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Chapter 3-

The Unexpected Voice of Reason

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Giles startled and stifled a curse as his front door banged open. A familiar, and at that moment not particularly wanted, voice filled the living room.

"Hey, Giles! How ya doin'?"

Fantastic. The last bloody thing I need right now. Aloud, Giles almost sneered at Xander. "Oh, I'm absolutely bloody wonderful, thank you very much for asking." He had moved to his armchair with a tumbler of scotch and the absolute last thing he wanted to deal with right that moment was Xander Harris. And he wasn't alone either. Willow and Oz trailed behind him into the living room, fortunately more subdued but still an unwelcome presence.

"Geez, Watcher-man, bite my head off, why doncha?" Xander came into the living room, and tossed himself carelessly onto the couch. Willow and Oz claimed seats on the couch as well.

"We just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing," Willow said gently.

Giles sighed, Willow disarming his mood. His tension was hardly the fault of any of them, after all, and taking it out on them was in no way fair. They really do care, all of them. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm not much in the mood for company just now. I-I'm a little... on edge."

"I'd say you're 'a lot on edge', dude," Xander opined, cheerfully ignoring the grunt of annoyance from Giles at being called 'dude'. "What's up with the Watcher?"

When Giles remained silent, Xander shrugged "Suit yourself. Any idea where Buffy is?"

Giles twitched at the mention of his Slayer's name. "No," he said quietly. "No idea."

Willow bit her lip. "That's not normal for you guys, is it? I mean you always seem to know when she's out on patrol, where she is and all that. And you usually go with her, anyway, when she decides she needs some slayage. But now she's out and you're here drinking and grouchy." Her eyes widened. "Did you guys have a fight?!"

Giles scowled into his glass. "Why does it matter?"

Oz said quietly, "Because you're both our friends, Giles. Both of you. And we care when our friends are unhappy."

He melted a bit in the face of their concern. "Yes. We had a-a fight earlier this evening," he said quietly. "She left. Haven't spoken to her since then." He set his glass down on the coffee table and sat back in his chair, rubbing his eyes with one hand and thus missing the worried look that passed between the other three.

"Giles," Xander said quietly, "at the risk of saying something I shouldn't-" Giles interrupted with a derisive snort. "As I was saying- can I ask what the two of you fought about? Buffy talked to us about some things earlier today and-"

"Xander!" Willow gasped. "That's-you can't-it'snotourbusiness!" She smacked her friend on the upper arm with the back of her hand. "You can't just go around telling people other people's secrets!"

"Ow!" Xander rubbed his arm in annoyance. "What is it with women and smacking me lately?"

"I'm just trying to stop you from any more bad meddling things. Stop with the badness!"

"It's not bad if we do it 'cause we care!"

Giles could easily see this argument escalating out of control and he blurted out the truth before he could fully consider the ramifications.

"She told me she loved me."

The Watcher's quiet voice shocked the other two out of their bickering and into silence. Willow's mouth dropped open in shock and Xander sat forward on the couch, his attention centered on Giles. Oz reached out with one hand to close Willow's mouth for her with a snap. Xander fixed the Watcher with a serious and focused look. "And? Do you love her?"

Somewhere in the back of Giles' slightly fuzzy mind a tiny voice insistently clamored at him why confirming for these three that he was pining for their best friend might not be the best of plans. Worse still that she had confessed love for him and he had rejected her. He thought it unlikely that they would support his motives. He briefly considered simply kicking them out of the house with no further explanation. However, even if the damage hadn't already been done, he could tell by the look on Xander's face that such tactics would be ineffective. Sod it. In for a penny, in for a pound. You made your bed, now lie in it and all that nonsense.

He replied quietly, "Yes." It felt surprisingly good to say it out loud. "I love Buffy Summers." Except you as good as told her that you didn't. He tried protesting to the nagging voice in the back of his head that he had never actually said any such thing but it was no good. Even if you didn't outright say 'I don't love you' what you did say was just as bad, wasn't it? You told her it could never happen. You took her confession and met it with coldness.

