Keldeo the Critic
"Fluttershy, the Pokémon Whisperer" by Pete the Rock
(Keldeo walked through the shallow water and jumped onto the rock. He gave his wet hooves a few shakes and got into his reviewing stance)
Okay, so after that scene. . .Fluttershy is hesistant to go through the portal because she's worried she won't turn back into a pony and stay as a human forever.
"I think she's worried that if she crosses, she'll retain her human form instead of returning to the winged wonder we love," she guessed. It would be heartbreaking to learn that Fluttershy would forever be human.
"Well, if that's what it takes," Apple Bloom neighed. "Then the Cutie Mark Crusaders will help Fluttershy across this!" Hearing that the Crusaders wanted to test Applejack's theory, some of the ponies...and humans and Pokémon got a little fearful.
"Wait, hold on!" Ash tried to get their attention but...
"Cutie Mark Crusaders, charge!" they yelled as they flew for the open gateway.
Yeah, it's clear that these three are the trouble making trio of Friendship is Magic. First those three find the book that starts this whole mess, and now they go jumping through the dangerous portal.
Chapter 5: To Err is Pony
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were leaping into the portal created by Twilight. The recovery of Fluttershy was the priority who was stuck in the Pokémon World...and as a human, a creature unfamiliar in Equestria. The Cutie Mark Crusaders hit the portal and passed through. That's when they began to change as they barreled into Ash, Max and May, knocking all to the floor.
So, yeah, they all turn into human kids.
"That hurt a little," she groaned. That's when she saw her hooves as hands and feet which were tennis shoes. She was able to stand up without a problem. "Whoa, I'm human! Awesome!" You're not the only one. May caught Apple Bloom and both were rising with Apple Bloom donning a yellow t-shirt under overall jeans. At least her ribbon stayed on. Applejack watched on, like the rest of the ponies staying in the hut over in Ponyville, wondering how the ponies that just crossed over became human. Was it the spell in the book? Sweetie Belle was on Max, literally. Both were glaring into each one's eyes as Sweetie Belle wore a white dress with white dress shoes. There also appeared to be a unicorn's horn as a necklace. Ash, May, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo raced to Sweetie Belle's and Max's side to help them up. Up close, the faces of the current and new human had an apparent shade of rosy red. Some filly may have just found her colt...uh, girl may have just found her boy.
(Keldeo face hoofed)
Why? Just, why? At least in Equestria Girls they shoved the romance subplot between Flash Sentry and Twilight to the side, because to be honest, this is really creepy.
"How in Equestria did they become human?" Rarity questioned.
They're not in Equestria anymore.
"And remarkably fashioned?" Aside from the acknowledgment of one's wardrobe, she did point out the rather impossible to explain. But to Ash, a theory emerged as he gazed at the portal.
"I have a thought," he pondered as he footed to the portal. "If a pony turns human by crossing into this portal...would the opposite occur if a human enters?" Watching Ash coming closer, others were worried about him invading with Pikachu by him.
"Wait a second!" Twilight feared. Ash pressed his arm through the portal...and a hoof came out of the other side. Ash's arm was now a blue hoof with a green end. Ash smiled, his prediction being correct. If his whole arm could turn into a hoof, just imagine the rest of Ash should he pass completely through to the other side.
"What do ya know," Pinkie Pie cheered. "We could be humans if we want to! Or ponies when we cross the portal." Ash pulled his hoof back from beyond the portal, reverting to human arm once again.
"That felt weird," he summed up. "Definitely not the same when I was turned into a Pikachu by Lily." Ash was a Pikachu? That's new.
(Keldeo looked curious)
Really? Wow. It's certainly news to me. But if the author wrote it in, how is it new to him? Did one person write the dialogue while another person wrote the narrator? I'd believe that!
Well, never mind. Now it's time for Fluttershy to go back to Equestria-
"I'm sorry, girls," she confessed. "But I wanna stay here a little longer." The ponies...and humans were shocked with Fluttershy's choice.
