Chapter 4, Don't Make Me Wait.


If he's being perfectly honest, it's not easy for him to disregard the look of surprise on Chi-Chi's face. The curious person that he is, would, in this situation, prod and pry and most definitely mention the fact that she's surprised to see him. However, despite being that curious person, he puts Chi-Chi's surprise away for now, to let her be the one who speaks first. He feels like he owes it to her, since he showed up without an invitation.

'What are you doing here, Goku?' she asks.

This time, -because the wonder in her tone has him wondering why she's surprised- it's a little bit harder to disregard her surprise.

'Who, me?' he asks looking to his side, to see if there's someone other than him there.

'Yes you,' Chi-Chi rolls her eyes, 'who else would I be talking to?'

When Chi-Chi rolls her eyes, he remembers, it usually means that she's not all that happy with his responses. Although it's something that she doesn't like, he secretly likes it when she's a little irritated. He doesn't know why, but that's how it always has been; he's always found 'irritated Chi-Chi' ideal.

But for now, something tells him that it's not the time to push her buttons.

'You're right, I guess,' he resigns, allowing her the opportunity to direct the conversation again.

He doesn't want to start up with something that will irritate her, when he just made the decision to steer clear of irritating her. Also, he doesn't how exactly to start with what brought him to her; he's a little apprehensive to bring it up, because she told him to let her go when she left.

Shifting to the side, away from him, Chi-Chi lets out a long sigh, as though tired. She must've not slept well, Goku thinks to himself. She's probably tired from not resting as she should've.

That's a shame, he thinks with a slight frown, Chi-Chi always works so hard, she should always get the sleep that she deserves.

'So what are you doing here?' she repeats after another sigh, 'And for the love of something, why are you flickering?'

What? Flickering? Him? What?

'Huh?' he wonders, screwing his face up in confusion.

'You're flickering!' she sternly repeats, 'Stop doing that!'

'I don't know what you're talking about Chi-Chi,' he cries back, 'I'm not doing anything.'

He's only sitting here watching her, he's not doing anything else. How can she accuse him of doing something that he's not? That's not very fair.

Not so calmly, she gets up, pulling him off the bed by the arm with her, and partly drags him into the bathroom, pushing him right in front of the mirror once inside. He doesn't know what she did that for, because he still didn't do what she said he did.

'Look,' she demands, pointing her finger at the long mirror on the bathroom wall.

He slowly follows her finger to look at the mirror like she instructed. At the first glance of himself, he immediately sees what she's talking about.

'Wow,' he exclaims, excitement bubbling all through his veins. 'Look Chi-Chi! You're right, I am flashing.'

He's flashing so rapidly that no other eyes, other than those of a trained martial artist's, would be able to pick up.

Wow! He's amazed. Not only by the fact that Chi-Chi can see it, but also because he's never seen himself flashing before.

The first time that he turned into a Super Saiyan, he only felt a current reverberate in his body, but he wasn't able to see his hair and his eyes change colour. He even got to see Gohan flashing in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, as he struggled to turn into a Super Saiyan, but he never got to see himself flashing, like he's doing now.

He can't explain the feeling.

It's like watching a powerful opponent speedily flexing his limbs with no effort at all… it's that impressive and that excitement-arousing.

The deep purple colour that his hair is threatening to become for seconds at a time, is mesmerising and yet, so humbling. He can't put into words how tantalising it is to see himself like this, and at the same time, how vulnerable it makes him feel. In the same way that this flashing makes him want to grab the closest person to him and get into a friendly fight with, it also makes him realise that at the end of it all, he's not invincible…

The contrasting is not necessarily confusing, but it does leave him a little puzzled. He doesn't like being puzzled, so he needs to direct his mind away from that. To do that, he carefully studies himself in the mirror, causing excitement to run through his Saiyan veins.

Huhuhu… Goku silently chants in his head… the force of the adrenaline rushing deep within his being… oh, man… what he wouldn't give to have just one little fight…

He suddenly remembers that there's someone right next to him, and maybe, she'll agree to a little match with him. Or at least, he can try to ask her and hear what she says.

'Hey, Chi-' he starts as he turns to her, unceremoniously stopping when he sees the look on her face.

'You don't look too happy,' he observes.

