'I don't think this is what Ryūken had in mind when he decided to send us here.'

They had joined a host club. He had joined a host club.

Uryū would love to pin it all on Kurosaki and his chaos magnetism, but, unfortunately for him, the Shinigami Daiko had tried to give them all a way out. Which left Uryū with nobody but Inoue Orihime to blame, and that just made him feel extremely uncomfortable, so he tried to avoid thinking about how he got into this situation at all.

Currently, the Quincy was watching Kurosaki try not to punch their club leader, Suou Tamaki, in the face as he swanned about; he was going on extensively about something that Uryū wasn't actually listening to; he got the feeling that it would aggravate him more than his cousin did. He was also watching Kurosaki's new friend, Fujioka Haruhi, think deep thoughts, apparently inspired by Suou's rant. The girl seemed nice enough – she was polite and friendly, and she seemed not to care that the original host members were under the impression that she was male.

Speaking of the original hosts…

Two of them, at least, appeared to be somewhat normal: Morinozuka Takashi and Haninozuka Mitsukuni were getting along splendidly with Sado and Inoue. Uryū wasn't at all surprised; Sado was obsessed with all things adorable, and the short third year ("Call me Honey!" "Definitely not." "Mou~ Hani then!" "I refuse.") definitely counted. Inoue had apparently bonded with him over cake.

The other four- well. Suou was self-explanatory; well-meaning, oblivious, idiot. His shadow, Ōtori Kyouya, was deceptive. He certainly looked normal, but the guy was creepier than Urahara. Uryū had heard him 'casually' mentioning his family's private police force to Kurosaki and Fujioka, 'subtly' warning them not to skip out on their debt. Uryū had snorted. As if Kurosaki would do something so dishonest.

And then there were the twins. Hitachiin Kaoru and Hikaru, first years in the same class as Fujioka. The only way Uryū could tell them apart was from their reiatsu, because they had the whole 'which-twin-am-I' thing down to an art. Presumably, they weren't actually the same person in two different bodies, but so far, he had seen nothing to suggest otherwise.

"I've got it!" Fujioka's pleased statement brought Uryū out of his musings with a bump. "You're obnoxious."

Uryū snorted at the same time as Kurosaki, both of them watching the blond boy's frozen face. He looked utterly depressed, to have been shut down in the middle of his 'this is how the rich do things' rant, and with such an insult too. Fujioka looked so bemused by Suou's reaction, it made Uryū want to laugh. Even the boy's friends were laughing, the twins ribbing him mercilessly.

"Ne, ne, Haru-chan!" Haninozuka bounced over, completely ignoring his crying kōhai in the corner. "Come and have some cake with me and Hime-chan!" He tugged on the younger girl's hand for emphasis.

"No, thank you Hani-senpai, I don't really like sweets." She looked like she was debating something. If it had anything to do with apologising to Suou, Uryū thought she needn't bother. That idiot had the attention span of a goldfish; he would get over it soon enough.

Haninozuka pouted. "I'll let you hold Usa-chan~" He held the stuffed pink rabbit out in front of him, peering up at Fujioka enticingly.

Fujioka opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "You know what," she smiled, taking the rabbit and hugging it to herself. "Usa-chan is pretty cute. I guess I can come sit with you guys."

Uryū could almost see the light that blinked on behind Haninozuka's huge brown eyes. He and Kurosaki both snorted again, waving off the curious looks that they garnered from the twins. Kurosaki shuffled closer, muttering quietly, "What's the bet that Suou will be the last to figure it out?"

"Nobody would be stupid enough to take that bet, Kurosaki. Except maybe Suou himself."


Not long after, once actual customers of the host club had arrived, Uryū found that he wasn't quite as uncomfortable as he had feared. All he had to do was chit-chat with a small group of girls, and pour them tea when they wanted it. Not the hardest thing he had ever done.

He, and his friends, had earned a fair bit of attention when people realised they were there as hosts. According to Ōtori, they would be quite the draw card once word had spread. Uryū hadn't liked the gleam in his fellow megane's eyes at that, but if it helped to clear Kurosaki's debt quicker…

"Ne, Ishida-kun, do you think it would be okay to try it?" One of the girls Uryū was sitting with pointed discretely to where Suou was once again making a spectacle of himself. He had sent Fujioka out to do some errands – prompting a dirty look from Kurosaki over his high-handed wording – and the girl had returned with instant coffee; an apparent draw card in itself. Suou and Fujioka had had half the room's attention in moments.

Uryū refrained from rolling his eyes. "If you would like to taste it, I could always have some on hand next time, instead of tea. It would save you having to wait in line."

The excited squealing that his offer generated from his 'customers' made Uryū wince. He caught Kurosaki smirking over at him, and resisted the urge to throw a teacup at his stupid orange head. It wasn't like the half-Shinigami had it any better; according to Ōtori, Kurosaki's delinquent-like appearance made him very appealing to several of the girls here. He supposedly emitted some kind of dangerous 'bad boy' vibe that meant he shared a demographic with Morinozuka (the 'wild type', going from Suou's ramblings).

The thought made the corners of Uryū's lips turn downward. He wasn't looking forward to hearing whatever Suou had dubbed them inside his little blond head.


Contrary to Ishida, Inoue Orihime was having the time of her life. Joining – or going to – a host club hadn't been something she'd ever thought about, but now that she was doing it, she was having so much fun! She didn't have as many customers as the boys – and 'Fujioka-kun' – but the ones she did have were very sweet, and Orihime was enjoying chatting with them. Ōtori-kun had said that once word got around that she had joined, more of the male students would come to see her, but even if they didn't, Orihime was content with her female customers. It reminded her of days back at Karakura High, with Tatsuki-chan, and Chizuru-chan, and Michiru-chan.

At one point though, there was a lull in customers, and Orihime took the time to look around and see how her friends were doing. Ishida-kun seemed to be doing alright; his customers were squealing and giggling happily enough, and he didn't seem like he was in too much pain, so Orihime grinned and gave him a thumbs up in support. His lip quirked upwards in response.

Moving on, Orihime felt something like delight bubble up inside her chest when she caught sight of Sado-kun in a Serious Discussion with his customers. They all looked so cute, huddled together over their teacups, with such earnest expressions-! It was very endearing, in Orihime's eyes, and she moved on again, humming softly with satisfaction.

Last, but certainly never least, was Kurosaki-kun. Like Ishida-kun, he didn't seem to be doing too badly customer wise. He did seem distracted though, and Orihime turned, following the frequent flickering of his eyes to where Fujioka-kun (Orihime made a mental note to ask later, what she would like to be called) had been cornered by most the original host club members. She was just in time to see the Hitachiin twins march Fujioka-kun into a changing room – and immediately be booted back out. She clapped both hands over her mouth to stifle the giggles that threatened to escape. It turned out to be pointless though, when she caught Kurosaki-kun's eye just as the boys finally found their footing.

Watching the light on realisation dawn on their faces, combined with the exasperated amusement in Kurosaki-kun's eyes, Orihime just couldn't help herself. She burst into laughter, bright gales pouring from her mouth without end.

This was going to be a very good year, she could tell.