A/N: Yay! Why I said yay, I'm not quite sure, but still! Yay! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own POTC, but it would be freakin' awesome if I did.
Chapter 4
(Audience cheers wildly again as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage. She waves and sits I her seat. Finally the audience's cheers die down.)
Angel's Star: Welcome back to Ask a Pirate!. Wow, I'm going to have to get a better intro…Ah, well! That's what writer's are for. Anyway! Welcome back, everyone. As you all know, Barbossa will be joining us for this show.
(Audience cheers, but not as loudly as when the show began.)
Angel's Star: Yes, I know we're all anxious to get him and the rest of the cast out here, so please welcome Jack, Will, Elizabeth, and Barbossa!
(Audience claps and hollers wildly as the stars and Barbossa walk out on stage.)
Angel's Star: Hey, everybody! Have a nice weekend?
Elizabeth: It was nice, other than the cold.
Angel's Star: Yeah, unlike in the Caribbean, it gets cold here. Will? How was your weekend?
Will: It was great, thanks. You finally let us walk around in the real world while you were on your date with Jack.
Angel's Star: It wasn't a date.
Will: Really? How was your date with the captain?
Angel's Star: (gets the dreamy look for a second) It was great. (snaps out of it) Anyway! I know how Jack's weekend was, 'cause I was with him. Barbossa, how was our weekend?
Barbossa: It was dark and cramped in that closet.
Angel's Star: It wasn't a closet! (shifty eyes) It was my brother's room.
Barbossa: (shrugs) It was still cramped.
Angel's Star: I imagine it would be. ANYWAY! Barbossa, the first question of the evening is for you. Akukama says: Pick one: apples or UNCURSED Aztec gold.
Barbossa: Are they all going to be this hard?
(Angel's Star shrugs)
Barbossa: (thinks hard) If I can only chose one, it be the Aztec gold.
Angel's Star: Interesting…Jack, oceanrose7 asks: You said that you love ALL women? Like, even OLD ones? Old like my grandma?
Jack: Alright, I retract my statement about the women. No, I do not love…(shudders) grandmas.
Will: Why? Do they scare you?
Jack: No, they're wrinkled! I can't seduce something wrinkled!
(Awkward silence)
Angel's Star: (clears her throat) I'd hope you wouldn't. Anyway, this isn't really a question for anyone in particular, but redandblack 4eva asked it, so here it is: Why in the world does anyone think that Jack and Elizabeth belong together?
Elizabeth: I have no idea! After that kiss, the world seems to have gone crazy with putting us together.
Jack: It must be a sign that we're meant to be.
Elizabeth: No, I'm with Will and forever shall be!
Angel's Star: Well, Will…Haha, that was funny. Well, Will. HA! Will, redandblack 4eva also said that she loves you and that you are hotter than Jack, which I completely disagree with.
Will: You would. Thank you, redandblack 4eva. I'll remember that.
Jack: That was just a confidence booster from a concerned fan.
Will: You're just jealous.
Jack: How can I be jealous? I've got the hostess of the show dating me.
Angel's Star: It's not official, Jack. Will, here's a question for you. It's from SirenoftheStorm: Why don't you seem to know anything about your life before you were found? Why was it so surprising that your father was a pirate? I mean you were like eleven or so, wouldn't you have figured that out by then on your own, if you were on a pirate ship and all?
Jack: The first question's easy. It's because there's not much to his life before he was found.
Angel's Star: Jack! Go ahead, Will.
Will: (glares at Jack) I just don't talk about my life much before I was found. I know some, but not all because I had some minor memory loss when the ship I was on was attacked and I was knocked out. My mother kept my father's piracy a secret from me. All I knew was that he had gone off the be a merchant sailor, or something like that. I was never on a pirate ship. When Norrington's crew found me, I had been sailing to another port with my mother.
Angel's Star: Poor Will. Barbossa, here's another question for you.
(Barbossa groans)
Angel's Star: (ignoring it) It's from SirenoftheStorm. She asks: Why do you refuse to die permanently? And how the heck did you get there at the end of the second movie?
Barbossa: I refuse to die, because I don't want to die.
Angel's Star: You sound like my brother, although not with the dying part.
Barbossa: As for getting to Tia Dalma's house…thing… Everything was black and then the next thing I knew that blasted woman was standing over me chanting something.
Angel's Star: She freaks me out too, don't worry. Jack, teatowels asks: How do you and a group of friends commandeer an army or navy object without being killed?