WHAT!? Are you kidding me? Okay, now the author is just trying to pan the story out longer.
"You wanna stay?" May replayed in question. "But this was your chance to go home!" Fluttershy nodded but felt compelled to explain her reason.
"Well, I wanna learn more about the Pokémon here and see if I can adapt that into taking better care of the animals near my cottage." That's an interesting reason. Everyone understood where Fluttershy was coming from.
Uh, no. That's a stupid reason. Pokemon are not like normal animals, they don't level up or know moves or battle. She can't learn anything from staying here. If anything she's in danger from being caught by Team Rocket.
That's when she remembered that Spike was in the room too. He and Twilight were always together. "Spike, could you come here a second?" Spike approached the portal as Fluttershy had a rolled up piece of paper. "Could you see that this gets to Princess Celestia?"
"Uh...sure!" he hesitantly agreed as he was offered the paper.
"One more thing..." Pointing to an ear, Spike realized that Fluttershy had a secret...only Pikachu wanted in on it. The whisper was quiet enough that Pikachu didn't quite pick up on it. However, whatever Fluttershy said, Spike's cheeks burned the same shade of red Sweetie Belle and Max had when they first met. It may have been his feelings for Rarity.
"Whoa..." Fluttershy stepped away and Twilight chose to let their fellow filly be what she decided.
"Well, Fluttershy?" Twilight neighed. "I respect your decision to let you stay human. Sure, not many of the ponies would agree with this option." Just say that to Rainbow's scowl. Applejack wanted to hustle the crusaders back to the other side.
Now, if I told you Max went into Equestria with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle and Applebloom stayed back with Fluttershy. . .you'd probably believe me.
"Why not join us?" Sweetie Belle requested to Max. He was a little hesitant about going with a pony to Ponyville...without May or Ash. Reluctant as it may have been, discovering a new area...and a different body wouldn't hurt.
"O-Okay..." he shyly answered. Along with Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Max entered the portal where the ponies reverted back to their horsing forms. Max had an all new look on him. He was now a green pony with a black mane which looked like his human hairstyle. He also retained his glasses so that's expected. "Whoa, this might take some time to get use to." Walking on four hooves instead of two feet...come on, Max, it's like crawling when you were a baby. Ash, May and Fluttershy, along with the Pokémon were surprised to see one of the humans become a pony. Apple Bloom wasn't really budging too much. Fluttershy wanted to get her moving.
"It's okay, Apple Bloom," she reassured. "I'll be fine here with Ash and May." That would be convincing enough and Apple Bloom walked to the portal. Then she stopped at the doorway. Was she reconsidering the return?
"No~!" she snapped. This startled the humans and ponies. Apple Bloom wanted to stay?
"What do you mean no?" Applejack yelled. This filly wanted freedom.
"I wanna stay human for a while! It feels great!" Applejack groaned at Apple Bloom's deviancy. "Besides, I wanna make sure nothing happens to Fluttershy." But what about the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were beside themselves at watching one of their own stray from the herd. Twilight wanted the whole fiasco to stop.
"Okay every pony!" she spoke up before realizing that the humans were paying attention too. "I mean...everyone. I'm closing the portal. Please keep an eye on Fluttershy and Apple Bloom. We'll watch Max for you."
You know, I know I'm supposed to be feeling something here, the gang is splitting up and exploring new worlds in new bodies. But this story is just so boring. It's all just exposition. It doesn't focus on the characters enough, and we don't get to see enough personality. And there's no real buildup. So when Applebloom snaps and says she wants to stay, I challenge you to find any reasons, hints, or build up within the story that gives a reason why she would make that choice.
Brock came back with some food news.
"Hey, everyone," he called. "Lunch is-" He saw no Max but Apple Bloom. "Who's she?"
Oh come on, Brock wasn't even there to see the portal? He was so busy cooking that- augh! This story is bringing the worst out of me! And wait, "food news"? What the heck-NEVERMIND!