She looks more like she's had enough of being here in the bathroom, more than she looks unhappy, to be honest. He wonders if it has something to do with his flashing. She's always been a perfectionist, and so much more on matters of appearance, so it could very well be the fact that he's flashing.

'You still haven't told me what you're doing here,' she tells him, making it sound like it's the reason for her looking like she is.

Now that she's answered, it's like she's not even considering his flashing. It almost doesn't make sense, because she's the one who complained about his flashing in the first place. But yes, he can say that she isn't all that bothered by his flashing. Rather, it seems that she wants their time together to be as over with, as it can be.

Huh, he doesn't understand Chi-Chi sometimes, she can be so confusing.

But, he promised himself not to upset her, so he'll just have to go along with her rules. He is the one who came to seek her out after all. Against her orders, might he add.

'Oh, yeah,' he fully turns to face her, 'I almost forgot.'

Between seeing himself flashing and getting excited about it, it almost slipped his mind why he came here in the first place. He'd been so caught up in trying to ask Chi-Chi to agree to one little fight with him, that-

'So…?' she questioningly cuts his thoughts out of his head. 'Are you going to tell me or not?'

Right… he was starting to lose track again. He better keep up.

'I don't really understand what you said yesterday,' he confesses, changing his expression to that of a little lost boy, 'and it's bothering me.'

If he's being really honest, he doesn't know why it's bothering him so much that he doesn't understand what she said. He knows that she left, and that she won't be returning to their home anymore. That much he knows, but he just can't seem to understand it.

'I thought you figured it out by now,' she says tiredly. 'I can't believe you didn't think about it at all, Goku.'

He would've thought about it, if he hadn't gone to Korin's to get a senzu bean, he starts to recall, only to stop when he sees her slowly close her eyes.

The look on her face, makes him subconsciously step to her and place both of his hands on her shoulders. He doesn't like to see her like that, not like she will pass out at any given moment, because she can't handle all that's going on around her at the time.

'Aw, don't be upset with me, Chi-Chi.'

If she's like this because of him, he would much rather apologise to her and get her to see reason, than to see her pass out. If, for any reason, he allows her to pass out, they'll be a lot of yelling from her when she wakes up. And it's not even about the yelling, it's just that he doesn't want her to pass out.

'Come on, please,' he begs, smoothly toning his voice to get her to open her eyes.

Fortunately, she does. But she also lets out yet another sigh. 'Listen Goku, you're making this very difficult for me.'

There she goes again, saying things that he doesn't understand. What is he making difficult for her? And how is he making it difficult? What exactly is he doing that she's not happy with? He doesn't understand.

'I'm sorry about that,' he lets her know, sticking to his original thought of apologising. 'But I just don't understand anything right now.'

For a second time, she closes her eyes. 'You're supposed to.'

He can only take that as a cue for him to find out for himself what she really means. That's exactly what he'll do, he decides, he'll find out for himself.

The setting is right for him to do it. Her eyes are closed like they need to be for him tap into her mind, all that he has to do, is place his hand over her head and begin to read the thoughts in her head. He'll read everything that she's not telling him, so that he can understand what she means.

Taking in a small breath and closing his eyes too, he lifts one of his hands off her shoulders and places it over her head. He concentrates his energy to start the reading process, but then he realises that he hasn't got the right kind of contact with her head. With Krillin, it had been a piece of cake, because he's bald, but with Chi-Chi, he has to slide his finger into her hair.

'What are you doing?' she asks in a somewhat frightened tone.

He doesn't stop sliding his fingers into her hair, he only tells her that, 'It's okay.'

There's nothing to be afraid of, because what he's doing is not going to hurt her. She must know that.

Getting over the interruption, Goku tries to read her thoughts, except, nothing happens. Thinking nothing of it, he tries again, concentrating even harder than the first time. This time, although he does get into her mind, it doesn't give him the result that he expected.

What he thought he would find at the forefront of her mind, is not what greets him. Instead, it's a loaded thickness that feels grey and gloomy, that's so deep that he snatches his hand away from her head as soon as he's welcomed by the thickness.

'What was that?' he jumps back.

What did he do wrong? The technique has never failed him before.

Digging her thin fingers into her hair where Goku's fingers had been, Chi-Chi looks at him quizzically. 'What was what?'

