Chapter 4

I woke up to a dull throbbing pain my arms.

I blinked my eyes open, it was a Saturday and it had to have been almost noon.

Sollux had adjusted himself in his sleep to have his arms wrapped around me in a protective hold. He was still asleep.

I held my arms to my chest and my head rested against his. Did last night actually happen?

Obviously it did dipshit.

I sighed, nothing was gonna make him go away.

I nuzzled my head against his chest and tried to go back to sleep. This was disturbed by Sollux stirring, holding me tighter against him.

I looked up to see him blinking his eyes open. His different colored eyes looking down at me, "Morning."

"Morning."

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah, thank you."

"No problem KK."

I buried my face in his chest again. He was warm and comfortable. I felt his arms wrap tighter around me and his face buried into my hair. My face was mostly buried in his collarbones, so that worked out fine.

We laid like that for awhile, perfectly content with laying together. Around three we decided to get up and get food. After eating a pack of ramen each, we started on homework we should have done hours ago.

I looked up at Sollux after finishing some math work I had to do and admired how his face looked as he concentrated on his work for his math work.

It'll never last you know, he'll get sick of you eventually.

I resisted every urge to grab my head and scream. Go away, go away, go away!

Thing is you little shit is that I'm not going away. I'm never going to go away.

I let out an involuntary whine. Sollux looked up, "You alright?"

I froze, shit.

You are nothing Karkat. You are absolutely nothing to everyone you have ever known. You were nothing to your family and you are still nothing to everyone else.

Worry crossed Sollux's face, "Why are you looking at me like that? Did I do something?"

I shook my head slowly, "Not you…"

You are absolute shit! You might as well just go in that bathroom and slit your goddamn throat because you are worth nothing better than that.

My eyes were welling up from tears. Sollux put his notebook aside and walked over and wrapped his arms around me.

How can you even think that he would ever stick around? How dare you think you deserve something you plainly don't! Kill yourself you worthless fuck!

I choked on a sob and Sollux buried his face in the side of my neck, shooshing me and rubbing my back.

Will you just kill yourself you sickening fuck?

I slowly brought my hands to my head and screamed. Sollux winced and tightened his grip on me, continuing to rub my back and not even bothering to cover his ears.

My voice gave out after about thirty seconds and continued to sob my eyes out.

After twenty minutes minimum of me sobbing I managed to come to a sputtering stop. I just held Sollux's hands for a few minutes longer before he lifted his head and asked, "What's wrong KK? And don't you dare tell me it doesn't matter or that it's nothing."

I buried my face in his arm and muttered, "His name is Jack and he lives in my head."

"What do you mean he lives in your head?"

"I hear a voice in my head, and I named him Jack."

He nodded, not moving his head, "I'm sorry KK."

I nodded, "It's fine, he's been here for at least a year."

"If it makes you feel any better I hear whispers before I sleep. Not fully formed voices, but whispers. My doctor says it's from the Bipolar."

I rubbed his arm, "It doesn't make me feel any better, but at least I know you kinda understand."

He nodded and lifted his head, "You know there's medication for that KK, doctors can help you get rid of him."

I shook my head violently, "No meds. I'm not taking that shit I'll deal with it on my own."

He frowned, "Meds help me you know."

"That's different, that helps your moods. I…" my voice trailed off when I saw him.

He was standing across the room. He wore a black suit, black dress shoes, and a black fedora. He had a scar on his face that cut through his eye.

Sollux looked at me, "KK? Are you okay?"

I shook my head, "He… He…"

The man stepped forward and leaned over the coffee table till he was in my face. Sollux couldn't see him.

I am the one you call Jack, he sneered. I am going to personally end you.

I screamed, then he was gone.

Sollux shook me out of my scream, "KK! KK! What's wrong!?"

"Jack! He's… He's… I saw him!" I yelled, the panic I was feeling completely audible.

His eyes widened, "Are you serious? Okay no, I don't care if you'll hate me for it, well okay I do, but I'm taking you to get medication."

My eyes widened in fear, "No! I'm not gonna take any medication!"

Sollux gave me a sad look, "I was the same way at first but they truly do help."

I tore myself out of his grasp and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Shortly after I heard Sollux bang on the door, "Come on don't be like that! Come back out here!"

I leaned against the door and slid to the floor so I was sitting there curled in a ball.

I can't take meds, I can't live with Jack breathing down my neck. I can't do this.

I got up and opened the medicine cabinet, Sollux still banging on the door trying to let me in.

I can't do this.

I grabbed the bottle of Ibuprofen off the shelf and screwed open the top and filled a glass of water.

"KK I swear to God if you do anything stupid…" Sollux yelled through the door.

"I'm sorry Sollux…" I muttered, downing the first ten pills.

After downing 80, everything went dark.