Connection

Author's Note: This chapter takes place right after Warriors of the Deep. There is also a prequel chapter to this in chapter four of my Snark and Ginger fic.


Once in a while, the Doctor wondered if his current regeneration had been a failure after all.

It was something that occurred to him when he realized how much his companions chose to not listen to him. When they were arguing with him. With each other. When they were running off when he warned them not to and getting into terrible trouble. Were the people he'd traveled with before always this difficult? Was it so hard to get Steven or Leela or Zoe to listen to him?

Perhaps his companions had frequently been willful. The Doctor couldn't really be sure in that moment. Maybe it wasn't so much that his companions had been independent as he was no longer able to lead them like he had in other incarnations. It was hard to think objectively when his failures were so fresh in his mind.

Failures like what he had allowed to happen to the Silurians and Sea Devils. To the humans at the sea base…

Failures like what happened to Adric….to Nyssa….

Or when the thoughts that he knew weren't his own invaded his brain.

The Doctor gasped and squeezed his eyes shut. Protocols, launch sequences, contingency plans and battle scenarios: they all flooded his mind, shoving his own thoughts away. It was a side effect of his clumsy, heavy-handed synchronization with the sea base's computer. He knew it was. He knew it would eventually pass. He knew his Time Lord mental defenses would eventually kick in and dismantle and discard the information he'd been force-fed.

That knowledge, however, did not lessen the pain he felt as his mind struggled to remain separate and autonomous from the computer's programming. A pain that was accentuated by his temples being singed when he triggered the short circuit mechanism.

Still, some irrational part of him he normally kept buried deep in his psyche was convinced that the pain and struggle he was experiencing was partially due to weaknesses inherent in his incarnation.

The Doctor leaned back in his chair and sighed. After it was all over, after the missiles had been stopped and the Silurians and Sea Devils were all dead, Tegan and Turlough helped him back to the TARDIS. Turlough had contacted someone to inform them about what had happened at the sea base while Tegan had found his cricketer outfit and had it laundered so she could help him back into it.

Once Turlough was done on the base, he'd helped the Doctor to TARDIS sick bay and treated the burns on his face while Tegan set up a lounge chair in the console room with pillows and a blanket so the Doctor could rest when he wasn't actively piloting the TARDIS.

Throughout this process, the Doctor had tried to shrug them off, insisting that they didn't need to fuss over him so much. Eventually, he'd managed to shoo them out of the console room so he could have some time to himself. Originally, he'd planned to do some additional maintenance on the navigational controls as a way to center his mind. However, after pre-programming the TARDIS to take a leisurely journey though the Vortex, the Doctor discovered that it had been a battle just to keep his thoughts clear long enough to accomplish that relatively simple chore.

As much as he loathed the thought of being inactive right now, the Doctor was still pragmatic enough to admit that it wouldn't be a good idea to fiddle with delicate TARDIS mechanisms while having his thoughts constantly interrupted by random military data.

Thus, why he was currently leaning back in this lounge chair, his head resting on one of the pillows. He had settled in with a deep scowl on his face and a petulant determination to relax as little as possible while he worked to purge himself of the programming.

The Doctor frowned even more and closed his eyes. He disliked being fussed over and forcing his companions to take care of him. That was his job. To watch over them. To protect them during their travels. To help them through any injuries or problems they were facing. It felt wrong to have those roles reversed.

Especially since it had happened before.

After regenerating…Nyssa and Tegan caring for him….worrying over him…when he should have been minding the TARDIS and searching for Adric….

When Borusa scooped up his other selves into the Death Zone…Tegan and Turlough practically carrying him into the TARDIS….encouraging him and holding onto him so he wouldn't fade away…when he should have been working out a way to escape the Death Zone and making sure that his companions were safe….

And Adric…and Nyssa…both of them sacrificing themselves because the dire situations they'd been in were beyond his ability to solve them…when he should have been the one making that sacrifice….

The Doctor's frown softened as his melancholy grew. His previous incarnation would have never permitted any of this to happen. That wandering bohemian was too clever, too bold in his thinking. Mad and completely confident within his madness. None of his friends had died during his watch.

'So…it's self pity now,' the Doctor thought bitterly. 'Something else I can add to my shortcomings of late….'

'Protocol One Alpha Six Five Delta: Target missiles approaching from Axis Point Seven. Launch sequence Zero Two Five One Nine. Counterattack strategy Red Five…'

The Doctor gripped the arms of his chair, his fingers shaking and his knuckles turning white. The programming was seeping into his thoughts at a higher rate as they tried to integrate themselves back into the meaningful patterns they were designed for. His mind throbbed as it rebelled against this invasion of his inner self.

'No…I must keep it out….must focus. Focus on…focus on…on….'

Unable to expend any more energy toward conscious thought, the Doctor allowed himself to pass out.