Maybe Team Rocket can make this story interesting.
"So, that portal's where the pinky twerpette emerged from and now a fellow tiny twerp has replaced the other tiny twerp," Jessie replayed. "If we can get access to that portal, we can capture their friends and force the twerp to hand over his Pikachu and that girl." She thought that taking Twilight and the other ponies would force Ash to surrender his Pokémon. Not only was this rather crazy but even James and Meowth had serious doubts that it would work.
Okay, was Jessie crazy or stupid during Advanced Generation? Please, someone tell me what the heck is going on in this story.
So Spike sends Fluttershy's letter, which is weird cause you'd think Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's faithful student, would have had the sense to send a letter to Celestia immediately after creating a portal to another universe!
Oh, and Sweetie Belle gives Pony!Max a tour of Ponyvile and I don't really care.
You know, Friendship is Magic is a great show with amazing characters. But this story makes everyone flat, boring, and doesn't give any of them any decent motivations! Why are they doing what they're doing? Don't ask me, I don't know!
Chapter 6: Love Dropping Boundaries
After a day of touring around Ponyville, Max was ready to hit the hay. Joined by Pinkie Pie and Sweetie Belle, the human-turned-pony was feeling heavy in the hooves. "Man, this town's got just about everything," he neighed. "I never thought ponies did this much during the day. Applejack's farm's exhausting enough as it is." Pinkie Pie giggled at Max's comments, even willing to put her two bits in.
"Yeah, it kinda makes reading with Twilight the easiest thing to do aside from being human," she compared. "But then again, she did invite you to go with her into the Everfree Forest to pick up some things from Zakura
Okay, this guy is clearly not a fan of the show. Seriously, how do you mess up ZECORA'S name like that?
Well, luckily, something plot relevant happens. We get a visit from Luna, the Princess of the Night.
As they entered their treehouse, a flying black combination of Pegasus and Unicorn swooped in, watching Twilight and Spike snuggle inside the house to camp for the night. Inside, Spike climbed up a ladder and laid on a small bed. Twilight was ready to call it a night when the door was knocked. This startled Twilight.
Luna isn't black, she's dark blue.
"Who could that be at this time?" She opened the door to find the cross breed and that horn dwarfed hers by a lot. Still, she recognized the pony that came to visit. "P-Princess Luna?" Twilight on wobbly hooves allowed Luna to enter but she's a princess? We thought Celestia was the princess!
Will you stop talking to us like idiots!
So, it turns out Luna has been looking for the book because it was somehow lost when the Royal Canterlot Library was cleaned. Wait, how does that explain how it got into the forest? Did a unicorn cast a teleportation spell on it by accident. Well I hope he was fired!
So Twilight gives Luna the book and tells her all about the portal and Fluttershy and the other world full of humans, and Luna says she'll tell Celestia about it.
You know something. . .
THIS STORY IS BORING!
Sure, it began good with Grass Hysteria! and the battles with Team Rocket, but now it's all just a load of boring exposition. You have Pokemon and ponies! Use them! Make them do something!
"I may not be an expert on human behavior, mostly because humans are still pretty new to me and being in the skin of one and not in my normal fur," she studied. "But I think Fluttershy's got a crush to Ash like Miss Cheerile to Big Macintosh." May and Brock wanted to clean their ears at Apple Bloom's discovery.
"Wait, Fluttershy and Ash together?" Brock stuttered. Apple Bloom, please explain.
"Well, it's a lesson we Cutie Mark Crusaders learned the hard way. Of course, I think Ash is unaware that he's doing the right thing when it comes to love." Unaware of doing what? "You see, the right approach to love is not to approach it at all, instead let it come to you!" Ah, Apple Bloom thought Ash knew what it would take for love, something May would mock right off the explanation.
First of all, Cheerilee and Big Mac were in love because you gave them a love potion, and second of all, I don't care. All Ash is doing is going on and on about Gym Badges while he and Fluttershy both blush and look at each other. If you developed their connection better, I might be inclined to go along with this.
