Lalalalalalala, internet.

If you were gay.

Killing my brother was easy.

Killing Kyouya would be hard.

Especially when your mom asks you silly question like

"Hunny did you put catnip in Kyouya's food?"

"Did it kill him?"

"No."

"DAMN!!!"

"Watch your mouth, Hunny!"

"...Oh phooey!"

"Much better."

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My mom rules.

That'd be okay.

She's better than your mom.

Yo momma so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

"That's disrespectful to mothers, Mistukini."

"WELL YOOOOOO MOMMA IS DISRESPECTFUL TO SOCIETY!"

"..." (takes out shotgun)

"Uhh...I mean...your mother is a well respected member of the community Takashi."

"That's what I thought I heard."

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I mean cause heeeeeeeey, ha!

So I tried to kill Tamaki instead.

"Tamaki?"

"Yes?"

"Could you stand on that 'x' for me?"

"Okay."

"(drops piano)"

I'd like you anyway.

HAHA.

Wait...

Now there's no one to give insulting nicknames too!

DAMN!

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Because you see

"Hunny-sempai."

"Yes."

"Please stop looking at my crotch."

"No way Hikaru."

"I'm Kaoru."

"They're the same size anyway."

"...Damn how'd you know."

If it were meeeeeeee

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I was watching Jumanji today.

If I picked up a board game playing drums, and had nothing to do with music for strippers I'd drop it.

Like it's hot.

Drop it like it's hot, drop it like it's hot, drop it like it's-

"DATE RAPE!!!!!!!"

"WHERE, HARUHI?!?!!?"

"No, I just felt like screaming it in your ear."

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I would feel FREE to say, that I was gay, but I'm not gay.

Tim Allen looks weird with a beard and hair like Scary Spice.

Don't ask how I know that.

If I told you I'd have to kill you.

If your a girl then rape.

Repeatedly.

THEN kill you.

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I'm happy just being with youuu

Jumanji ended and everyone lived happily ever.

I just wasted my life on two boob-less hours.

Not even a nipple.

I need something to compensate for my loss.

"Hunny stop staring at my crotch."

"I'm staring at your BOOBS Haruhi."

"...OH..."

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So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?!

That was sweet.

After that I ate some cake and took a nap.

A LONG nap.

I woke up about two weeks later and have never felt more refreshed.

However I woke up in a coffin and was mighty pissed.

If you were gayyyyy

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"BITCH LEMME OUTTA THIS BOX, IT STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN!"

"Your alive! Praise the Lord!"

"...Old man, you wouldn't say that if you knew Hunny sempai."

"Shut up Hikaru."

"But I'm Hi- ...you knew it was me?"

"I did?"

"IT'S A ZOMBIE! A SMART ZOMBIE! KAORU THIS IS SERIOUS! ONLY THE UNDEAD CAN TELL US APART!"

"HEY!!!"

"Shut up Haruhi!"

"HIKARU DEAR BROTHER, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?"

"Take action!"

"KILL THE SMART HUNNY ZOMBIE!"

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I'd shout, hooray!

That did not go well.

Not at all.

I'm just going to make them leave FORCEFULLY, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"I'm not a zombie. Go home."

"...'Kay."

And here I'd stayyy

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See all that effort it took?

Jeeze...

Why are you all looking at me like that?

Why are some of you chuckling?

WHAT IS IT?!?!

DO I AMUSE YOU, IS THAT IT?!?!?

WELL I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT'S AMUSING!!!!!

(puts on video of Tamaki being kicked in the nuts by a five year-old)

There we go.

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But I wouldn't get in your way.

So I'm going to have this long discussion about this anime series I watched on the internet after I killed my bro.

It's called Princess Tutu.

Let me tell you.

It's CRAZYYYY.

Like SOAP OPERA crazy with ballerinas.

You can count on me

You heard me - BALLERINAS.

Did no one grasp the concept of the words "Princess TUTU?"

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Anyway.

CRAZYYYY.

Cause first of all, there was a DUCK.

And a naked trans lookin dude who danced ballet on the water like Jesus. Except for the naked trans lookin dude part.

He tore out his own heart to save the dope ass town, blah blah blah.

That shit must hurt.

To always beeeeeeee

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And this duck got turned into a girl who can dance and shit cause of some dead guy who looked like a pedophile.

And she finds his heart pieces cause she wants to help the dancing trans. WHO'S A PRINCE.

I tell you, half the series, this guy wears no pants!!!!!

It'd be sexy if he weren't such a trans.

I mean, that's why I have Haruhi.

"HEY!"

"Hay is for horses, Haruhi."

"...Word."

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Beside you EVERYDAY.

Then this girlfriend of Transy Prince gets all evil and tries to stop Princess Tutu in her black stripper tutu.

That sucks, except for the cleavage I can see from her tutu.

HAWT.

And this bad ass friend/knight thingy of Transy Prince tries stopping Princess Tutu too, cause he don't want his buddy to change.

In my opinion, he just wants to molest that guy the way he is, cause he won't say no.

But! That's MY opinion.

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But then bad ass friend/knight thing becomes Princess Tutu's homeboy.

Most likely (in MY opinion) because he found he could molest her too.

I would.

She's banging.

To tell you IT'S OKAY.

And some other shit happens, Transy Prince gets all evil and something about a fat-ass crow wanting hearts and Transy Prince trying to steal them from girls.

BUT if you look CLOSELY when he fingers the girls' hearts, he is most definately touching their left boob.

Zoom in on the scene, I'm serious.

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Then the crow takes over the dope ass town, Princess Tutu somewhow restores the heart, she's a duck again, Transy Prince saves the day blah blah blah. Happy ending all around.

Dude, if that were me, I'd be like "FUCK THAT SHIT. YA'LL SAVE THE TOWN ON YOUR OWN!"

But I'm NOT Princess Tutu.

Otherwise, I'd have boobs!

DAMN.

"Hunny, you are sick."

"Well YOUR A GEEK, Kyouya!"

"(sniffle) YOU SAY SUCH HURTFUL THINGS! (runs off)"

YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY.

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Told you.

CRAZYYY.

Crazier than the time Takashi got drunk and made out with a chicken!

"You spiked my drink and you know it, Mitsukini."

"Maaaaaaybe."

"And just so you know, that chicken came on to ME first."

Well I'm off to stalk Haruhi now since I've got nothing better to do.

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And as they say, IT'S IN YOUR DNA YOUR GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Whoever has been playing that song from Avenue Q for the whole chapter is going to get personally bitch slapped.

(Authoress and Nekozawa "mysteriously" disappear and will go into hiding for a week or so)

I'm soooooooo buying a tutu tomorrow.