Chapter Four: Inner Workings

It was worse than when Thanos invaded his mind. With Thanos Loki had already been in a weakened state after weeks of physical torture, his mind was already open.

But now, but this time… Loki's mind was almost as sharp as it had been before- before the fall. And that meant that every defense he had erected was being destroyed.

His eyes were being drilled into his skull. Waves of nausea- His breathing was stuttered.

He wanted to shout, to struggle, but once again he was trapped.

The pain was thrashing inside of his skull and all Loki could see was dark brown with flashes of red. A brushing sensation that simultaneously felt like silk and sandpaper.

He felt weak, he felt raw. Completely defenseless- Just like when he was plummeting through the Void, but now he was plummeting in his own mind unable to latch on to a single thought beyond the pain.

Brown eyes that flashed red-

Every piece that made him Loki was tossed aside carelessly- Every façade was destroyed effortlessly by the other god. Each lie Loki had built up to protect himself, to make him stronger-

No, Loki.

He screamed, because this pain was worse than the torture. It was worse than falling through the Void.

No, Loki.

Just two words spoken by the man he considered his father- over and over again.

I chose you! Loki wanted to shout to the voice. I never wanted to be a monster! Can't you see I did this for you?! For mother?!

No, Loki.

I was only following in your footsteps! Killing those monsters as any Aesir would!

No, Loki.

His worst moment relieved a million times over.

I just wanted to show you-

No, Loki.

I tried! I swear I tried so hard!

No, Loki.

Why? Why can't you see I just wanted your respect? To be Thor's equal instead of his shadow?

No, Loki.

I don't understand! I chose you! I chose Asgard! Can't you- can't you just for once choose me?

No, Loki.

The voice echoed the same two words in his head until they lost all meaning. The blurry noise cycled and the younger god wasn't sure where the agony was coming from anymore. He only knew was that it was all consuming-

Hush now, godling. Another voice whispered. I've found you a place to rest.

Silence reigned.

The pain ceased.

The faintest of crackling, a fire. Loki could feel its serene warmth.

If you're just going to fall asleep, wouldn't it be wiser to do so in your own bed? A kind… a loving voice asked him.

No, I like sleeping here. Loki responded while stretching, his fingers brushing against Frigga's favorite pair of silk slippers.

Very well, my son, but you must roll over. You are using my bag of yarns and threads as a pillow. How am I to finish this tapestry if I cannot use your favorite shade of green to bring the whole image together?

Loki yawned, taking his time just because he knew it would make Frigga pretend to frown when she really wanted to smile.

Fine, mother, but I refuse to move an inch further.

Frigga laughed, warming Loki straight to his soul.

Silence.

The crackling of fire.

If you're just going to fall asleep, wouldn't it be wiser to do so in your own bed?

The scene began again, and with each subsequent repeat it never lost its warmth, its overwhelming love.

Loki was stuck in that brief moment for what felt like ages, yet not long enough.

He wanted to stay there forever, but a dull ache was pulling him away, pulling him back to reality and the present.

He gasped as his eyes flew open, revealing a high white ceiling. It was spinning and sparks of silver flashed and disappeared. He could feel cold, half dried tears on his face. He felt like an egg that had fallen to the ground, shattered and was oozing its insides everywhere.

After a few harsh, yet calming breaths Loki realized he was laid out on a couch in Stark's penthouse. He carefully touched his neck, but did not feel the flare of heat that used to accompany the motion.

Despite sweat, grainy ash, and dirt covering his skin Loki hadn't felt this clean in what felt like decades. He could no longer detect the tendrils of Thanos' mind in his own.

Whispered words caught his attention. It took almost all his energy to turn onto his side to see the source. Stark, but of course.

Loki was oddly relieved. Seeing Stark meant that his freedom from Thanos wasn't just another dream as he slept in a crumbled heap in a black room.

There was an icy blue mist between Stark's hands. It thrashed restlessly against an invisible barrier. A red ribbon of magic was slowly winding around it, strangling it like a boa.

Loki shivered. He could sense the being contained in the mist, Thanos. Loki half expected the mist to solidify and for Thanos to grab him by his throat and drag him back to the crater they tortured beings in.

The slithering red magic suddenly tightened around the mist and Loki could almost hear Thanos' screams of pain. Loki grinned.

Red claw like daggers appeared on Starks fingers. He dug them into the icy blue mist. The ether burst outwards like a bubble before contracting into a small sphere. With one claw Stark etched into the sphere a tightly woven fractal pattern. The etching turned from dark red to gold before the sphere shattered into small identical cubes.

Stark's hands moved quickly as he pieced the cubes back together again to reform a sphere, this time larger than the last one. He did the process repeatedly, each time the mist fighting less against him and dulling to a pale blue.

Loki's eyes drifted up towards Stark's face. The Aesir had a look of unparalleled concentration on his face. His brown eyes were glowing bright red with magic. His lips whispered silent words. His dark hairline was damp with sweat.

Loki had seen many mages craft spells and runes, but never with such vigor and speed, yet with a finesse that suggested a comprehension of magic that was unheard of.

It was almost hypnotizing, soothing.

Loki felt the exhaustion from the past year slowly creep up on him. The rejection, silent screams, helplessness… He was so tired and the couch beneath him was so soft.

His eyes became bleary.

The mist constricted, burst, contracted, red etching turned gold, shattered to cubes, then put back together again. Repeat.

Somehow it reminded Loki of a lullaby as he drifted to sleep.