When he opened his eyes, the Doctor blinked in surprise over his surroundings.

He was sitting in the sync operator's chair in the sea base, still wearing the helmet that helped him link his mind to the computer.

'Ah of course. That is why I kept sensing the computer's data in my mind. I was still here. I must have visualized myself completing my task as a way to keep my conscious mind isolated as much as possible from the computer. Oh…that was very clever of me, if I do say so myself….'

'But did it work? Was I able to stop the missiles?'

The Doctor pushed the helmet out of his way and stood, his legs wobbling as he did it. He ended up having to grasp nearby furniture and fixtures whenever he could to maintain his balance. Eventually, he stumbled over to the computer console across from him and peered around the body of a Silurian who was slumped over part of it.

'Yes. Yes, it worked. The human race survived anyway….for now….until they attempt some other petty, stupid method that threatens their existence as a species….'

The Doctor leaned heavily against the console, bitterness welling up inside him as he surveyed the dead bodies scattered about.

'So many dead…and for what? For nothing….a waste….'

The Doctor's temples ached and burned. As much as he was loathe to admit it, he knew he'd probably need help to get back to the TARDIS. He opened his mouth to call out for Tegan and Turlough's assistance.

He remained silent, however, when he realized that there were nowhere in sight.

"Turlough?" he said, dismayed at how weak he sounded. "Tegan?" There was no response.

The Doctor frowned. He was certain that his companions had come with him back to the bridge. "Doctor, you'll need some help." That's what Tegan had said and Turlough seemed to agree with her.

So where were they?

'Did something happen while my mind was interfaced with the computer? Maybe some of the Silurians or Sea Devils had survived. No, impossible. The hexachromite gas would have killed them for certain unless they were immediately treated.'

'Still…if any of them managed to survive for more than a minute or two…I must speak to Vorshak….'

He started to pull himself away from the console when he spotted Vorshak's body splayed onto the console next to him. The Doctor could tell from where he was standing that Vorshak was dead.

The Doctor slid down to sit on the floor. There, he could see that Icthar was also dead.

'Two leaders trying to do what they thought best for their people….both of them swayed too far by the extremes of their ideology…both of them gone now….'

Another flash of pain coursed through the Doctor's brain, causing him to groan and close his eyes again. He needed to get back to the TARDIS so he could rest and focus on expelling the computer's programming from his mind. Far more importantly, he needed to find Tegan and Turlough. With needless death and destruction all around him, he needed to know that they were safe.

Slowly, the Doctor climbed to his feet and resumed his stumbling about to search for them. He had almost headed toward the corridor when he spied a high heeled shoe on the floor.

Hearts pounding, the Doctor rushed over to find Tegan dead, strangled by a Silurian who still had its hands around her throat. The oxygen mask nearby told the rest of the story. Tegan had revived the Silurian with oxygen like the Doctor had requested, and the Silurian had responded by killing her as a way to avenge itself on some random "ape-primitive."

The Doctor gingerly extracted her from the Silurian's grip. Tegan had been his reluctant traveler. One who had always seemed unsure about traveling through time and space even when she agreed to come with him the second time they met on Earth. One who had an unshakable loyalty to him even with her jabs and jokes at his expense. Tegan had always been able to see the important things he had missed even when they were right in front of his face. She was the embodiment of what both exasperated him about humans and yet deeply endeared them to him at the same time.

He ran a hand along her cheek and laid her down onto the floor. He wouldn't leave her here to be disposed of as nameless victim. He would take her back to her own time and find somewhere peaceful for her remains. In the state he was in though, he knew he'd need Turlough's help to move her.

That plan was dashed to pieces seconds later when he found Turlough's body in a corner of the room behind the sync operator's post.

The Doctor stood up and walked dully over to where Turlough was. It wasn't hard to see what had happened here either. A Sea Devil was dead on the floor across from him, his weapon pointed at the chair the Doctor had been sitting in. And so Turlough…who had originally came onto the TARDIS as part of a plot to assassinate him…had shot the Sea Devil and saved his life.

Sacrificing himself in the process.

The ache in his hearts increased. From the beginning, the Doctor knew that he had his faults, but he was convinced that Turlough was a good person at the core. He had hoped that, by bringing him along on his travels rather than taking him home, Turlough could move on from an unspoken past that seemed to haunt him and could grow into the potential the Doctor was certain he possessed.

Instead, he'd led Turlough into a pointless battle that couldn't be won. And that growth and the friendship the Doctor had been trying to nurture had sealed Turlough's fate.

The Doctor sat back down, unable to walk another step. Both of his companions were gone. Dead. And it was his fault. Just like….

'Doctor…why Doctor? I just wanted to go home….'

The Doctor's eyes darted over to see Adric and Nyssa standing across from him, their eyes blank and yet accusing.