He tried to protest that he had done what was for the best, but he was no longer as certain as he had been. The memory of the look on her face right before she fled washed over him and he closed his eyes in pain. Oh, Buffy. Forgive a weak, stupid old man.

"Why did you fight, Giles?" Willow asked, interrupting his internal argument, "You told her you feel this way?"

Giles looked sharply at her, his anger with himself slipping into his tone to make it harsh. "Of course not. I'm twice her age. She deserves better than me." The argument sounded even weaker when he said it out loud. He stifled a curse and slipped his glasses off to polish them on the hem of his shirt.

His alcohol clogged senses seemed to be moving in slow motion and he wasn't sure precisely how they had arrived at this point, where confessing to these three seemed like the preferable course of action, much less how all his carefully constructed reasons seemed to be crashing down. Maybe I'm just sick of hiding how I feel from everyone and everything. I'm just so bloody tired. And now, if I'm to be lose her, what does the rest of it matter? "I told her it couldn't happen."

Xander spoke, his voice tight and cold, "Giles, what the heck do you think you're doing?"

Giles blinked at him for a moment, slipping his glasses back onto his face. "I-I beg your pardon? What I think I'm doing?"

The young man's dark-eyed gaze held fury such as Giles had rarely seen from him. His fists were clenched and he looked as though he were a breath away from starting out of his seat and striking out. Oz laid a hand on his friend's shoulder as if to hold him back. Xander ground out, "You stupid, selfish... You know, when we talked with her, I told her I didn't think you could ever hurt her."

Stung, Giles only stared at them, knowing Xander spoke the truth. I did hurt her. Terribly.

"Giles. She loves you," Willow spoke quietly, compassionately and, where Xander's eyes held furious anger, Willow's were sad. She went on, "And you say that you love her. And the two of you are practically an old married couple already. Why would you let a thing like age stop you?"

Oz nodded. "She's an adult. You're an adult. You love her. She loves you. If the only thing that really bothers you is the stupid age difference... well, am I the only one who thinks moping around about this is stupid? Like really stupid?"

He bristled. "I don't-I'm not-I am not moping!"

Willow's look was scathing and pointed, taking in his slumped posture in the chair and the empty tumbler on the table. "Giles, you are so moping, don't even try to deny it."

Xander looked as if he were fighting with himself. He took a deep, steadying breath, visibly calming the anger that still radiated from him. "Giles, I'm going to pretend for a moment that the thought of you and Buffy- or actually the thought of you dating anyone- doesn't seriously wig me out." Giles shot him a dirty look which Xander studiously ignored. The younger man cleared his throat. "Find her. Talk to her. Make up. Fix this. Tell her you were stupid and made a mistake. Let her know that you love her as much as she loves you. Because it's pretty freakin' obvious that you do. I think you feel the same way about each other and why the heck are you wasting time and letting stupid stuff stand in the way of what you both want?"

His first impulse was to resist. He had spent too long fighting against it to capitulate so easily, but after a moment he shook himself.

Could it be that simple?

Yes. Yes, it could. And he'd truly been a fool and in the process had hurt the one person that mattered more to him than any other. Pain lanced through his gut as he remembered the look on her face just before she had fled. Could I really have ruined this? No. Not if I can help it now. He knew her normal patrol pattern, could nearly walk it blindfolded. He would find her and... and what? Apologize. It's the least she deserves and the least I deserve would be if she never speaks to me again.

Giles rose from his chair, moved to the door and grabbed his coat. "I'm going to go find her," he said as he shrugged it on. The others rose from their places as well and moved over.

"What are you going to do, Giles?" Oz asked, carefully.

"Apologize. Anything further..." he said bleakly, as he pulled on his boots, "Well, that will be entirely up to her."

Xander gripped his shoulder as he stood from putting his boots on. "Giles, I care a lot about you and about Buffy. If this all works out then I'm thrilled for you both. But if you hurt her again, I'll make sure you regret it."

Giles could see nothing but earnest promise in the younger man's eyes. Privately, he doubted Xander would stand much of a chance against him in an all out fight, but that was less important than the intent behind the threat.

And it will never come to that again, God willing.