'I tried to read your mind,' he explains, 'but I couldn't. There's something blocking your thoughts from me.'

'That must be my emotions,' she says, letting her hand drop down.

'Your emotions,' he tests on his tongue.

He's trying to get the feeling of the two words in his mouth, so that maybe, he can understand their magnitude.

'I didn't leave because I wanted to, Goku,' Chi-Chi tells him. 'Don't you know how much I love you?'

'If you didn't want to leave, then why did you?'

When he was on King Kai's planet, he didn't want to leave, so he didn't. What he knows about people in general, is that if they don't want to do something, they won't do it. Unless it's needed for the good of others to do that thing, of course.

'Because…' she stresses.

Starting to feel a dull type of stress himself, he prods for more information. 'Because what?'

'Because we don't want the same things!'

To be honest, he would've preferred it if she yelled that instead of just breathing it out like it came from a place that's in extreme pain. Had she yelled, it would've been easier for him to think of a responsive question, but since she didn't, he remains absolutely silent.

'I wanted four children, Goku,' she starts, 'Two boys like you and two girls like me. I wanted to wake up on Sundays and just lay in your arms for a few hours, talking about nothing at all. I wanted you to ask me to spar with you, just for fun, like we did when we were young. I wanted you to dread the day you had to leave, because you wouldn't get to see me for a while to come. I wanted so much, Goku. I wanted you to rub my feet after a long day. I wanted you to ask me to go and live with you in Uub's village. I wanted you to tell me you love me every single day-'

'But Chi-Chi,' he lets out hoarsely, 'if you wanted those things, why didn't you just tell me?'

It's not like he would've refused her. How was he supposed to know what she wanted if she never told him what she wanted? And all those things, how was he to know that she wanted all of those things?

'You were supposed to want them too, that's why,' Chi-Chi says as though she can't say it enough. 'Some of those things you could've asked about, or brought up in a conversation. I shouldn't have had to tell you.'

'So is that why you left?'

If she left because of things that she didn't tell him that she wanted, why does he feel like he's the one being subtly accused? It's not really his fault if he didn't know that she wanted those things, but she never told him. It's a little unfair that he's being accused for something that he didn't know.

'No,' she cries

The inside of his head is starting to buzz like crazy. Why can't she just say how it is and why it is that way? Why is she driving him crazy like this?

'Chi-Chi,' he cries back, 'you're really confusing me. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't understand why you left, and it's bothering me. Just tell me why you left.'

Before shaking her head, as if to indicate her defeat, she takes two steps away from him.

'If you can't figure it out, Goku,' she seems to conclude, 'then there's no point in you being here. Go and talk to your friend Piccolo, he knows why I left.'

'But-' he tries.

He doesn't want to go without knowing everything. Also, he did sort of excite himself with the idea of getting into a fight, and since she mentioned that she would've liked to spar with him for fun, the idea is sort of not going to leave his head until he sees it through.

'Go,' she insists, 'I have to get ready.'

'I still don't understand, Chi-Chi,' he tries again, it's that he can't just leave. 'And to be honest, I'm a lot more confused now than I was when I came.'

'When have I ever said no to you-' she asks, when he cuts her off.

'I wasn't counting, but it was a lot of times.'

There's almost always been a no involved in everything that he asked her for, so to have kept count of that, would've been useless anyway.

'-and it was effective?' she seems to complete.

Oh, his face drops a little, yeah, well that is an entirely different thing, because for all the times that she said no to him, he never listened to her anyway.

'My point exactly,' she states, taking his silence for an answer. 'If I give you this time, you'll only pull me back in again, and I really can't go back to the way it was. I'm sorry.'

The way she spoke, firstly, makes it sound like her life with him, had been terrible for her. And then consequently, digesting that, makes his stomach turn, but not in the way it does when he's hungry.

Goku stares at her, unable to form words, because all he can think of is if it has really been horrible for her.

The thought makes his stomach so uneasy that he feels like he can't stay here and look at her, knowing that he didn't give her what she wanted and then she became unhappy.

It's time for him to go, he decides on the spot, instantly disappearing without a word of goodbye to her.

He'll get to the bottom of this.


Chapter 5, Even When It Hurts.