, dead. Cable snapped out of his amazement and killed the remaining soldiers as quickly as possible, knowing Wade was out of ammo.

He had only been counting because he didn't want to carry his regenerating body again. That's all.

"Did you notice me, senpai?" Wade asked not so jokingly while he was reloading his guns. He had a hole the size of a golf ball in his left shoulder and his right thigh was bleeding; both bullet wounds from a better skilled guard.

Cable felt a dark rage swell inside of him, even if the culprit had already died by his hands. I should have been quicker, he thought. He had his metal arm and force field to protect himself, but Wade didn't and he still felt pain, healing factor or not. Yet the idiot jumped into fights head first. "I already told you, I don't understand 90% of the shit that comes out of your mouth."

"Ha, you'll get used to it."

"I don't think I ever will, no," Cable said as he watched Wade's flesh reseal itself.


The mercenary and the cyborg ran to take cover behind the black SUV that Cable had "borrowed" to come to the facility, a few seconds before the latter blew up in flames, the detonation blowing sand and debris everywhere.

They peeked from behind the car, their ears ringing. Not a single soul in sight, just the ruins of the underground complex entrance and the boring desert of Nevada.

Cable opened the dusty SUV and let himself fall into the driver's seat with a sigh. He secured his gun between the dashboard and windshield before looking at the mercenary. "You comin'?"

"It's a shame to leave my sweet stolen ride here but hell yes," Wade answered as he took off his back scabbard to sit in the passenger seat. He threw his katanas in the backseat and waved sadly at the Kawasaki Ninja that had crashed on its side because of the blast, twenty yards away from them. "Are you sure nobody escaped with a briefcase full of deadly vials, hinting at the plot of a hypothetical next movie?"

The cyborg grabbed some wires under the wheel with his metal arm and the engine started like magic. "Positive. As soon as I stepped into the building, I took control of their security system and locked every floor and elevator, unlocking them only when we needed to pass. They were all trapped."

Wade's cock twitched. "That's cold. And hot as shit."

Cable had a smile that looked more like a snarl, which didn't help Wade's arousal at all. Oh, Mama June, I call upon thee, help me.

"Well, they knew everything about the enterprise's activity and still accepted the job," the cyborg shrugged. "That smoke's gonna be seen from miles, we better go." He pointed at several vehicles and helicopters on the horizon, tiny black dots slowly closing in. "The army is already on its way."

"Then pedal to the metal, Furiosa."

Cable obeyed; the SUV roared and surged forward, making the mercenary giggle in surprise. "Ho, ho, ho, where did you find this beauty?!"

"In the X-Mansion garage."

"Oh, man, Colossus is gonna pound you, and not in the fun way." Don't picture the fun way, Deadpool. No! Bad Deadpool!

"I'm not planning on returning there. I have things to do that the X-Men won't approve of. Things that could jeopardize their fragile peace with non-mutants. I'd rather work on my own."

Hearing Cable intended to leave brought Wade back into the harsh reality. The mercenary put his feet on the dashboard, legs crossed, and looked outside the window. "Well, today was fun so if you ever need help for morally questionable stuff, just hit me up," he said with deceptive casualness.

"Thanks, Wade. I mean it." Not even close to casual.

Wade scoffed. "Yeah, whatever."

An uncomfortable silence grew in the car. And the heat was absolutely insufferable so Wade tore his mask off, any sensation of suffocation never failing to remind him of the worst torture he had been inflicted at the hands of Weapon-X.

He set the air conditioning to the maximum with shaky fingers.

"Listen, about that time at the mansion..." Cable started carefully, glancing at him.

"Oh no, please, we don't have to talk about it, put some dubstep instead."

"We do. You wanted to talk back then and you were right."

Wade frowned at the cyborg. "Was I?"

Cable chuckled. "Yeah. God, you remind me so much of my wife. She always called me out on my bullshit and forced me to talk things through instead of keeping them all inside."

Oh. That one again.

"So, you don't like me for me. I am just her replacement," Wade muttered.

Cable hit the brakes and the SUV drifted on the sand before coming to a stop. He moved on his seat to face Wade, his left eye glaring. "You dumb fuck, is this really what you think?!" he roared.

Wade opened his mouth but Cable didn't let him speak.

"Listen: the truth is I like you so much it pisses me off. And I like you for you. Since the prison when you protected the kid even though you were dying, since the apartment when you told me you were sorry and shook my hand with tears in your beautiful droopy eyes because I had just told you about my dead family, and since the orphanage when you sacrificed yourself for a kid I had judged irredeemable." His voice broke as he added: "a kid I would have killed without you."

