"Me would like an invisibility cloak to get the hell out of this mess."
Jandy Nelson, The Sky Is Everywhere

"Wait, Wait, Wait." Michonne readjusts herself. The pain was subsiding. "I am just going to have to leave. I have to go." The thought of having to do what she hoped she didn't have to do in an unfamiliar home, around a person she wasn't familiar with, was unsettling and had Michonne highly anxious to bolt out of the door.

"You sure, Michonne?"

Rick was concerned about Michonne but slightly relieved that he wouldn't have to think about how disastrous his bathroom was, and he should have thought about it because if one had a guest, a host had to make at least sure the bathroom was clean enough and well-

His home was much older, and his only bathroom had a door to his bedroom and a door to the hallway. Two ways in and out if you counted the window, three. He knew that his bathroom could stand a much more thorough cleaning, but it wasn't the filthiest place. He did wipe down the seat before his shower and scrubbed out the bowl. Rick didn't realize the state in which he lived until Michonne had come into his home. He tried to visualize it from her viewpoint. He didn't like it from that vantage point at all.

He prayed to a GOD in heaven, if he got him out of this, he would keep a much more tidy house.

Cleaning wasn't a big chore or something he didn't know how to do. Rick was at a point in his life that he was extremely depressed to come home every day to find himself alone sitting in front of the television, with a beer and the remote. All those smiling families on his television screen. Families.

Commercials were the worst. The happiest examples of families presented. He opted for cartoons, and it made him only long for children even more. Commercials were the devil, teasing him, reminding him that he didn't have any. It was during one of these constant reminders that he threw his black socks at the Television.

On one particular day, it highly annoyed him that he didn't have a wife and kids excited when he walked through his door. The roles could be in reverse, she'll come home, and he greets her at the door holding the baby, Rick was negotiable with the dynamics but not so much with the woman he wanted or envisioned, Michonne.

"Yeah, I am sure. The pain's gone for now. Buys me time to get going." Michonne grabbed her car keys and purse.

"Are you sure?" Rick questioned. He was genuinely concerned as they stood awkwardly in the kitchen. "I can take care of the bowls, Michonne. Don't worry about it."

He wanted to touch her but was unsure if he should. His hands were close to moving towards her arm and then her lower back; he didn't. His awareness of being so close to Michonne made him nervous and clumsy, it felt more amplified, especially since the pain seemed to lessen if not vanish for her, to only ache in him knowing she was ready to depart so soon.

"Can I call you to make sure you've made it back safe? That you are okay?" Rick asked.

"Text me."

"Okay. I'll Text you."

Rick held open his door, and Michonne declined for him to walk her to her car. Her declining him, perplexed him even more as he stood there. He was upset with God, and he was upset with himself for not knowing what to do. Rick watched her hesitate, and instead of going to the driver side door she went to her car trunk and she walked back over to him, he was still standing in his front doorway.

"Where's your bathroom, Rick?"

...

"Please don't touch Babes, You Never Know Bag."

"I'm not touching it. I am going through it."

"Please don't go through Babes, You Never Know Bag," Andrea repeated to Sasha who didn't take heed to the warning.

"We both know the type of person Michonne is; she would never be in a situation to ever need these things. I'm in a situation to need these things. I don't feel like going to the store or doing laundry right now." Sasha insisted.

"That is why it is her Never Know Bag, Sasha. You and I will Never Know when, Babe is going to need it and if she needs it and doesn't have it when she knows she should, there is going to be hell to pay. And who's going to be the first person she calls-me!"

Sasha went through the items trying to find things that could be of use for the then and now without further pause or consideration.

"She is going to kill you, and I am going to sit back and watch with great amusement when she does." Andrea persisted.

"She has a first aid kit. She has a survival book. A tiny designer jacket, change of clothes, two packs of Peanut Butter Protein bars, random toiletries that include baby wipes, pack of cheap Walmart panties-"

"She considers them disposables like tampons or pads," Andrea interjected.

"I just need some tampons this time before we go inside the hotel."

