What's with all the bath time fics from me? I dunno. All I can say is that this is what happens after watching Pitch Perfect and then listening to Bulletproof on a loop.
Holly padded sleepily towards the hall to the locker room. Not a soul was at work yet. The fluorescent lights cast their artificial greenish glow on the conspicuously empty linoleum tiles and oozed into dark offices (that were painted green, though you couldn't really tell). The low drone of some vague machine whined continuously, interrupted occasionally with unidentified creaks and groans that could unsettle even the most battle hardened soldier.
I hate coming here so early, Holly thought with a shudder, it's creepy and everything looks so green!
She moved like a ghost, unwilling to disturb the so-called silence.
Her shower had been broken for six months and she'd been too busy (lazy) to get it fixed. So, the logical course of action was to shower at work until further notice, right?
Wrong.
In truth, the women's locker room didn't actually exist. There would be only three people who would ever use it –Lili, Vinyaya, and herself –but still, it was sexist that there wasn't a facility for them.
Holly, a staunch feminist herself, was appalled when she found out. The LEP could at least pretend to treat the female officers equally. Except for Lili. Lili could go to hell. She'd probably use the guy's locker room with gusto if she ever needed to get ready before work.
She was even more offended when she went to complain to HR. Those chauvinist pigs had only told her that she could use the men's showers if she really wanted to. Throughout the whole conversation the two HR reps had been winking suggestively and making comments like "we should have made the locker rooms coed a long time ago" and "If you decide to use the locker room for real, let me know. I might start using them myself". The elfin captain stormed out of their office after tossing a juvenile "you need to. I can smell you from here" over her shoulder.
Idiots! Trouble offered to put up a sign for an hour or two in the morning that would order all male officers to stay out of the showers, but Holly was sure there'd be quite a few soldiers who "didn't see the sign".
The only choice she had was to either go to the Council and demand that a new locker room be built (which would almost certainly take forever and had a good chance of getting vetoed), or simply pretend to drop the subject and come in ridiculously early to use the showers in private until her own was fixed.
"Frond," she muttered, her voice bouncing around in the green hallway, "When did bathing get so complicated?"
She kicked the scuffed up locker room door open (with a viciousness even more bitter than usual) and shot the little green man symbol with an imaginary Neutrino.
Holly Short was not much of a morning person.
Regretfully, she slouched out of her pajamas, loathe to leave their comforting fuzziness. She'd die if anyone saw her in the pink Eeyore t-shirt, but in truth, the elf loved her cutesy girly 'jammies.
The scathing bite of boiling hot water improved her mood a fraction and woke her up a bit as well.
I think I'll use up all the hot water today.
The thought cheered her, and so she began to sing.
"Next time, maybe, I'll beeeeeeeee, bulletttttproooooooof!"
Soon Holly was belting out the lyrics of the popular Mud Man song into her loofah microphone with her hair soaped up in muted red spikes.
She stuck her hand through the chink between the shower curtain (green of course, though it had started to turn an alarming shade of brown) and the wall.
"Next time, maybe, I'll beeeee,"
Her fingers groped around on the cool wall tiles until it found the towel rack. Holly swiped her hand along the metal bar and felt her towel slip through her fingers. It fell to the ground in with a disheartening "flump". Right into a huge puddle, no doubt.
D'arvit!
The captain bit back the curse and took a deep breath.
No, Holly, you are not starting your day off grumpy because of a stupid towel. When you get angry, and you will no doubt, it will be over something that's worthy of your wrath.
Unfortunately for her, Holly Short was totally right.
"Next time, maybe,"
She danced out of the shower cubicle and pirouetted on the slick floor. She'd simply get another towel from the big rack by the door, no big deal.
"I'll beeeeee,"
Her eyes were squeezed shut from the water that threatened to blur her vision and also because of her passionate singing.
In the elf's defense, the song was perfectly on key. She did have a lovely singing voice.
Holly was nearly there when she heard something clatter to the floor.
"Bulletttttproo…." She choked on the last word.
The captain froze, eyes wide and straight ahead, fixated on the rack of towels just out of her reach. A million awful thoughts raced through her head, none of which came close to the true, awful reality.
Slowly, painfully, she turned towards the noise.
Please be Lili or Vinyaya, please please please please –
There stood Grub Kelp, mouth hanging open in shock, a shampoo bottle on the ground near his feet. He was officially the luckiest officer in the LEP, Holly being the most unlucky.
Holly's only consolation was that Grub still had on his pajamas (they had little racecars all over them), unlike herself.
She was hyper aware of every drop of water on her body and every soap bubble in her fiery red locks.
The two just stood there, staring, for quite a few long minutes. One felt like he was in a dream, the other like she was in a nightmare.
Finally, (and stupidly, for him) Grub broke the spell.
"Whoah!" he squeaked, a wide smile breaking across his face, "Wait until I tell Trubs about this!"
Grub exited that locker room on a stretcher. Frankly, he was lucky not to leave in a body bag. Among his injuries were two black eyes, a fractured femur, three broken fingers, a shattered jaw and a minor concussion.
Holly left with a bruised fist and all the dignity she could muster. She'd beaten the stuffing out of the other officer, but try as she might Holly knew that she'd never be able to beat out the memory of their encounter. She'd tried her best, though. The concussion was her last hope.
Grub still told everyone. And his story had quite a few embellishments.
Hmm… would this be considered a song fic? Sorry about all the overload of parentheses, guys, I think I have a problem.
Also, I was wondering, exactly how does having a beta work? Like, what do they do, just edit your work for you? I never did have time to go look for one.
I can has review?