Wade just stared back at him, dazed. Cable waited patiently for him to process, but the mercenary noticed him fiddle nervously with the wheel.

He wondered how such a gruff, macho-looking man could express his feelings so unabashedly. Maybe the writing wasn't so lazy, after all.

"You think I have droopy eyes?"

Cable burst out laughing. The first time Wade ever heard him actually laugh and he hoped there would be many more because that sound? Wham! worthy.

"I said beautiful droopy eyes, stupid."

"Yeah, I keep thinking you should have your vision checked. Maybe that shiny eye of yours doesn't work right."

Cable cupped Wade's face in his hands, warmer than the sun. Sun that was currently shining through the windshield, making the greenish gray in the cyborg's irises stand out. The intensity of his stare almost made Wade look down.

"You see your scars and tumors as flaws, while I see them as your victories. Victories over fights you fight every fucking day, because you're that brave."

The mercenary felt his chest tighten and his cheeks burn. He swallowed and blinked several times to chase the tears away.

"Zip it or I'll suck your geriatric dick!" he yelled in a strangled voice.

Did we just say that?

Cable raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Shouldn't it be the other way around if you wanna shut me up?"

Fuck him and his logic. Wait, I have an idea!

"Not if I do that," Wade said wickedly as he gagged Cable with his blue scarf, muffling the cyborg's protests into half-formed words and deep growls. He tried to take it off but Wade stopped him, leaving his hands around his.

"Please. Let me." I can't tell you how I feel but I can show you, he thought or said aloud, he wasn't sure anymore.

Cable squinted at him before nodding slowly. Wade leaned over the center console to kiss him eagerly over the scarf, eyes shut hard. He felt like he was simultaneously being torn apart and mended back together.

Reborn.

The cyborg kissed back as well as he could despite the fabric, hands roaming over the mercenary's back. He put his right foot against the passenger seat and sat back against the door, spreading his legs.

Wade took off his gloves as Cable touched himself through his dark cargo pants while maintaining eye contact, and holy shit on a stick seeing that almost made the mercenary self-combust.

As uncomfortable as it was, he lay across the center compartment so that he could settle between Cable's thighs and get his half-hard dick out of his pants.

Wade stroked it a few times with a firm twist at the end of each movement, looking up at Cable through his eyelashes; the cyborg grunted and put his flesh hand on the side of Wade's face, his fingertips grazing his left ear, which sent a shiver down the mercenary's spine.

Incapable of waiting any longer, Wade swallowed his now fully hard cock in one go, making Cable hiss and claw at his skull. He kept him inside his mouth until his eyes started to water and his vision became blurry.

Then he released his cock with an obscene pop, smiling devilishly. "Gag reflex as absent as my father," he winked.

Cable mumbled something that sounded like a half-pleasantly surprised, half-exasperated "Jesus."

Wade grinned and licked the thick vein running on the underside of his cock before taking it back into his mouth, sucking hard. Cable groaned loudly and bit his scarf, struggling to keep his eyes open so that he could watch Wade take him.

The mercenary shifted all of his weight on his left elbow in order to slide a hand under the cyborg's t-shirt and tug at the gray hair running down from his navel, relishing the salty taste of his cock on his tongue.

After a while, Wade swallowed him again and moaned encouragingly around his shaft when he felt Cable's stomach flex under his fingers.

Cable warned him but Wade refused to let him go.

The cyborg came right down his throat, head thrown back against the window and nails digging crescent moons into the mercenary's neck.

Only then did Wade release him and push himself back up.

The cyborg looked absolutely undone, panting heavily, his hair disheveled and his face covered with a sheen of sweat.

"Verdict?" the mercenary teased, already knowing the answer.

Cable removed his scarf and kissed him hard on his spit-slick lips.


Notes: ok, ok, sorry (not sorry) about the scarf, but I've been having dirty thoughts about it ever since I watched the movie XD

I don't know if there will be another chapter... I have so many ideas I'd like to write but idk how, when, why. No I know the why. But this would make a good ending, don't you think? For now I'll leave this story as "incomplete", and we'll see what the future holds ;)

Credits:

1) The "rotisserie-chicken style" is from a tag of someone on tumblr (I don't remember who) to describe Captain America's fight move in Age of Ultron, which is quite similar to Deadpool's signature move:

2) The "geriatric dick" is from cabledrool on tumblr, thanks for letting me use it, pal!

3) The "gag reflex as absent as my father" is from a famous tinder profile.

4) All the other, lesser funny stuff is by me.