"You been pilfering through the bag for months now, Sasha. Here and there. Have you replaced any of it?"

"I will."

"Well, zip it back up before it becomes a good idea in my mind to disclose this to Michonne." Andrea catches the protein bar that Sasha tosses in the air before she zips up the bag that was in the corner of the trunk before carrying their suitcases into the hotel. Weeks later passes, and the bag sits forgotten for some time.

...

"Who in the fuck has been going through my Never know Bag?"

"What's going on, Babe?"

"WHO has gone through my Never Know Bag?" Michonne asked a second time.

"Shit. Sasha gets your ass over here. Babe, I got you on speaker."

"I Fricking have no panties. I have no change of clothes in my Never Know Bag?" Michonne was near tears. She had just gotten out of the shower. Rick's shower. She had found the freshest towel in his small linen closet and dried off. She took out a bottle of her lotion and thought it was odd that it was used and then decided to investigate further into her bag. Her, Never Know Bag was sparse.

"I forgot to replace it Michonne. I didn't know you would know. I didn't know you would be in need of the items and I forgot. I didn't know or think you-you would be in a situation to need it." Sasha admitted.

"That's why it's my Never Know Bag, Sasha. Oh My God."

"What's going on?"

Michonne had door number one that led to Rick. She had door number two that led where to only God only knew and it was unlocked, and the window. She had to make a decision. It was going to be the window.

"I have the car. I can't even get to the car without going to it butt ass naked. I would have to climb out his window and never in a million years come back to King's County. That was my plan. My plan was to go out the window after putting on my Never Know clothes, but now, I have no clothes, and the blouse I have on doesn't cover my ass."

"What happened?"

"I think I clogged his toilet with baby wipes," Michonne admitted over the phone. She still had in her earpiece.

"What?" Sasha was surprised.

"He doesn't have a plunger?" Andrea asked.

"Yes, he does. It's not working. It's making a mess, and I am about to throw up. I've been dry heaving, and the thought gives me-" Michonne began to feel a wave of nausea hit her again like a ton of bricks just thinking about plunging toilet water.

"You don't usually have the shit's, Babe. Shits mean shower for you. What happened?"

"Milk happened." Michonne was in a panic.

"How did milk happen?"

"From a bowl of cereal," Michonne answered.

"But you don't eat Cereal, Michonne."

"I did today. I have officially lost my damn mind. I'd stretched the truth, and God is punishing me for being a stretcher of the truth. It was either Pizza or Cereal."

"I'm lost." Andrea needed clarity, "Did you tell someone you knew how to cook again?" Andrea was well aware of Michonne's new lie of telling a man she has excellent cooking skills.

"It was either make a bowl of cereal or heat up a pizza."

"You don't eat pizza, Babe."

"She doesn't eat cereal, but she did," Sasha remarked amusedly.

"I only had one Lactaid pill when I needed the whole damn box for the amount of spoonfuls I had of cereal."

"What is his name?" Sasha asked. "Is he cute?"

"Please tell me it isn't pussy eating Mike, again. What is he doing in King's County?"

"It can't be Mike, Andrea. Come on now. Someone new." Sasha sat next to Andrea on the hotel bed.

"It's not Mike. I am not revealing a name. Nevermind his name. After today, if I make it through this, I will fade to black. I promise you I will."

"What do you want us to do? How far away are you? Do you even know where you are?" Andrea asked.

"I can't believe I am in this situation." Michonne was panicked.

"Remember how bad you talked about me, Michonne? I should hang up on you like you hung up on me." Sasha chided.

"She's calling me on my phone. You can't hang up on Michonne when it's my phone, Sasha."

"If she would have called my cell I would hang up." Sasha clarified.

"Are you crying, Babe?" Andrea could hear Michonne sniffling.

"Yes. There are no prescription pills in the medicine cabinet where I can just take an overdose and just die." Michonne closed the medicine cabinet door.

"Did you shit yourself?" Sasha asked. "That would be the only justifiable reason to off yourself, Michonne." Sasha reasoned.

"Yes," Michonne answered quietly.

