Ranma 1/2, The Gritty Version: Vol 01 Part 04
Absolutely No Approval
A violent storm brewed over Nerima while two very different young men prepared for physical combat. Lightning flashed overhead, followed by thunder crashing and rumbling across the town. Inside the school building, most of the students stood at the school-house windows to watch the drama as it unfolded.
"Oi! Kuno's about to snuff out some bumpkin," one of the male students was heard to say.
Another said, "Taking on Kuno is as dangerous as hell!"
One of the young men, the one they referred to as "Kuno," was well-known to the students. He was tall, fairly handsome, but not so handsome as he believed, with the light complexion that comes from remaining indoors most of the time. His hands were accustomed to holding both bokken and shinai (A shinai is a practice sword made bamboo strips.), but little else. His family was very wealthy, so he had never picked up a hoe or shovel. For that matter, only a very few of his fellow students at Furinkan ever had either. None of them would admit to doing such menial labor unless they had been caught by someone's camera.
His opponent was a stranger to them all. He was much shorter than Kuno-sempai, and his complexion was dark from long exposure to sunlight, which simply screamed lower class. The newcomer looked more like a Polynesian than he looked Japanese. Unlike all the other students at Furinkan, the newcomer's hair was a very dark brown, so dark that it was almost, but not quite black, with reddish highlights. Just to make him even more exotic, he had lighting bolt blue eyes. He was underweight for his age, but wiry. The newcomer held himself with a confidence that suggested that he had endured many hours of harsh training, but he was at least a head shorter than the resident kendoka. He had shorter arms and legs, while Kuno had the advantage of longer arms plus the length of his bokken. No one expected the new kid to win such a vicious contest.
The two combatants were concentrating on each other so much that neither of them noticed the widely scattered drops of cold heavy rain hitting the ground around them. It was the sort of rain that when a drop hits you, it feels like an entire bucket of ice water.
Kuno pronounced, he never seemed to merely say something, he always pronounced things as though he was the only one who could accurately identify anything.
"Fair Akane has fallen into the clutches of a pirate gang!" He paused to raise his bokken in preparation for a strike. "I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall mete out just punishment to them!"
Ranma was bored by the wealthy oaf's act, but he pretended to be annoyed and asked, "Just whose clutches are you thinking about?"
Akane chimed in with, "They're just freeloaders, Kuno-sempai, nothing more!"
"There is no use arguing about that!" Kuno shouted as he charged at Ranma.
Ranma knew what the kendoka was going to do well before he launched his attack, and danced out of the way well before the attack arrived. Ranma was startled though, when Kuno overshot his mark, striking the cinder block wall behind Ranma. Kuno's bokken ripped through the Hadite blocks as though they were made from papier-mâché rather than splintering. It was mind boggling.
Okay, he's clueless, but he's very damned powerful, Ranma thought. I gotta be sure stay out of his reach one way or the other.
Using his long-practiced aerial techniques, Ranma made it seem that he was standing on the trunk of a nearby tree. He appeared to be sticking out from the trunk at something just over ninety-degrees above a line parallel to the ground-as though he were just another limb on the tree. Shock flashed in Kuno's face when he saw Ranma pulling that trick, but he hesitated only a fraction of a second before he struck out at the slippery stranger.
"Chiitsu!" Kuno shouted as he swung his bokken at the tree trunk. To Ranma's immense surprise, the bokken cut cleanly through the entire trunk, something over eight sun (A sun, pronounced "soon", is a measurement of length roughly 1.2 inches.) thick.
"Shit fire!" Ranma exclaimed as he rode the falling tree down, landing on his feet.
I gotta show this guy sumthin' fast or I'll never get a bluff in on 'im, Ranma thought. He turned on his speed and was suddenly inside Kuno's guard staring the taller boy in the eye. Their faces were so close that they could have kissed one another.
Kuno was shocked, and more than a little frightened by Ranma's sudden appearance inside his guard where Ranma became difficult to strike.
"Huh?" Kuno grunted with surprise.
Akane was surprised and frightened as well, but Ranma was not focused on her and failed to notice her reaction.
Unbelievable! Akane thought as she clapped her right hand to her mouth. He moved so fast that Kuno was completely helpless!
Kuno started rushing backwards trying to get out of Ranma's reach, but Ranma stuck to him like glue. His eyes widened when he realized that he could do nothing to shake the determined ruffian.
This guy is good! Kuno thought as chills ran up his back.
Ranma started to rant in Kuno's face.