Well, now we head into AG075: Whiscash and Ash, where Fluttershy talks to Nero the Whiscash and stops him from stealing Ash's badges, but a huge splash ends up knocking Ash and Fluttershy into each other, causing them to almost kiss. Seriously, why would you put Ash and Fluttershy together? Then we meet that guy who wants to catch him, Sullivan the fisherman. Quite frankly, this already wasn't a very interesting episode to begin with.
So Sullivan wants Fluttershy to lure Nero out of the lake so he can catch him.
"I-uh...I don't know if..." she stuttered more but Ash decided to intervene.
"You can't use her!" he refused. Sullivan was surprised to see resistance to his wish.
"B-But...why not?" he gasped. Ash's eyes glared at the "fishing god" with piercing determination to deny the request.
"Look, Fluttershy's talent isn't for sale. A legend like you doesn't need low-based tactics like having her goad Nero from hiding. Yes, she understands Pokémon but that's her own, not someone they can simply borrow." May and Pikachu were astonished with Ash standing up for Fluttershy...and he did have a point about Sullivan's title that he shouldn't use others to do his work. What "legend" needs help from others when he's turned techniques into a work of art?
"He's got a point," May supported. "Fluttershy's talent is sacred. We respect that it remains her own." It seemed that even May preferred Fluttershy to be with them for a while. Sullivan acted defeated. They were much younger than him but they knew better than to use abilities outside their own to achieve what they're after.
"I see," he submitted. "I guess I got a little carried away when I saw her and Nero together. And I apologize for breaking your kiss, girl."
On one hand, I'm pretty sure Fluttershy wouldn't mind helping someone out. But on the other hand, the honorable thing to do would be to catch a Pokemon with only your own skill and talent.
But this conversation is put to an end when the portal reappears, showing Princess Celestia with Max and the rest of the ponies.
Okay, so Chapter 7: Elements of a New Form, begins with more exposition. This time we have a boring discussion of whether the Elements of Harmony would work on Fluttershy in her human form, and it goes back and forth, and I'm not going to even bother.
But Celestia does do something interesting.
Celestia's horn began to glow a gold light before she pointed her horn to Ash. Ash's head began to glow the same gold. At that moment, Celestia was seeing replays of Ash protecting the Pokémon from earlier before he met Fluttershy. All sorts of Pokémon Ash was guarding, including his Pikachu. Then came times with Fluttershy and how close he was with keeping her safe from Team Rocket. A few minutes after it began, Celestia ceased the glowing. She smiled sincerely at Ash who had a befuddled look on him.
"Okay, what was that just now?" he wondered. Pinkie Pie and Max were also interested with what Celestia found.
"What did you find out about Ash, Princess?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"This boy has gone to great lengths to protect the creatures of that world and kept Fluttershy safe," she explained. "He could be worthy enough to be a member of the royal guard." A nervous smirk painted Ash. What, never received a compliment from a princess? Sullivan patted Ash on the shoulder, praising Ash's good past.
"Now how often does a princess compliment your hard work over the years?" he teased.
But this moment is short-lived, because another one of Team Rocket's robots grabs Applebloom.
A claw sprung out from the trees and snagged Apple Bloom, startling everyone.
"AH!" she yelped as she was being taken hostage. All Applejack could do was call for her.
"Apple Bloom!" she screeched. The humans used the claw and guided down to Team Rocket. Needless to say that Ash wasn't happy.
"You release Apple Bloom right now, Team Rocket!" he demanded. Jessie could care less about the tone Ash roared out.
"Are you forgetting that we're the adults in this scenario?" she mocked. "If you wanna save this tiny pony twerp, hand over the girl and your Pikachu!" Ash couldn't gamble on losing Apple Bloom, Fluttershy or Pikachu. Apparently, they forgot about a certain Pokémon in the pond. Nero sprung from the lake and fired a stream of water, a bull's-eye to the joint of the claw. The claw buckled and released Apple Bloom where she scampered all the way back into Equestria, back to her pony form.