"Girl, do you want a lovely casket and a funeral or your ashes spread all over-" Sasha was cut off by Andrea.

"I am going to hold you liable for anything that Babe decides to do, Sasha. Stop it!" Andrea demanded.

"I have no idea what to do with my dirty panties. And the thought of putting them in my Never Know Bag-I will have to burn this 2500.00 bag to ashes."

Andrea and Sasha gasped.

"How-how did you get the Never know Bag in the first place out of your trunk?"

"The pain had stopped momentarily, and I thought I was going to take that opportunity to hightail it out, but it came back twice as bad by the time I was next to the car. I popped the trunk and grabbed my bag and came back inside his home."

"He knows you shat?" Andrea questioned.

"Just say shitted, Andrea. We don't care if it is the wrong tense. Shit, Shit-Shitted. We do this between friends. Okay?" Sasha was annoyed. "Shat sounds so horrible to my ears."

"Says the woman who was going to pick up her shit and carry it around in tissue?" Andrea couldn't believe Sasha.

"He knows I am lactose intolerant."

"Who would know that Babe? What person would know about your digestive system and still allow you to consume milk?" Andrea tried to narrow down who Michonne was with and if they knew him.

"He knows that you had to boo boo. The fact that you poo poo yourself says to me that you need to hightail it out of there. I mean how do you tell a new guy, "Hey, by the way, I clogged your toilet, AND I shitted myself? No matter which order, you need to slit your wrist or climb out the damn window by snatching one of his damn T-Shirts. Pick your poison, Michonne." Sasha dished to Michonne.

"What kind of friend are you Sasha?" Andrea was shocked by Sasha's behavior. It was utterly juvenile and disturbing.

"I am giving it to Michonne the way she dished it to me." Sasha shrugged.

...

Michonne has done some crazy things in her younger days, but at this point in her life, she'd liked to think that she had her shit together. She was in control. She was educated, financially sound, lived well, spoke well, and kept herself to a high standard.

Never in a million years would she have factored that she would be butt ass naked in a white man's slightly dirty bathroom. The bathroom needed a thorough cleaning, but what Michonne needed to DO, she didn't have time to be picky, and that was what had happened, Michonne thought she had time. She thought she had time to layer the toilet with toilet tissue after she prepped her baby wipes to be next to her on the sink counter. She did not have time. What should have been a fart was a shart. An uncontrollable fart that has a mixture of air and shit particles. Shart.

Michonne was wearing a belted pair of light colored dress slacks and a white blouse. She had to strip. It was so embedded in her DNA that after number 2 meant shower as breathing meant living. The thought to wipe down only with baby wipes would have been okay if she hadn't soiled her underwear that lightly soiled her pants. Michonne didn't know which was worse, period blood or shit?

When she got out of the shower, she found no underwear and no change of clothes. Not even her stylish jacket would cover her in the places she would need to conceal. Just a few toiletries and one peanut butter protein bar.

Michonne had Andrea and Sasha in her ear as she quietly opened the door that led into what was Rick's bedroom. She had the towel firmly wrapped around her body and proceeded to his dresser. He had a nice big made bed. She didn't know why that surprised her, but it did. Before she could pull the drawer open, she noticed her name scribbled many times on a notepad, a newspaper clipping from the Atlanta Times with her picture and a book that was opened to a chapter "Don't ever get a Black Woman's Hair Wet."

What the Hell?
...

What the Hell?

Rick stood outside the bathroom door sure that he could hear the shower running. Michonne in his shower? Naked? Why? Why was she taking a shower? He knew he would never wipe down that shower if that were the case, IF that what was going on in the bathroom.

Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding.

There was only one person that rang his doorbell that way-Shane.

"What the hell!" Rick said at the thought of having a visitor at the most inconvenient time.

Rick went to the door to find Shane dressed in a similar suit to what he wore earlier, brushing passed him to come inside without an invitation.

"Mercedes out in the driveway? Party was at the Town Hall Conference Center, called the Sheriff's Ball. Where's she at?"