Jack: Because I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?
Angel's Star: How about a deeper explanation?
Jack: Alright, the king's navy are all idiots and it's easy to sneak past them if you know how. I happen to know how.
Angel's Star: And Will does too.
Jack: Aye.
Angel's Star: Barbossa, teatowels has a question for you too. They ask: What's with the monkey? is it because you have no friends?
Barbossa: It's because monkeys are better than parrots! Who wants a parrot that would mess up ye're good coat?
Angel's Star: I had some ducks once that messed up my shirts and pants.
Barbossa: Me point exactly. Birds are unreliable. Monkeys are loyal.
Angel's Star: Ok then. Will, teatowels asks: What are you going to be for Halloween?
Will: What kind of question is this?
Angel's Star: A funny one! Answer!
Will: Well, I wasn't planning on being anything, but I could be a pirate, I guess.
Angel's Star: Be original, Will! That's what I'm going to be!
Will: I don't know what I'd be then, if anything.
Angel's Star: Alright. Elizabeth, teatowels asks: What would you do if a dog tiddled on you?
Elizabeth: I beg your pardon?
Angel's Star: If he peed on you, in other words.
Elizabeth: I'd shoo the dog away and quickly get on a new dress.
Angel's Star: (whispers) She'd freak out, of course.
Elizabeth: What?
Angel's Star: Nothing! Jack, free2thamax asks: Would you rather kiss me or be thrown off a cliff?
Jack: If you're a woman I'd kiss you. If you're a man, I'd rather be thrown off a cliff.
Angel's Star: Wise answer. Will, why did you decide to be all coolish in the second movie?
Will: I wasn't behaving any differently than I normally would in those situations.
Angel's Star: I thought you were very brave.
Will: Thank you.
Angel's Star: Ok, Elizabeth, free2thamax also asked: Why do you live to make my life miserable? (pause) That was mean!
Elizabeth: I wish I had signed a contract with insult protection like Will!
Angel's Star: I'll see what I can do to get you partial protection after the show, but you have to answer the question.
Elizabeth: I have not done a thing to you, so why would I make you miserable?
Angel's Star: Um, well, that wasn't really an answer, but anyway! Jack, PSManiac asks: What would you rather have, all the treasure in the world or all the rum in the world? Chose carefully and don't say both!
Jack: (thinks a minute) I'll say all the rum in the world.
Will: Do I dare ask why?
Jack: Once I get all the rum in the world, I can go find all the treasure in the world and go about being a pirate.
Angel's Star: Nice. Barbossa, Jacquotte asks: What kind of apples do you prefer to eat; sour or sweet? Honey crisp, McIntosh, Empire, Red Delicious, Cortland, Macon, Gala, Fuji, Fortune, Granny Smiths, etc. (pause) And they said they also love apples.
Barbossa: I don't know what they're called, but they are sort of sweet and green.
Jack: I don't care for them.
Angel's Star: I don't like the green ones either. Elizabeth, Billie Bobbington asks: Ever consider lesbianism?
Elizabeth: Ew! Never!
Angel's Star: Good. Now Alel also has a question for you. They ask: I think you've been lying throughout much of this interview thingy, all this sudden interest in being ladylike, and being hopelessly devoted the eunu- er, I mean Will. Comments?
Elizabeth: I have not been lying! I love Will with all my heart and I'm truly a lady at heart, not a pirate.
Angel's Star: Suuuure. Will, Alel asks: What happened to your nice hat from Jack's hanging? And how'd you even GET that, were they having a special half-off pompous hats sale?
Will: Actually, you could say I "commandeered" it, as Jack would say.
Jack: So that's how you got it!
Will: I really shouldn't have taken it, but you influenced me too much.
Angel's Star: (laughing at Will's comment) Barbossa, Alel asks you: How does it feel to be so evil that Hell itself spat you back out? And do you mind teaching me the noble art of evilism? And why do you like apples so much?
Barbossa: It doesn't feel any different than how I've always felt really. I would be happy to teach you how to be so evil Hell itself will spit you back out. As for apples, I've always liked them. I grew up eating them all the time.
Jack: We don't need another evil pirate who'll steal me ship.
Angel's Star: We won't let another one near your ship. But, anyway, Jack, Alel asks: If you had to pick between being stranded on an island with Scarlett, Giselle, or Lizzie (or me!) which one would you choose? Keep in mind, cannibalism is prohibited.