"Me and Akane most certainly don't love each other, okay? You take that violent stubborn woman and try to teach her the ways of Buddha if you want!"
This infuriated Akane. She threw his new book bag at him as she shouted, "Watch what you are saying, you sex fiend!"
"Stop calling me that!" Ranma shouted back.
"I forbid you to throw such insults in Akane's face!" Kuno shouted as he swung his bokken at Ranma's brand new book bag. The bokken cut the bag in two-books and all.
After that, things happened very quickly. Ranma leaped into the air, just as lightning flashed. He intended to write something on Kuno's forehead using his finger tips; he wanted to teach the pompous lout a lesson, but it started to pour down rain. Kuno tried to take Ranma's head off as the curse was invoked by the cold rain, but his bokken missed its suddenly smaller target.
Genma-no-Panda popped out of the curtains of falling rain; he splashed-splashed-splashed his way across the schoolyard while carrying a brass kettle with steam rising from its spout. He knocked Kuno aside with his left paw, while scooping Onna-Ranma up under his right foreleg, with the kettle still in his right paw. He kept on running without a bobble or stumble, holding Ranma's girl-type body clamped between his ribcage and the pit of his right foreleg.
Akane stood rooted the ground by shock as the rain continued to pour down around unnoticed. She was in entirely too much shock. Genma-no-Panda had ripped opened the curtain of rain as he sprinted through the gate. It seemed that he simply popped out of the ground.
"Uncle Genma?" Akane asked in a soft frail voice.
Up in the school building, the onlooking students were astounded by Genma-no-Panda's assault on their justly hated upperclassman.
"A panda just killed Kuno!" One of the male students shouted in a mix of delirious joy and disbelief.
"Surely that is an exceedingly strong panda!" Another male student said. He sounded grateful as well.
Genma-no-Panda did not stop running with Onna-Ranma until they were inside the Furinkan physical education department's field shed. Genma-no-Panda slammed the door shut and panted. Running was a lot of work for Genma-no-Panda. The fur was entirely too much insulation for him in Japan. He was overheated and tired.
"Aw, dammit!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. His high-pitched voice reverberated off the thin aluminum sheet walls of the shed. "If it hadn't rained, I would've nailed that asshole with one shot!"
Onna-Ranma was still working on his hair when Akane slid the window open, surprising Onna-Ranma and Genma-no-Panda alike.
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," she said.
"What do you mean, Akane?"
"Check your neck," Akane replied in a grim voice.
"A bruise?" Onna-Ranma asked in surprise. He played back the fight in his mind and then realized how Kuno had bruised him. He also realized that he could have made a better choice about his clothing that morning. He had worn his deep indigo pants, and white silk shirt. His shirt was held closed by black Chinese style ties down the front. Once it was wet, and he had never dreamed of wearing a brassier, he looked like he had joined a wet tee shirt contest-without the benefit of beer.
He turned his back on Genma-no-Panda who then tenderly poured hot water on his head.
"He never touched me, but I'm bruised," Ranma said in a deeper voice as the hot water reverted his curse. "That's a real problem."
"You'd be breathing through the hole in your neck if he had," Akane said. "You seemed to have fought him to a draw."
"Is that so?" Ranma asked with a far away look in his eyes.
Inside Classroom 2-E, Kuno Tatewaki was studying his face in a hand held mirror. What he saw made him growl. Nabiki noticed his growl and walked over to him.
She was startled by what she saw.
"He wrote that on your forehead and you don't remember him touching you? Amazing!"
"I thought he was good, but he can't even write his kanji (Chinese ideograms) correctly!" Kuno shouted. He walked over the chalkboard; Nabiki stayed right beside him. They both picked up pieces of and started writing on the blackboard.
"Baka is written thus!" Kuno shouted.
[Baka, literally translated, means deer in English, but the Japanese never use it to mean that. They use it to mean crazy, stupid, dumb, or any other such similar mental shortcoming you care to name. They have three synonyms they use when they actually want to say "deer."]
What Ranma had written on Kuno's forehead had the symbol for horse written correctly, that one was part of his name after all, but the second kanji was missing a short vertical stroke at the top, which might have meant that Ranma did not know how to write the character, or that he didn't have time to complete it, or was unable to make such a short mark remain visible on Kuno's skin. The first and last conjecture were the most likely of the three, because short strokes at the top of a kanji are always made first.
The second kanji written by Kuno had two extra small strokes on it's left side. Nabiki's had the single short stroke at the top, which is the current and correct version of the kanji used to write out the insult of "baka."
"I thought it was written this way," Nabiki said in a mocking tone.