"This is not the time."

"Obviously you two ain't playing doctor because I am positively sure you wouldn't have answered the door if you were."

"Shane, this is not the time."

"Well, I come by to give you your award. Everyone including me thought you were going to show up. I accepted it on your behalf. You are welcome, Friend." Shane was expecting a little bit more gratitude.

"Herschel didn't tell me he recognized me for anything." Rick was surprised.

"Well, you were, and that fizzled like I thought the thing with you and Michonne fizzled. How'd it come about she is here?"

"Can we discuss it later? She is in the bathroom and could be coming out any moment. The two of you together in the same room for any given time hasn't improved. You haven't improved. I like her a lot, which I know you know. I want the end of this day with her to go on a good note."

"Okay. I'm not trying to be a cockblocker. Trust me." Shane handed over the award. "I want details. The sordid kind."

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah." Rick guided his friend right back out the front door in which he entered freely.

Shane allows himself to be maneuvered back out into the night. He hears the click of the front door and the lock. Two steps down Shane strolls along the short path from the front of the house to the driveway where he'd parked on the opposite side of Michonne's driver side door. He had perfect visual to the side of Ricks home where he could see the Dread-headed woman falling out of what was Rick's bathroom window. Shane watched her pick herself up, and grab two items off the ground after dusting herself off. He knew it could be no one but Michonne trying to stealthily move through the yard only to freeze when she saw Shane who was completely perplexed.

"Michonne what the hell are you doing? You on a reconnaissance mission?"

"Babe? Is that fucking Shane? Have you been like literally caught?" Andrea asked shocked. She knew that voice anywhere.

"Oh my God Shane!" Michonne stood frozen in place.

"Where are you going Michonne? You got a bag and purse. If I didn't know you and your actual line of work, I would think you were a new to crack prostitute that just robbed Deputy Sheriff Grimes, coming out of his window the way you did."

"Tell me he didn't just refer to you as a crack whore?" Sasha burst into laughter.

Michonne had taken her purse and swung. She hit Shane on his arm for even suggesting she was a prostitute. "You know full well I am not and you didn't see that," Michonne responded angrily.

"Can't say I didn't see you land on your ass, Michonne," Shane said firmly.

"I thought you were in the house." Michonne had heard his voice and thought it was a good time to make her way out of Rick's home and out of King's County, Pronto.

Michonne tried to pull the T-shirt down more than it was willing to stretch. It was a t-shirt she found in Rick's bedroom in his dresser drawer. It was brown and faded. In the night it was a poor choice with the full moon shining bright, it gave her the appearance of being nude. She grabbed the first thing after hearing the creak of the floorboard outside Rick's bedroom door.

"I thought you were too." Shane had his hand on his hips staring at Michonne in disbelief.

"I was," Michonne confirmed.

"I know full damn well you know the bathroom window was not the front door, Michonne."

"I've got to go."

"Not till you explain to me what the hell is going on?"

"I've got to go." Michonne insisted.

"Did he do something that made you so uncomfortable that you chose to go out the window? Did my friend violate you in any way?"

"Shane you know, Rick isn't like that. You know that." Michonne conveyed in her tone what Shane knew in his heart as well, his friend Rick was not that kind of man.

"My partner is going to be devastated when he realizes that you aren't inside. I am going to have to hear about it, and he's going to speculate that it was something he did."

"He did nothing wrong. Really. Please tell him that." Michonne insisted.

"Then what the hell, Michonne? What are you doing and why do it to him? I am entirely sure the pickings are slim for you Darlin, but that man in there would be more than willing to put up with your shit."

Shane just knew how to say shit that caused Michonne to bristle. The urge to cuss him out was strongest at that very moment. The slim picking comment alone deserved a tongue lashing that would give him nightmares for days if she weren't in the middle of her get far away from the shit plan she had concocted in her mind with the evidence stained on the garments concealed in her designer luxury bag as proof.

"Shit." Michonne was without any additional words when a car pulled up behind her car, blocking her in.

