(Author says, "Ah crap, I forgot all about the mirror. Might as well throw it in now. I'm sorry my dear readers.")
Asuna and I took a single step towards the exit. The cherry colored hexagons immediately came down again.
"Hello players. It seems I have forgotten a present!" declared Kayaba. Suddenly, eight thousand virtual mirrors appeared in the sky, and rained upon the crowd, many sustained damage, and two were killed. Today was truly the beginning of a dark age.
"Pick up the mirror and gaze into it's infinite wisdom!" sang Kayaba.
The survivors picked up their mirrors and gazed within.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who is the hunkiest of them all?" said Asuna. She pick up the mirror and proceeded to smash it on my head. I sustained damage. I looked into the broken shards of the mirror and saw my own real-life face. My own gorgeous face.
Dark, oily hair spilled out from my previous hair cut. A classy 5 o'clock shadow appeared on my chin. My chubby avatar transformed into a wild hunk. I was beautiful.
Asuna looked about the same as before.
Then Asuna looked at me with jeweled tears in her eyes. She said, "I'm sorry. I know we've had our differences, but this time I must ask that you not follow me in anymore."
"Butt, butt..." I protested.
"I'm sorry. It's not you. It's me. My uncle was killed by a man with an aftershave as festive as yours. I'm sorry, I think I need to take a break before I see you again. At first I hated you, but now I have intense romantic feelings that borderline violent, but I think we weren't meant to be together."
"Butt I love you" I said.
"No, I think I'm meant to find somebody skinnier and wearing a black coat. He might even have two swords, and will be a mechanical genius, who also has a complicated romance. I don't know if I'll ever find somebody like that. Ever. I'm sorry it's not you. It's me." said she. Then she fled in sorrow.
I knelt on my knees and wept for a full sixty seven seconds.
Once my tear ducts could leak no more, I crawled to my feet. My heart beat intensely as I thought about Asuna. And then I closed my eyes and moved on. Oh how manly.
The crowd had thinned as many people had returned to their previous occupations, although now with new intent on leaving this game. I staggered through and saw the parting of two demigods.
"Kirito my love, you can't go alone" cried Klein son of Posiedon.
"But, I must" said Kirito champion of Troy, and his soft and chocolatey voice was so full of tenderness that even Kayaba was touched, all the way in Neverland. " You see, I am not strong enough to protect even one person. My biceps struggled even at this 1st floor, there is no way I can continue like this, I must train. " And his silky flowy hair fluttered in the wind as he spoke so softly.
"Fine" cried Klein, as he spoke he swelled his mighty chest and burst through the durability parameters of his clothing leaving him gorgeous , "but if you must go. Then at least remember my words. We will always be… Nakama."
And Kirito waltzed away, as his calves glistened in the artificial sun, and his eyes moist with new tears.
Moved by this display of holiness, I ran towards Kirito. "No, I can not let one so pure as you be soiled by this dirty land. Let me be the rug which will shield your footsteps"
"Sure." said Kirito
And so Kirito mounted my back, and whipped me, and I brayed like a donkey.
"We are off my prince!" and we headed off into the wilderness of Floor 1.
The journey begins, yet again!
