~Caspian~
As much as I wanted to deny it, I just couldn't. A lot of people would consider it a massive weakness for someone of such a high rank to have any kind of fear whether that be rational or irrational. I'm not entirely what my fear of bad storms categorised into, I just knew that I wasn't the only person who had this. I'm not even sure when it was that I started to feel uneasy and unlike myself when the weather got bad, but I think it might have stemmed from three previous encounters that I have had. The first one was when I was still extremely young. I can't even remember what had happened exactly, it's all been based on suspicion and hearing it from other people.
My professor had told me on numerous occasions that it had stormed when my mother died, and this had also been the case when Miraz murdered my father. I had lost both of my parents during storms so this was enough evidence to back up my theory in my opinion but I kept it all to myself. I don't want people to look at me and see that I have weaknesses that could very easily be used against me. People can try to deny it as much as they can, but everyone has a specific weakness and I truthfully don't see what is wrong with admitting to it. The third and final time that I had been in a bad storm was when I was fleeing for my life after my cousin was born.
So yes, I had a very good reason to be afraid of storms. Nothing good has ever happened to me during one before and my mind was going into meltdown at the connections that had been made. It was incredibly unlikely for history to essentially repeat itself even once, yet for me it had happened on three separate occasions. Only one time had it not been carried out in the way that it should have been previously and this was solely down to me being tipped off about the attempted assassination. There have been times since in the past four years in which people have tried to kill me but they have all been unsuccessful.
That is what happens when a crown is on somebody's head though even if the person in question only wears it when they absolutely must. I hated wearing my crown because the weight of it was extremely uncomfortable and if I'm being honest, it looked frankly ridiculous. True colours are always exposed in one way or another, it's just that in some cases it can take years for this to happen. I was always looking over my shoulder in apprehension in case there was somebody following me when I was alone just in case. Eventually, it is something that I'm going to have to get over at some point but for the time being that is not going to happen. There were still people who didn't agree with what was right despite the number being very minimal.
I suppose that there was a few fears that I had other than simply storms. At least I had been tipped off about it though so I could perhaps at least try to ward off any nerves that will build up because centaurs are never wrong when it comes to reading the positions of the stars. The only thing that annoyed me was that there was never a time or an exact day for it to happen, all I did know was that it was going to happen. What kind of storm was it he meant? Rain? Thunder? Lightning? Maybe a bit of everything? There was simply no way to tell anything and this aggravated me. If there was one thing that I despised it was knowing something was going to happen yet not knowing exactly what it was that was going to happen.
I shook my head a little bit to rid these thoughts from my mind and proceeded to flip through the pages of the sketchbook once more. There was almost something entrancing about this, but I think that a lot of items that came from one of the most celebrated reigns in this worlds history had the same affect. Maybe it was the fact that it had belonged to Lucy- or Lucilia. I could picture the feisty girl glaring at her siblings for calling her by her full name. I might have not known about it until I had found this inside of her chest in the treasure chamber, but I just knew that was the case. I had learned more about them without even realising it, analysing their interactions and body language closely.
Mikian had felt bad about having this in his possession once he figured out it had belonged to the Valiant Queen of Old and he had practically forced me to take it back. I had protested but I had eventually caved in and had taken it back. As much as I tried to hide it, I think he knew that I was glad to have this. It had belonged to a close friend even if I didn't get the chance to know her for long, I had still considered her almost as a little sister that I never got to have. Most nights I would sit and analyse each picture in here, almost breathing in the loving strokes of a paintbrush or whatever medium she had used. I noticed something different in them each time, a little detail that was never visible at first glance but was always in plain sight. It was very difficult for an artist to manage such a thing and it showed me just how talented the little Queen was other than her wit or her extremely impressive knife throwing abilities.
She went against all kinds of stereotypes that was for sure. A lot of people look down on females simply because they are female and for no other reason at all. Many men consider them to be weak and not of any use yet Lucy was a living contradiction to this fact. Yes, she might not have fought on battlefields anywhere near as often as her brothers did but that didn't mean she wasn't helping. I had seen her not long after the battle where she was walking so calmly among the bodies of both the wounded and the dead. I know men who couldn't even do that without feeling sick yet she did it like it was second nature to her. She'd clearly had a lot of practise in this field and that was something a lot of people didn't realise about her.
It was silly little things like this that I picked up on with them. Tiny pieces that fit together into a brilliant picture that very few people ever saw. I had watched closely at each of their little interactions, their numerous inside jokes that nobody else understood, how they all respected each other, and most of all, how much they loved and trusted one another. Most siblings do have an extremely strong bond with each other but there was something that the Pevensie siblings had that no others did. Perhaps it was that they lived between two worlds, perhaps it was something more. I would never get to know what the real reason was that caused this seemingly magnetic force between them as I would never see them here again. At least not in this lifetime anyway.
I had seen things that nobody else had picked up on. Peter was an excellent example of this. So many people looked at him as the leader that he was and like he knew everything. I'd only seen it once, and it had startled me immensely.