The occupants sitting inside the Silver Toyota Camry were an older white couple. The male driver quickly honked the horn several times and got out with the older silver haired woman, leaving the headlights on, spotlight on Michonne.

Andrea's voice chimed into Michonne's earpiece, "So you are at Deputy Grimes? Are you creeping with Grimes, Babe, because I thought you said you weren't interested in him? Are we back to lying again? Like is it official?"

"Andrea, you know she doesn't like to be called a liar, she's the stretcher of truth." Sasha was laughing in the background as the two women listened on to the new development.

"For heaven's sakes Shane? What's going on? Why is it going on in front of Rick's home?" Ms. Ella clutched her invisible pearls.

"Are you making an arrest, son?" Senior Grimes asked.

"What makes you two think this is an arrest or some crime has been committed when she ain't handcuffed?"

"You would also have to tell me what you are arresting me for, what law I have broken," Michonne added.

"He would have to read you your rights Babe, and I will be your Attorney. You have a right to a lawyer." Andrea chimed in Michonne's earpiece.

"I know that it don't look like it, but she is clothed. She ain't naked even though the poor choice in T-shirt she confiscated from someone's drawer ain't surprising for a new to the crack pipe kind of Gal like we have to stand before us but it ain't no crime when there is no crack or pipe." Shane offered.

Andrea was stunned, "Did Shane just..."

Michonne gave him a hard shove to the chest that caused him to stumble back a bit.

"There you go Shane, assaulting a police officer. We witnessed it. We did." Senior Grimes exclaimed.

"I wish this fool would have the audacity to bring charges against me. I would take all those files-"

"Okay, Michonne, lighten up." Shane chuckled. "I was just joshing. Damn, woman. These here folks are Rick's parents. Rick's parents this here is your son's lady friend. She was about to go back inside that house and tell your Rick goodnight. Right, Michonne?"

"What?" Michonne eyes widen, and her mouth hung open.

"Shit." Sasha sat up straight on the hotel bed.

"Shit." Andrea sat down next to Sasha in the hotel room on the very same bed.

...

His partially opened drawer drew his attention. He noticed. Rick was confused and then mortified.

Rick stood in his bedroom and realized this was the best time just to die. Michonne had been in his room. It struck him in his gut like an unexpected punch. He would have much rather her stumble upon his dirty laundry piled into his closet than to see three things that could not have gone unnoticed on his dresser. The three items were: his doodle pad with Michonnes name written at least a hundred times, a newspaper clipping with a picture of Michonne and a book, A Guide To Interracial Dating From A White MAN'S Perspective."

That book that was on his dresser was now on his bed. On his bed. He did not leave it on his bed. He had yet to finish reading it. It was given to him by Daryl a few days ago.

She is going to realize he is a slob, he isn't very forthcoming, and he is creepy.

POP! Gurgle. POP! HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK.

And then he felt the water at his feet.

...

"Noah, turn that shit down. I can't hear your Aunty with all that you got blasting in the background boy. Shit. Now, I shouldn't have said I was talking to you he is all ears now. You so nosey, Boy. Go on Michonne, tell me what made you think it was a good idea to take your grown ass out a window like a crack head trying to make a quick get away?"

"Bigmama, I don't know what to think since I found that book." Michonne hurried and took the groceries out of the brown paper bags and placed items where they were designated to go in her refrigerator or cabinets.

"Sounds like he ain't trying to be caught off guard, Michonne nor offend in any way."

"I feel some way about it. Like black women are somehow different from any other kind of woman. We hurt, We love, We fight, We cry-"

"And you take your grown ass out the man's window. I would say that book came in handy to show him that it ain't a black woman's thang but a crazy ass Michonne thang. How about that? Stop laughing at me Noah for I make you get out the room."

"Should I mention to him that I saw the book in his room?"

"No. You don't say shit. See what he learn, if he learns anything he will learn that Michonne moves to a different beat. She smart. She dresses real fine. She can't cook, can't keep house and me ain't talking about paying for someone to keep house for you-"

"I make enough money."

"I know you do."

