Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my twisted ideas!
Dear Mom and Dad,
So this is awkward that I have to write this, How have things been going since I left? I think I'm 16 now, or maybe 17? I kinda forgot since you forget my Birthday all the time. So, things have been alright since I got here and I fell in love with Gwen but she loves Duncan so that really sucks. I'm really hitting it off with the ladies and I'm hoping to see you guys really soon! I would call you but I think you forgot to pay my phone bill or something...It's okay...I managed to get my phone back on with the money I got for being in the final 3 when I was in season 3.
So, let me tell you about how many girlfriends I had since I started this show, Lindsay is in love with me but I turned her down! Courtney and I were a thing for 3 weeks until Duncan found out and we had a fight that I would have won if he didn't have a gun, Then there was the time I dated Katie and Sadie! It was awkward so I dumped them and of course they cried. I dated some girl from season 4 whose name was Dawn for awhile too but then I decided that I wanted to be with Heather! I mean you saw us in season 3 right? She couldn't keep her hands off of me! I mean obviously she picked me over Alejandro when the season was over, You guys are believing this, right? I mean, I'm going to send you the pictures I had Tyler take of me and the girls, I HAVE PROOF THIS HAPPENED!
So, I guess you want to know about my life at here? Well I eat a lot of candy and sometimes I run out of candy and then I have to ask other people for candy! Trent always has candy, but he wants sexual favors for it! This one time he had Godiva and I couldn't help myself...He asked me to meet him in the showers! I went and Chris filmed it and now he's selling it! Courtney is working on helping me sue him but Chris tells me that he'll give me 7% of every tape and download of it so I guess that's cool, Sierra bought like 9 copies in the past 2 days, I tried to tell her she only needed one but she insisted she wanted to help me pursue my 'Porn Star' career.
By now you're most likely freaking out about my safety, That is if you even remember me at this point, I assure you that I'm not worried because what I just told you is one of the more normal things that happen around here. It's a normal day for someone to walk in the shower every morning and see Gwen and Duncan going at it like rabbits...Oh, how I hate Duncan! It's also normal for Trent to be a creep and confess his love to random people, Trent falls in love with someone new every week! He already told me he wanted to be with me twice since I've been here! Right now he is in love with Leshawna and Harold isn't taking that too well.
Last night while I was sleeping in the playa des losers, Izzy broke into my room and threw Noah into my bed completely naked and handcuffed me to the bed post, We were both very confused that morning when I woke up to find that I couldn't move from my bed and that my only source of getting free was Noah who had no clothes on and a big old piece of morning wood, If he had pants on he would have been able to pitch a tent... So it was awkward and now he wants to 'Talk about it' later and I just want to avoid him and Izzy was disappointed that we didn't do anything because apparently she wanted to make a better porno then Chris! Seriously, Who does that?! Then again...Who sends their son to an island/dangerous abandon TV studio/Dangerous Airplane to foreign countries/Uni-Sex Hotel room looking apartment place and never bothers to even send him a cake on his Birthday?! Even the crazy stalker girl remembered my Birthday!...Uh...Sorry about that, I guess I'm a tad bit irritated about that...But seriously, If you ever want me to come home I'm just a phone call away!...Seriously though, Call me and send me candy so I can stop begging Trent!
Please Help,
Cody!
P.S.
I won't hate you for forgetting about me on purpose if you just send me a ticket home! We can pretend this whole thing never happened...Total Drama? What's that? I never heard of that! See? Already out of my head...