"Adric? Nyssa? No…no you can't be here. You're…."

'Attack Scenario Four X Seven Dash Nine: Missiles approaching from South Central Base….'

The Doctor pressed his knuckles against the sides of his head. The backwash from the computer was fragmenting in his mind, random bits of data submerging his thoughts in one last wave. It was agony, but he was close to purging them.

Right now, he needed a way to ground his mind. A link to his essential self.

He needed his companions. But there were dead. Killed because he couldn't protect them.

'No…I should have prevented this…I must stop this…Tegan….Turlough….'

"Doctor? Doctor, what is it? What's wrong? Doctor…."

'Tegan, Turlough…you're here…I must…Must….'

"Doctor! Doctor, wake up. Come on, Doctor."

'Tegan, Turlough…don't let go…I must….'

"Doctor!"


The Doctor's eyes snapped own, a gasp escaping his lips. It only took seconds for him to become fully conscious so he could see two anxious faces hovering near him and could feel how each of them had one of his hands in their own.

"Doctor?" Tegan asked, her voice far softer than usual. "Are you all right?"

The Doctor nodded mutely. He worked to calm his heartbeats and his breathing while making sure to keep a firm grip on his companions' hands.

'Alive. Alive and safe. It hadn't happened that way….'

The Doctor sat up straighter in his chair. No, it hadn't happened exactly that way, but far too much of it had been real. So many had died and the repercussions would be long lasting across more than one culture. No, so much of it had still gone wrong, and it was sure to prey on his mind for a while.

But his companions…his friends…were still here. He'd protected them at least, and he tried to draw comfort from that.

He only allowed himself one more moment to reflect before another interesting fact distracted him: the pain in his head had finally dissipated.

"Doctor, what happened?" Turlough asked. The Doctor noted that Turlough's thumb was rubbing the back of his hand, a surprisingly affectionate gesture that managed to finally coax a smile out of him.

"It's nothing to worry about," the Doctor said. "Just some temporary side effects from my interface with the sea base's computer."

"Nothing to worry about?" Tegan echoed. "Doctor, you were having a nightmare and we weren't sure if we were going to be able to wake you up."

"Sorry about that," the Doctor said. "I was in the middle of expelling the programming from my brain and it didn't go as smoothly as I thought it would. It's over now though. There might be a few stray data strands that will need to be filtered out, but they should be gone in a couple of days. I'm fine now."

The Doctor watched as Tegan and Turlough gave each other a look of disbelief before focusing their attention back onto him while still holding onto his hands. He could see the suspicion in their eyes and wondered how he had managed to end up traveling with two such cynical companions at the same time.

"I am all right now, I can assure you."

"You might be conscious, Doctor, but I doubt you're all right," Tegan replied. "Hooking your brain up to that computer and then burning it out…that had to have hurt."

"Well, it wasn't pleasant," the Doctor said. "But there's no lasting damage."

"Maybe not, but I don't think it's smart for you to stop taking it easy just yet," Tegan said. "You're not indestructible, like me."

"Perhaps we should go back to the Eye of Orion," Turlough suggested. "Or somewhere else where you can stop the TARDIS and focus on recuperation."

"Turlough, Tegan, please stop fussing," the Doctor sighed. "The TARDIS will be traveling in the Vortex for a couple of days which will be plenty of time for me to be fully recovered from my experience."

Tegan and Turlough looked at each other again, a wave of silent communication passing between them. At that moment, the Doctor started to question if it would actually be a good thing for those two to decide to work together all the time.

"Look, Doctor, we know you," Tegan said. "You'll put yourself right in the middle of the next crazy situation you see wherever we land next with absolute no thought of what you've just been through. And we're not crazy enough to expect you to change."

"We are simply asking you to take some time to make sure that you've recovered," Turlough added. "We can help you mind things here or stay out of your way if that's what you want. We just…we need to be sure too because…." Turlough looked distinctly uncomfortable which Tegan noted with a sympathetic nod.

"Because you're our friend, Doctor," she said, finishing his sentence. "And we do worry about you because we care about you."

The Doctor felt warmth fill both of his hearts. He still disliked his companions troubling themselves over him, but he was grateful for their kind regard for him and could relate to the sentiments that fueled their concerns.

"All right," he said with a smile. "I've been meaning to do some extra work on the propulsion systems anyway. And we did have to cut our vacation short at the Eye of Orion that last time. I suppose a return trip is in order."

Both Tegan and Turlough nodded in agreement before finally letting go of the Doctor's hands. The three of them stood up and walked over to the console with the Doctor setting the coordinates into the computer.

The Doctor still felt distressed by what had happened at the sea base, but he knew that the only thing he could do now is learn from it and move forward. For now, that meant focusing on the things and the people he could still treasure.