"I am sorry Bigmama. I should have called you instead of listening to Andrea and Sasha. If I had called, you would have given me better advice." Michonne caved in quickly with her apology.

"Silly. Just plain downright silliness Michonne! Andrea has some sense but that Sasha with not much sense mixed with some sense and your inability, to tell the truth, and shame the devil, I say you were bound to make a simple situation worse than it need be."

"What choice did I have?" Michonne asked.

"What you should have done was ask that man to help you out instead of going out the Goddamn window."

"What would that look like, or sound like?"

"There is a problem with your toilet. Do you have a pair of sweatpants I could borrow? Hell! When all was said and done if it is a deal breaker, it would've been a deal-breaker. I just would not have taken my black ass out no window."

"Well, I did." Michonne realized how simple life would have been for her if she would have called her Bigmama instead of her two friends.

"Then what happened?" Bigmama was eager to have more of the story.

"Yeah, what happened?" Noah asked. Michonne could hear him in the background which was a clear indicator she was on speakerphone.

"I ran into his friend Deputy Sheriff Walsh in the driveway, and then the parents showed up."

"Oh my God Michonne. You know how to make us black people look terrible. Mm, Mm, Mm."

"Bigmama!"

"Were you naked?"

"I wasn't naked. I had his T-Shirt."

"A thief. Caught red handed. Lawd. This Grandchild here is a liar and a thief."

"I borrowed his T-shirt. I will give it back to him. I will. Anyway, I ended up back inside his house."

"Out the bathroom window and back in the house through the front door, ain't that some shit Noah?" Bigmama and Noah laughed at what they imagined had to be the craziest night for Michonne. "I need to know what you said to him as your reason for being outside his house."

"I didn't turn the shower off and a pipe burst. He thinks the plumbing caused me to jump out the window because he couldn't get the doors to his bathroom to open and he forgot to tell me not to turn the locks a certain way. The next door neighbor is a plumber. Deputy Walsh coerced him over to see if he could start working on the problem and I conveniently slid him a check with an extra 500.00 to not mention anything about baby wipes."

"Mm Mm Mm. If this ain't a crazy story and I thought nothing could top the Sasha one you told. Ain't that right Noah?"

"I'm back in Atlanta." Michonne declared. She needed to get to the reason for her call in the first place. "I need your help, Bigmama."

"You need my help after the fact?"

"He's in my house. He's sleeping, and I wanted to offer him some breakfast."

"He is at your house? Your home in Buckhead?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I felt responsible for some of the damage."

"Some?" Bigmama questioned.

"All." Michonne corrected herself.

"Better. You and your half truths and full on lies. Where he sleep last night?"

"I have three spare bedrooms."

"Mm, mm, Mm. Yall heifers sho move fast. So it wasn't a deal breaker for him?"

"I don't think so. I mean, I don't know. He's more nervous around me than ever before and I've become a mess in less than 24 hours."

"My word."

"I have no idea how this nervous energy has consumed me. I have never had this happen to me in my life. If I did I would remember."

"You hear her talk, Noah? Who talks like that? No one but Michonne. Nervous energy consume her. Mm mm mm. I want to know why are you worried about breakfast when you don't know how to cook Michonne? Why don't you go to Dunkin Doughnuts or Krispies Crème where diabetics can only dream to go and get your police officer what he likes to eat according to the television shows? Ain't that right Noah? Doughnut and coffee and he should be good and happy."

"I have never cooked in my kitchen. Ever. I have made toast once. I have a Miele Built-in Coffee Machine, so I don't make coffee."

"You haven't cooked in your kitchen because you don't know how to cook. And for the price of that coffee machine, I would hope the hell you didn't have to make coffee. It should bring a piping hot cup of coffee to you, hell. Making coffee is not cooking."

"If he asks for eggs, I need to know how to make it. I have a frying pan. It is the Le Creuset, and I remember the sales rep saying I need to season the pan first. If I put Lawry seasoning salt or-"

"If you don't know how to cook why in the hell do you think you are going to know how to season a 200.00 cast iron frying pan?"