Kuno, being at least a head-and-a-half taller than Nabiki, had to look down to see her into her eyes.
"I hate you," he said.
"I'm so happy that you do," Nabiki said in a sly whisper. Her grin was knowing and nasty.
In Classroom 1-F, Ranma was standing nervously in front of the class with his hands behind him, as though he were standing at parade-rest. The first period teacher introduced him by saying, "Everyone please welcome Ranma Saotome." He was bent over his desk reading from something, presumably a report on why Ranma had not been attending school. He continued reading aloud from it, "Until. Recently, he has been in China. So much for that. Now then, he and Akane Tendou were both late to class."
The next thing Ranma knew, he was standing in the hall alongside a very irate Akane, holding two fire buckets full of water. Japanese do not believe in allowing students to remain idle. One of their favorite punishments is to put a student guilty of a minor infraction on fire watch, which means standing out in the hall with a bucket full of water in one hand. In this case, the teacher had insisted the Akane and Ranma both hold a bucket of water in each of their hands-likely because he understood that the two of them were in far better physical shape than the rest of his class.
"You made us late, you know," Akane said.
Hearing her growling her words out annoyed Ranma.
"My fault? All I did was to get wrapped up in that gymkhana of yours!"
"Not to brag, mind you, but every morning I wade through that struggle before class starts," Akane said.
"What causes all that uproar anyway," Ranma asked.
Akane heaved a heavy sigh.
"It's all Kuno's doing. She did her best to mimic Kuno's voice as she quoted him. "He said, 'Anyone who wants to associate themselves with Akane Tendo, must first defeat her in honorable combat! I will not permit any other options.' It was so embarrassing."
Ranma gritted his teeth with rage. Sure she's a violent tomboy, but no wonder! Fighting off every able bodied male in this place everyday? And all of it on that jerk Kuno's say so? Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
In Classroom 2-E, Kuno was shocked into a rage by what Nabiki had just told him.
"Do what?" Kuno screamed. "They're betrothed?"
Nabiki maintained an all too innocent look on her face as she nodded her head and repeated her news. She took huge delight in crushing Kuno. His egocentric behavior earned it.
"Their parents have officially ruled them an engaged couple."
"To Ranma Saotome?" Kuno's shout rattled the windows of the classroom. It upset the period teacher.
[In Japan, the students stay in one room and the teachers roam from one class to the next. The exact opposite of the way schools are run in the United States.]
"Firewatch, Kuno!" The teacher clearly meant what he said.
Kuno picked up his two fire buckets full of water and went out into the hallway, but there his compliance with his teacher's instructions ended. He sprinted down the hallway to the stairs.
"I shall not permit it!" He shouted.
Outside of Classroom 1-F, Akane and Ranma were continuing their conversation.
"So then, every morning Kuno starts a fight with you?" Ranma asked. He was very dubious. Ranma was thinking, That lanky asshole could have beaten the snot of her by now. He always gives the rest of the guys around here a shot at her first. That means that Akane's pretty winded by the time he shows up, and he's a way better fighter than she is.
"Yes, and I aways emerge victorious. I don't know how."
The silly fuck is so taken with her that he doesn't dare go all out against her. Maybe he doesn't really want her. He is so wealthy that it ain't funny and her family's only a half step better off than mine is. Her old man makes his living recovering stolen goods and collecting bad debts. Either way, this Kuno dude runs around in a dream world all the time. I have never seen anyone so discombobulated in all my life, Ranma thought. That's sayin' sumthin' because Pops and I have run into some truly weird-assed people.
"Well," Ranma said, "sometimes when a guy has a girl for a sparring partner, he cuts back on his skill."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Akane snarled. "You haven't fought me for real!"
"Because it would be a waste of arrows!" Ranma shot back. "You're the violent type, but you're a still a girl. I won't go all out on you."
"How about when you are in your cursed body?" Akane asked as she prepared to throw her bucket of water at Ranma.
"What are ya gonna do?" Ranma asked.
Just as he said that, a bucket-sized stream of water came at him from down the hall and behind Akane.
"Wha...!" Ranma shouted as he jumped up into the air.
"I simply will not allow you and Akane to be engaged!" Kuno shouted.
"What are you talking about?" Ranma shouted back.
"Kuno-sempai?" Akane seemed shocked by Kuno's presence.
Kuno's pronouncement created violent stir in the frustrated hormones occupying Classroom 1-F.
"What engagement?" One of the boys shouted.
