AN: I've been having a pretty crappy week so lets take it out on out poor Rogue, yes. It will just add to her suffering and make my story better. Okay, here goes. R&R as always my dear readers.
Chapter 4: Operation
It burns.
They hurt, stop the burning.
Ahh! No please.
Stop!
Stop! Please stop!
The blinding white light distracted her from seeing what was happening.
She heard them talking, but her mind was so loud with screaming she couldn't make any of their words out. RIPPP.
She felt it. Her flesh tore open. No! Stop! Please!
The doctors hovered over her. Scalpel in hand of the head surgeon. RIPPP! To her ears the bit of noise she heard sounded angry.
Tears streamed from her swollen eyes. How did she get here. Last she remembered was being dragged away from doctor Steffen. Now, it was just pain. Later would bring darkness.
Why wont you stop? She tried to force out the words but they were smothered in her throat. They never made it past her lips. RIPPP!
A loud popping sound tore her from her thought and it was followed by agonizing pain. The monitors around her flared adding to the pain in her mind. The doctors well, scientists scurried around trying to fix the problem they had caused.
From behind a Plexiglas divider Dr. Steffen watched. They had shaved her head. Now was the first significant surgery of the whole project. Control.
The blood pored from under her exposed skull. Now they would use the bone saw to literally take the top of her head off, to tinker with what was inside.
CRUNCH!
The sound of the bone being ground under the steel saw blade made him feel sick. More blood rushed to the surface as they remover a rectangular piece of skull. Her exposed brain throbbed; at the sight of a child undergoing this major surgery made him want to hurt them.
He turned from the Plexiglas and nearly fell to the floor. Her exposed brain, her blood, their mission.
As she felt the saw vibrate her entire body, fear flooded through her entire being. Then pain came. Her head swam into a river of confusion. She felt lightheaded and woozy. Then came the darkness...
This isn't really happening. Am I finally getting what I want. To Die?
The darkness pushed up against her entire body. There was an intoxicating pull from it, all she had to do is give in.
A voice boomed in her head. Ya better not give in, kid!
Wait, what?
Ya heard me! Don't let em win, stripes.
Logan?
Yea, kid. I'm here, always have been.
Why? How...
You're strong enough to get through this kid. I know ya are.
No, I can't. I'm to tired, I wanna give up.
A loud growl ripped through her tattered mind. Don't ya ever talk like that kid! Don't ya ever let me hear ya talk like that!
Why, what's the point? You're not even here.
I may not be kid, but ya need me, so I'm here.
The tears rolled from her closed eyes down the sides of her pale face. In her mind there was hope.
But, you're not. I'm all alone.
I know, kid. We're still out there somewhere, ya just need ta be strong enough to get through this and find us.
But, I wanna die. It hurts to much.
I know, kid. You'll get through it in no time. Don't worry.
Why can't it end now, there'll be no more pain. Her inner voice was so strained so weak, it cracked while she cried out the last word.
When it's over, you'll be different. Not the kid I know, someone different...
I don't want to be someone different! I just want it to end!
Don't say that god damn it! You'll be someone different, someone lost. I know ya kid, you'll come back. It wont always be like this. Ya just need to remember ya have a home, ya just gotta remember it.
His voice was fading and so was all the hope.
When he was fully gone, she let go.
The darkness enveloped her, she welcomed it. It was better than her own personal hell.
"Careful. Careful with her! Watch her head!" A familiar voice said with fury in it. She couldn't pinpoint who it belonged to, but she knew it was friendly.
She was stuck in the blackness that had swallowed her whole. Nothing seemed to pull her from it.
She was catatonic, but fully aware; she just didn't care. All she knew was the hollow loneliness and the excruciating pain that seemed to blind her.
"Are you alright?"
Go away. Let me die!
"Please answer me. If you're in pain, just tell me. I'll give you something for it."
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
"How could I treat you if I don't know if you are hurting?"
You don't. Her inner voice was hollow and empty, nothing in it.
"You don't have to feel like this. The others didn't use any pain killers or anesthesia on you during the operation. I should have intervened, but I... I couldn't. I wanted to."
Like that helps. Go away before I snap your neck!
Without any verbal acknowledgment from her he took it as he was not wanted and left her cold, dirty cell.
Why didn't you let me die? LOGAN! Answer me!
The blackness echoed back to her. The voices weren't her own, but those of who she imprinted. Their company was not welcome to her. She wanted this place to herself, no one else. Her darkness her rules, no other personalities allowed.
They echoed. Answer me!
Maybe, I should put up some police tape and tell them it is a murder scene and they'll go away if they don't want to be killed too.
Answer me!
Go away!
Answer me!
Shut up!
ANSWER ME!
GO AWAY!
Answer US!
Shut the fuck up! Leave me alone!
Answer us?
No, just go away. Her response was weak barely a whisper.
I want to go home.
So do I, so do I.
It got quiet. All she could hear was her own heart beat wildly in her chest.
Oh, my head! She let out a low cry.
She reached up to touch her head and felt the strange skin feeling when she expected to feel her hair. At first she thought her tired pained mind tricked her hand and sent it in the wrong direction.
She raised both hands this time, and again she felt skin. She dragged her anorexic pale hands to where her face should be. She felt the plane of her forehead, the raise of her nose and the roundness of her cheeks.
It may have been a stupid thought at the time, especially with what she was going through. Oh,... a sob began to form in her throat. Oh, god. She brought her hands back up to her bare head. No, no, no, no, no, no. God, no. No!
She released the sob from the confines of her throat. Why! The tears fell from her eyes like tiny waterfalls. It all seemed to hit her in this one insignificant moment. Why me? Does someone hate me that much.
It was stupid to be upset over a superficial thing like hair, it wasn't like it would never grow back. It was the fact that, they took away the last thing in herself that made her different from them. Stripes. They were hers, she had them for so long and she didn't feel like herself before, let alone now.
She ran her skeletal fingers over her naked, broken, bruised head. She found the wounds and rubbed them with icy fingertips. They felt as if they were on fire, they ran along her hairline and down the back center of her skull. What did they do to me?
AN: Okay, I'm done with this one. Let me know what you think. I didn't even realize this took up six pages as I was writing it. (hehehehe) It's late and I'm tired so I'm leaving the story here until I next update. Enjoy! R&R! XD