Loneliness was a feeling that I had known for a very long time. For most of my life I had been pushed aside and people had been ruling in my stead considering I was too young to take the throne at the time. People constantly telling me that they were sorry for me because I was orphaned as a toddler. Feeling so cut off from everyone around me like I was some kind of attraction that everyone wanted to stare at. The feeling wasn't new to me, which was why I had taken to walking around the how to occupy my mind. Even if it was only for a few minutes, it was still a lot better than nothing and I would take that opportunity.
Most people were outside practising in their numerous fighting methods, learning off each other. Centaurs fought differently from dwarves and dwarves fought differently from minotaur's. Once each fighting style had been incorporated into the one, it was a huge force to be reckoned with. Obviously, I wasn't the only person in here at this moment in time, but I was one of very few. People just left me to my own wanderings as they knew that everyone needed space from time to time. Needed to get away from every responsibility before it piled up too much that it crumbled to the ground once more. I had to remain strong for everyone here, they were all relying on me and I had promised to help them. And promises are something that I never break nor back down from, it is a very cowardly thing and I am not a coward.
I was quite far into the mound, underground that was for sure but I wasn't sure how deep in I was. There was only a couple of torches lit in the tunnel I was currently in, just enough to see the end that forked off into what looked like two different directions from a distance. Each wall was decorated in intricate paintings from the many years that this place had stood and each one I quickly analysed in my mind. It's crazy to think that this entire area was younger than the four siblings. There were times when it struck me that they had essentially travelled through time and I know that people look at them differently for this. However, it was Lucy who had been the one to tell me of the time change between the worlds.
It must have been horrible to have been in their late twenties/early thirties and being thrust back into teenage bodies once again. I know that if it had happened to me I would have gone crazy. The stress was obviously a lot on them but it was only now that I was realising this. Being forced to live as someone you had been a lifetime before and then suddenly being expected to be the person you were. It was decidedly different for them considering they had gone from royalty to school kids to royalty once more. That was a stark change and was not at all enjoyed by either of them.
I shook my head a little bit to rid these thoughts from my mind. There was no point in overanalysing into certain situations that, quite frankly, am never going to understand on a personal level. I wasn't sure which turn it was that I had taken at the end of the tunnel and I realised with a start now that I was indeed lost. I closed my eyes and made an annoyed sound at not having paid attention to my surroundings. At least these tunnels connect in some way so if I continue I should logically come across an area that I recognise. I walked for a few more minutes, only getting more confused as each second passed. Just as I was about to turn around and try searching for the tunnel I was in originally, I heard voices that I recognised from one of the rooms. It wasn't difficult to tell who it was if the deep and very foreign accents were anything to go by. It probably wasn't a good idea, but curiosity bubbled up inside of me and I found myself silently listening in on the conversation.
"I can't do this, Ed."
I frowned in deep thought at this. The High King very rarely showed any kind of emotion other than an amused grin towards his siblings. Other than that, though, his face was always set in stone which just gave off a huge aura of power and confidence. It was clear now that it was only an act, and it showed me that he has flaws just like everyone else.
"You've done it before, Pete. In case you are forgetting our first battle we'd only been introduced to swords a couple of weeks prior."
A sigh escaped whom I'm assuming Peter's lips as Edmund spoke these words. I knew this previously from them in passing but it still didn't seem to sit in my mind. How could kids who had never seen a weapon before being able to use the said weapon and win a battle? They had Aslan on their side, and they had faith in each other.
"That was luck- "
"Don't pull the luck card on me Peter Alexander Pevensie. Yes, the first battle might have been luck and the timing working out for us. But that wasn't the same for every battle we fought. What about when myself and Susan were almost assassinated? Who was it that acted quick enough? It was you, Pete. Who was it that willingly agreed to try and end all the tension between this country and Calormen? That was you. Who was it that went to Ettinsmoor with an army of eight thousand to discuss plans with giants? Again, it was you. So, don't even attempt to say that someone helped you because it was solely you and you alone. Quit discrediting yourself over everything that you've done."
By now, I was biting my thumbnail to distract myself from just barging in there and adding my own opinions. The young King was right. They might have had luck in their favour on a couple of occasions but not all of it. It deeply unnerved me that he had spoken of an attempted assassination despite it being quite common as far as royals are concerned. There had probably been dozens of them and it was something that I had experienced myself personally. It was still weird though to hear the legendary King of Old openly speaking about such things.
"I just don't know how we can help him, Ed. Don't get me wrong, I want him to take his rightful place as King of Narnia. How can I do that though when I have no idea how things are now? This isn't 1015 Edmund in case you are forgetting. We're just seen as kids and not as the men we really are inside."
I heard shuffling which told me that Edmund was likely walking over to comfort his brother during all of this. I could see exactly where he was coming from with his complex thought process but thinking and hearing are two completely different things from each other. He was also right; things were drastically different. This Narnia was not the Narnia that they had left nor was it the Narnia that they knew. They were aware of this fact and it proved to me that they knew that they would probably not be back after this war is over.