"You okay, sis?" Applejack asked.
"Am, now!" Apple Bloom answered to her big sister's relief. Fluttershy was glad that Apple Bloom was out of danger, turning to the Whiscash that saved her.
"Thank you, Nero," she praised.
Wow, I guess Nero's a nice guy.
"It's not over yet!" Meowth tried to reason, his big Meowth alerting Rarity. "We still have seven more claws to wrangle the other horses!" The thought nearly blew passed Jessie.
Don't you mean "big mouth"?
"Oh, yeah." Picking up a controller, Jessie activated the other claws, no doubt meant for the other ponies to grab.
"It seems those vile humans want to ensnare us in their little game," she seethed. The claws lunged toward the portal right at Celestia.
"Not so fast, Team Rocket!" Max denied as he leaped into the path of the claws. A claw caught Max but the momentum launched the claw into other claws, knocking them out of the pathways. It also propelled Max through the portal where he's reverted back to human. Pinkie Pie wasn't worried that Max was back to his normal body. She was frantic about his health.
"Max!" she neighed. Ash saw his little buddy in trouble.
"Pikachu, use Iron Tail to break Max free!" Ash instructed. Pikachu leaped up, smacking the arm to the claw with a white glowing tail. The swipe broke the arm into pieces and Jessie was... Jessie? Hello! Earth to Jessie! Why was she looking spaced out?
"Hold on a second..." she began to realize. "When someone enters the portal, they turn into a horse? When someone exits it, they turn into human?" She finally figured out the trade-off about the portals fixed between the Pokémon World and Equestria.
"That's what we've been trying to explain to you the other day," Meowth backtracked.
Oh please, I'm pretty sure Jessie isn't supposed to be stupid.
So Sulivan's Flaafy and Nero the Whiscash do a combination attack to blow up the robot.
However, the team emerged on a hot air balloon with Meowth's inflated ego carrying them...scratch that, it's just a head. Under the basket, two more armed claws. Were they on discount in a nearby mechanical store? Realizing the danger, Celestia brought forth a strange book. Rarity saw what it was.
"Are you sure you wanna use the Elements of Harmony, Princess Celestia?" she questioned.
"Despite my doubts, I'm willing to try and summon the Elements of Harmony," Celestia gambled. "We need to purge these 'minions' from those willing to protect."
Oh, come on! It's a hot air balloon. All they need to do is have Pikachu use Thunderbolt. And better yet, if magic can go through the portal, why doesn't Celestia just fire a magic lazer through the portal and pop the balloon. Compared to the other times the Elements were used, fighting Team Rocket with them seems like overkill.
Rainbow opened the case and pulled out a gold necklace with a pink gem in the shape of a butterfly.
"Fluttershy, catch!" she yelled as she flung the necklace to their humanoid friend. She slipped the necklace around her neck as did Rainbow,Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rarity. Twilight dressed a gold tiara crown that had a magenta star gem above. What, Celestia doesn't get one? Neither Spike?
(Keldeo fell flat on the ground and repeatedly banged his head on the ground)
Is this author trying to be stupid. I mean, I don't get it. Why make all these weird comments as if you've never seen the show before?
So the ponies all jump through the portal and turn into humans and activate the Elements.
"Ash, provide me a little yellow light!" she requested. Ash wondered why Twilight wanted a yellow light, less know why she gazed at Pikachu. Whatever it was, he had to trust her word.
"Okay!" he replied. "Pikachu, Thunderbolt!" Pikachu fired a Thunderbolt which hit Twilight...but wasn't shocking her. Instead, the tiara absorbed the lightning, transmitting it into a light which swirled around the other girls in a rainbow shield. Team Rocket watched in awe, not realizing their demise.
Wait, so the Element of Magic runs off of Electricity? That doesn't make any sense! This story is just so bizzare.
