Chapter 4

Almost the minute that Brian stood back up, my Mother whisked me away to speak about the wedding. When was it going to be held? Who are we inviting? How do I want my dress to look? The questions were endless. Even Kara was more interested in spending time with me. Normally, Kara would call me a bore for wanting to spend my time reading and wouldn't set foot within our private library.

It was all overwhelming and I didn't want to answer anything but I pushed through. My friends all came to visit me and they told me how lucky I was to have Brian Blake as my fiancé. I agreed and smiled through the endless brunches and dinners with other acquaintances and relatives that came to congratulate me.

My mood only brightened when Fernando came to my home to deliver news form the Blakes. He became their new messenger between our families because there was many important documents to read and sign between us. Our families really were doing business because my father thought he could help Brian with his and vice versa. No one wanted to bother traveling back and forth, so Fernando was given the job.

I always invited him to eat lunch with me under the pretense that I wanted to know how the Blakes were and how Brian was taking the wedding planning. My parents approved of my actions because I was treating Fernando with the respect of a guest because he worked for the Blakes. Mr. Blake was pleased to hear this as well but I was careful to make sure to speak about the wedding whenever the maids were around. In truth, I spoke to Fernando about everything but the wedding when we were alone. That hole that Brian created when he proposed to me was filled with butterflies when I was with Fernando.

This was how the summer was spent with occasional visits from Brian. The wedding was set for January of the following year because I chose a custom wedding dress that will tailored to my body and it was going to have several detailed beadings. Something this extensive needed a few months to be tailored and I wanted as much time as I could get before having to actually wear it.

Soon, September came and brought with it several surprises and events. The first one climbed through my window in the middle of the night.

I woke up startled when I heard knocking outside my window. I quickly put on my robe and tied the strings tightly around me. I was about to run out to get my father when I heard a faint voice call my name. It sounded familiar and so I took a candle and peeked through my curtains to see who or what was there.

"Susannah! Please open your window!" Fernando was clinging to the windowsill for dear life. I opened it immediately and he stumbled into my room. I was happy but very confused to see him.

"Fernando what are you doing here? How did you get up here? Is something wrong with Mr. Blake?" I gave him the water that was beside my table and he gladly took it.

"Querida, please calm down. Everyone is well. I climbed up your vines and jumped the last bit onto your window." He sat at my desk and looked at it curiously.

"You like to read?" He examined a book I had left on it.

"Yes I do. It is how I spend most of my days but lately I've been busy with – nothing never mind. You did not just come all the way here and climb three stories to ask if I read. Why are you here? If you get caught you will be put into jail!" My heart was beating rapidly and I began pacing.

"Susannah, please keep still." Fernando stood up and held me in place. I did not think it was possible but my heart started beating faster. This was all highly inappropriate but none of it felt wrong. I looked up at him and before I could think of anything else, he kissed me. It was much too short and I longed for more but he pulled away.

"So you do feel the same way." He whispered. He had no guilt for stealing my first kiss. The kiss that was meant for my husband.

"It seemed like you already knew the answer. You would not have come all this way if you thought I didn't."

"Querida I would still have come if I didn't know. I risked everything for you and I would do so again for the rest of my life."

I hugged him tightly and I felt a happiness that I have never known before but then I remembered who I was and pulled away.

"Fernando, I don't normally do rash things. Even back when I thought I had as much time as I needed to find love, I would not have jumped into it. I wanted time. I wanted to think about it. So, it surprises me that even if I had the choice to be with you, I would love to hurry and spend every waking moment with you." I have always been level headed so I was startled to hear what I was saying.

"No one has to know Susannah." He was holding me close and I knew I should have pulled away but I buried my face in his chest.

"I can't. I am not about to have a lover when I get married. I may not love or even like Brian but I won't have an affair behind his back. I think you should leave. You need to get back before anyone notices where you have been." I tore myself away from his arms and turned so he couldn't see me crying.

"Susannah, there is no other way for me to see you. An affair is an ugly word and thing. I did not want it to happen either but I care about you deeply and it was a desperate call. I apologize. I'll go." I heard some scuffling but when I turned around, I was alone again.

I was heartbroken the following days but I couldn't tell May. To say that she would be horror-struck that Fernando suggested having an affair would be an understatement. I was more terrified at the idea that May might have a heart attack if I told her. However, it didn't seem to matter because May assumed I was still upset about the wedding.

"Try to be happy mija. I know the wedding is only getting closer but I know something that might cheer you up." May was walking with me through the courtyard before lunch. Brian was coming and I didn't want to just sit in my room waiting for him.

"What is it May?" I stopped in front of the fountain in the middle of the court yard. It was a spectacular marble structure that sparkled in the sun. I ran my fingers through the cool water as I sat on the edge.

" Mr. and Mrs. Simon are having a Masquerade Ball on Halloween."

"I'm surprised that my mother hasn't had one before. The mysterious glamour seems just like her." I looked up and saw May's face looked crest fallen. She was hoping to make me happy, even if only for a little while.

"It is still the most exciting news I have heard for a while." I said guiltily.

"We can look for your dress for it soon." May said hopefully.

"Thank you." I took May's hand and squeezed it.

"Miss Susannah, Mr. Brian Blake is here for lunch." Our maid, Emily quietly announced.

"Thank you Emily. I'll be there soon." I smiled her and she smiled back. She was one of the newest employees we had and she was also very young. She was only a few months younger than I was. She curtsied and scattered back to the house. She was very timid and seemed scared of everything.

"Well, I need to go May. I can't keep Brian waiting." I said sarcastically. May scolded me but I heard her chuckle before she left.

Brian was already at the table when I entered. He pulled out the chair for me like the gentleman that he was.

"How have you been Susannah?" Brian asked as he tucked a handkerchief onto his shirt.

"I've been well Brian. How about yourself?"

"Extraordinary! I met a fellow from England that wants to partner with me in my family business. Well, partner is a strong word. I am not ready to trust him completely but I will give it a test run. I have known him for a few years now but I've been in charge of Blake Guns for some time now - ever since my parents passed away ten years ago – but it is a chance to expand because he wants to open the company in London!" Brian's chicken was getting cold because his excitement made him forget about eating. I had to admit that the prospect of traveling to foreign countries was exciting. Even if it was with Brian.

"How adventurous of you! It seems like a wonderful opportunity for you and your company."

"Yes it is Susannah. I'm just sorry to say that this will require frequent trips to London if it does open. I need to keep everything in check."

"That's nothing to be sorry about Brian. I have never been farther than this town. I would love to visit London." My mind was racing with the possibilities of exploring a new city and maybe finding a local book store. Some of my favorite authors were from London, but before I could voice any of these thoughts, Brian began laughing.

"Susannah you are adorable. Of course you won't be coming with me. These trips will be for business. I can't have you slowing me down and distracting me. You will be staying at home entertaining any guests my uncle may have. Anyway, what are you to do in London? You will bore yourself silly. Do not worry, I will make sure to buy you dresses and the frivolous things women want." He gave one last chuckle and began eating again.

I forced a laugh and nodded in agreement. I decided right there and then that I could not marry this man. I have to become self-loathing if I choose to marry him. I was just a doll for him to put in his house.