"Peter, I'm going to tell you something that Orieus told me all of those years ago. Acknowledging fear is what makes a person courageous, not how many battles have been fought. You should know that by now dear brother. Especially since our trusted general took every available opportunity to tell us this"
It was a quote that I had made sure to memorise backwards. At the time, it didn't make much sense to me because for most of my life it had been ingrained into my mind that fears were for cowards. For some reason, though, hearing it from the ancient King who was most known for his judgement and wise words had contradicted all of this. Fears weren't cowardly, there was only one thing in the world that existed which was cowardly. It was quite simply really. That was not standing up for what you believe in and instead wallowing in a corner somewhere hoping for a miracle to occur. That is what cowardice was and it had reassured me massively over my own fear of bad storms.
I knew that I had to distract myself somehow so I walked down to the opposite end of my chambers into my personal library intending to find a book to read. It was beginning to get late as I could see a few stars beginning to speckle in the brilliant blue sky which was slowly starting to dim into more of a grey. I'd always found it fascinating, the way that day turned into night sometimes in a breath-taking array of colours melting together seamlessly like someone had taken a paintbrush and treated the sky and horizon as the canvas. It was quite soothing and seeing it reflecting over the ocean only added more to this affect. When the construction had first been completed, I spent most nights down on the beach just watching the show, never wanting to sleep in case I missed something.
The strong scent of paper filled my nostrils and I sighed in content. I'd always loved the way that old and new books combined their scents. It reminded me a lot of my childhood considering the times when I wasn't going through training to become King or in weaponry, most it was spent in the library. It was always my little escape in a way and very few people knew about this tendency I had developed. I let my fingers trail along the spines of the many books in here, sometimes lingering a little bit more on others. I wasn't sure exactly how many there was in here, a couple of thousand anyway that was for sure.
"Incredible."
I jumped a little bit at the unexpected noise but I calmed down almost immediately as the voice registered in my mind. I looked around to see where he was and I soon spotted a familiar friendly face sitting down at a desk which overlooked the rocky cliffs below. He was muttering underneath his breath and seemingly transfixed completely on a book that I recognised vaguely. It was one of the ones that we had taken when we first found the ruins of the Cair. I hadn't read it through, only bits and pieces of it so I had no idea what lay in between all the lines of it.
"Good evening, Professor."
At first, he didn't seem to hear me but I caught a single twitch on his face which told me that he had. He pushed his glasses a little more up his nose and looked towards me, bowing his head a little bit out of respect.
"Good evening, your Majesty."
I glanced around the space, searching for something to read. The only difficult thing was deciding on a genre, fiction or non-fiction? Horror, violence, or historical? I think that he sensed what it was that was on my mind as he gestured me to sit down beside him. I wasn't sure what it was that he was meaning exactly but I wasn't going to question him. My eyes trailed down to whatever it was that he was reading and I frowned in confusion at the handwriting. I recognised it, very well in fact. Was this written by Edmund?
"It seems that the Kings and Queens of Old enjoyed documenting their more eventful days in this world. There it is some truly amazing things in here, perhaps it would be something you would enjoy reading?"
I could do nothing but nod, my curiosity now at its peak once again. I was always looking for ways to improve the way that I rule so it made sense to take notes off possibly the most famous monarchs in history. Cornelius stood up and gave me a wide smile that comforted me. Ever since my father had died he had essentially acted as a replacement to fill that void. Some people would have found this insulting but I was just extremely grateful to have someone there who understood that I needed someone to look up to for guidance. I waited until he had left before flipping to the front of the very large book, looking at the corners which were all dated the exact time that they were written.
Over the next hour I had laughed, felt terrible, and felt elated at. The fact that this was written by them only made it seem more real in a sense. A lot of the time a book which may be based off life had certain facts which were not translated through or they were exaggerated. All their silly fights were documented along with their serious disagreements to even their suitors. I had almost cried of laughter at one which consisted of someone attempting to seduce the High King by sneaking into his chambers and waiting. Well, she had gotten a surprise when he had rejected her and then she proceeded to remove her clothes. It was only when Susan walked in that the woman in question had ran in embarrassment at being caught in such an act.
I continued reading, trying to memorise as much of this as I possibly could so that it would be impossible to forget. Each was written in such detail that it was almost like I had travelled back in time myself and was watching everything play out right in front of me. I wasn't sure how long I had been lost in the words for but when I looked up I noticed that it was almost pitch black outside apart from the many grey clouds coating the sky. I quickly bookmarked the page that I was on and walked back to my own bedroom. I wasn't tired yet so I simply stood on the balcony, breathing in the fresh air which was tinged with a little salt from the ocean below. A loud boom brought me out of my thoughts and I frantically looked around for whatever it was.
Soon it came again but this time with a blinding light. I screwed my eyes a little bit and I spotted lighting far ahead into the sea. Despite the nerves that were beginning to bubble up inside of me, I couldn't deny that it was a spectacular sight. Almost everything looked spectacular now that there was no conflict between all the inhabitants in Narnia. I found myself just staring at natures show, jumping ever so slightly when another boom of thunder echoed. This could only be the storm that Glenstorm had meant. I was glad that I'd had a head up about it as it calmed me down more. I stayed to watch for roughly twenty minutes before walking back into my room, changing into night clothes and climbing under the covers. It wasn't long until I had been overcome with sleep.