"Whether you battle with our favorite colt or us, forever you will be defeated and your organization shall fall! After all, we're all friends...and friendship is magic!" She summoned a wave of color up at the balloon as the arms lunged out. When they collided, the colors sheared through the arms, destroying it while flying up to the balloon. The colors consumed the balloon in a flashy rainbow tornado, spinning the balloon and turning Team Rocket topsy-turvy. Finally, the rainbow collapsed in, crushing the machine, the balloon and the Rockets before...KABOOM! That was a huge blast as the colors destroyed what was in the sky...but Team Rocket. They were sent flying.
"Elements of Harmony, huh?" James calmly reflected.
"More like Elements of...Getting Your Tail Kicked!" Meowth snarled loudly.
"Guess we were horsing around the idea a bit much," Jessie punned, something Meowth wanted to scratch her for.
"I want to use my Fury Swipes on you but we've already been pun-ished enough!" Finally they were sailing over the mountains.
"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" they yelled in unison.
Why do the Elements of Harmony just send them blasting off? Shouldn't it make them good or something? Oh, sweet biscuits, let's just end it already.
So Fluttershy is sad that she has to leave because of her. . .feelings. . .for Ash. Luckily, Celestia will let here come back and visit.
"These humans are creatures we can depend on in times of need," Celestia expressed. "Perhaps it was fate that brought the misplaced spell book to you and fate that brought Fluttershy to this world of humans and creatures. These humans have shown the care you've shown to your bunnies, birds, otters and what-not by your cottage." If anything, Fluttershy could visit him whenever she can without repercussion. Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders wonder if this could also apply to them as well.
"Does that mean we can go to their world, too?" Sweetie Belle asked. Twilight smiled, no big deal to her.
"Of course," she answered. "But you need to earn that trust if you want access." The crusaders groaned, feeling rather dejected. What, finding that lost spell book not enough? Oh, wait. That caused the problems in the first place.
Alright, so you know the drill, a sad goodbye, Ash and Fluttershy kiss, Max and Pinkie Pie kiss- wait, I thought Max like Sweetie Belle? Oh and Rarity like Brock. Wha-? And would you believe that this story has some kind of message at the end:
It didn't matter that Fluttershy was a pony, albeit a Pegasus pony, and Ash was a human. Love defies who or what we are. Ash and Fluttershy, Max and Pinkie Pie...they were just two examples that being one or the other was meaningless.
THE END
Alright, I'm done.
Wow. . .that was bad. I mean, the idea sound kind of interesting, but the execution was terrible. The action was disappointing, the description were distracting, the narrator's comments were annoying, Jessie was stupid, the characters were bland, the romance was shallow and out of left field, there was no build up, things were brought up and just dropped for no reason, there was no humor, and Fluttershy was creepy, rude, and insulting. This is worse than "Dusk's Dawn". Yeah, I went there.
So everyone who thought Equestria Girls was bad should give this story a read. This story had no real pacing and had a lot of places where the plot just sat still and nothing interesting happened, We were just retold what we already knew. And what's worse, there were so many times for emotional moments between characters, but none of them were used. All we got was Fluttershy crying while looking at a picture. How about Fluttershy getting mad over animals fighting each other?
It's Fanfics like this that make me glad that there are so many better ones out there. Also, don't you dare judge the actual series based off of this. Because no matter how many lousy Fanfics people right Friendship is Magic is awesome!
I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon/My Little Pony Crossover Fanfiction!
THE END
Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice
Credits
Portal- Valve
Bum Reviews
Friendship is Witchcraft - "Cute From The Hip" by Sherclop Pones
"Pinkie's Brew" by Sherclop Pones
Equestria Girls by Hasbro
Dusk's Dawn by Project Interlude
Nostalgia Critic- The Cat in the Hat
Super Paper Mario- Nintendo
Time Warp Trio- Discovery Kids
Stanley- Disney
Special Thanks
Bulbapedia
The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.
(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)