Jack: Well, I've been stranded on an island with Elizabeth and she burned me rum…not that I had a choice the first time. I don't know you, so I don't know what to say to that, but if you're a woman I might. And Giselle and Scarlett are currently mad at me and they slap me, but I don't deserve it.
Angel's Star: You have to pick one.
Jack: Well, even though she burned my rum, Elizabeth was pretty good company when she got drunk. So long as I hide my rum, it will be alright. I might also pick Alel, even though I haven't met her.
Elizabeth: Why do you want to chose me?!
Jack: I already explained myself, love. I won't explain again.
Angel's Star: Alright, then. Jack and Barbossa, this question is for both of you. Red VanE asks: Which is more appropriate for a pirate : "ar!" or "yar"?
Will: Does it matter?
(Jack shrugs)
Barbossa: Personally I like "ar!"
Jack: I don't know as it matters, to be honest.
Will: And Jack's not honest often.
Jack: But when I am, everybody's surprised.
Angel's Star: Ok, this next question from Red VanE is for Will. She asks: Which sword is the longest, yours of Jack's? (pause) And since this can be taken a perverted way (even she said so herself), I will clarify. I'm talking about the actual metal swords you take out and have sword fights with.
Jack: Mine's longer!
Will: What?! (pulls out his sword)
(Jack reflexively draws his sword)
Angel's Star: Whoa, guys! (jumps up and takes the weapons) Let me compare them, ok? (pauses and compares them) They look even, alright?
Jack: What?! Mine's longer!
Angel's Star: (hands the weapons back) We'll measure them after the show and give the results next time, ok?
(Jack and Will reluctantly agree)
Angel's Star: Elizabeth, Red VanE asks: What would you do if you saw Will kiss an other woman as passionately as you kissed Jack?
Elizabeth: Simple. I wouldn't marry him.
Angel's Star: Poor Will. He'll marry you even after you kissed Jack like that. But ANYWAY! Barbossa, Random Authoress asks: Are you going to make Jack buy you a new hat?
Barbossa: (looks up at his hat) I should. He promised me one. (glares at Jack)
Jack: (looks around nervously) Look at the time! I have to go.
Angel's Star: Jack! Sit back down. We're almost done. Barbossa, here's another question from Nerd's United. They ask: Why are you so freaking creepy? Ever fallen in love?
Barbossa: I'm creepy? (shrugs) I didn't know I was. I had fallen in love many years ago, but she got killed.
Angel's Star: Poor Barbossa. This question is for everybody from Nerd's United. They ask: What does rum taste like?
Elizabeth: It tastes very vile and sour and almost makes you choke.
Jack: What are you talking about?! It's the best drink in the world! I couldn't live without me rum.
Angel's Star: I'll bet you couldn't. Will, Nerd's United asks: Have YOU ever played any drinking games? Why doesn't anyone play drinking games?! Why do you always such stupid stuff?
Will: No, I've never played a drinking game.
Jack: I have!!
Will: You would have. I do not say stupid things! I say what I need to.
Angel's Star: And some of it might happen to sound stupid. Ok, I saved this question for last because I thought it was a pretty cool question. This is for everybody from RubyVulpix. They ask: If you would get any super power(like the ones superheroes and super villains have)what would it be and how would you use those powers in your lives?
Barbossa: I would have extra strength so I could crush Jack!
Jack: (cowers in fear slightly for a second) Oh yeah? (draws sword) I want more strength than you so I can crush YOU!
Angel's Star: Really? I figured you'd say something like Rum Vision.
Jack: (puts his sword away) Is there such a thing? If there is I want that too.
Elizabeth: (rolls her eyes) I want something useful. Maybe the ability to transport myself to wherever I want. I could escape from danger or rush to Will's side.
Will: I would have to say extra wisdom so I could decide whether Jack is lying to me again and if I should go help him or not.
Jack: You wouldn't help me if I needed help? William, I'm hurt.
Will: Oh, fine, I would help you anyway.
Jack: Good because there's this crazed fan girl…
Angel's Star: You guys we've gone over time! I'm going to have to extend this show to an hour…Anyway! Thank you for tuning in. Be sure to join us next time!
(Screen fades to black as the cast say a few last words to one another)
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A/N: And so, that concludes the latest addition to Ask a Pirate!. Please review and ask lots of questions!