"Akane, you have always hated guys, now your engaged?" One of the girls asked. Her voice sounded outraged.
Chills ran up Ranma's back as well as Akane's. Both of them tried in vain to protest Kuno's proclamation.
"It's a mistake!" Akane shouted. "A mistake, I tell you! It's a mistake!"
Dammit, Shit-daddy! Ranma thought. You've done it again. Your hair brained scheme will never work. Why don't you have any real friends instead of just having victims, huh? You brought me here; tried to foist me off on three good looking girls, but the older two took one look at us and foisted Akane off on me. I am never gonna get along with her. What is your angle anyway?
"Our hearts ain't in this!" Ranma shouted at the baying crowd. "It was our parents stupid wish!"
Ranma decided that it was time to cut his losses and make tracks, but when he started to walk off, Kuno shouted, "You're going to run away? What a cowardly thing you are!"
Kuno lunged at Ranma, cutting the bucket he held in his right hand in two with the bokken. Water ran everywhere.
"Follow me!" Ranma shouted at the deluded galoot. "This ain't no place for a fight!"
"That I shall!" Kuno shouted as he started running behind Ranma.
As the two combatants sped down the hall, the stunned and outraged crowd of students gathered their wits about them.
"This is really exciting!" One boy shouted.
"And the winner gets to be with Akane!" Some unidentified girl added.
All of the students, with Akane in the lead, ran down the hall after Ranma and Kuno.
The entire class thundered past one of the coaches and he shouted, "Hey, you all! No running in the halls!"
"Yes, sir!" Akane shouted in her usually polite way, but she did not slow down. She knew that if she did not hurry, the fight would be over.
Further down and around a corner in the hall, Ranma spotted an open window. He pulled a thief's vault and as he sailed out the window, he turned his head and shouted over his shoulder.
"Here's a fast way out!"
Kuno shouted back saying, "Right behind you!"
A member of the thundering herd behind them shouted, "This is the third floor!"
Kuno looked as though he had definitely had better days. "Ho no!" He screamed in a little girl voice.
Ranma responded by looking back at Kuno and saying, "This is just a little hop! We'll be alright!"
Watch this you flaky bastard! Ranma thought. We'll both hit the ground, but this is a short fall for me. I'm trained for this shit; you'll hit the ground like a box of loose bricks. I am looking forward to your pain, you jerk!
When he looked at where he was falling Ranma was both shocked and surprised. The swimming pool was right below them.
"Ge!" Ranma's shout was not especially articulate. "Uso!" [The Japanese word "uso" means "It's a lie,"when it is taken literally, but they seldom use it that way. It is more often used to mean "Oh, what a shock" or "that can't be" or "you don't mean it" or some other similar exclamation.]
Now my plan's ruined, Ranma thought. I'm gonna land in the pool, my curse will be invoked; I'll come out of the water lookin' like a girl. Even worse, Kuno won't be hurt not one bit if he lands right. What a mess. The only thing for me ta do is ta swim along the bottom of the pool until I'm outta sight of everyone. Maybe, just maybe, I can get away without anyone seeing my curse.
Ranma and Kuno hit the water one right after the other with huge splashes. Onna-Ranma, true to his plan, held his breath and swam along the bottom of the pool, thinking, I gotta get outta here or there'll be tears! I gotta get outta here, or there'll be tears!
Kuno, having never been through years of training developed by the sadistic Genma Saotome, did a belly flop. He only sank a few inches into the pool, but at the cost of being unable to breath, which was in all probability, a good thing. He would have inhaled two lungs full of water and promptly drowned had he been allowed to do what his instincts wanted him to do. Instead the sudden blow of landing on the water as flat as a board caused the muscles of his diaphragm to lock, thus making it impossible for him to inhale or exhale.
Above, on the third floor, one of the students said, "Look! Kuno's floating to the top."
"Where's Saotome?" Another student asked. "I don't see him."
Kuno moaned-or gave moaning a sincere try.
I want to go on, but my guts hurt! He thought.
He saw Onna-Ranma swimming along beneath him, but he did not actually realize that Ranma was in his cursed form. This would give his badly bubbled brain an excuse to harbor delusions a short time later. He and Ranma saw each other at about the same time and Kuno felt as surge of adrenalin run through his body. He seized his newly acquired rival in both arms, by wrapping them around "him."
Kuno then heaved himself and Onna-Ranma out of the water with a huge gasp for air.
"Saotome, we fight!"
On the third floor, Akane was watching what happened in the pool.
Ranma's exposed now! She thought as adrenalin set off alarm bells in her head.
